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wake up

You open your eyes. And then immediately squeeze them shut as a cloud of chalk dust gets clapped in your face, the student next to you looking surprised— but the sort of surprised as if they're faking it, barely suppressing a laugh. "What're you dozing off for, transfer student?" they ask, going back to wiping clean the chalkboard you two are standing in front of. "The sooner we get everything cleaned up, the sooner we can go home!" Another classmate tosses a wet rag at the side of your face, laughing as if a joke— if it weren't strangely warm to the touch, with dark red stains smelling strongly of iron.

All characters open their eyes and wake up in one of the classrooms around school. Whatever they remember last, it's lost in a thick, sleepy fog, the drowsiness still wearing off and making it difficult to reconcile the fact that they've never seen this classroom or these people in their lives, but somehow, it feels like they've been here forever. The other students all act familiar towards you, calling you by name and encouraging you to help clean the classrooms as part of observing the Vernal Equinox. Buckets of soapy water are set on the desks around the classrooms, light pink suds spilling over the sides, and both students and faculty can be seen hard of work scrubbing dark, stubborn stains out of the walls and floors. "It must be absolutely spotless," they murmur under their breaths. "All evidence must be erased."

You don't have to stay and clean. You could throw the rag back into a bucket and flip these strangers the bird and exit the classroom. But those who don't help clean even a little will find that they leave sticky red footprints wherever they walk, creating more work for everybody else and becoming very easy to track down and """accidentally""" knock over the backside of the head with a mop handle. Besides, it's not like you can walk out of the school and get back to whatever you were doing before. Your feet may bring you to the front door on autopilot, but the doors do not open for you, and neither do any of the windows no matter how hard you try to pry them open or kick them in.

Careful, though. On some windowsills, particularly on the third and fourth floors, rests a stack of five flat stones one on top of another: a gorinto to those who recognize such a thing, a pile of rocks to those who do not. The stones are all damp with water, topped with a scattering of wisteria flowers, and flanked by cheap packaged snacks. Whether on accident or on purpose, the moment you touch any of it—-

wake up

You open your eyes. The last thing you remember is touching a wet stone or trying to swipe the rice cracker beside it, and in the next moment, you're somewhere else inside the school. Characters who touch the gorinto or its offerings will find themselves pulled into a memory of high school life, one that feels like theirs, although they recognize that that's impossible. There's the feeling of being classmates with the other characters- perhaps two characters are seat partners, or best friends, or rivals, or club members- but despite the familiarity, do not know each other's names or recall ever seeing their faces before. Essentially, live your pre-established cr high school au dreams.

The memories fade in and out of different scenarios, but they all start off the same: You open your eyes.

(tw: implied suicide)

You're standing in front of a window, cold fingers wrapped around your wrist and pulling it away from the pile of stones. Perhaps another character has come to your rescue, or else one student in particular who shakes his head, whispers "don't," and walks away.

wake up

You open your eyes and wipe a bit of drool off the corner of your mouth. There's really no shame, when half the students sitting around you in the auditorium are half asleep as well. As if coming out of a dream, the characters don't remember getting here, just that they are now- sitting in uncomfortably hard plastic chairs in the back rows in the auditorium, the school principal's flat, droning voice reverberating oddly off the walls of the large room. No matter how hard you try, you cannot get up out of your seat.

"...and now, let us congratulate the graduating class," the principal says, stepping back from the podium. A single student rises to her feet and meets the principal at the center of the stage, her long dark hair falling across her face as she bows and receives her diploma. "Congratulations, graduate. May your life be full and prosperous. Please, if you would say a few words..."

The girl straightens and pushes her hair out of her face with one hand— she has no other hand, the entire sleeve of her right rolled all the way up to the shoulder and pinned flat. She forgoes the podium and the microphone, but somehow, her voice rings out clearly and reaches all the way to the back of the room: "Keep your eyes open."

With that parting message, she steps off the stage, disappearing into the mass of students who stand and fill the room with applause, drawing the graduation ceremony to a close. Characters find that they can now get up and move, which is a good thing because the other students are all pushing and shoving to get out of the auditorium and out the front doors, phasing right through the closed doors. Like a sieve, the school empties out, leaving behind the dregs.

wake up

Your eyes are open and the school is quiet. None of the students or faculty remain in the school, and all the staff— the principal, faculty, nurse, and counselor's— offices are locked. A skinny black cat flicks its tail from where it sits on top one of the lockers, where characters can find a copy of the school calendar showing the next two weeks to be spring vacation, with the school being closed for the holiday.

At least, with school vacated, it's clear from those left who's in the same boat and allows the chance for exploration away from prying eyes of the other students and staff. Introductions are probably in order, a discussion of what the fuck is going on, maybe also a plan of attack— or a plan for survival, at the very least, because there is no way out of this school. What ingredients are left in the home economics kitchen is going to have to last everybody the next two weeks. The student store is already empty. The water runs pink. The vending machines don't respond to jostling or being kicked over and brought to the ground, only the last dozen "merit points" on your PDA that you can't earn any more of, with class out of session. The snack you've been hiding in your locker should probably be saved as a last resort. The cats are starting to look tasty.

Hang in there. School will be starting again real soon.

OOC

✽ Characters experience the recurring feeling of drifting in (school life) and out (canon life) of sleep up until the graduation ceremony, after which they will have full awareness and come to their senses. Pre-established cr is possible to some extent, as a varying degree of familiarity may remain, but all characters will be strangers to one another unless they know each other in canon. All npcs will know the characters' names, but characters will not know each other's names until introduced.

✽ The second prompt occurs upon a character touching a gorinto or any of the offerings surrounding it. While touching it, characters fall into a trance and experience different scenes of high school life, with examples given in the prompt but players are free to play out any aspect of normal school life taking place at any time during the school year.

stopit

npc contact page

locations page

✽ As a reminder, all doors and windows leading outside are locked and cannot be broken. From midnight until 6AM, all sound disappears from the world. Characters are free to use their PDA as a network, but it is text (and shitty touchpad art) only and all threads are public.

✽ TDM threads may be used for bonus activity after April AC is submitted.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( komaeda's more focused on getting back into the hole he had been crawling in, but that voice.. that voice pulls him from his own thoughts and brings a hand to his chin in thought. it means something, it has a prickling sensation that's welcomed unlike everything else komaeda blocks out in his life. )

It's almost like I can hear him..

( what's that supposed to mean? well, komaeda really is blocking out whoever he's sitting on. he thinks this school is playing tricks on him, and while all he has to do is peek at who he's sitting in — he's against it. well, for however long that happened to be because with the constant touching, komaeda's quick to look towards the person with his brows knit together and a familiar disdain on his features until —

his expression quickly changes, a little shocked by the chance encounter this has brought him. )

Hinata-kun?

( wait, let him get a closer look which is komaeda straddling himself properly on the other as he leans forward, pulling at hinata's cheeks for good measure. )

Are you the real Hinata-kun?

[oh my God this bastard]

I told you to get off of me!

[This is what Hinata intends to say, but it comes out far more garbled since Komaeda is??? pulling on his face??? That just ticks him off even more, so he'll latch onto Komaeda's wrists so he can pull them back enough to talk normally.]

Of course I'm real, you absolute moron-

[It has, once again, taken a bit for his brain to catch up. He's distracted, so maybe that's a little understandable. But now he can't help but feel it.

Cold. Komaeda's left hand is so much colder than his right, and it's a strange enough detail that it distracts him from whatever else he'd been about to yell.]

...Eh? Huh? [Hinata's looking. His eyes see it, but he can't process it.] Komaeda, you... Your hand-

[It's... It's metal, isn't it? Has Hinata actually gone crazy?]

Hm..

( komaeda has his reasons for touching hinata as he did, pulling at his cheeks and looking him over as always. of course, it's kind of an odd thing to do, but he's found himself more than comfortable with hinata's company. though, by doing such a thing he's come to an observation — his eyes...

they're different.

or maybe he should say that they're the same -- which is what troubles him. it's something he makes a mental note of, and then another as he hears the other's voice again, pointing out something about him. hinata has always noticed things that don't matter, pieces of the puzzle that tend to confuse him when he doesn't have the full picture. )

Hmm...

( he doesn't stare at his own hand and instead keeps watching the other as if trying to decide on something. )

My hand.. You want to take it in marriage? I don't know, Hinata-kun! It's way too soon and we're in school.. the teachers would never allow it! ( though he's joking, he keeps a serious face as he raises his normal hand, lifting up three fingers. ) How many.

[In spite of himself, Hinata flushes scarlet.]

I- No! Nobody's getting married to anybody! [His voice is still not much more than a croak thanks to the surprise of a moment ago, but he's still audibly flustered.] As if I would even...

[He trails off, can feel the shock settling back over him again. Komaeda was fine the last time Hinata saw him, the only way that could've happened is if...

He swallows, throat feeling far too tight.]

...Three. [When prompted, he answers without making a fuss for once. After all, maybe Komaeda's right to be checking him; he feels like his thoughts are all spinning out of control.] What happened to you?

( there's a soft chuckle that leaves from komaeda as he watches hinata's face go from one color to another. messing with him has always been this underlying joy of his, but that's because he's unable to properly interact with the people around him. that, and hinata makes it far too easy. )

It's fine, Hinata-kun. I'm starting to understand your delimma. ( it comes out slow, looking the other over as he mulls over the answer that he was given. three. it's actually the correct choice, but this is komaeda that hinata is dealing with, and he's never made things for him less than difficult. )

Do you always get amnesia when we're trapped because of school things? First you don't remember our marriage, and now you're asking me things like what happened to me.

( though, he should ask what happened to him. komaeda's only making their conversation more arduous as he takes back his metal arm, and then promptly taps an iron finger against hinata's nose. despite their circumstances, he keeps an easygoing smile. )

What happened to you?

[Well, at least one of them understands.

Buuuuuuut all the color that had left his face makes a swift reappearance. Did he really just tap him on the nose. Why is Komaeda Nagito like this.]

W-we're not married! Stop saying that! Even if I had amnesia, there's no way I'd forget... Ah. [He stops in his trail of thought. If he forgot something as important as his talent, could he forget something as important as a husband? But there's no way I'd-] Okay, I've forgotten important things before, but there's definitely no way I would...

[He wouldn't have gotten married to Komaeda. Right?

But the doubt's in his brain now and he hates it, so Hinata is going to just. Run from it for now and focus on other things.]

I... don't know what happened, though. I was on Jabberwock, but... I don't remember leaving, or coming here. It's just empty space in between then and now, and I couldn't even remember the Killing Game at first. Not until now.

[The thought that he might have amnesia once again is, frankly, more than a little horrifying.]

( the show hinata's putting on for him is more than enough for him to feel satisfied. there's something about seeing him squirm that makes everything worth it. of course they're not married, of course he wouldn't forget something that didn't happen. )

You're so lame, you were starting to believe it, huh?

( instantly his voice changes, almost bored that the other had to make excuses to himself as to why it couldn't be true. once hinata starts rummaging through his memory, komaeda takes this as a chance to finally (finally!) get off of his body. he's dusting away the debris from his clothes first before crossing his arms in thought. )

Who knew falling on you would help, not that it matters now. ( things are different, nothing connects properly to make whatever's happening to them to make sense. truthfully, komaeda's more interested in hinata's delimma than his own, and he raises a brow while looking in the brunette's direction. )

This place in no way, shape or form is related to the island.

( as he says that, he glances back up at the hole he fell out of, and while pieces seem to dangle above them.. komaeda takes another step away just in case. )

Wait, you- You...!

[If steam could come out his ears, it would be. He can't actually kill Komaeda because more classmates dying is the antithesis of what he's been trying to do all this time, so he has to settle with shooting daggers at him with his eyes.]

...I should've known you'd pull a nasty trick like that. [And like always, Hinata fell right into his trap. He really is a bastard.] I don't know why I ever listen to anything you say, you're always like this.

[Maybe part of him knows. Because Komaeda is smart. And because before everything-]

Yeah, humiliating me and crushing me is definitely a big help, sure...

[He can finally sit up again, thank Christ. It's such a relief to finally stretch his legs and brush some of the dust off... Hinata should probably get up and away from the hole too, but he's stewing too much to even think of it at the moment.]

Not that anything you've said has been trustworthy so far, but... [His gaze gets a little bit less sharp.] How can you say that with so much certainty? We don't even know the person that's behind Monokuma.

[He... thinks. Hinata doesn't know how much Komaeda lied to him, even, so does that mean he doesn't have amnesia again?]

Ah, what's wrong, did you want it to be the truth?

( komaeda has always been like this with hinata, toying around with him like a cat would do their food. even after everything they've gone through, he's just unable to let the other live an average life. well, it's because he's not normal, not at all, but it feels like there's something different about him. from his eyes and then not being able to discern whether komaeda was lying or not — )

... Though, think about it Hinata-kun, do you think I'd hide our marriage from you? Haha, maybe it can be a topic for later, you look so stressed and disappointed.

( he clears his throat, glancing to the side wondering how the other should look. as soon as komaeda woke up from his solitary confinement, the expression hinata wore then is different from now — even so, he's still the same hinata that he's always known.

for once, komaeda tabs out of reality, thinking on a few things as he hears hinata's words in bits and pieces. there's a familiar name, "monokuma," and he remembers that creature well — especially when his last run in was full of millions and trillions of his replicas. )

You've always been uncertain, and while I'm here, I don't mind being the support who is sure of themselves. ( komaeda looks up, noticing how weak the tiles are as a crack zigzags further above hinata, and komaeda who is observant of such a display notices it with ease. )

My legs hurt from falling into you, and because of that, you should take care of me. ( rather than asking him to move because komaeda's unsure of his luck, being a simple annoyance should do the trick. )

Stop putting words in my mouth already, I never said anything like that! [Hinata can snap at Komaeda, and yet he's still not taking the easier option of just telling him no... A mystery.] You've liked messing with me since that first trial, so it's not like being married would change any of that.

[Hinata laughs then, but there's something almost... resentful in it.]

You, being support for me? [No. Not anymore.] The only thing you ever do is confuse me and distract me from the things I need to be thinking about, that's some really shoddy support.

[But Komaeda, as usual, is always able to play Hinata like a fiddle, so those words are still enough to get him up and moving with a scowl.]

If you've got the energy to harass me, you've got enough energy to help your own damn self. [He stalks past him, and for a second he feels guilt because he's an idiot, but shoves that down. It's fine.] ...The ceiling's not that high, you should be fine in a bit.

( komaeda has good intentions then, he has good intentions now — komaeda has always done what he's done for the sake of those with talents. he's obsessed with their hope, though, there's something about the hinata before him that's different from the one he saw not too long ago — but he still feels the same... ? if they weren't, then komaeda believes that the other would allow him to be by his side, but right now it sounds...

or he could be entirely insane, many of their classmates has came to the same conclusion about him. despite the male's harsh words, komaeda is hardly deterred as a hand raises to his chin in thought, and he hums. there's something odd about this, something off.. )

Are you still upset about that? It strengthened your hope, didn't it?

( so this is hinata, he has memories that far back? well, he should, when they all woke up from their sleeping chambers, no past event was forgone from them so... but why does he look younger? he speaks, feigning his disappointment. ) You can remember all that, but not our proposal.. Not cool, Hinata-kun..

( of course, he takes this as a confirmation that helping himself means to follow hinata — which he does, it's even at that moment the tiles above their head had came crashing down, shattering onto the floor. komaeda makes no comment on it, however. was that his luck, or was it hinata's luck — ah.. )

Because you're my blushing bride, you have to rely on me, do you even know where you're going?

( not like komaeda's been here longer than him, but he does like having that power, always moving people at his will. it doesn't take him a lot of energy to walk up to hinata, matching his pace as they move side by side. hm, komaeda stares forward, but out the corner of his peripherals... why is hinata so short? )

[When Hinata whirls on him, his glare at Komaeda is sharper than it's been since they started speaking.]

You tricked Hanamaru and he died. Your words almost got the rest of us killed during that trial and every one that came after. Why the hell wouldn't I still be upset with you?

[It's with those raw words hanging in the air that the ceiling crashes down, and Hinata breaks out of it just like that. He looks off to the side as he absorbs the rest of Komaeda's words, face a little pink.]

... What's with you? You really won't leave this alone. [His voice is quiet as he says it, just a hint of something plaintive in his tone.] I... kind of remember my way around here, but it's still a little-

[Pain, raw in his chest like a wound, cloying enough to choke off his words. Grief and loss still make those days hard to think about, but...

There's... something important he should be thinking about, isn't there? Something he's been ignoring up until now?]

Is that the extent of it..

( why is he committed to such trivial things — little matters that mean nothing anymore when it was all just a virtual world in the end? he knows that hinata can become fixated on certain things if he puts his entire energy on it, but komaeda wonders does he ever get tired? he wasn't like this the last time he saw him — no, it was like a simple understanding, an agreement between the two and komaeda showing how grateful he was to him. now, that wall from before has been built back up — he wouldn't say its ever been entirely taken down when komaeda has his own difficulties too, but there were a few holes in what stood in their way. he may have not been able to see him for who he was fully, but with the open cracks within their walls — he knew hinata was there.

he can't say hinata now is the same as hinata then, but he's always been the type to forget. it might be something he's cursed with, and to be someone with luck that overwhelms his own — )

Well... I don't feel any remorse. ( that little frown of his slowly disappears, and he's smiling wide now that he's finally understood the joke. he'll let you have this one hinata, even if your eyes happen to be the same color, this must be one of those jokes. ) That's pretty harsh, painting me out as a trickster.. I told you before that I'm just lucky...

( was that the correct thing to say? nope, and he knows that. he doesn't take this seriously at all when he knows the chef is just fine, everyone is practically fine.. yet hinata speaks as if he's entirely gone. komaeda misses the flush that dusts hinata's features — he's sooo lucky — as komaeda tries to draw together the information he's gaining from every word the other speaks. of course, he doesn't stay on the subject as his eyes finally lift from the ground to staring at the fliers posted on the wall, reading what words seem eligible. )

You too? I feel pretty disappointed in myself, and I'm surprised someone as clueless as you can feel an attachment here.. ( to call it an attachment because of what reason? because of some weird sensation that crawls up his spine from time to time, that hazy buzz that settles in his mind at certain intervals? well, he wouldn't say that aloud, and instead uses hinata's memory as an excuse, ah, talking about "remember"! ) Aha! I'm glad you can remember something for once, though. Should I give you a pat on the back? ( but he should remember everything, right? that he's a pathetic, but special reserve course student who was too focused on the main students of the academy. )

Edited 2021-04-06 10:24 (UTC)

...Of course you wouldn't. You didn't back then, either. [Anger bubbles hot in his gut.] And you used your luck as an excuse just the same.

[The anger would be easier to bear, if only it weren't paired hand in hand with disappointment.]

Every time, you use it as an excuse. But it can't explain away every action that you take.

[Hinata doesn't know why the disappointment is there in the first place. He still doesn't get why he hasn't cut away that part of his heart that holds hope for Komaeda.]

You're such an asshole. Sometimes it feels like you say stuff because you want me to hate you. [Hinata shrugs away from Komaeda, hackles and shoulders both raised. Those last few words from him actually cut a little bit.] But... I can't explain it. There's things here that feel like they were very important.

[People here that were important, that meant the world to Hinata, but when he lingers on the thought, he can feel that grief snatch at his heart again.]

( hinata's emotions are something komaeda doesn't understand, and that's because that point in time was different — that world means nothing compared to the reality they're meant to live. even so, talking about what they know and what they don't in regards to this school, komaeda also feels some sort of pull to it. it's hard to figure out, but he can't tell for sure, nor does he remember, and when he tries to delve deeper.... his head hurt. this is where he brings his mechanical hand to his head, pressing along the temple and there's a soft whirr as he does so. )

Hinata-kun, to me, that's how things are.

( that's how he lives, despite the circumstances, it's always been split between luck and hope — his views, his thoughts and the way he leads his life. it's never been an excuse, and to have these things fall so perfectly into his hands, it'd be unfortunate if he didn't take them. that's what he'd say for the him inside of that world, and even now, he'd do it again if he had the chance. because the results will be the same, he does every single thing for hope, and only that. ) I was curious about everyone's hope, including yours, but even you disappointed me.

( a small hint? or is he saying something about their first trial? either way, he sighs, not ready to linger on the subject. )

It really is like you to forget... ( he pauses, shaking his head. ) I guess those things don't matter. ( even as he says that, it almost feels like he's choking on his own breath. does he regret saying that? or is it jus tthat uncomfortable feeling that wafts over him by being here. he doesn't know. )

How it is for you? Maybe. But it isn't that way for the rest of us. You never try to understand that.

[Even if there are so many times Hinata doesn't try to understand Komaeda, either. Even if he wishes they could just understand-

But Hinata rolls his eyes, hard. It always comes back to hope with him, doesn't it?]

So sorry for disappointing you. I'll try harder next time. [The words are thrown backwards with a scathing sarcasm.] If not with your precious hope, then maybe I'll remember something for on- Ngh-!

[His head hurts. He grabs at it. Hinata's head hurts, but it's not just his head.

"I guess those things don't matter."

He doesn't want to admit the part of him those words are hurting, because...

Because he should've given up. Because he shouldn't want to understand anymore.

But there's something that lingers in his mind, and it's not just the usual source of this pain, that image of Komaeda standing over him when he woke or laughing together with him like friends on the beach.

It's a memory of this school, that becomes clearer when he thinks of it, of someone holding Komaeda in their arms as he-

Hinata's head hurts. He lets go of it, lets that hand trail down to grab at his wrist. He can feel himself trembling, but his voice is steady when he speaks, quiet compared to the searing fire that had been there only moments before.]

...Hey. While we were here in this school... did something happen to us?

Us? There's not an "us" here.

( every time that he speaks, he almost feels out of breath, that he shouldn't even be talking to begin with. no matter how many times he tries to ignore those random images in his mind, the one's that flash of a life he doesn't know or want. he compares it to the dream he had after his death, the one that kept him asleep despite every other remnant waking up before him. it's all fake, that's what he thinks, but there are feelings inside of him he's unable to understand. he's always lacked the ability to understand other emotions, including himself, but because of that.. he doesn't want to understand images he doesn't know.

especially when hinata asks, he's not too keen on speaking about them. does he.. know about them too? and here komaeda thought he was insane, just going slightly crazy because of his problem eating away at his memories. what does he even know about hinata aside from what he thought he knew, as of now, he's only acting like a simple-minded reserve course student that still has problems that can't be solved. )

Don't...

( "act like we've been here longer than this..", which he's unable to say out his mouth. it's because he doesn't want to accept any of this as reality, that it's actually something that they've been through. that they've been through more than a simulation, the truth outside of that, and now something else here. of course, komaeda watches as hinata struggles, some unknown response to.. what? did he see something? is that why he's asking? it's here komaeda reaches out, grabbing the same hand wrapped around hinata's wrist — )

Worry about yourself, Hinata-kun.

( he pulls, trying to get his attention so that maybe he can snap hinata out of whatever's tormenting him. now, komaeda's helped him once, don't think he'll do it again in the near future. )

That way, you don't have to worry about anyone else.

...You're right. There's no "us" here. Just you and me and all these people we don't know.

[For better or worse, it's just Hinata and Komaeda. Just like before.

He thinks of Nanami and the rest of their class with an ache in his chest, and all he can do is hope they're okay. He won't consider the alternative.]

I know that's probably not the best for you since I'm such a disappointment and all, and I'm not thrilled about it either. But... right now, it's just you and me.

[It's such a sharp contrast from what he'd been feeling just a short while ago, but the image of Komaeda's fallen form is so sharp in his mind that Hinata feels like he's been doused.

But even that's quickly forgotten - he breathes in sharply when he feels his wrist being grasped, almost biting his lip bloody in his attempt to muffle the sound. He wants to shake Komaeda off. That's the right thing to do, probably. What his head tells him is the right thing to do, to the person that lied about being his friend and toyed with everyone like it was a game.

...Hinata doesn't shake him off.]

I can never worry about just myself. But especially not when you're around.

[He tries to deliver it in the negative way it's intended, sharp and barbed. But he can still feel the sensation of him - in the past? another life? - dropping to his knees at the sight of Komaeda's crumpled form, phantom pain of skinned shins that are perfectly fine as he stands in the present with Komaeda tethered to him.

And even if he couldn't, the memory of Komaeda sick and frail on the third island is enough to guilt his voice into softness. "Why should I have to care about someone like Komaeda?" He hadn't had an answer then. He still doesn't now.]

You brought it back up. Does what I say still hurt you, Hinata-kun?

( it's not like it matters because komaeda's unable to keep anyone around him, he can say these nasty little things to hinata and it doesn't matter. he knows that the other is.. different now, he's learned that so many times and while hinata has something special about him, even if komaeda didn't learn of it.. he can't stop himself from caring. despite all the negativity that rests in his heart, there's this difficulty to remove hinata from it — is it because komaeda loves his hope that much? if he could have it his way, he would.. let him go, but his wants overweight his needs, and there's something about needing to stay attached to him that sticks out.

if he lets him go, he might not see him again? but why does that matter? because, even in those weird images that surface in his mind.. when his eyes finally closed. he didn't see him at all, he believes. a disgusting contrast to where on the beach when hinata's eyes first opened, his gaze fell upon komaeda, but even the ultimate couldn't do that in turn. it's fair, that's all. nothing more and nothing less, he'd be returning the favor. hell, could he count when he finally opened his eyes to reality as an exchange to that.. )

When you say that...

( it's hard to express how he feels about that — the fact that they're both here, but it seems like the other won't give him the time of day. when komaeda awoke from that pod, it almost felt like the other was willing in a way, but komaeda doesn't know why he thinks of that at a time like this. he doesn't know why he raises his mechanical hand that whirrs softly and stares into the palm. the same hand (despite it junkoless) being the appendage that grabbed onto the hinata's own in simple understanding. )

It sounds like you want me to disappear.

( to say something like that while hinata's already weak, but even komaeda doesn't know what thoughts go through his mind. hell, even his own thoughts make no sense when he thinks about it. those school memories of a past life — those mean nothing to him, and even now, when a faint image comes into his mind of someone living without him. he thinks, they can do that here too. with that, he slowly releases the male's wrist. )

Would that make you happy?

( komaeda may have said he couldn't exist in a world without talent to make someone happy, but he can do something like this. it doesn't bother him besides, everyone dies around him eventually. )

Even if it's coming from you... Why the hell wouldn't it hurt? [His teeth grind as he grimaces, still facing away.] That's why you said it, right?

[Because that's all they seem able to do anymore, is hurt each other.

Hinata doesn't even realize that the shaking had stopped until Komaeda releases his hand, and it starts again. He hadn't expected his hand to feel so cold, either.]

...But I don't want you to disappear. [He smiles, then, but there's no joy in it.] Maybe I should. Maybe it's messed up that I don't. Especially after everything you've done.

[These are things they've never talked about, not even during their breaks in the midst of the Killing Game. Things that Hinata has never tried to confront, because his anger with Komaeda overwhelmed everything else. The things that made him happy, that made him sad, that made him feel guilty, that made him feel betrayed - because it was easier to face the fresh, ongoing fury, than to face the hurt that felt deeper with each passing day.

It's always been easier to hope that he'll actually start to hate Komaeda, if he just tries hard enough.]

But, even so, I don't want you to disappear. I just... want to understand you.

Do you know what happens when you stay around me, Hinata-kun..

( he may be the ultimate lucky student, but that doesn't mean his good luck is shared with the people around him. maybe that's why this is happening in the first place, this could be why they're having this conversation to begin with. this could be why they're forever trapped in this never-ending cycle of pain with no end, and possibly why komaeda's unable to break free from it. this is probably why he manages to get into these situations with hinata, but their conversations normally stay half-lived anyway. if komaeda annoys him enough... )

This is... really unlucky. I've already thanked you so why isn't that enough..

( what does he mean by that? as odd as it sounds, he sounds honest for once as he says that to him. despite hinata looking away, komaeda can't help but stare at the other — he's searching for something, a sign that the other is only saying this to say this. )

I'm not sure what more I can give you. The chance to understand me..?

( a pause, his brows furrowing at the thought. )

That.. I don't think that's possible for a.. ( why can't he say it off the tip of his tongue? "reserve course student," something simple as that has danced out his mouth many a time, so why is it hard this time. )

I know you cause me trouble and pain. You've made that clear enough already.

[Or that's how it is now, at least. Thinking of anything else is probably nothing more than a sun-soaked daydream.

And yet, Hinata keeps seeking him out, like a moth that can't stay away from a flame. So maybe it's Hinata's fault after all.]

...What did you thank me for? [He tilts his head, quietly curious, but still not enough to see Komaeda behind him or reveal his expression.] What does that have to do with anything?

[He can't think of a time that Komaeda's thanked him in particular, unless it got mixed into one of those obnoxious rants about hope. But...

Komaeda sounds off in a way that Hinata has only heard once, and very recently in his memories from the islands. What Hinata can't understand is that Komaeda sounds genuine.

But then Hinata's head moves forward again, looking towards the ground. Of course, they must be back to this again. Hinata almost let himself forget.]

For a what? A hopeless idiot like me, or did you have something more creative in mind? [He lets that sit in the air for a second, blade resharpened.] If it's a matter of that... then let me try to overturn your expectations.

My memories are wrong, I'm not as smart as you, and I don't seem to have as much of your distorted "hope" as you want me to have. But... I still have my will to fight and discover the truth. I've never lost that, not since Togami died.

[Finally, Hinata releases his wrist, hands balling into fists. Not ready to dig crescents into his palms, but determined. Slowly, he turns his head to the side so he can see Komaeda, and Komaeda can see him.

It's muted from what Komaeda has seen, not yet awakened. But there's a light in Hinata's eyes.]

So I'll fight for you, too, to uncover your truth, until I can finally understand who Komaeda Nagito is. No matter how long that may take.

( he wants to tell hinata to stop being stupid, that he knows exactly what it is komaeda thanked him for — for saving him from hell. a hell that was said to be his subconscious desires, but thanks to hinata, he was freed from that fake reality. he gave his appreciation, he knew that the other had it in him, and yet... he doesn't know what to say about the one before him. the youth that stands before him who mentions the death of the ultimate affluent progeny — the ultimate imposter — he must not know. slowly, that's starting to sink into komaeda's mind.

he doesn't know.

he doesn't know?

and komaeda chuckles, oh, this is a slap in his face, he thinks. to hear this from hinata, the hinata who only started his journey, the one who doesn't know the truth. the one who isn't aware of what will happen, and if komaeda's only crime is getting the ultimate imposter killed then.. he doesn't know komaeda's act towards the end. that's where it all goes black for him, and the missing pieces will never be solved because even he doesn't know nor does the hinata before him. )

If I said what was on my mind. ( it'd haunt him, it'd break hinata, he's sure. though, he might call komaeda a liar as of right now. so it's nothing he lingers on, and instead, he sucks on his teeth the moment they make eye contact — forced from the other's determination. it's actually this that makes hinata so interesting, why komaeda's unable to back off from him. if he wants it, he's able to have it, his manufactured hope can grant him anything, and it's that type of hope that komaeda has always been searching for. while hinata's the owner of that specific hope and for him to speak to komaeda in such a manner, he doesn't know if it makes him angry or.. if this is something he's wanted. there's part of him that wants to smile, but he knows that he can't.. that he shouldn't.. he's not as strong as hinata, nor is he filled to the brim with hope that's yet to overflow. )

... Fight for yourself, Hinata-kun. ( and yet, he can't bring himself to accept that which won't last long. why does it always have to be hinata to say these things that feels like komaeda's being backed into a corner. despite how motivating his words are, how reassuring they can be considering he stands by what he says no matter the consequences. this is only the piece of advice komaeda can offer him, and it makes him think, maybe if he had offered these words to an earlier komaeda — then maybe this rift wouldn't still be there. hell, even with those odd school memories, he can hardly remember half of them considering his dementia ate away what he thought he knew. )

If you want to learn about me... understand me... you'll have to kill me.

( just let go. )

[That's all that it takes.

Hinata has been as still as a pile of kindling, but those particular words from Komaeda are all that's needed to set him ablaze.

He whirls around and grabs Komaeda by the lapels of his uniform, glare as sharp as a knife as he yanks the other as close as he can get, like Komaeda's still seventeen and not a good deal taller than Hinata.]

Like hell I'm going to do that!

[His voice rings out in the classroom, loud and clear.]

Killing you is something I'll never do... I don't care what you do or say. I'll do whatever I have to in order to keep you alive... So put it out of your mind already!

[It is, frankly, a terrible thing for Hinata to say. They know so little of this place and its rules.

But this isn't the Killing Game. So for now, he'll bank everything he has on this fragile wish.]

( it's actions like this that catches komaeda off guard, too caught up in his own thoughts of trying to familiarize himself with the world to stop hinata. the hands that touch his clothing successfully does so, pulling him toward so that komaeda leans towards him — the irritation in his sickly, pale green eyes more visible to him, and it feels like for a moment tendrils of white hair brush against the hinata's forehead — at least they're soft. )

You're talentless...

( this is something that needs to be reminded, because even though he means well by saying this to komaeda — he can't make any of that happen. he has no power, he's hasn't reached that peak of his life where every action of his matters. he's still an annoying reserve course student who believes he has a spot within the crowd of ultimates, and komaeda knows better that he has no home here. that flash of determination, both his wants and desires are easily dismissed and yet komaeda knows.. that there's something. yes, he knows that there's only empty words and false promise that he wishes to deliver, and komaeda won't be fooled by it. that's why in lucky student's eyes it seems like he can't accept it, if he can't choose properly with his heart, his brain will pick up the slack. )

Because of that, there's nothing you can do to achieve it.

( because... while hinata is like this he can't save you.. are words that process through komaeda's head, and immediately a sharp pain follows after. his eyes close, and his body feels more sluggish than before — he's trying hard not to lose his footing or to fall against the other, but he does stumble. his hand reaches out to settle against the width of hinata's shoulder, and slowly komaeda uses him to hold himself up properly. in his mind, all he saw was the vivid ceiling above him, and the blur of the lights, but.. why does that matter right now? )

I have... ( his words come out slow, softer than usual as he starts thinking about what's happening here. he doesn't know what to say, or how to react, but what he does know is that while hinata is who he thinks he is now.. he's unable to do a thing for komaeda. he's too many years back to understand the truth behind everything, and he doesn't even know the worst of what's to come. those days of laughter, shared memories with their friends and everything else at the start of their beach episode is over, and so is this conversation. ) business to take care of.

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OOC

don't apologize at all.. it's ok, because you can look up to your elders

asdfghjkl; i'mcrying, he Already had to look up

STOPPPP it's ok komaeda likes looking down on him when he can wink

OH MY GOD... at least Komaeda admits it fsglfsfghk

STOPPPPPPP who is komaeda if not making hinatas life hard honestly like twilight zone

Hinata's just here like every day i wake up and "HINATA-KUN"

you say this like hinatas going to wake up next time?

I'M CRYING.... he's just stuck in this limbo it's his home now

no!!! no more limbo for him, maybe he can live in a world where he only hears hinata kun on repeat

for Hinata that's still just limbo!!! also zanka just came on my shuffle I wish I was making this up

i just think any place with komaeda is limbo at this point & is that not a sign... ur lucky...

my heaven, Hinata's nightmare... also sdr2 spoilers I forgot to tag this thing because i'm a heathen

sdr2/.5 spoilers, is it really your heaven? or your world? this is yama's world and i'm living in it

as long as Komaeda is there then yes I will accept this as my world

you know what time it is.. world is mine by nagito komatsune

ASDFGHJKL; OH MY GOD... it's our anthem now

NOT OUR ANTHEM is it enough when youre crying rn over the pain ur putting urself thru

I can't tell yet let me hurt myself some more first

youre sick and twisted for this actually

why yes I am, thank you

youre a masochist im slowly starting to learn

only when I get to stab myself with tags

stop stabbing yourself or im walking out of here!

if i'm stabbing myself and you're leaving then who's flying the plane

komaeda so he can take us all down w him

Komaeda you're our only hope now

say it right... he's the.... ULTIMATE hope.......

oh wait u right... our Ultimate Hope except this thread is full of despair instead,