yogen | i don't want to survive, i want to live

Entry tags:

i don't want to survive, i want to live

Who: Yes
What: Movie Night + Slumber Party
When: 9/11, Saturday Evening
Where: Dorm Common Room
Warnings: A ridiculous amount of Fluff, probably

( it starts out small. a need for comfort food, and a need for something heartfelt but silly and fun, something genuine and kind. ... and, well, she did find a weird. bootleg vhs set of her favorite movie series, hamster space wars. but the dorm is only barely furnished- and it's not like they can just go out and buy a tv or anything. honestly she completely doubts there's even anything beyond the woods. but she remembers a teacher playing the thing and other stuff in the first month of all of this.

it's so long ago...

but there's a television and a vhs player in the school. and nene... nene's tired and sad and is currently out of fucks to give, so at some point in the day, after everyone else has left, nene has returned to the school and, uh. "borrowed" both things. it's fine. they just have to get it back in by sunday evening. don't worry about it. like, it's definitely heavy but she's a tough cookie who tills soil and everything, and also sara and noah both witnessed everything and are accomplices by default, so they had to help carry things too.

(they were completely happy to help on both accounts, she asked very nicely.)

so the "borrowed" television is set up across from one of the larger couches, and the vhs on top of it. she had cookies in the oven, donuts and hot chocolate made and popcorn popped. the common room paintings are covered with sheets of cloth. all that was left was something cozy- but at this point, nene's made so many little cushions and blankets and even cozy pjs that that's super easy. all that was left was letting anyone who wanted to come know too. so at some point in the halls, nene walks down calling out: )

Cartoons in the common room! Bring blankets and stuff!

( and, so everyone knows what their characters are getting into: hamster space wars is a movie series about different factions of hamsters that have been trying for cross planetary peace for ages now, with a villainous faction having sabotaged the final negotiations so they can control the war from the shadows to make the most money and also get the most seeds (Very Decadent). the first movie follows the main hamster and his little group trying to escape the villains after having witnessed the sabotage, and are trying to avoid assassination and end the war for good. the sequels follow allied factions, with hamster galactic wars being the Thrilling Conclusion.

it's heartfelt. it's silly. it's very cute. nene loves it. )

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[easy enough to adjust her walking so that they can walk together. their steps plus her taps give her more than enough sound to navigate by.]

I might end up doing that, or writing. It depends on the movie and how fun it is to listen to...unfortunately, you can't read over my shoulder unless you know Braille. Yet, there might be interesting conversations happening with others, movie or no movie...

[she can multitask, read and talk at the same time, but others couldn't.]

But I haven't committed to anything yet. Oh, and something smells delicious, though I'm not sure what it is. Hopefully whoever made it wants to share with us.

[ They're imagining it's going to be squeaky hamster voices from what they've heard the movie's going to be about and thinks they'd probably be tuning it out. ]

There's a bunch of desserts, and cocoa. Do you want one? I can get you some! And in exchange...

[ ... ]

Maybe you can teach me Braile.

Edited 2021-09-12 05:29 (UTC)

[pausing in her steps, she turns her head towards them - more for their sake than hers.]

Only if you don't think of it like a transaction, and share the food with me. I'll teach you just because you want to know.

[the chuckle that comes up from her throat is warm, but certainly not directed at them. no one else can hear this conversation, after all.]

Friendship doesn't have to have exchanges like that. Things happen just because you are yourself.

[ They turn their head towards her... looks down to the ground. ]

If I don't make it an exchange, I'm just going to take and take and take...

[ They're pushy and selfish, they know this. Not enough to get them to stop or anything, but at least they can acknowledge this.

... ]

What do you want to eat? I want something salty and crunchy.

Something sweet...whatever smells of cinnamon right now. But, my friend...

[since they still haven't given her a name, that's what she'll have to call them.]

It's okay if you take. To live, we must all do that to a degree - even the most generous people. We all have what we need and what we want. And at least with me...I don't mind if you'd like to be a little selfish.

[she's known people far greedier. she's been accused of it herself.]

[ npc-kun, charging hundreds of thousands of yen for rocks... Maybe they feel just a little bit bad, because money isn't something they need, it's not something they particularly want... they don't need it to live... it's just...

...

The grip on her hand tightens just a little before letting go, because Helena says they can take what they want. ]

Then... I want to learn. Please teach me! Find a good place to sit and I'll be right back!

[that's more the spirit she wanted to hear, and another smile cracks its way across her face.]

Okay! I'll be right there - I'll get my slate!

[she has to turn and duck into her room, but fortunately it's not far, and she can just grab the bag she uses for school since it has her portable tools in it. actually, npc-kun can probably hear her in a hurry, the rapid tapping as she grabs it from the room and then hurries off after to join the blanket party and to find a place to settle down with cushions and at least one blanket.

the movie will be easy to tune out, focused on something else, and she busies herself with starting to set things up. the alphabet's always the place to start - the building blocks of language.]

[ It's a little weird being in the kitchen on their own, with plates of food out and them just... being allowed to take something, and nobody's going to yell at them or make it feel as if they're doing something wrong, even if it does still feel that way.

Cinnamon... cinnamon... They find the snickerdoodles they think Helena had likely picked up on, and sets three of them on a paper plate— takes one more for themselves and chews thoughtfully on it while they survey the drink options. The cookie tastes like nostalgia. He had liked cinnamon a lot too. ... They end up microwaving a mug of milk instead of cocoa, to stir cinnamon and brown sugar into once it's warm. There are some fresh apples and peaches on the counter that are tempting, but there's not enough time, and they don't want anybody catching them using the oven— so it's the cookies and an apple cinnamon donut for Helena, and plain unbuttered popcorn for themselves on a single paper plate, and the one mug of cinnamon sugar milk carried in the other hand because one plate and one cup is as much as they can feasibly carry, they'll just have to share.

Careful footsteps return to the common room, of somebody very very carefully trying not to bump into anybody and spill what they're carrying, but the caution is thrown to the winds when npc-kun sees Helena and walks a little faster over to her, something of urgency in their steps. ]

[the space next to her has a pillow, and at least half the blanket she had kept from the singularity of comfort happening somewhere over there. it's a cozy space, where no one will trip over there or bother them without approaching for a reason. here, they'll be in the heart of it all, but not overwhelmed. a perfect place to learn without stress, and she's already resolved that this paper will be theirs.

she's finished with the alphabet by the time they return, making sure to space it out and make each one distinct. numbers are where she's at now, zero to nine, and when she hears them approaching she lifts her head with a smile, patting the space next to her. her free hand continues to finish up the numbers, and when Helena's done, she slides the paper out and flips it over. there. reading will be easier to teach than writing - most people don't think of needing to go backwards and in reverse - and this will be an ongoing project.

but she likes the idea. it'll be yet another reason to see them, and perhaps it'll be fun for them in the end.]

What did you end up finding? I'm sure it must have been difficult to choose.

[ The plate and mug get set down on the ground first, away from any fabric, before npc-kun draws back and flops down in that space next to her. Whew! didn't spill ]

Cookies and a donut and hot milk! There's popcorn too, if you need salt to balance the sweet. ...What's this you're working on? A lesson plan?

It's a chart, for you. Each of these - [she taps by one of the cells] - represents a letter, and the ones down here represent numbers. If I had a pen, I'd ask you to write the corresponding one down next to it, but I forgot to get one from the room...

[shrugging, she moves the slate and stylus to the side.]

Still, it'll serve its purpose, the way I spaced everything out.

[ They lean against her shoulder, staring down at the cells, eyes scanning the patterns, trying to draw connections between them so they can remember...

It's a still, quiet concentration next to her, of somebody who is used to having a book in front of them and having to figure things out on their own, no teacher to help them through it.

... ]

[she's methodical with explaining the symbols to them, and if they'll allow, picking up their hand to brush over them individually. each cell with its dots, one through six, and the combination forms a symbol as sure as ink does on paper.]

If you want, close your eyes - you can focus on the feeling better that way.

[and she'll let their hand go, to wander where they would. memorizing isn't required right now - it's about getting used to something by touch.]

[ There's a little flinch of surprise when she touches their hand— not enough for them to pull away, but enough to show they were so focused they didn't even see her hand approach. One to six, raised or not... ]

64 doesn't seem like it'll be enough...

[ But maybe that's just as well, because then it doesn't seem like so much to learn, eyes sliding closed and fingers tracing slow inch by inch across the page. It feels like it would take hours to read a single sentence, unless they can get that mental map down perfectly.

... ]

How did you make this? I was thinking cardstock and the blunt side of a needle.

Oh, with these.

[pulling her slate and stylus back into her lap, she takes the paper and flips it over again, tucking it into place.]

This keeps the paper where I want it to be, and this makes the dots, like so.

[at the bottom of the page, where there's still blank space, she fills in a few cells - right to left, quick and precise. taking it back out, there's a new line of dots when she turns it, tucked away from the chart.

]

And that's how I write my name.

[ Ohh, they've never seen something like this before— thinks about where they could get one but it's not something you could go to the stationary aisle to buy... It's like looking at a foreign language, seeing overall shapes but not meaning. If they imagine turning the pattern of dots around, they can see a mountain, a forested one like back home, and something that might pass for a cabin, with a chimney there and that dot could be a door.

... ]

Do mine next! What does mine look like? It's spelled K-E-I—- [ waits for her to type ] —G-O!

[Keigo. she'll remember that, and not abuse it. it was a precious thing placed in her hand, delicate as a bird and needing to be held as carefully - but also as warm, and she wanted to hold it to her heart to keep it secure.

obligingly, she turns the paper and swiftly punches out the corresponding dots, then letting them feel the raised bumps of their own name.

]

This is yours.

[ Ooh, theirs feels a lot easier to remember— lots of symmetry, and only two to four dots to keep track of, and they can almost spell that other name if they can remember how M feels.

... ]

I was just thinking, your name feels like home. Mine feels like... a pencil? An arrow?

[ the pointy bit at the end... Either way, their name feels like dad. ]

An arrow, huh...

[she brushes her fingers over their name, and then hers.]

I can get that one well enough, but what do you mean, mine feels like home?

Well, it's upside down, like a reflection, but...

[ Slow, they reach over for her hand, a little poke at the back of her hand to let her know theirs is there, before moving it over to her name, so her fingers can trace out what they're feeling. ]

See? This is like a mountain, and this could be a house... sort of like where I grew up.

[ It's maybe a stretch. But you know how you tend to notice things that are on your mind. ]

Hmm...I can feel it, now that you mention it.

[she laughs a little, but not at them - at the idea of assigning names to shapes, places. it'd be easier to remember like that for sure.]

Did you grow up on a mountain? I've only read about that kind of life.

[one with hard work, but closer to nature...it might be nice to visit mountains one day.]

Not way up high in one, but I grew up surrounded by lots of trees, sort of in a valley between mountains. There were lots of cliffs everywhere, but I was no good at climbing...

[ They pass their fingers over Helena's name, and decides they shouldn't think about home anymore. ]

Where'd you grow up? A city?

[...strange. very strange. perhaps she's thinking too much of it.]

No - the country. Not in mountains, but in fields, farmland. There were trees, but nothing like a forest should be...

[still, as even as she makes her words, there's a pang that twists her heart. it's been a long time since she's thought about her home, where she had promised to come back, that she'd be fine.]

The first time I went to a city, I was struck by how loud everything and everyone was.

[ Oh... that sounds nice, living somewhere with lots of green but it's also wide and flat and you can clearly see when you're about to walk off a cliff or coming face to face with a bear. ]

Right? All the trains, and busses, and... [ ...whatever cities have. lots and lots of buildings, but those don't make a sound ]

Must've been scary. Did you go by yourself?

No, I had my tutor with me. She was almost more a companion than a teacher, but I could never forget how much she taught me...

[that woman's a complicated subject, Helena knows, and closes her eyes. on the outside, it looks like she simply got tired of having her eyes open, but she knows it will allow her to control her expression more.]

No one would have let me go alone, anyway. They considered it too dangerous. That I would somehow come to harm.

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