( he wants to tell hinata to stop being stupid, that he knows exactly what it is komaeda thanked him for — for saving him from hell. a hell that was said to be his subconscious desires, but thanks to hinata, he was freed from that fake reality. he gave his appreciation, he knew that the other had it in him, and yet... he doesn't know what to say about the one before him. the youth that stands before him who mentions the death of the ultimate affluent progeny — the ultimate imposter — he must not know. slowly, that's starting to sink into komaeda's mind.
he doesn't know.
he doesn't know?
and komaeda chuckles, oh, this is a slap in his face, he thinks. to hear this from hinata, the hinata who only started his journey, the one who doesn't know the truth. the one who isn't aware of what will happen, and if komaeda's only crime is getting the ultimate imposter killed then.. he doesn't know komaeda's act towards the end. that's where it all goes black for him, and the missing pieces will never be solved because even he doesn't know nor does the hinata before him. )
If I said what was on my mind. ( it'd haunt him, it'd break hinata, he's sure. though, he might call komaeda a liar as of right now. so it's nothing he lingers on, and instead, he sucks on his teeth the moment they make eye contact — forced from the other's determination. it's actually this that makes hinata so interesting, why komaeda's unable to back off from him. if he wants it, he's able to have it, his manufactured hope can grant him anything, and it's that type of hope that komaeda has always been searching for. while hinata's the owner of that specific hope and for him to speak to komaeda in such a manner, he doesn't know if it makes him angry or.. if this is something he's wanted. there's part of him that wants to smile, but he knows that he can't.. that he shouldn't.. he's not as strong as hinata, nor is he filled to the brim with hope that's yet to overflow. )
... Fight for yourself, Hinata-kun. ( and yet, he can't bring himself to accept that which won't last long. why does it always have to be hinata to say these things that feels like komaeda's being backed into a corner. despite how motivating his words are, how reassuring they can be considering he stands by what he says no matter the consequences. this is only the piece of advice komaeda can offer him, and it makes him think, maybe if he had offered these words to an earlier komaeda — then maybe this rift wouldn't still be there. hell, even with those odd school memories, he can hardly remember half of them considering his dementia ate away what he thought he knew. )
If you want to learn about me... understand me... you'll have to kill me.
stop stabbing yourself or im walking out of here!
he doesn't know.
he doesn't know?
and komaeda chuckles, oh, this is a slap in his face, he thinks. to hear this from hinata, the hinata who only started his journey, the one who doesn't know the truth. the one who isn't aware of what will happen, and if komaeda's only crime is getting the ultimate imposter killed then.. he doesn't know komaeda's act towards the end. that's where it all goes black for him, and the missing pieces will never be solved because even he doesn't know nor does the hinata before him. )
If I said what was on my mind. ( it'd haunt him, it'd break hinata, he's sure. though, he might call komaeda a liar as of right now. so it's nothing he lingers on, and instead, he sucks on his teeth the moment they make eye contact — forced from the other's determination. it's actually this that makes hinata so interesting, why komaeda's unable to back off from him. if he wants it, he's able to have it, his manufactured hope can grant him anything, and it's that type of hope that komaeda has always been searching for. while hinata's the owner of that specific hope and for him to speak to komaeda in such a manner, he doesn't know if it makes him angry or.. if this is something he's wanted. there's part of him that wants to smile, but he knows that he can't.. that he shouldn't.. he's not as strong as hinata, nor is he filled to the brim with hope that's yet to overflow. )
... Fight for yourself, Hinata-kun. ( and yet, he can't bring himself to accept that which won't last long. why does it always have to be hinata to say these things that feels like komaeda's being backed into a corner. despite how motivating his words are, how reassuring they can be considering he stands by what he says no matter the consequences. this is only the piece of advice komaeda can offer him, and it makes him think, maybe if he had offered these words to an earlier komaeda — then maybe this rift wouldn't still be there. hell, even with those odd school memories, he can hardly remember half of them considering his dementia ate away what he thought he knew. )
If you want to learn about me... understand me... you'll have to kill me.
( just let go. )