( a rhetorical question, but simple questions deserve simple answers — of course, komaeda does this for fun, and there are other reasons he does it, but not like hinata remembers any of that. as long as his eyes are two solid colors, that means that time is distant, and komaeda isn't aware of how long it'll take — maybe sixteen years and then some? after his death within the simulation, his whole life played on repeat, from start to his suicidal finish to be freed from that husk of an ordinary life. while hinata isn't that person he knew then, shouldn't he take advantage of the youth to grow them properly into who they should be — then again, that person never needed him to become the important person that they were when he woke up. the first name of choice was kamukura izuru, but komaeda managed to check himself, reign himself in, and call out the name of the man he met within the situation.
hinata hajime.
that's what he dreams about anyway, the days of his "youth" fixed within that place made of data and memories — the location being the beach where they first met, and komaeda who was naive to the truth. at that point in time he knew nothing about him, only that he was an ultimate like everyone else there — he lacked memory, but komaeda too loses those as time goes on. maybe that's why he was so acceptant of it... that's not what's important thought. it's the sound of the waves crashing against the sand and rocks, the flap of the palm tree's leaves nearby, and his fingers pressing against the heat of the sand as he builds a castle — kneading soft and slow (which in reality is just komaeda's fingers idly pressing against hinata's back or stomach, whichever position he's in).
he's alone at first, that's until he blinks, and he's no longer alone, and there's hinata talking to him like komaeda has done no wrong — as if they never lost any semblance of understanding around the first death. this could be from the text leftover on the pda that builds komaeda's dreams — as the last things he said: "living with somebody that wants you always by their side, who wants to hold you close and never let you go. someone that looks at you like you matter, and cares about you with all their heart." what are those like? maybe it's an experience he's trying to create because he can't have it in reality. if hinata knew who he was, how important his person had became in the future, and how willing komaeda was to be by him... is that still the same thing? his fingers sink even deeper into the sand, messing up the structure as it falls apart, and if he dares look up... what sort of expression will hinata wear?
he's not afraid of looking, instead, something stops him, the waves crash heavier now like a storm, and the wind picks up violently... that's on him, he thinks, because of his bad luck. so when he finally decides to lift his head to tell hinata he should go, he's no longer there. komaeda has plenty of dreams like this, it's just a constant reminder that it'll always be him, alone, and he accepts that. it's when everything goes black that it kind of hurts, there's a sharp pain against his head, his body aches — even the sharp pain that runs through his arm. how long did it take for komaeda to fall asleep is the question, he stayed up most of the night watching over the other, and when he finally did decide to rest... something unfortunate as being forced to wake up would happen to him.
there's sound, nothing he can really make out, but quickly his eyes open to what seems to be... hinata? his brain takes a bit to connect to what's going on — his voice sounds off, not as tsunderely distant as per normal, but filled with anger, irritation, sadness... he grits his teeth, trying to accept what's going on, listening, wondering why hinata's even going this far — )
Wh —
( it's a whirlwind of emotions coming from him, and it's worst compared to komaeda's whose own brain can never stay on course in terms of his personality and feelings. it sounds like he's learn something, there's key words he picked out of hinata's rant — the trash he hates, the talentless — those aren't wrong, those who lack talent have a very weak hope, komaeda stands by this even now. a world without hope is meaningless, that means if the talentless have to sacrifice themselves for that hope, then it's fine — that's what they're used for, so it's not like lacking a talent is all that bad. not as bad as hinata makes it out to be. )
...?
( it's hard to understand what's happening, one minute you're laying with someone, and then the next they're in their feelings for some odd reason. )
Make up your mind... who do you want to blame?
( does he want to blame komaeda, or does he want to blame himself? whatever has gotten into hinata, komaeda should figure out what's with the sudden change. how he came to the idea of lacking talent — no, how did he learn... komaeda doesn't recall him leaving at all, but guess that's an easy tell him holding onto him. did he mumble something pass his lips to spill that hidden fact — perhaps nanami, but that doesn't seem in her character, even though they know... there's tanaka, but...
he doesn't care about playing this safe, but he's not going to indulge until he properly gets the full picture. though, komaeda appears to be in pain himself with the male's hand against his shoulder pushing, reminding him about his bad arm that the ultimate tries to prop himself up with — he stares though, a little annoyed, confused, but his eyes fall on the other's tears as they stain his cheeks. )
cw: suicide
hinata hajime.
that's what he dreams about anyway, the days of his "youth" fixed within that place made of data and memories — the location being the beach where they first met, and komaeda who was naive to the truth. at that point in time he knew nothing about him, only that he was an ultimate like everyone else there — he lacked memory, but komaeda too loses those as time goes on. maybe that's why he was so acceptant of it... that's not what's important thought. it's the sound of the waves crashing against the sand and rocks, the flap of the palm tree's leaves nearby, and his fingers pressing against the heat of the sand as he builds a castle — kneading soft and slow (which in reality is just komaeda's fingers idly pressing against hinata's back or stomach, whichever position he's in).
he's alone at first, that's until he blinks, and he's no longer alone, and there's hinata talking to him like komaeda has done no wrong — as if they never lost any semblance of understanding around the first death. this could be from the text leftover on the pda that builds komaeda's dreams — as the last things he said: "living with somebody that wants you always by their side, who wants to hold you close and never let you go. someone that looks at you like you matter, and cares about you with all their heart." what are those like? maybe it's an experience he's trying to create because he can't have it in reality. if hinata knew who he was, how important his person had became in the future, and how willing komaeda was to be by him... is that still the same thing? his fingers sink even deeper into the sand, messing up the structure as it falls apart, and if he dares look up... what sort of expression will hinata wear?
he's not afraid of looking, instead, something stops him, the waves crash heavier now like a storm, and the wind picks up violently... that's on him, he thinks, because of his bad luck. so when he finally decides to lift his head to tell hinata he should go, he's no longer there. komaeda has plenty of dreams like this, it's just a constant reminder that it'll always be him, alone, and he accepts that. it's when everything goes black that it kind of hurts, there's a sharp pain against his head, his body aches — even the sharp pain that runs through his arm. how long did it take for komaeda to fall asleep is the question, he stayed up most of the night watching over the other, and when he finally did decide to rest... something unfortunate as being forced to wake up would happen to him.
there's sound, nothing he can really make out, but quickly his eyes open to what seems to be... hinata? his brain takes a bit to connect to what's going on — his voice sounds off, not as tsunderely distant as per normal, but filled with anger, irritation, sadness... he grits his teeth, trying to accept what's going on, listening, wondering why hinata's even going this far — )
Wh —
( it's a whirlwind of emotions coming from him, and it's worst compared to komaeda's whose own brain can never stay on course in terms of his personality and feelings. it sounds like he's learn something, there's key words he picked out of hinata's rant — the trash he hates, the talentless — those aren't wrong, those who lack talent have a very weak hope, komaeda stands by this even now. a world without hope is meaningless, that means if the talentless have to sacrifice themselves for that hope, then it's fine — that's what they're used for, so it's not like lacking a talent is all that bad. not as bad as hinata makes it out to be. )
...?
( it's hard to understand what's happening, one minute you're laying with someone, and then the next they're in their feelings for some odd reason. )
Make up your mind... who do you want to blame?
( does he want to blame komaeda, or does he want to blame himself? whatever has gotten into hinata, komaeda should figure out what's with the sudden change. how he came to the idea of lacking talent — no, how did he learn... komaeda doesn't recall him leaving at all, but guess that's an easy tell him holding onto him. did he mumble something pass his lips to spill that hidden fact — perhaps nanami, but that doesn't seem in her character, even though they know... there's tanaka, but...
he doesn't care about playing this safe, but he's not going to indulge until he properly gets the full picture. though, komaeda appears to be in pain himself with the male's hand against his shoulder pushing, reminding him about his bad arm that the ultimate tries to prop himself up with — he stares though, a little annoyed, confused, but his eyes fall on the other's tears as they stain his cheeks. )
...