[ It's a hug that's a desperate hold than it is a hug, one that's maybe a little painful, one that npckun doesn't loosen their grip on after a moment. ]

Aniki said that too. That he loves me, and that he'll never leave me.

[ And then he went ahead and died. It was an accident, dad said, it was nobody's fault. But they know better. ]

He was always taking care of me, and I wouldn't leave him alone, and he didn't have any time to play or do the things he liked. Sometimes he'd go on a walk, and tell me he'd be right back, and one day he— he didn't come back, he got sick of being responsible for me and feeling like he always had to be there for me and not getting to live his own life because I couldn't— I couldn't take care of myself or do anything without being watched and I would cry when he wasn't there and I— and he left— because I was selfish and needed him and didn't want— I don't want you to feel that obligation—-

[ The pressure. The shackles that being an older brother is, even while they're doing everything they can to grow up and be self-sufficient so they wouldn't be such a burden, but it's so hard to build yourself up when one little thing happens and you crumble like sand. ]