[It's just all plugging into something he's been thinking about in general, sitting on for a while. He didn't even sacrifice himself, when it came to that; he had an exit strategy the whole time, even if it didn't work out. He's glad Kanna's out there and alive but... he never truly had to make the choice between his life and hers, and the idea of what he might have done had he been in a position where he had to haunts him, because he doesn't know. He doesn't know but... the mission, and what he did during it... it makes him suspect. It feels like a confirmation. Something is rolling, picking up speed. He was going somewhere with this but now it doesn’t have brakes and is heading into full incoherency. ]

Ahaha… Ahahahaha…. W-what makes you and me that different… if we both know how it feels to be powerless! Do you think it’ll just magically work out? Would you have lost more than an arm if we’d been slower, or would you have broken too, I wonder? Regretted it when it was too late to do anything about it, cursed us while getting ripped apart? Are you that stupid, just utterly idiotic, worthless, just willing to die for people you shouldn't, just like-?

[These thoughts make him sick but they keep spilling out of his mouth, impossible to stop, loud, way too loud, like something in him has snapped under mutually exclusive forces, subsided downward under its weight and thick dark water is rushing out, impossible to dam or push back, almost visible rising on the floor He breathes in hard, pressing his hands and scarf over his mouth in horror, smothering the laughter into a sort of ratcheting.]