yogen | [OPEN] If this day was your last

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[OPEN] If this day was your last

Who: Noah & YOU!
What: July Catch-All
When: Throughout July
Where: Various; see prompts for specific locations
Warnings: Will be posted in specific prompt headers if they come up
Notes: Open prompts are in here, as well as specific closed things! If you want me for something either send a message to this journal, poke me on the game discord, or bonk me at

wolfchan!

FURTHER NOTES: Throughout the month Noah has an extremely obvious cut on his arm that has also torn the sleeve of his jacket. He keeps it bandaged but for the first week of the month it's extremely obviously there. People are free to approach him at any time about the injury and ask him questions, but be warned he will get extremely defensive and aggressive if pushed too much. Could make for some fun CR, idk.

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[There's no blood... he exhales another sigh of relief, hearing the confirmation from Noah himself. A fight in the void—a little too much detail, if he's being honest, but. He's safe now, Noah's safe, the part Clamor needs to focus on is that Noah came out of there with just one superficial wound...

but how do they know those injuries don't count? if the shadows in that world can drain energy... what if he's still badly hurt, and they just can't see it? what if, what if

what if he just hugged Noah close again, trying to be more gentle this time around, instead of thinking about all the horrible outcomes that might be? yeah, let's do that.

... they really shouldn't move him right now, but there is another concern on his mind. he looks over his shoulder to Stephanie.]

We don't know if the person who did this to him is still around. The last thing we need is... [for someone else to get hurt. if Stephanie got hurt, too, or if whoever tried to kill Noah came back...]

He's...

[Noah draws in a breath, shaky, like he's about to start crying here and now. He holds back, though, trying to find a way to speak without breaking down. It... doesn't exactly work.]

...Hyde, and— that other soul, Jekyll... they're...

[A pause. His voice cracks when he continues,]

...I had to... I had to kill Hyde, I— he wouldn't stop...

[she inhales sharply when she hears it. she'd known, really. since they'd found him. this had Hyde written all over it. but, still. knowing is different from hearing it confirmed.]

... Well. Then it's perfectly safe, isn't it?

[Oh.

...... yeah, that makes sense. it's not like... it'd be a coincidence... that Hyde died at the same time...

He closes his eyes, gently stroking Noah's hair. Yeah, he's not letting go any time soon. There's... a lot to take in here. His voice is quiet when he speaks, relenting]

Alright. Be careful. I'll... stay here.

[okay y'all have fun she'll only start screaming for someone to wake senku up when she's run an appropriate fifteen feet away from them.]

[Oh yes, Noah's having tons of fun right now.

Stephanie runs off as Stephanie is wont to do, and Noah can only lean into Clamor a little more, finally registering the fact that he's being hugged. The sensation of searing pain is the more prevalent feeling right now, but at least he has someone to lean against. Someone warm, who he can trust, who isn't deadly to him right now.]

...are you mad? I didn't want to...

Why would I be mad? I'm just glad you're okay...

[he's already put two and two together to figure out what must've happened. Hyde attacked Noah, and Noah defended himself, and...

self defence. if there was really no other way... at least it was only someone like Hyde. Clamor never really got to know Jekyll, and maybe that's why he doesn't pay the other "soul" much thought. did it really matter, if that maniac was the one in control?

he's just glad that Noah is okay.]

... You wouldn't have done it if there was any other way. I know you're not the type... [unless it was... for revenge... but let's not think about that right now]

[Breakdown imminent.]

I don't know, I just... he's different from the Order, so I thought...

[Noah curls into Clamor's side a little more, wincing, inhaling sharply because when he moves like that he can still feel the knife in his side.]

I tried... I tried to disable him and run, and I couldn't hit him, and I tried to reason with him, and...

...I didn't have a choice. I thought of you and Harque and I just... I had to live.

Shhh... it's alright. You don't have to explain yourself to me.

[he trusts Noah. he knows the boy has a good heart... he knows this must be painful for him, too. as if he'd even need any justification to take Noah's side.

and yet

I thought of you and Harque and I just... I had to live.

... it does nag at him, a little, bringing to mind a certain uncomfortable conversation. and another time, when Noah had nearly allowed himself to be torn apart by mutant beasts, so unwilling to fight what he saw as former humans... was Clamor the deciding factor for that, too?

it nags at him, but he pushes the thought away. not right now. please, just give him five minutes to comfort his son in peace.]

... if anything happened to you, I don't even know what I'd do with myself. So I'm glad you're safe.

[Why would Noah want to live for himself? He has no life to live. He lives for very few things, both of which are varying degrees of dead. If Clamor weren't here, if Clamor weren't alive and waiting on Noah to come back from that shadowy hellscape, he would've been content to die.

Death doesn't scare Noah. It's the thought of being alone that scares him the most.]

I don't want you to think I just did it, that's all. I... I dragged his body out of the void school because I wanted to own up to what happened, but he turned into this golden light...

[Noah is in crisis-mode, babbling incomprehensibly, memories from not even an hour ago flickering behind his eyes. He squeezes them shut, but they don't go away, unrelenting and loud and horrible. He's on the verge of tears, not quite there, but getting closer and closer. Perhaps the way his voice breaks every few sentences makes it obvious.]

I don't know what to do... I don't feel safe.

You did everything you could. I know you did... I'm sorry.

[sorry this had to happen, sorry he couldn't do anything to help... sorry he can't even reassure the boy properly, when there's so little Clamor can do about any of this. how can someone like him make Noah feel safe, after everything that just happened?

he can keep holding him, though. he can be something physical and real and alive, and... as long as nothing else comes for them now, in this moment where they're both at their most vulnerable, but if that happened he'd be sure to protect Noah with everything he has. even if it's not much, he can still always do something.]

... Senku will take a look at your arm. Then you can stay with me and Sidney for tonight. Is that okay?

...yeah. That's fine.

[It's not like he isn't there every other night anyway. Even if he's not sleeping, sometimes he simply bumbles in, on those nights where he doesn't go lock himself up in the library or sleep in the middle of the hallway lest his night terrors wake people.

So, yes, he's fine with that, he trusts everyone who sleeps in that classroom regularly. Noah doubts he'll be sleeping tonight anyway. Despite the pain all over his body, he's not exactly tired. Tired of this, yes, of feeling vulnerable and scared even though he's reminding himself that he's fought countless enemies before so why does he feel so awful? Tired physically, yes. Tired enough to sleep, no, the adrenaline is still pumping in his veins and it probably will be all night.

It's not different from usual. He'll just spend the time in absolute silence come midnight, freaking out internally and unable to scream... yeah! That sounds great.

Fuck this place.]

I hate it here, [he mutters finally, voice cracking,] I just want to go home.

[yeah... please sleep with your dads instead of hiding in the library or sleeping in the middle of the hall, that's just not safe or comforting. It's fine even they're all too stressed to sleep. Just knowing that Noah is alive and safe is enough to put Clamor's heart at ease, anyway, compared to his own nightmares that only end in tragedy...

I just want to go home. Who wouldn't, in a place like this?

... he's no good at lying. He hesitates, sidestepping the question posed at himself, it's simple enough to just not voice an agreement.]

We'll find a way back. Then we'll go to the Demon Realm, find the El Search Party, and track down Henir's Order... I know we can do it. [maybe within the next ~2 years... it's fine. they'll figure it out.]

[He leans heavily into Clamor, giving one short nod as indication that he's registering the words. With his mind in overdrive as it is, it's hard to focus on anything but what just happened. The reassurance is nice, however hopeless it seems now.]

When we leave... are you going to be a sickle again? [Of all the things to focus on now, that is still one of Noah's more pressing concerns.] Do you think you'll be able to keep your body?

[More than anything else, what Noah wants is for Clamor to live his own life; he'd established as much back when Komaeda confronted him in front of the wish board and he'll say it over and over again until the world gets the damn point. No matter how many times Clamor may deflect, it's a thought that remains in the back of Noah's mind, a constant goal.

Right now, it's more of a distraction than anything, idle babble to fill the silence before the silence becomes forced. He'd rather talk about something else, something other than what happened; isn't that always the case with him?]

[well

that fucking backfired.

he is, unfortunately, at least partially aware of what was said to Komaeda... and that's yet another reason for him to keep his honesty to himself. Noah doesn't need to know his true feelings. it's better if he doesn't. he has his own goals, his own ambitions to follow, and Clamor shouldn't be holding him back with his selfish wants...

he has to lie, just a little. but only part of it has to be a lie.]

It sure would save us some time if I could, wouldn't it? But even if I end up a sickle again... I don't mind, as long as we can keep being partners. We'll find our own solution.

[except you can't just "make" a human (or half-elf) body, and transferring a living soul between two objects is already something that's never been tried before... not by any ethical mages, at least, and who knows if the soul would even remain fully intact from that. but those are all facts that he's just going to conveniently forget for right now, since it seems so much more believable while he's already alive and breathing. please just believe that they can do this.]

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[OPEN] If this day was your last

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