Who: Rantarou Amami & anyone who hits me up
What: Catch-all
When: October
Where: Around
Warnings: TBA
This post serves as a place for me to gather all of Amami's closed threads, starters, and miscellany through the month. If you want to set something up, I can be reached by PM or at kagehira
[Hinata doesn't know what to do with his hands, so he grips his arm with one, lets the other clench into a light fist.
It gives him something to hold onto, and he feels like he might need it.]
Komaeda said... you were a hero that saved us all. That you risked your life to protect- [His voice catches on that name, so he doesn't say it, but his eyes flicker. A schism of relief and apprehension.] ...to protect the shopkeeper. They were in danger. But he also said that in order to do that, you had to... kill Clamor.
[Hinata swallows hard. The part he wishes wasn't true. The thing he knows, deep down, must be true.]
Komaeda... You know how he gets when he talks about things, he'll always paint things with rose-tinted glasses if he thinks there's something hopeful about it. But... Saihara seemed reluctant to talk about it more than that, and it wasn't like him. They did both mentioned that something about Clamor wasn't quite right, but it was hard to understand. So, in the end... I figured the best thing was to come to you.
Ah, yeah, you must be missing the context for that now, considering everything with your memory, huh?
( makes sense; amami won't begrudge him for that. with a hand to his chin, give him a minute, and he'll figure out where to start. )
So, long story short: Sakasaki-kun murdered four students earlier this year, and he claimed that three of them were because he was possessed by something. He wasn't the one in control, pretty much, and it was tossed around that it was the spirit of another student that had taken over.
( he gestures absently as he explains, meeting hinata's eyes seriously as he picks up on how this connects to clamor. )
Take that as you will, but the Clamor who I met on the fourth floor wasn't even trying to act like the Clamor we knew before. From his attitude to his magic, none of it lined up with the guy that I knew. If you talk to Noah, too, I'm pretty sure they found some evidence that gave some more context to that.
( but he'll shake his head, because that's not too relevant to what he did. )
Anyway, what I guess I'm trying to get at is that he was possessed. It wasn't Clamor that I killed, but someone else who had been pretending to be him.
[Hinata feels the blood leave his face. He isn't quite sure what kind of expression he's making, but he knows it must be one that's horrified.]
Sakasaki... did?
[Sakasaki, who calls Helena "Little Bat". Sakasaki, who argues with Komaeda like they're bickering siblings. Sakasaki, who pleaded with his magic to heal Arata.
Sakasaki killed four people. It echoes in Hinata's head and it doesn't feel real.
But since he woke up, chased by a thing of metal with the intent to eradicate, what here has felt like anything that could normally be real?
How much does he not know, because of his lost memories or otherwise? How many others have killed? Has Hinata-
That's a thought that almost pushes him into hyperventilating, so he shoves it down, away. If there's time for that, it's not now.]
...Not Clamor, but someone else then. You killed them. [He reaches out for something, whatever's nearby - a desk, the wall, anything to hold onto to ground himself. Hinata feels like his legs are going to give out.] ...What did that possessed person want? Did you have to save us from them, like Komaeda said?
( he knows— he knows he's being asked more, more of what's his own business and not related only tangentially, but even so, that expression... he isn't so cold hearted as to be able to just ignore the way hinata pales, holds onto the desk at his side like a lifeline.
for his part, amami only sighs. it's not something he can turn a blind eye to, and he knows, he gets it. it was the one thing they'd really connected over before all of this, that he understands what it's like to be missing such a big piece of yourself. there's something sympathetic in his eyes, but he'll take a few steps closer, one hand absently gesturing to the chair behind hinata. maybe it'd be better for him to sit. he seems like the type — needs to be sitting down when he takes hard news. )
I'll go over everything, 'kay? Make sure you're caught up, and you know why things are the way they are right now. ( he grimaces here, for a moment. ) I thought someone else might've by now, but guess that was a bit much to assume.
( he'll exhale here because, well, truthfully this wasn't really a responsibility that he'd wanted to take up; either way, broadly, it has nothing to do with the matter at hand. )
Anyway, it wasn't to protect you, or Komaeda-kun, or anyone else. The shopkeeper ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I didn't know what he might do to them if I let him finish whatever he was planning.
I- before I forgot everything. I probably knew then, I'd imagine. I've learned things here and there from everyone, but... There's still a lot I don't know, apparently. [There's almost a note of bitterness in his tone - not something directed at anyone else, necessarily, but it's at himself more than anything. He doesn't know if it was from the injury, doesn't know if he had any influence over his own amnesia - but he can't help being angry, at the Hinata of before. Everywhere he turns, his memory loss makes things harder or more painful.] I... appreciate you catching me up, though.
[It's what he says next, however, that makes Hinata's breath catch in his throat.]
Amami, you... Do you mean that you did it because you were protecting...
Hinata's eyes fall shut, a pained expression flitting across his face.]
...I see. I understand now, I think.
[When Hinata opens his eyes, the pain hasn't left him, but there's gratitude in his gaze when he meets Amami's.]
It feels wrong, what I'm about to say. Especially when killing is something I don't know if I should forgive, and I don't even know if I do, but... [His voice becomes quiet again, almost soft.] Whatever your reasons were... Thank you. For not letting anything happen to them. For keeping them safe.
( the same way hinata's breath hitches, amami's hit by something unexpected too. his eyes are attentive, searching, as they meet with the other's. )
So you're... close to them, then?
( he says it cautiously, not entirely certain of how that might be, but the words themselves don't lend to any other understanding. it catches him off guard, really — he'd never seen hinata spending time in the student store to the same degree as himself or subaru, but on the other hand, it would be difficult to get to know kamo-kun and not treasure them dearly. he sincerely believes this.
but that's not the most important thing here and now. kamo-kun is the last person he wanted to place the weight of this on, so amami tears his gaze away, looks out the window instead. )
Anyway, it's not something you should thank me for. I did what I had to, for myself, and I'd do the same thing again if there wasn't another way. That's the choice I've made, and I don't expect forgiveness for it.
In... a way, yes. [Hinata adverts his eyes, reluctant to talk about it. Reluctant to relive that pain.] They mean so much to me, but... At this point, they probably don't remember who I am anymore. At least, not before they met me here.
[He thinks back to that time, flustered and half a second away from yelling at them to keep them from taking his money, and for rocks of all things. How very little he'd known then, and the shock that went through him much later when Komaeda helped him realize they were the little one in the woods.]
That's why... even if it's something you did for yourself, I'll thank you anyway. Because if anything happened to them, I- [He breaks off, has to stop and take a breath. Shakes his head, muscles of his face tight, because he can't continue that train of thought.] The fact that you'd consider another way, or that it isn't something you wanted to do... Those things count for something. Bad people who kill don't feel either of those things. So I'm sorry, if I can't trust you the same way for a little while. But...
[He meets the other boy's eyes, sees that flash of a reassuring smile in his mind's eye.]
( there's a weak attempt at a smile on his face — because it still stings a little, being told that he can't be trusted, but he knows it's deserved too well to be able to speak back against it. to be able to do anything more than be grateful for the fact that he's not being written off completely for the blood on his hands. for that, there's something soft underneath the apologetic look in his eyes; he's appreciative, even if there's only so much that words can do to convey the fact.
but he'll exhale a long breath, sighing deep as he tries to gather himself up from the weight of the pressure hinata has helped ease on his shoulders. )
Thanks, Hinata-kun. Means a lot to me.
( it really, really does. but... he doesn't really want to linger here; something like how he feels about the blood on his hands isn't really a topic to detail with his amnesiac classmate, so he'll grasp onto one of the straws hinata's offered him instead. )
I'm not really sure what you mean by them remembering you, but... if you want to talk with them, you're free to come by any time. They're a bit shy though, so try to be patient, yeah?
( 'cause he knows not everyone takes well to being peddled rocks at the low, low price of 10,000 yen or whatever it was. )
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[Hinata doesn't know what to do with his hands, so he grips his arm with one, lets the other clench into a light fist.
It gives him something to hold onto, and he feels like he might need it.]
Komaeda said... you were a hero that saved us all. That you risked your life to protect- [His voice catches on that name, so he doesn't say it, but his eyes flicker. A schism of relief and apprehension.] ...to protect the shopkeeper. They were in danger. But he also said that in order to do that, you had to... kill Clamor.
[Hinata swallows hard. The part he wishes wasn't true. The thing he knows, deep down, must be true.]
Komaeda... You know how he gets when he talks about things, he'll always paint things with rose-tinted glasses if he thinks there's something hopeful about it. But... Saihara seemed reluctant to talk about it more than that, and it wasn't like him. They did both mentioned that something about Clamor wasn't quite right, but it was hard to understand. So, in the end... I figured the best thing was to come to you.
no subject
( makes sense; amami won't begrudge him for that. with a hand to his chin, give him a minute, and he'll figure out where to start. )
So, long story short: Sakasaki-kun murdered four students earlier this year, and he claimed that three of them were because he was possessed by something. He wasn't the one in control, pretty much, and it was tossed around that it was the spirit of another student that had taken over.
( he gestures absently as he explains, meeting hinata's eyes seriously as he picks up on how this connects to clamor. )
Take that as you will, but the Clamor who I met on the fourth floor wasn't even trying to act like the Clamor we knew before. From his attitude to his magic, none of it lined up with the guy that I knew. If you talk to Noah, too, I'm pretty sure they found some evidence that gave some more context to that.
( but he'll shake his head, because that's not too relevant to what he did. )
Anyway, what I guess I'm trying to get at is that he was possessed. It wasn't Clamor that I killed, but someone else who had been pretending to be him.
no subject
Sakasaki... did?
[Sakasaki, who calls Helena "Little Bat". Sakasaki, who argues with Komaeda like they're bickering siblings. Sakasaki, who pleaded with his magic to heal Arata.
Sakasaki killed four people. It echoes in Hinata's head and it doesn't feel real.
But since he woke up, chased by a thing of metal with the intent to eradicate, what here has felt like anything that could normally be real?
How much does he not know, because of his lost memories or otherwise? How many others have killed? Has Hinata-
That's a thought that almost pushes him into hyperventilating, so he shoves it down, away. If there's time for that, it's not now.]
...Not Clamor, but someone else then. You killed them. [He reaches out for something, whatever's nearby - a desk, the wall, anything to hold onto to ground himself. Hinata feels like his legs are going to give out.] ...What did that possessed person want? Did you have to save us from them, like Komaeda said?
[Focus on Amami. Don't focus on anything else.]
no subject
( he knows— he knows he's being asked more, more of what's his own business and not related only tangentially, but even so, that expression... he isn't so cold hearted as to be able to just ignore the way hinata pales, holds onto the desk at his side like a lifeline.
for his part, amami only sighs. it's not something he can turn a blind eye to, and he knows, he gets it. it was the one thing they'd really connected over before all of this, that he understands what it's like to be missing such a big piece of yourself. there's something sympathetic in his eyes, but he'll take a few steps closer, one hand absently gesturing to the chair behind hinata. maybe it'd be better for him to sit. he seems like the type — needs to be sitting down when he takes hard news. )
I'll go over everything, 'kay? Make sure you're caught up, and you know why things are the way they are right now. ( he grimaces here, for a moment. ) I thought someone else might've by now, but guess that was a bit much to assume.
( he'll exhale here because, well, truthfully this wasn't really a responsibility that he'd wanted to take up; either way, broadly, it has nothing to do with the matter at hand. )
Anyway, it wasn't to protect you, or Komaeda-kun, or anyone else. The shopkeeper ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I didn't know what he might do to them if I let him finish whatever he was planning.
( it was to protect them... )
no subject
[The admission is quiet and hoarse.]
I- before I forgot everything. I probably knew then, I'd imagine. I've learned things here and there from everyone, but... There's still a lot I don't know, apparently. [There's almost a note of bitterness in his tone - not something directed at anyone else, necessarily, but it's at himself more than anything. He doesn't know if it was from the injury, doesn't know if he had any influence over his own amnesia - but he can't help being angry, at the Hinata of before. Everywhere he turns, his memory loss makes things harder or more painful.] I... appreciate you catching me up, though.
[It's what he says next, however, that makes Hinata's breath catch in his throat.]
Amami, you... Do you mean that you did it because you were protecting...
[Kogamo.
Grief. Mourning. Guilt. Repentance. Relief. Gratitude.
Hinata's eyes fall shut, a pained expression flitting across his face.]
...I see. I understand now, I think.
[When Hinata opens his eyes, the pain hasn't left him, but there's gratitude in his gaze when he meets Amami's.]
It feels wrong, what I'm about to say. Especially when killing is something I don't know if I should forgive, and I don't even know if I do, but... [His voice becomes quiet again, almost soft.] Whatever your reasons were... Thank you. For not letting anything happen to them. For keeping them safe.
no subject
So you're... close to them, then?
( he says it cautiously, not entirely certain of how that might be, but the words themselves don't lend to any other understanding. it catches him off guard, really — he'd never seen hinata spending time in the student store to the same degree as himself or subaru, but on the other hand, it would be difficult to get to know kamo-kun and not treasure them dearly. he sincerely believes this.
but that's not the most important thing here and now. kamo-kun is the last person he wanted to place the weight of this on, so amami tears his gaze away, looks out the window instead. )
Anyway, it's not something you should thank me for. I did what I had to, for myself, and I'd do the same thing again if there wasn't another way. That's the choice I've made, and I don't expect forgiveness for it.
( and he pauses here, giving it a moment. )
Doesn't mean it's something I want to do, though.
no subject
[He thinks back to that time, flustered and half a second away from yelling at them to keep them from taking his money, and for rocks of all things. How very little he'd known then, and the shock that went through him much later when Komaeda helped him realize they were the little one in the woods.]
That's why... even if it's something you did for yourself, I'll thank you anyway. Because if anything happened to them, I- [He breaks off, has to stop and take a breath. Shakes his head, muscles of his face tight, because he can't continue that train of thought.] The fact that you'd consider another way, or that it isn't something you wanted to do... Those things count for something. Bad people who kill don't feel either of those things. So I'm sorry, if I can't trust you the same way for a little while. But...
[He meets the other boy's eyes, sees that flash of a reassuring smile in his mind's eye.]
I don't think you're a bad person, Amami.
no subject
but he'll exhale a long breath, sighing deep as he tries to gather himself up from the weight of the pressure hinata has helped ease on his shoulders. )
Thanks, Hinata-kun. Means a lot to me.
( it really, really does. but... he doesn't really want to linger here; something like how he feels about the blood on his hands isn't really a topic to detail with his amnesiac classmate, so he'll grasp onto one of the straws hinata's offered him instead. )
I'm not really sure what you mean by them remembering you, but... if you want to talk with them, you're free to come by any time. They're a bit shy though, so try to be patient, yeah?
( 'cause he knows not everyone takes well to being peddled rocks at the low, low price of 10,000 yen or whatever it was. )