[ It's worrying him... that's almost close enough of an answer on its own, in the way he simply can't ignore it. Saihara feels his shoulders stiffen as he listens, his fingers almost looking to curl into something to keep themselves from shaking. Instead, that tremble translates into his voice. ]

The topic... I was using this case... to test myself.

[ He taps the can of iced tea that rests in front of him on the windowsill, a small measure against the stifling summer weather, balancing it at an angle and then another until there are splatters to be heard against the inner walls. ]

I just... didn't know anymore. What kind of person am I? What am I supposed to do... what even matters more to me? I couldn't tell anymore. Was it finding out what happened... or was it your feelings? The feelings of someone I care about.

[ Ignore the trace of color on his face, it's a reflex response from embarrassment and it's really not important right now. ]

That's why... I talked about something else first. To find that out.