yogen | [CLOSED] noah pushes nene into the swimming pool

I just wanna rest, I think.

( she's needed that a lot, actually. but the burden of living is heavy even for her- not that she'll admit that after the fiasco last month. ... being in the pool, where they'd found the body... it brings back too many memories, of holding him while sidney guarded the body, of deja vus gone wrong, of walking in and seeing blood-- of an argument in tears. nene buries herself further in the jacket, the guilt in her stomach lingering. )

... Noah?

Yeah? Is that "when"?

[He's a little over half-gone at this point, starting to space out while they're in the pool house. It's probably time for both of them to go back to the dorms now, so Noah wiggles a bit, hooking an arm under Nene to move her but not move her back into the pool because he's not repeating that little incident again, ha...

When they're both standing, though, she can just... have his jacket, he doesn't need it. He leaves it draped over her shoulders.]

Let's go to your room.

Oh, um...

( it isn't, at all, and scales are still dropping from her exposed skin, making soft clattering sounds not unlike dropping coins, and she makes a note to come clean that up later...

but noah is also clearly in need of new scenery. and that's a bit more important. )

C'mon then, let's go...

( that said, she's sort of trailing behind him, so she can hide her face if she needs to. )

[Clink, clink...

Noah tightens his jacket around Nene before they go. Maybe they'll be lucky and some of those scales will fall off in his coat, and they can throw them away later.

...

Also, he's just going to pull his hood up over her head. There.]

...okay.

[Cue two kids definitely holding hands walking out across the courtyard only to soon after flop into Nene's blanket nest that she has set up.

Maybe if he hadn't dunked her into the pool, he'd have the guts to tell her that she looks cute wearing his jacket. Sigh.]

( she at least takes a moment to, uh... okay sorry noah she's 'locking' you behind the curtains of the bunk bed so she can change and shake all those scales out- before anyone can come in, she'll make sure to clean up the mess of them, at least. and then she'll come into there as well, curling up onto him and sighing. )

... I'm sorry for... for what I did that day.

[Noah is Locked™. He wonders if he should leave a sketchbook in Nene's room so that he doesn't have to tote his back and forth, or maybe if he can get his hands on books that don't result in stolen fingernails if he should do that...

His thoughts are interrupted by Nene coming back, and Noah lays down and sort of lazily puts one arm around her. This is completely platonic. She's wearing his jacket and they're cuddling and this is platonic.

(This is super not platonic on Noah's end.)]

For what— oh. T-that.

[He'd prefer to forget about it. But she has a scar on her neck and Noah can't help but think it's his fault, like how everything else is invariably his fault.]

...just... don't do it again, I-I guess.

[He won't say it's okay, because it's not, and what he did wasn't okay either.]

I just don't... want you to be hurt because of me. Not again.

I won't. I promise. And... it wasn't your fault.

( she was the one who... forced everything. ... nene squeezes her eyes shut, tries not to think about- about- ....

she buries her face in his chest, clutching his shirt. if she's trembling, she's pretending otherwise. )

I'm sorry. You didn't...

( her muffled words fall silent though, and she sighs. what else can they do? what else can they say? they're 16 and everything is horrible and they don't know how to navigate through this sort of thing. )

[She's pretending otherwise, but Noah knows better, and so he rolls over and just kind of holds onto her with both arms, chin atop her head.]

No, I should've... not been doing that in the first place. It's okay. I... Sorry, Nene. I'm trying to be better, it's just... it's hard.

[It's hard to want to go on, but he's doing it, because he swore he'd do it and he swore he'd be better than that for Clamor and Nene both, and even for Stephanie and Komaeda and everyone else he's cared for.

It's hard. It's always going to be hard.]

I have to live for Harque, too, so I can get revenge when I go home. I don't know what I was doing back there.

I know. This place- it does that to you, I think. But if we don't get through this, we have to stay here longer.

( and while every living moment spent in this place is awful, having to do more years? is even worse on some level. so. yeah, no, no thank you! )

I still... I shouldn't have done that though.

( and after a moment of silence, nene sighs and closes her eyes. she wants to nap- but sometimes, she closes her eyes and she sees blood on noah's throat and- and- ... and then she can't sleep at all. )

We should think about what we want for lunch, soon.

[Yeah, he can't blame her for that one. And he himself is out here thinking of how the knife he'd tried to use on himself for days on end is the one that sliced her, in the end. Maybe the moonstone should have rewound time for her instead. It would've been better that way.]

...we could do pancakes. [Boy you need to stop living off of pancakes.] Or we could just live on vending machine snacks...

We had pancakes yesterday! ( BOY- ugh, she's gonna teach your ass to cook more meals. and without being as much of a disaster, she's surely gotten on his case about his messes already-- )

... Maybe noodles?

You can't put chocolate chips in noodles, Nene.

[Noah is very smart.]

...we can do noodles. That's fine.

[But she has to get out of bed first, because she's kind of laying on him. Like, slightly. He'll un-hug her so that she can get up, but the rest is on her.]

... We don't have to right now. I'm still cozy.

( nene. nene please. )

Me too, but you were the one who suggested it.

[It's her fauuuuuult!]

...I can tell you a story instead, while we just lay here. A... one that's not... awful, I mean. A good story.

I meant in the near future, not right now!

( she huffs slightly, before sighing- more out of coziness than anything. )

Mm... okay.

[Oh FUCK now he has to think of a good story, he did not think this through. Okay. Uh.]

...I... uh... wh-when I woke up from being sealed in the Temple of Time, I met this girl named Yuria. I don't know if I told you about her before. ...she was my second friend ever, Clamor being the first. We didn't get to spend much time together, but... uh... She's— she's way smarter than I'll ever be and she's good at magic, too. She was with me for a lot of the year I spent after waking up.

[And the stories he has from there are decidedly less happy. How does he broach the topic of "oh yeah her sister was in that cult I hate and then she's dead now"? So he doesn't, and instead just says,]

Yuria's probably wondering where I am now. I used to wish she was here, but... uh... not anymore.

[Because that would mean she died.]

... I know what you mean.

( she had wished so often to not be alone in this place- to have a familiar face to help reassure her. now she knows that if she saw anyone from home here, she'd probably cry.

...

there's no words for how guilty she feels for having summoned hanako to her like this. )

... What's Yuria like?

She's... um.

[Like the 30th person Noah has a crush on, it's fine. First crushes and all that... Clamor had teased him about it back home. Oof.]

I think you've seen my drawings of her. She's the girl with the side ponytail and the big round glasses. She was pretty cheerful. I used to wonder how people could be that cheerful. And for being a kid my age, she had a lot of advice to give me too.

[She used to tell him he wasn't scared of others as much as he's scared of himself. Noah supposes that's true.]

You remind me of her in a way. You're both really tough, just in different ways.

( tough, huh...? nene presses a bit more against noah, cheek on his collar bone, looking down. )

... I don't feel that way at all.

( but everyone needs her to be. to shine and smile and bring a sense of normalcy. so that's what she does- it's all she can do. )

...if you weren't tough, you would've given up by now. Like I tried to.

You're not any less strong for it. For needing help, too. ... You lasted this long. Let yourself rest now, okay?

( as she speaks, she shifts to brush some hair out of his face, voice soft and touch softer. )

We can keep going when we're both ready.

[CLOSED] noah pushes nene into the swimming pool

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slight cw for the ptsd

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