yogen | (closed) all around the world

What if I asked you to hurt someone to spread hope among your peers, but only for that reason alone?

( using someone to kill, it's an idea, one that komaeda plays with in his mind. it's unorthodox, but not unheard of as he watches crona. they seem easy to manipulate, somebody that komaeda believes he could push forward by using their own hope as a reason, besides, killing for hope is good, not bad! )

Like the people you listed, you could nurture their hope by taking a life...

Now you sound like Lady Medusa.

[They rest their head in their hands, tilting their head up to stare up at Komeada. The dark black of their eyes stands out stark and grey in the afternoon light. Its not even that they sound terribly upset by what Komeada is suggesting. ]

Killing people is hard to deal with. [ They repeat like a habit. ] But I know how to do it. Usually Lady Medusa says now - so you become a Kishin and get stronger Crona~ I don't really need to get stronger to make Maka like me, but if Nene or Ishimaru or Nanami needed me, I don't mind.

[Maka fixed a lot about Crona. She showed them kindness, convinced them to leave their mother and told them they didn't need to hurt people to be happy. She did not convince Crona that killing people was bad or that they should feel bad about anything they had done. Medusa stamped that thought out of their head a long time ago. Even their recent experiences hadn't challenged what they had always believed: I am myself. I cannot understand others. And sometimes, if people tell me to, there are things I need to kill. ]

Edited 2021-06-26 05:29 (UTC)

I sound like Komaeda Nagito.

( that's the best way he can reassure them while watching from the desk that he's at. he has no problem with speaking in this manner, a little questionable for some, but he doesn't see anything wrong from it. his reasons may be different from lady medusa's, but he does want to get it in crona's head that komaeda acts because komaeda does. )

Is it hard or are you afraid of the consequences? ( he leans back on the desk, now watching the ceiling as he wonders what that means for them. if it was for nene, ishimaru, or nanami, they'd kill for them. why not throw a dog a bone, and so, he leans forward with his hands properly in his lap. )

Rather... would you kill for me, Crona-san, you could even blame me in the end if you're afraid of what will happen to you.

( komaeda isn't like them, he'll never be able to grasp the charm that two ultimates have, and he has no childish idiocy like nene, but what he does have is manipulation. he's not really using it here, only wondering if he applies to being like any of the few that crona named since they seem easy to win over. killing for someone else because of love and affection, he's seen it before, he's heard of his own classmate killing off another just because they wanted to protect them. that in a way is a hope that helped him grow stronger, help him move forward, and come to terms of being one with the group. it's an aspect that komaeda's unable to throw away, and so he watches crona like he's waiting for their answer. )

[ So he's not just interested in taking up their mothers role. Well, that could be good or bad, depending. Crona doesn't understand people, but they get patterns, dynamics. If Komeada wants to paint himself as a teacher, but not the sort they're used to, all they can do is blink and try to shuffle their thoughts around to catch up. ]

What consequences? If they're dead, they're dead.

[ Dead people can't hurt you. Dead people are just weaklings that Crona can stop thinking about. It's hard because...its hard. It was always hard, at first. They couldn't explain why, other then that when Medusa pressed something a soft as a rabbit into their hands, and then later told them to kill it, they hadn't known what to do. It hadn't felt right, but nobody ever explained to them why. ]

Its hard because I'm pathetic. My brain doesn't work right sometimes. I had a hard time killing the little ones at the start, even if I'm better now. People are scarier then that, so sometimes its easy, but it can still be hard.

[ His next words don't make any sense. They tilt their head so far they can feel the muscles strain. Huh? Blame him? Is he mad? They'd been doing well on the test, hadn't they? Maybe they don't get hope at all. ]

Does Komeada need someone to die? Are you in trouble? Komeada is a good person, so if he's in trouble I'll help! I don't want you to stop talking to me.

( the consequences that come from the living... well, there may be a few that come from who is dead, but mostly the ones around them will have more to say than the deceased will. that's how it normally is, especially with hinata who had always been vocal when someone died — they were a stepping stone, one to enable the hope of him, and their friends. he never took it well unlike him, but he still managed to thicken his skin as time passed, to the point he stopped giving up — he wants crona to be like that. he wants their hope go forward, to watch how the routes dig into the soil of teh earth and spread from their actions. )

If you need help, allow me to assist you with thinking.

( he says this easily, and there's a smile on his face while making the suggestion known — it's between them, after all. he doubts anyone is paying attention to a couple of freaks like them since they're both odd, one of them being crona, and the other komaeda. it's the bad attitude along with the indecisiveness, as for the other, it's the positive reactions that come off creepy, and the fact that whatever's on his mind is hard to tell. )

...

( komaeda's a troubled person, and as he thinks about it. )

There's nothing hopeful in just killing... but when the group appears to be able to move forward, we'll have to push them no matter what even if it means to lose a few bodies here and there. There's various Symbols of Hope among us, and if they start to give up... ( he sighs at the thought, shaking his head as he recalls the many instances the group has had a blunder like that. ) our hope is doomed.

( that's why they must do what must be done, besides if it's done for hope, it's right. his eyes connect with crona's, trying to see how well they're digesting his words, and if they seem confused, he thinks he should help. )

And we can't have that!

I want to get better at thinking!

[ They do pout. Were they not doing well? It used to be they couldn't even muster the courage to answer anyone's questions - just a loop of endless questions in their own head they had to ignore. Now, at least they're really trying to puzzle things out! ]

Hope's the opposite of being scared, right? So you're saying: To make people less scared sometimes you want me to fight people. [ They pause, cocking their head as they try and think. ] Or...to eat people? [ Yeah they uh, did that. ]

[Crona looks confused, but they don't look like they're shutting down or ignoring Komeada. They've never had anything they wanted to protect other then themselves, so maybe this is how it works when you stop being scared of people. Maybe then, its still about hurting people but in a different way. Its not like they have a shred of life experience to tell Komeada he's wrong. ]

I wanna be helpful...Is everyone's hope in trouble right now?

( "i want to get better at thinking!" reminds him of something a child would say, and he wonders if there's something he could do in that regard. all he has is his love for novels, and some that he can offer to crona to help the other's thought process — make them wonder why a person did this, or why the main character did that. a hand raises to his chin to rub in thought, and with his free hand, he proceeds to write down a few books he should look for in the library. )

Hope is absolute good, as long as you have hope, it's fine to do anything.

( he starts, listening to crona's words and their thoughts, laughing softly when they suggest fighting people is what must be done. sometimes, one must kill themselves to use their body as a chance to change the lives of the people around them, as long as it's to lead the world towards hope. komaeda has done it once, he thinks he'll do it again, though his luck plays a major part in doing just that, but if he was to risk crona's life — he thinks they'd die, and he thinks there's be progress.

the hand on his chin shifts, and he runs it through his hair — it gets caught a few times from the naps. )

Killing just to kill... is despairing, so if you're ever worried about if... killing someone is worth it, you may ask me.

( enough of the naps, he transitions now to his chest, a hand over his heart. )

They're fine, for now... but what about you, are you hungry?

( they did say they'd eat people. )

[ They are a child! Maybe a bit old to say things like that, but... ]

Fine to do anything....okay.

[At least their thoughts don't seem to be too bad, because they don't see the negative response they were worriedly searching for. Komeada doesn't really make sense, he speaks strangely, doubling back on his meanings half the time to the point Crona has to find themselves mouthing his words back to themselves process it. He asked if they were willing to kill, but once they said yes apparently thats not needed? Some part of them shudders and relaxes in a half sigh of relief, but it also leaves them a little bereft. They'd like to do something. Lots of people are dying and they can plainly see that stresses other people out, and they can't really offer anything. A purpose might be nice. ]

I don't have a reason to kill anybody right now...but if I get confused I'll be sure to ask you! [They nod, once, twice. ]

Um...I'm hungry? Nobody lets me eat the stuff in the fridge, and there aren't a lot of snacks...but its okay. I can go a while without eating anything so I actually know how to deal with this. [ They hold up the paper. ] I can keep doing the test!

( there's already been a few deaths so there's no need to add to the pile, but he can see the way crona has trouble accepting what he said. in a way, komaeda wants to say that it isn't time yet to throw themselves out into the fray, and it's probably wrong to suggest using crona to kill, but they seem so willing. it could backfire on him, perhaps crona will let it be known that komaeda has something up his sleeve, but they seem too innocent, don't appear to be the type to let everyone into their business. more so complain, look cute, and get their way without even thinking about it, so he doesn't worry much. )

Yes! You're getting the hang of it. ( he laughs, it comes out more of a wheeze because he almost seems like he has trouble breathing. he appears weak, seems weak, looks it from the way he his pale skin matches his sickly eyes, and the amount of energy he's willing to give at all times. )

That's fine... to do something like that for hope... to see the people you care for prevail, I'd give my life for it. ( with that said, komaeda turns on the teacher's desk like a child, leaning over to grab a black bag that he's been carrying out. lifting it up, he sets it on the desk, and settles on teh surface properly as he opens it. with the zipper coming undone, komaeda looks inside to see if the piece is still fresh. )

Do you want this as a snack? Then we can continue. ( a little break never hurt anyone. )

A-ah um? Komeada, are you okay? [They lean forward, blinking over as Komeada coughs and wheezes. Komeada is nice...but he does sort of seem like a weakling. They're pretty pale and bloodless themselves, but they can still lift their weight and more or laugh without dying. They'd probably not have a lot of trouble with him, if he did something scary and they needed to fight. But that was sort of a dumb stupid thought, because they weren't going to fight anyone right now! They'd been told not to, and it would make Maka pretty unhappy. So that was that. ]

Please don't give your life or die? I couldn't deal with that!? Komeada? [ He's spinning around and Crona gets off of the desk to walk towards him. By the time they get up to where he's perched, he's already turned around with that big black bag. They cock their head at it, curious. ]

Do you have food in there? If you paid for it....I don't know how to deal with being in debt like that....I don't have many points...

I'm perfectly fine, why do you ask?

( he's used to his weak disposition, coughing, throwing up blood, anything that reminds him that he's going to die soon regardless. he still believes he has a year left, or rather, that year has yet to show itself where he's going to die anyway. that's why he doesn't mind giving up his life, dying for a cause like hope. he doesn't even know if he can call crona's request concern — would they have difficulties living if komaeda wasn't there to help them, or do they only like his company because they're lonely themselves.

he perks up at hearing his name. ) Yes, hello, Crona-san!

( he parts open the bag even more, showing the arm that lays inside that still has some color to the skin, but izumi was always... perfect. he probably tastes good or maybe a vegan meal since all he did was eat healthy snacks to keep his skin perfect. what's on him though is tallies among tallies that range in the twenties, but it's too hard to make out how many when komaeda keeps moving the bag. )

Also it was free! He didn't complain when I took it... ( how would izumi? he was dead. ) so that's fine, right?

O-oh? If you say so... If you're coughing like that, usually people say something like that. So I just- er forget it!

[ The only time Crona coughs up blood is when they'd had a really bad experiment - or Ragnorok decided he wanted to do something weird. They've never really been sick in their life, one of the few benefits of being injected with synthetic blood. ]

Hello Komeada? [ They must be really bad at conversations if they couldn't follow this one...or maybe Komeada was also just bad at it. They flick their eyes down to look at the bag blankly.

Oh...its an arm. Well maybe they'd gotten their hopes up a bit...All the snacks here were tasty. Dead humans taste kind of gross, but its not like they have much else. And they are, really really hungry. They reach out a hand without much hesitance and place a pale finger on Izumi's equally pale skin. It's cold. What a pain. ]

Do you usually have to pay for arms where you're from? [They pick it up, examining the fingers. ] Um...its going to take me a while to eat this. Maybe I should do it later? Ragnorok isn't here, and I just have normal teeth... Chewing for a long time in front of Komeada would be really hard to deal with...

( oh were they worried...? komaeda shakes his head, his well-being doesn't matter right now, and he's doing what he can as a teacher to teach crona the ins and outs of survival. he is also part of the survival club, you know? after being greeted, he raises a hand to pat crona's head gently, and then pulls it back to tap against the raw flesh to check if it's hard or something, just... a dead, cold arm. )

You can just take them off people if you want... Or cut them, I did my fair share.

( just a small little komaeda fact that he's willing to give about himself, and it's why he has his prosthetic arm anyway. it's crafted black and white so that it reminds him of hope and despair, but he also gets happy... considering it's the same as the go stones he enjoys. )

Eat small pieces, but don't... eat this part.

( he touches the tallies, there's something specific he wants to see about them. ) You can eat around me, Crona-san, I promise I won't stare.

Eeehh I know t-that! I'm not stupid... [ Their eyes follow the arm as Komeada lifts it up, but they shut them with an eep as Komeada pats their head. They accept the pat. Despite the fucked up scenario here, its kinda cute. ]

I can't eat a metal arm! [They look at it a bit nervously. ] That would break all my teeth, and then it would be really hard to talk! I couldn't deal with that.

[ They do reach out to take the hand once more, staring at the tallies with one eye. ]

Oh! I have these! He has more then me...does that mean I'd taste better then him? [ As they speak they just break one of his fingers off without blinking. Its not hard, with such an old body, and the ring finger is his longest. Crona nibbles on it as they talk. ] I have um....one two...twelve. I think.

Edited (i hate it here) 2021-07-01 04:02 (UTC)

( well he wouldn't offer his prosthetic for her to eat, and instead, izumi's arm is the best meal on the menu for the time being. he allows crona to break off a finger, and komaeda guesses he should remind them to at least leave one, how else will he get into the pda? watching the other nibble away on their new snack, komaeda zips the bag closed so that the air doesn't get all over izumi's arm. )

Oh, is that so...? Twelve's bigger than mine, I only have seven...

( he would show his, but he has the bag in his lap so he's too busy holding onto it to make sure it doesn't fall in the floor. )

There's tons of reasons he could have this many... ( but he'll agree, nodding at crona's words so that they feel better. ) You probably do taste better than him... ( now, since he's dead as hell, and all cold where crona might be warmer... you know, komaeda can't judge, he's also cold. )

How does he taste?

Huh, guess you taste the best then. [ That's that, isn't it? ] It's weird to get tattoo you don't remember though. That's really hard to deal with. What if I start getting ones I don't like, or that say mean words? I couldn't possibly deal with that!

[ They pause, a bone cracking under their teeth. Chew, because its important to be polite when you eat, then swallow. Another weird question, but at least its one they know how to answer. It doesn't taste good thats for sure. Its cold, and kind of chewy, and already tastes a bit spoiled. Crona's not dumb though, and they know eating food that tastes good is a privilege and not a right. So its fine, at least its filling. Anyway, they need meat to keep their iron up so their blood gets better soon. ]

He tastes like a dead person...Should I share? If you're sick and you don't eat, stuff gets a lot harder to deal with.

I might taste bitter, besides... I'm just skin and bones.

( he wishes he could give an example like pulling at the skin of his arm, but he doesn't want the bag to slide out his lap, and onto the floor. so he stays in place as he watches the way crona eats their meal — rather polite for a cannibal — and when they swallow, komaeda nods. ) Don't worry, the only marks we can get are tallies, so trust me...

( everyone else has them, and they haven't heard of another person who got words on their arm. that would be interesting, actually, if having a death mark that would explain something about them, or a secret. he knows that they wouldn't like that, so it does nothing for him to think about, and so he moves on. well, he tries until he's offered a bit of food, and with a shake of his head. )

And I'm supposed to be teaching this class, I really can't talk with my mouth full... so make sure you swallow to answer the next question. ( that's his cop out so he doesn't have to take a bite, i'm crying. )

That's why you should eat more! Maka says if you don't eat enough you get malnourished...[ Crona is apparently also malnourished according to Doctor Stien, so hopefully that will get better. ]

[ And hey, Crona has great table manners! It's one of the few things their insanely evil mom saw fit to impress upon them as important, so when Komeada says to finish swallowing before they continue, they do. ]

Um...the next question is...who has the strongest hope right? [ They lean back onto another desk, swinging their legs as they thing. They've already picked up that Komeada probably wants them to pick someone on the list...which makes them feel bad because they haven't spoken to everyone there. Saihara or Hinata could have really good hope or whatever and Crona just hasn't had the time to talk to them....oh well. ]

I guess...Ishimaru? Because he believes in hard work and even if he has to do things that are hard to deal with [Stabbing a girl in the courtyard ] he doesn't give up. Um...but Nanami was really brave during the meeting, and Amami is a nice guy...I don't think I've met anyone else.

( komaeda? malnourished? all he eats is bread so you know what, yeah, he isn't taking good care of himself. nothing to worry about though because he's taking care of the people around him to build up their hope so that when they achieve true hope, everybody here and even in the outside world will never succumb to despair. it's a goal of his, a type of unimaginable dream he wants to make happen, but he can only do that by starting off with a hope that outshines all others. )

About that... you can't limit it to just anyone here, we're trapped in an all new playing field, and they've separated it between them ( the transfers ) and the others ( native ). It's best to stay neutral until you find whose hope here will be your guiding light —

( he thinks about his time in the simulation where he didn't pick a side, instead, he only watched both, and said that he would help the hope of whoever needed it. his assistance could help pave a way for them, uniting others together through the sake of it — )

Since we're both stepping stones, if we need to rely on one another, we must.

( that's what he thinks, also a loophole as to remain neutral, but they help each other when they need it. crona's getting it though, understanding that ultimates have stronger hopes than normal people. )

If you want their hope to shine even brighter, you must place hurdles in their path to see if they're capable.

[ Just bread...please. Have some of the fucking corpse hand. You need iron. You can't hope away the scurvy...]

Um...well Maka is definitely my guiding light back home! [ They give Komeada a toothy smile. ] Her hope would probably be really nice, if Komeada could see it. But she's not here...so I guess I listen to you now?

[ They don't see any need to stay nuetral on the subject. Crona's isn't...good at thinking independently...What metric would they even use to determine who guides then other then who is taking their hand at the moment? ]

You can rely on me. I can be quiet, and strong, like a rock~ [ Their smile falls and they look puzzled. ] Hurdles? Like, fighting? ...I don't think I'm supposed to fight any friends unless they want to practice.

( i think komaeda has had enough hand in his day, i think he can eat bread like a normal person... please! )

You're right, as soon as Maka-san appears... you'll introduce me to them...

( the thought of meeting crona's friends has came across komaeda's mind a few times, but it's never been a complete game changer for him. they're different than him, the way they think and act could never compare to how he handles certain situations, so in the end, it probably wouldn't be the best of relationships. luckily for him, he knows that crona would bridge the gap, even if komaeda's outlook is much different from maka's, and this is why he doesn't worry about it all too much. )

And I can view their hope, and you can tell Maka-san how well I've taken care of you. In kind, I'll say you always listen, I've never had trouble once.

( as for the comparison, however, his eyes widen slightly from how confused he feels, and then return back to normal. like a rock, oh, that's something he can agree with now that he lets it sink in. with one hand, he places it on crona's shoulder before giving a soft pat. )

I've been in enough altercations here to know it isn't all just practice, sometimes... you can fight just because you want to.

Edited 2021-07-18 03:18 (UTC)

(closed) all around the world

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cw: suicide mention

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is it still fresh. im gonna die. they're going to say yes to this and i cant stop that bc its ic

always fresh you know a lil cut off hard never hurt anyone

if i eat izumi will i gain his beautiful talent as an idol

I THINK YOU SHOULD GET HIS VOICE LIKE URSULA TBH

tw....cannibalism (.-.)

om nom nom...

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