I'm glad I didn't die before I met you

[silentabyss]

Who: Noah & Yukio
What: talking about some yogen canon memories, handholding
When: 01/06, evening
Where: ☆ 2
Warnings: memory mishmashes, still handholding, me getting my characters involved in another polyship IT'S FINE


[Oh, Noah, you stupid fool, do you honestly think this is going to go well?

—That's what he's thinking to himself when he knocks on Yukio's door. He supposes a bit sardonically that it's not Yukio's door entirely, and he might die of embarrassment if one of Yukio's roommates opens up instead, but here's hoping. Here's hoping they can... talk. About something.

A few things, really, that are nagging at him. A couple thoughts lingering in the back of his brain, both of which make him a bit nervous to talk about, neither of which he can assign priority over the other. After knocking on the door, he winds up with his hand over his chest, gripping his shirt like it's going to anchor him. It doesn't.

It doesn't, and so he just waits for the door to open. A part of him wishes they were out of this stupid void. The other part thinks they'll never be, so this is as good a time as any.]

Comments

[emptyembers]

[Yukio had been laying in bed, the sheets tossed about haphazardly since in the last hour he had been tossing and turning in a pathetic attempt to sleep. It hadn't come, of course, and Yukio had simply stared up at the ceiling in hopes that it would come crashing down on him.

It didn't, of course, but the knock had startled him enough that when he jolted up his head collided with the ceiling he had just been staring at.]

Shit—

[Yukio quickly slid down the ladder and made his way to the door, one hand on his head as he rubbed the spot that had he had hit. It was either going to bruise or he was going to look like an idiot with a bump on his forehead.

He opened the door, eyes widen a bit at the sight of Noah and suddenly he felt his face heat up from embarrassment.]

Noah. Hey.

[silentabyss]

[Oh thank Elria, Yukio's the person who came to the door and not anybody else. Noah doesn't see a red mark on Yukio's forehead luckily, too focused in staring at the ground as soon as the door swings open. It's easier than making eye contact. It always is.]

H-hi. Is... uh. Is anyone else here?

[He swallows thickly, cheeks heating up like they haven't been close this entire time. Here Noah stands wanting to put a label on it and maybe try his hand at a serious damn discussion for once, and he's freezing up and probably making a fool of himself standing out in the hallway like this.

The dark, cold, void dorm hallway.

Ugh.]

I... was wondering if you had a moment of free time. I wanted to ask a few questions. I-it's nothing bad, I promise.

[emptyembers]

No. No one's around.

[You can't just walk up to someone and be like "hey I need to talk to you, it's nothing bad" and have them not be paranoid.

Either way, Yukio opens the door a little more and steps aside to let Noah in.]

Yeah, of course. Come on in.

[silentabyss]

[It's true, but Noah really is trying to get rid of all of the anxiety. Speaking of, he feels way too much of it at the moment, but he's going to just... try to ignore it. Try to shut that part off as he makes his way into the room and cordially (rudely) invites himself to sit down on the bottom bunk.

He has no idea which one is Yukio's, probably should figure that out or be told or something some day, but anyway he's sitting on This bed now.]

Um... [Does he start with the label thing or does he start with the memories thing... the latter, he supposes, might be easier.] ...have you ever gotten memories of living your life here all of a sudden? Or just... having them in general, I guess? As if you've been here the whole time, but you know you haven't?

[This has a purpose, he swears it does.]

I've had them pretty much since I've been here. I'm guessing it's from before I remembered who I really am. ...You know what I'm saying, right?

[That is... too many questions, he's realising sheepishly.]

[emptyembers]

[The bottom bunk is messy, with the sheets thrown very haphazardly and one could only come to the conclusion that it probably belongs to Rin. He wasn't going to mention it at the moment, because the other beds didn't belong to them and Rin's bed currently wasn't dirty— just messy.

And it's not like it would be possible for both of them to sit on the top bunk without hitting their heads or simply being uncomfortable.

He moved to stand in front of Noah, frowning a little as he listened to him speak. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the bed's frame so he wasn't just standing there.]

Yes... I've had some of them come back every now and then.

[He's never really talked about it though.]

[silentabyss]

[Well... good, in that Noah's not alone in this, and that what he's going to say might make sense. Still, he's nervous, wringing his hands and fidgeting with his sleeves and even reaching up to readjust his eyepatch several times until he instead starts picking at his fingernails.]

R-right... so, um... I don't know how to say this, so I guess I'll just try my best to make sense.

[There's a pause, and then Noah glances away from Yukio's face and turns bright red.]

...I don't know how long you and I have been here, really. But it was long enough to where, as I've been remembering some things, I've started to notice you in them. In... past iterations or lives in this place, I think.

...Do you believe in fate? [Regardless of Yukio's answer, he won't have time to say anything, because Noah continues,] I do. And I think this was fate.

[This, he says, with such heavy emphasis that he hopes Yukio gets it without him having to say more. This. You and me. Something so casual and so meaningful all the same.]

The reason I'm saying that is because when I was remembering, you and I were... um... together? In... a lot of them. It's... s-sort of like being drawn to each other, I guess. I... [clearly read a lot of romance books,] I don't know if you ever remembered the same.

[emptyembers]

[He's silent for a couple of seconds before he looks forward at the wall across from them. His silence wasn't because of some disgust or confusion, but the fact that his face was almost as red as Childe's hair and he suddenly didn't know how to speak.

He had never been in a relationship, much less having lived through one multiple time and having forgotten until recently.

Because he did remember, he had just never really know if it was due to some weird dream he was having or actual memories.]

I did— do, yeah. I wasn't sure if it was real or not for a bit, but yeah. I remember some of it.

[silentabyss]

[Noah's having a heart attack at the moment. Please help.]

...th-that's... that's good. I... so... I don't have specific details, just flashes here and there, but if we're experiencing the same thing... that means we're not... hallucinating? Probably.

[Why are words so hard to say when they come from the heart? Why can't he just say things with tact and professionalism and be more... verbose? Less ellipses, more words.]

Which... brings me to my second point. I, uh... [And this is where Noah's face invents a whole new shade of red.] ...was wondering if you wanted to... maybe... p-put a label on this? Instead of just...

[...]

Instead of whatever we're doing now, dancing around it.

[emptyembers]

[Yukio looks over at him, eyes wide and face flushed red. He opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again. He didn't know how to deal with this, honestly. The last person who confessed their love to him was some girl at True Cross who he honestly couldn't remember her name or where he had seen her— probably in one of his classes, but he couldn't be assed to actually recall her.

She was unimportant and left no lasting impression.

Noah was... different.

Which was new, and a little scary.

Even with the flashes of memory that he did have from whatever previous life they had.

Yukio wasn't a functioning person.]

I... would like that.

[He clears is throat.]

[silentabyss]

[Noah has that thought that nervous teenage boys have whenever they confess to someone which is: Oh Elria, he's taking too long to respond, it's going to be a no, I've ruined the friendship, oh wait we were already kissing, but what if I've ruined everything. Etc etc. That sort of horrible nervousness that...

dies, when it turns out to be a yes.

It's a weight off his back that turns into a completely separate weight when he realises that there's now responsibility attached to this — not like he didn't see it that way before, but now he has to really not fuck this up.]

...then... uh. We're...

[Oh, this is so difficult to say. Noah's so much better at making familial connections than romantic; it's so much easier to call someone a brother than it is to look Yukio in the eye and deal with the fact that he's in love.

Even thinking it feels dangerous, like he's going to lose this, consequence of how Noah grew up losing and losing and losing. But...]

...boyfriends... r-right...? That's... h-how it works...?

[emptyembers]

[The more this conversation went on the darker his blush got and the hotter his face felt. He watched Noah for a couple seconds before he decided, fuck it.

He tilted Noah's head up, then leaned down to steal a quick kiss.]

I think so, yes.

[He really hoped he sounded a lot more put together than he felt.]

[silentabyss]

[Noah's babbling mouth is unceremoniously silenced, thanks Yukio. There's a second after the kiss ends when he's sitting there absolutely dumbfounded, just. Staring. Processing.]

...sounds good.

[That came out so unenthused and that's not at all how he meant it—

Noah grabs Yukio by the collar and pulls him in for a better, less quick kiss. Sorry— he gets to do this as much as he wants now.]

[emptyembers]

[The irony of this situation was that Yukio had given him a kiss first, but the moment that Noah pulled him down for another kiss— one that was lot longer and deeper than the one he had given him— all rational thought left Yukio’s head.

He returned the kiss, of course, leaning into it. When he did draw back, there might have been a silly little smile on his face.]

… Okay. Yeah.