[CLOSED] do you ever wanna talk about your feelings

[silentabyss]

Who: Noah & Nene
What: Discussions of murder and stuff
When: April 12th, couple hours after the discovery of The Bodies
Where: ☾ 3
Warnings: Sad Noah hours. Usual case of poor mental health, mentions of gore, general Noah anxiety, probably Nene anxiety

[Maybe a few hours after Noah sends Nene that network comment about how he's too busy to check the clock tower, she'll get another one that simply reads:]

hey nene can you come to our room

[...and nothing else after that, and any messages asking after him will be met with silence. When Nene makes it to their room, Noah is visibly shaking and trying to steel himself, pacing around the room with his hands covered in blood of various colours. He has one of his notebooks tucked under his arms, pencil slid through the bindings. If Nene looks at their room carefully, she'll notice that weird blue potion he normally has on his shelf is gone, like he might've used it. On his desk, though, is a bunch of stuff that definitely wasn't there before.

He doesn't notice her come in, having left the door open and having his back to it; the glowing-blue spirit of Clamor floats around Noah in what is presumably worried little dad circles up until Nene arrives, at which point there's a loose attempt to get Noah's attention that fails because he's too busy pacing.]

Comments

[mermaidcursed]

( she's gotten all of the evidence carefully packaged, and she'll bring it to their room for right now until it's time for the inevitable meeting or someone stops her to take a look themselves, whichever comes first. then she gets the ping, and... well. it's all the more reason to hurry.

... there's a lot of little changes that she doesn't like at all. but. nene inhales as she closes the door behind her and sets the little box to the side. )

Noah... I'm here.

[silentabyss]

[That at least makes Noah turn around. Clamor flits off somewhere else across the room.]

Hi. Sorry, I...

[The pacing stops for a moment and he shakes his head as if to clear away the fog, but as soon as his mouth opens and he takes a breath, he continues shuffling about the room. If he doesn't keep moving, he'll probably start crying, or so that's what he's convinced himself anyway.

He's gone this far without breaking down.]

I have... bad news. There's a bit of good news, but...

[Judging by the state of his hands and the way he panic-shuffles about, it's probably easy to imagine what's going to be said next.]

...I went out into the forest to figure out what was going on, and I saw Add and Komaeda dead. Komaeda had some weird crystal in his mouth that I... I-I think is something from Add's weird powers, and when Helena took it out, Komaeda seemed to come back to life — but he was bleeding heavily from all these open wounds and I tried to heal him and then I had to come back here and grab that potion I kept on the shelf—

[The anxiety babble picks up the pace the longer he talks, like rapidly recalling everything will get it all out of the way quicker. Like he's not going to have to repeat this to others very, very soon.]

—and luckily he chugged it and all his wounds closed and he's fine and he's asleep and breathing, but Add— there was nothing to do for Add and he's dead— [a shaky inhale, followed by an exhale when he realises he's talking too fast to follow.] He's not... I can't do anything for him.

[mermaidcursed]

( nene listens- it's all she really can do, until the words come tumbling out more and more, at which point she doesn't hesitate to close the distance between them, wrapping her arms around him tightly. she can feel hot tears bubbling up already, for noah, for komaeda and especially for add-

his anemonies. how he helped, in quiet, little ways. would he return? if he did- would he remember them? she's scared. she's scared and tired of this and tired of noah being the one to find this sort of thing- )

I'm sorry- I'm sorry.... W-we'll figure this out though, a-and I'm gonna be with you...

[silentabyss]

[The only reason he doesn't hug back quite as much as he wants to is because his hands are bloody, and he'd hate to smear that blood on her hair or clothes or skin — so instead, in acknowledgement, he lays his head on hers for a moment.]

I don't know if they... if they got in a fight, or what happened — Komaeda was covered in injuries that only Add can inflict and I know that because of the time we fought—

[The times Add killed him during the practicum, not once but twice, the searing pain of having foreign and strange objects embedded in flesh and the mental anguish that comes with a friend murdering you; and Noah, sweet Noah, had been so swift to forgive and reach out and try to understand.

For a brief moment, he thinks he might've tried to save the wrong person — one healing potion, one life to save, two bodies before him — because in a way, Komaeda is just as despicable as the rest of them. Yet, Noah's perceptions are clouded; everyone kills here, everyone besides Nene it seems, and for all his ire at all of Komaeda's and Add's actions both, he'd spend an eternity trying to understand and help them if he could.

Now, he feels that he won't get the chance to ever truly understand one of them.]

It's... I know it's not my fault, but I'm the one who told Add to go talk to Komaeda earlier in the month, and...

[And clearly he unknowingly sent Add off to go die. He wonders why he even bothers.]

[mermaidcursed]

( nene freezes- injuries only add can inflict...? but... )

But... Dito's basically confessed... on the network.

( fucking dito. something isn't adding up at all-

but more important than that fucker by far is the boy in front of her, who even though he says otherwise is blaming himself. it's not fair to him. he was trying to help. it- it isn't fair and nene can feel herself tearing up for- for add and komaeda and especially for noah.

its not fair.

nene clings just a little bit tighter, sniffling quietly. )

H-he had to have done something- I know it-

[silentabyss]

[Noah and Wolfie did not check the network. He hasn't had time, really, given everything that happened — his messages to Nene were sent rapidly, in a panicked state, and the last one he sent to her to call her here got his PDA covered in sticky blood.

His face contorts from sadness and despair to rage and disgust within moments, fury akin to a wild beast's.]

Are you— of course he did.

[He doesn't mean to snap at Nene, but he breaks their hug to go pace again. When he killed Hyde, he had never quite felt justification for his actions, even if Hyde was a serial killer and a danger to them all — perhaps because of the circumstances surrounding it.

Dito, though, is someone Noah thinks he could kill without remorse — if only he could find an opening, time to do so...

Thoughts of vengeance for all of Dito's wrongs — killing Shuichi and Rika, hurting Amami and probably countless others, for possibly bringing Komaeda and Add to harm — fill his heart to the brim and spill over. He would gladly become like the people he hates the most if it means taking out the biggest threat here.]

I'm going to kill him.

[mermaidcursed]

( at any other time, with any other third party, nene might flinch at the rage. but she doesn't- she's tired. maybe numb. maybe she hates dito almost as much as he does. so she simply stands there, watching noah pace. )

... We'll figure out what happened. This time we'll get it right for sure. A-and we're not gonna let him get away with it.

( unfortunately, it will turn out more complicated than that, and she's not sure what to even do about the murderers anyways- nene flops down to sitting on the bed, gripping the blankets tightly in balled up fists. )

... Noah-kun?