yogen | MISSION 2.B

[ There's just a moment of stunned silence... before Shuichi draws in a breath. ]

Ah... wait. I actually think it's too early to decide if I want to leave. Even if all of this was a memory, what kind of person could just... pass through it?

[ Keep your eyes open. He doesn't know if it's related, or even if that's remotely what it meant, but regardless... those are the words that cross through his mind as he chooses. And it's not only that. But after witnessing what they did as they roamed through the building... the thought of just leaving someone alone to relive it without even asking anything is... ]

I don't know why we're here... but I can't just look away, now that we are. I want to at least know more about you.

[ There's a little tilt of the head, almost as if the person meant to turn around but does not. ]

It's a memory... All of this happened in the past, and there's nothing you can do to change it. If the memory ends with you all still here, I don't know what will happen to you.

[ It's not their memory. They can't even be sure they'll get a second chance when the memory ends— when the person whose memory it is ceases to exist. ]

There's nothing you can do here... Don't waste what time you have.

[ you tell me to shove them off and then shuichi ]

...

[ They don't turn around... but they still meant to, at first. Shuichi doesn't miss that -- and although there are a million other thoughts in his head that mostly all end the same, it's perhaps this small detail he draws his decision from in the end. ]

...You're wrong. It's not a waste of time. And I can prove it based on the things you just told us.

[ His decision, which is to take a single step closer, then hold out his hand. Not to accept what he's offered, but to offer instead -- that if the person takes it, he'll help pull them back from the edge. If even just for what time they still have, because that's all he can do. ]

[ ...

That single step makes them withdraw a little, shoulder hunching and them leaning just a bit further over the ledge— and then rocking back, because for as many times as this has happened, it never gets easier, it won't ever get easier.

With their back still turned, they can't see Shuichi's hand, but they can feel the sentiment in that quiet voice. ]

...How would you prove it?

[ by shoving... ]

Sometimes... when I'm feeling hopeful, I die down there. A moment ago... that's what you told us.

[ It's not an exact reproduction, because this is Shuichi saying it and not them, and he isn't-- he can't be as calm as they sounded. Even if he'd wanted them not to, emotion and hesitation still filter their way through his words. But only through the quote -- the things he himself has to say... oddly enough, sound secure.

Just like the hand that he leaves outstretched, for as long as it takes. ]

Maybe... it's just like you said, and if this is a memory, we won't be able to change how it ends. It's not exactly like there's a precedent we can draw from...

[ The situation of being in someone's memory, in a physical sense, is unrealistic to think of in the first place. It's something that shouldn't be possible, that only happens in books or movies... or maybe manga sounds closer. How can they know what could happen? It's just that... that's not the point. ]

But... you'll remember it, won't you? [ whether they coldly just left them to die on their own after seeing all this, or ] ...I can't just leave, knowing that.

...I'll remember it.

[ All the deaths, from the hopeful ones where they're down there fighting tooth and nail for the possibility of escape, from the hopeless ones where they're standing up here, waiting for the sun to go down so they can enjoy what peace they can get before they go quietly. ]

I remember seeing others before, new faces in the flames. For better or for worse, they don't come back.

[ It's a coin flip between dying and escaping, and maybe it's both. They don't know. They don't know anything of what happens past this day. ]

I don't know what to do to ensure you live to see tomorrow.

But... that in itself is odd, don't you think? If this were really just a memory, then why would the people in it keep changing...?

[ Another step closer, more taken by reflex this time. He joins them in looking at the courtyard below, not technically empty because of the pond and the demolished building... come to think of it, is the wisteria tree still in place? As he remembers that for some reason, Shuichi can't help but check.

But only for a second, before he lowers his gaze to his hand, still outstretched. And he still doesn't take it back. It's a little... embarrassing to be holding it for so long, though. ]

Besides... it's not like that changes the fact you'll remember. You won't forget about what's happening right now... and you can say what you want, but I can't just let someone who worried about me out of kindness be alone.

[ Because there isn't any doubt about it -- whoever the hooded student might be, they're kind. Anyone could have stopped caring after being through all of this; in fact, it might be easier... they've been repeating this, right? This nightmare scene... over and over... and yet they still find it within their heart to want to save total strangers.

Maybe he can't change how it ends. But he can take their hand and not give up on them, and that can stay in their memory. ]

[ The wisteria tree remains at the center of the courtyard, but much smaller than Shuichi would remember, its branches not yet spread from wing to wing and appears to be budding rather than in its perpetual full bloom. ]

...You have no intention of joining me in death. The fact that you all made your way up here tells me that much.

[ It's a nice sentiment, not being alone in their final moments. But there is no way this comfort can be possible when the final fate for everybody here is death— and no pretty one, at that. So, if Shuichi does not mean to jump with them, then...

...

It's a slow turn around, but one without concern for the height nor wobble in their step, as if they've done so hundreds of thousands of times already, just before staring up at the sky and feeling the wind of their back. But this time, the warm brown eyes turn to stare over at Shuichi, to that hand that must be shaking by now but is still stubbornly offered, how long has he been trying to reach out? ... They take his hand, cold with the faintest of tremors, and and lowers their gripped hands for reprieve. ]

Are you sure you want to be here with me? The rest will not be easy to watch, and there is nowhere else to go.

[ Their hand feels cold, from the wind and no doubt from whatever must have been going through their mind as they waited in solitude. Shuichi's is warm, with the fading reminder of the fire they ran from inside the school still imprinted, and ash in his hair, and... the bloodstain on his shirt. He forgot about that. As he rubs the sore muscles in his arm with his other hand, he can't help but think with the tired notes of an awkward fluster, maybe it's for the better they weren't facing him from the start.

There's a pause where he finally sees their face... like he's trying to pull from his memory, but that doesn't stop him from nodding. ]

...Right. I'm sure.

[ Rika will hate it, though. Maybe already hates it and is about to kill him, who knows. But he's not letting go. Not when he knows -- perhaps not as directly, but thoughts about sleeping... forgetting... letting everything find an end on its own. ]

If I'd been by myself... I honestly doubt I'd have made it either. There was just always someone stronger beside me.

[ Even now, there still is. Shuichi looks back at the rest of his friends as he says it, the same sheepish note from his voice on his face. ]

[ Bravo, Shuichi - the face that greets him when he glances back seems to say. Akira can't help but be impressed, here he was standing back just enough not to spook the target but close enough to be the 'athletic support'... but Shuichi didn't need that in the end, did he? It's nothing but confidence, a faint yet warm smile Akira sports when he finally takes the stage to join them. Not shy to hop next to the person they've found on the ledge, choosing their opposite side to where Shuichi is - stepping up so his toes peek over the drop. ]

Something's already changed anyway, right? You asked us what we're doing here. [ He gives a glance towards them; fearlessness or recklessness... who knows what's on his face, but even faced with such a grim prediction it doesn't seem to shake him. ] It's to find the end of this - together. No matter what that end is, I'd rather go kicking and shouting until the very end - until we can change it. I still want to go together.

[ With Shuichi. Rika. Kokichi. Now them. You can't tell him they haven't joined the party now, too. And no matter what that person says, no matter how hopeless it sounds, this isn't nearly enough to make Akira give up; when he turns his eyes back to the world below them, it's clear he's still searching for answers. Anywhere they can go from here. A ledge, a maintenance ladder, another part of the rooftop; hell, is there fencing he can kick down to use as a bridge to anywhere? He's ~~stupid~~ brave enough to try just about anything.

They've got to still have options. ]

What happens after this?

[ Maybe that's where they need to start from - what they're expecting, so they can put their minds together to find a way to change that. ]

[ me looking at the calendar except friendship route happened ]

After this? Something... I've never been able to watch until the end.

[ Shuichi looks back at his friends and his friends... they can hear noise from down the hall, things crackling and crashing, people crying and moaning, the smell of burnt flesh, the smell of alcohol that continues to linger outside despite being in relatively fresh open air.

The student finally steps away from the ledge, keeping a hold on Shuichi's hand and leads him over towards the structure covering the stairs (the this thing, whatever this is called) and waving for the other three to get on top of it before the other students start pushing their way up the stairs and out the door. The sight doesn't get easier from when they saw the state of these students from the ground floor, skin charred and peeling, flesh underneath raw and bleeding, the way they fight each other to fit through that little opening of a doorway in their bid for freedom, piling on each other, grabbing each other, snapping bones and breaking noses just to get outside— and for what? A breath of fresh air, a fenceless space, bodies stepping off the edge and falling one by one by one.

All this time, the desperation to escape leaving so much death in their wake, it was only to run towards death themselves. There is no helping them. There is no saving them. There is no ledge, no ladders, no way around the clocktower separating the other half of the rooftop. Nothing but the sheer drop forty feet to the ground.

And, after the five of them left on the rooftop finish watching the scene, what option is there but to join the others?

Day in and day out, it's this sort of memory that replays. ]

[ i'd apologize for friendship route but i don't feel sorry

They climb atop the structure that houses the stairwell (which apparently is called a bulkhead in architectural terms.... the more you know, I'd never have guessed), and even if they need to pause for a while to make it, Shuichi has no intention of staying separate either. He'll take the student's hand again without protest, squeezing it softly through the rest of the nightmare scenes that unfold. It's... difficult to watch -- so he understands that answer, in a way, frustration building up in the back of his chest as he bites at his lip not to cry.

Is there really nothing they can do for these students...? This goes far beyond themselves. It isn't fair. He doubts that any of these people he has to watch as they head to the edge is responsible for what happened... for the state that they're in, for the fact that they have to die. ]

Ah... um, Goto-san...?

[ It takes him a while to remember, and when he does it's not certain. Sorry, but it's difficult to remember a name that was spoken by Clamor like... maybe once in his presence, at most. (And they were... sort of, a circumstantial witness in Izumi's murder, that helps.) i'm sorry i didn't wanna call them hooded student anymore ]

The roof catches fire eventually, right? That's the logical conclusion... but I do think Kurusu-kun has a point. If we have any time before then... there might still be something we can do.

[ i'm sorry ori i'm trying to cheat the system (again) ]

[ There's some surprise when Shuichi speaks their name, but more in the sense of "Oh, I didn't think you'd remember" than suspicion on why he would. ]

Yeah, the roof catches on fire, and everyone— everything inside burns except for the frame and the outer walls. It comes up here and... I jump. Because I'd rather die on my own volition than be backed into a corner and burned alive.

[ They've never seen the end. Even this much, seeing former classmates fling themselves into the abyss, is further than they'd like to see. The prospect of being all alone, the prospect of having no other choice.

The flames burning on the fourth floor after they passed through it, sealing off any chance of turning back. ]

[ Yeah... it's probably faster that way. Before Shuichi can stifle that thought, for a second, it's there -- that he can't blame them. ]

The frame and the outer walls...

[ Outer walls... ]

Then... is there something that keeps the fire contained?

[ Maybe the same thing that kept them in? But people can jump from the rooftop... right? So it has to be on the lower floors. ]

I don't know. You'd have to ask an architect.

[ Construction worker? The counselor. Either way, they have no idea why the school itself remains standing even after its lower floors are reduced to nothing but a husk, and also no idea what good knowing would do. ]

What are you thinking?

[ yeah hope the counselor's proud of us we learned what a bulkhead is in construction today ]

The windowsill... on the fourth floor. I don't think anyone could do that alone, but if the five of us work together... we might.

[ There was a window, right? Only one... but there was, he just tried it before they went up the stairs and through the door. Shuichi's voice feels shaky as he speaks, but he doesn't stop. After all... even if they don't try, it's not like the end would be different. The most that they'd risk is the same thing they're risking now. ]

We can't hold out for too long standing there, but if this really is just a memory... we don't have to. There's a time limit, right?

[ The point past which Hikaru died -- not in any of the repeats, but that first time, in life. They wouldn't remember past that, so wouldn't the memory end on its own? ]

There's a window, but the fire...

[ The reason for the time limit is that growing fire they can see glowing behind the door back to the school, and it's the reason why this is as far as they've gone and never turned back.

Is breaking through the window and falling thirty-five feet instead of forty from the rooftop any better? ... ]

Ah... it's alright. I'm talking about the window, but... we aren't going back inside.

[ Yeah, he's suggesting they lower themselves with each other's help from the roof to the window on the outside, just a little insane, this is fine. They only need to hold out and survive like a second longer than Hikaru's memory, right? ]

The fire stays contained in the building... I believe in your observations, Goto-san.

[ In the fact that just maybe... there's something they've earned at the end of repeating their suffering all this time. ]

[ "Just a little"? Hikaru gives Shuichi a look like he's completely insane, but...

Hikaru is the one with nothing to lose, no reason to say no, so if everybody is in agreement then that's that. They'll believe in Shuichi too. ]

Okay.

[ Alright. The windowsill doesn't stick out too much to get a good foothold, but there's it's wide enough for five people to pack close together and hang on. Hikaru lowers themselves first, gaze falling on the two gorinto on the other side of the glass, a sad smile on their face as they scooch over to the leftmost edge, watching the fire ravage the school and its students that they, despite everything, loved.

Seconds pass. Minutes drag on. Sweat on their fingertips make hanging on difficult, let alone the trembling muscles in their arms. The memory isn't ending, because the ending has always been set in stone. ]

...I'm going to let go.

[ The least Hikaru can do is give prior warning. ]

Don't worry, this isn't me giving up. This is a memory... one that I locked away because it was too much to bear alone. But I'm not alone, am I? None of us are. I think I'll be able to handle it now, so... Thank you for being with me and seeing this through to the end.

[ With that, they push off the side of the building, letting go in order to cup their hands on either side of their mouth and shout out with everything they have so that the wind whipping past them doesn't swallow up their voice: ]

IF WE MEET SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE, COME BE MY FRIEND, OKAY!?

[ They're swallowed up by the darkness below, and up above... it's light. It's the window shattering with a burst of flame and piercing glass, so hot it feels cold, the shock of a cold shower on a hot summer's day, the startling wide awake from a nap you hadn't meant to take. ]

MISSION 2.B

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cw suicide

i said i'd stop tagging this and i'm a liar

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cw burn descriptions, suicide

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1/ cw suicide

2/2 cw suicide