( truthfully, finding add would only cause more problems, and as he closes his eyes while walking out of the common room; he does hope sara can forgive him for something so small. someone else can do it, besides he knows that he's the last person add wants to see. thoughts circulate through his head on how to parse shin's words, maybe that was telling him to die too— he's smart enough to know what it means to send komaeda on a wild goose chase after him right? he knows that he isn't stupid, and that phrase there was nothing more than a double entendre; komaeda has always flirted with the idea of dying, so why wouldn't it?
it's words to unpack, things to do, wondering if sara will be fine after this, or will it change the trajectory of everything; now he wonders if she'd hit him. it'd be good if that's where her feelings were, it means he wouldn't be breaking the promise of using what she gave him, because all he needs is a few extra pieces. they're obtainable, he thinks, but the best part of all is that she won't be mad at him. it's not like she has to know.
his beliefs are better than anyone else's beliefs, it's always been like that when komaeda's very self-righteous, but he doesn't have to be selfish about this. give them what they want, a part of him thinks, but it never works out properly because of his luck, but if he's desperate enough; oh if he thinks it's something good for them then— he doesn't feel it when someone touches him, but he can tell he's being held back from the tug, and he's quick to look behind him with his eyes widening before relaxing normally. he sees ranger, but he doesn't see him, he's putting together the formulas of why, where did he come from, and did he call him as soon as he was leaving?
it calms his mind down, shifting away from nasty thoughts to look down at his arm to see what's being held, and it's his wrist.
...
he hears him at least, but it's difficult to give an answer to the first question when yes, he's right, but he's supposed to be looking for add. a painful lie, but he doesn't pull away. he stands there, thinking over what happened, and then he looks up at the ceiling; there's nothing there. komaeda wants it to rain tonight so he doesn't have to hear his own thoughts, but that's rare in itself; and he looks back to ranger. )
I'm sorry... ( he starts, instantly he knows even when the other looks back. ) Aha... that's because of me.
( unpleasant, or maybe it was at the start, but komaeda blames himself regardless. why it went as sour, why he can't stand what he did. )
I'm pretty unlucky today, so... ( he searches, his mind comes up empty with what words he wants to say, so that poetic speech of his falls flat. ) I'm really unlucky, and you might be next.
( he'll end up hurting him too.
emotional response? or just simply stating facts? his luck hasn't been on his side. )
no subject
it's words to unpack, things to do, wondering if sara will be fine after this, or will it change the trajectory of everything; now he wonders if she'd hit him. it'd be good if that's where her feelings were, it means he wouldn't be breaking the promise of using what she gave him, because all he needs is a few extra pieces. they're obtainable, he thinks, but the best part of all is that she won't be mad at him. it's not like she has to know.
his beliefs are better than anyone else's beliefs, it's always been like that when komaeda's very self-righteous, but he doesn't have to be selfish about this. give them what they want, a part of him thinks, but it never works out properly because of his luck, but if he's desperate enough; oh if he thinks it's something good for them then— he doesn't feel it when someone touches him, but he can tell he's being held back from the tug, and he's quick to look behind him with his eyes widening before relaxing normally. he sees ranger, but he doesn't see him, he's putting together the formulas of why, where did he come from, and did he call him as soon as he was leaving?
it calms his mind down, shifting away from nasty thoughts to look down at his arm to see what's being held, and it's his wrist.
...
he hears him at least, but it's difficult to give an answer to the first question when yes, he's right, but he's supposed to be looking for add. a painful lie, but he doesn't pull away. he stands there, thinking over what happened, and then he looks up at the ceiling; there's nothing there. komaeda wants it to rain tonight so he doesn't have to hear his own thoughts, but that's rare in itself; and he looks back to ranger. )
I'm sorry... ( he starts, instantly he knows even when the other looks back. ) Aha... that's because of me.
( unpleasant, or maybe it was at the start, but komaeda blames himself regardless. why it went as sour, why he can't stand what he did. )
I'm pretty unlucky today, so... ( he searches, his mind comes up empty with what words he wants to say, so that poetic speech of his falls flat. ) I'm really unlucky, and you might be next.
( he'll end up hurting him too.
emotional response? or just simply stating facts? his luck hasn't been on his side. )