i don't want to survive, i want to live

[mermaidcursed]

Who: Yes
What: Movie Night + Slumber Party 
When: 9/11, Saturday Evening
Where: Dorm Common Room 
Warnings: A ridiculous amount of Fluff, probably

( it starts out small. a need for comfort food, and a need for something heartfelt but silly and fun, something genuine and kind. ... and, well, she did find a weird. bootleg vhs set of her favorite movie series, hamster space wars. but the dorm is only barely furnished- and it's not like they can just go out and buy a tv or anything. honestly she completely doubts there's even anything beyond the woods. but she remembers a teacher playing the thing and other stuff in the first month of all of this. 

it's so long ago...

but there's a television and a vhs player in the school. and nene... nene's tired and sad and is currently out of fucks to give, so at some point in the day, after everyone else has left, nene has returned to the school and, uh. "borrowed" both things. it's fine. they just have to get it back in by sunday evening. don't worry about it. like, it's definitely heavy but she's a tough cookie who tills soil and everything, and also sara and noah both witnessed everything and are accomplices by default, so they had to help carry things too. 

(they were completely happy to help on both accounts, she asked very nicely.) 

so the "borrowed" television is set up across from one of the larger couches, and the vhs on top of it. she had cookies in the oven, donuts and hot chocolate made and popcorn popped. the common room paintings are covered with sheets of cloth. all that was left was something cozy- but at this point, nene's made so many little cushions and blankets and even cozy pjs that that's super easy. all that was left was letting anyone who wanted to come know too. so at some point in the halls, nene walks down calling out: )

Cartoons in the common room! Bring blankets and stuff! 

( and, so everyone knows what their characters are getting into: hamster space wars is a movie series about different factions of hamsters that have been trying for cross planetary peace for ages now, with a villainous faction having sabotaged the final negotiations so they can control the war from the shadows to make the most money and also get the most seeds (Very Decadent). the first movie follows the main hamster and his little group trying to escape the villains after having witnessed the sabotage, and are trying to avoid assassination and end the war for good. the sequels follow allied factions, with hamster galactic wars being the Thrilling Conclusion. 

it's heartfelt. it's silly. it's very cute. nene loves it. )

Comments

[decrypter]

You could say no.

[she can hear the tiredness in his voice, and once she has the blanket and pillows, she tries to pat it all back into place.]

If you're not getting enough rest again, I'm going to start worrying, you know?

[notsosou]

[He hums noncommittally as she reconstructs the pile. He's picked that up from Komaeda which means he hates the fact it's now permanently stuck on his personality like a burr but it is useful. He could say no but he didn't... in his experience a lot of the time people don't listen to it either.]

Ahaha... Shouldn't I be the one worrying about that? It's just some all-nighters... I'll be fine.

[When he can't sleep he might as well explore the school... or try to secretly do homework out of sight of Sara. But also there's just... a deepening of bone-deep exhaustion. On balance he's actually been sleeping more but it's increasingly broken and scattered. Which is a problem now that it's not summer break anymore.]

[decrypter]

You say that, and yet I know how much you're sleeping during class.

[don't hide it from her.]

How many is some all nighters?

[notsosou]

[Curse your concerned and inescapable perspicaciousness!]

Ah... well... a few... in a row...

[Help him he can feel the disapproval. There's no escaping this one is there. How did things end up like this...]

There's really nothing to concern yourself with, Miss Helena.

[His last desperate attempt at weaselling out. You've got him pinned.]

[decrypter]

That's really not healthy, Mr. Hiyori.

[there's disapproval, but what might sting worse is true and honest concern.]

If you have problems going to sleep, there are a few things I can recommend you...

[notsosou]

Yeah...

[He can't refute that... it really isn't, and he knows it. He's just been feeling worse and worse lately and the two are almost certainly connected (as is the void food thing but he's still as yet unaware of that).]

Ahaha... I'll go to the nurse, if you're this worried... [He's been putting it off, partly for trust reasons and also for inertia, but while getting concern like this feels uncomfortable he does genuinely want to reassure her. He sits up in the pile a little.] Oh? Didn't take you for a pharmacist, Miss Helena...

[But he's cautiously interested in what she has in mind. He'll hear a 'short pitch', as the game puts it because... this really is a problem.]

[decrypter]

I'm not, not at all...but I can say there are a few things that help me wind down at the end of the day, so I can sleep before it becomes far too late to get rest. They might help you, if you tell me what you think your biggest obstacle is.

1/2

[notsosou]

[Barely.]

[Like a flash of desert lightning. Like a still frame of a high speed explosion, trapped in amber. An enclosed calorimeter.]

2/2

[notsosou]

That's a kinda a relief. [In both senses, really. He's aware that he has what they might call an 'addictive personality' given the gacha, and Helena's still a kid by his metric. Guess it was on his mind what with the conversation with Sara.]

....

Ahaha well... you know how it is. W-we all get nightmares sometimes, right?

[Nightmares bad enough it's hard to go to sleep knowing you'll have them, even when you can. Nightmares bad enough they'll wake you up, disoriented and afraid, unsure where you are or who you are or how safe you are, unable to return to sleep because even if you wanted to every cell in your body is on high alert. A sharp shake of the head to a glance from the lower bunk... where there's the sounds of nightmares occasionally as well, loud enough to wake sometimes.

Whenever he finally crashes, he doesn't dream. He's too tired to, at that point, stuck in empty doze. And when it comes to class... something in his mind seems to have stuck, some kind of lever jammed, because he's not fully aware of it but after their first meeting something about Helena being there subconsciously registers as safe, someone keeping watch who can't be snuck up on and... won't hurt him? Is that really what some part of him thinks? It was like that in the game too. He could only rest when Kanna or Alice were near...]

[decrypter]

And how do you handle them, when they come? Do you just try to ignore them?

[lowering herself to settle by him for a minute, she frowns, thinking over this predicament.]

You can't just shut them away and hope they'll vanish, you know.

[notsosou]

Not much to be done after the fact...

[When he's in them it's not like he's aware he's in them, and once he's woken up, well... he's not in them, lingering shadows aside. Neither is really... ignoring them? They're there and they happen... he didn't have much hope of them stopping, either. He's just... enduring, because it's better than being dead but... it's not sustainable, is it?

He's trying to press it down. The reflexive suspicion, the feeling she has intent, she wants something, going this direction in the conversation, being this concerned with no indicator, reaching into his head and thoughts. He's trying not to snap... he already did that on Sidney, already scared Helena once... he doesn't want to do that. No, shut up, he doesn't.]

What's your sage advice, Miss Helena?

[decrypter]

Write it out.

[it's very simple. her hands fold on her lap, and she nods once.]

Write out what happened, what you remember. Make it less powerful by the telling. Write in whatever code you wish, if you're afraid someone will read it. Destroy it afterwards if you want - burn it, erase it, whatever you like. But put it into words, and name it, and you will know what's been haunting you. Then you can face it for what it really is.

[notsosou]

[He blinks, a glance towards her, as there's the sense of a receding wave. He expected her to ask- well, not sure what but. There's a rustle as he finally has the presence of mind to shift over a little for her.]

A diary, huh... [That feels like it's trying to twig something, like it's hitting something in his brain and getting briefly tangled before bouncing off. Frustatingly so; he gets the sense it was important but... if it's not coming, it's not coming, he's learnt that.

He's skeptical but... naming something does have power, doesn't it? He deliberately won't ask her if she does it herself. He'll leave the suggestion of that where it stands.]

Well, it can't hurt, I suppose...

[He still has that blank notebook, the indented pages taken out and carefully saved elsewhere. Destroying it after... why does he feel surprised and relieved by the suggestion? Like it's incongruous with the rest? He really can just burn his nightmares, watch them disappear in the lighter's blue flame.]

...thanks, Miss Helena.

[...]

By the way... you might want one of these. You know, if you're going to be sitting and watching the movie. A blanket's just not gonna cut it...

[This is his professional movie-watching opinion, as someone who hates cold floors. He gently nudges one of the cushions against her knee as he half-rambles.]

[decrypter]

Oh, I haven't been watching the movie at all.

[she says it in a light, easy tone - if she's making a joke or being honest, who can say? but she moves to sit on it, pulling the blanket around her shoulders. her special charge has drifted off to cling onto Amami, and so she's at liberty to do what she likes.]

And you know, you can simply call me Helena, if you wish. Everyone else seems to not place much stock in titles, after all...

[notsosou]

[He just kind of freezes up because oh, right. He can't believe he forgot... He can't pretend he meant the dialogue either - she's too sharp for that. He's going to grab at the offered subject change like a lifeline.]

S-sorry... Ahaha, well, it's only polite, isn't it? [For some reason the -san becomes 'Miss' on some people and invisible on others but he sticks it onto near everyone by habit.] You call me 'Mr. Hiyori' and all so it's only fair... but... that means you can call me Sou. I-if you'd like, Helena.

[decrypter]

Is that what you want, though?

[there's a difference, a distinct one.]

What makes you most comfortable?

[notsosou]

.....

[He's... coming off that pathetic, huh.]

Tend not to offer things I'm not fine with losing, Helena.

[It's a weird mix of... unusually honest, sort of a lie, and as blunt an edge of sharpness as he can make it. It's something he had to learn. His own comfort... he's used to picking between different shades of discomfort, so what does it even look like?]

I don't really have a preference, ahaha... one or the other is fine. [They're both from the same name after all, even if 'Mr. Hiyori' makes him sound like a schoolteacher. Except...] Well... don't just shorten it to 'Hiyori'. That'd be weird.

[Kind of a flimsy cover for the fact that's what he called the man, way back when. Someone he knows like this calling him just that... maybe that part of the name is too powerful and dangerous for use in that way.]

[decrypter]

As you wish, Sou.

[she smiles, bright and easy, testing out the new name. losing formality was always hard - even with the few instances where it was born out of sheer panic instead of thought - but it being mutual now was somehow better. simpler. it'll be easy, now that it's an agreement.]