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AL HAITHAM ([personal profile] commences) wrote in [community profile] yogen 2021-09-29 08:58 pm (UTC)

( he loves hope, all that he has left — people aren't even part of the world to him, giving them their own personalities? isn't needed. all he cares about is the hope that radiates from their person, the aura that comes off in waves that catches komaeda's attention — the passion, the overwhelming essence of justice, the stuff that derives form fantasies is real when he finds someone who harbors hope. the ordinary, the weak, and the boring have none that can be seen, but they can make it with their efforts — the underdog has always been supported, those who want a spokesperson for their team, to go out in the world to be their light. it'll motivate the people who stand behind that one person, and it'll spread through the masses.

as long as hope exists, then it's a world that komaeda's willing to to exist in until hope swallows him, and grinds down his talent — crush the body, crush the bones, take his spirit, and allow it to be fertilizer for the plants that are still growing, feed their roots so that they grow stronger. feeding off others is fine, using him just for that one thing is even better because if he dies in that way, it doesn't feel so hopeless. he's swept up as always, his legs bending as he can feel a tug on his person, his heart caught in his throat as he falls down — legs straddling the other's own, his organic hand presses against subaru's chest to keep him from crashing face to face into him. there's still space between them as the ultimate stares down at the ultimate, blinks slow like he's trying to adjust to the change. )


That's useless, the mind forgets, ( but they say the heart remembers, and komaeda won't use that quote at all to express his feelings. yet, when they say what is the heart's memory but love itself, it does seem to stem from there — the way komaeda's hand shifts along the idol's chest, his hand settling over subaru's heart trying to gauge how fast it's probably beating. he's drugged, and komaeda knows he should be mindful if the other will pass out or not in this condition, he won't die, komaeda didn't give him that much to.

his passion towards hope, his love for it, how he's able to continue loving despite not remembering faces or names. there's no need for memories, or to remember anything, as long as they move towards hope, as long as their eyes remain open to see the path before them. )
but the body moves forward: take what they've gone through, and apply it to your daily life so that you can become stronger from what they couldn't do. You devour their hope, use it as energy to strengthen your own... strong hope tramples weak hope as always...

( there's something positive and genuine in the way that subaru speaks about keeping these people in their memories, but they're nothing more than figures that'll be thrown away. once their use comes to an end, the stepping stones that'll long become forgotten in the backdrop. though for now, their hope can elevate one anothers. ) It's not right for the weak to latch, allowing themselves to be carried freely by your hope... the way they'll cling to your body like leeches, draining you for your worth —

( it's despicable, and his lips purse into a straight line as he thinks of how despairing it is. )

They'll remain the same, and gain everything around them for free... that's why they need that push... after everything you've done, they'll remain worthless in the end, that's why... using what's around you can be towards your advantage, this tree, this speech...

( but he recalls how natsume himself said something along the lines that he wouldn't stand by the side lines, but he wouldn't let people use him either. such a hopeful and brave statement to avoid becoming a stepping stone himself, and it's that's reason he sees good things coming from his hope — slightly impressionable, but they'll see, he thinks. for these people being talentless beings that inhabit the world, and that what makes komaeda keep coming back to some people. ) Whatever happens now and then, whatever bad comes before you all... like a hurdle, it can be overcome, you can use your hope to move further than others. They'll see you, they'll become blinded, and like moths to a flame, they'll do what they can to catch up with you by their own hope... I love... hope, Akehoshi-kun, I only want the best for them even if they don't know it, even if they're afraid... I'll do anything to remove that concept such as fear, because if this world becomes the norm... they'll be prepared for anything... just like us.

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