yogen | ♛ A knife in my heart couldn't slow me down ♛

Then why are you so sullen, Chakkun? If you know that was an imitation, why did you come back so...

( how would komaeda describe him? agitated? annoyed? perhaps pissed because that wasn't the real thing? something is crawling underneath his skin, gnawing on the inside, and from his playful expression that easily left from the moment komaeda mentioned how long he was away — it's a tell that going back home had did something mentally. to everyone it had, apparently there was just something not right about it, and he thinks about stephanie who suffered the brunt of it — in her journal she wrote about her suicide, how she wouldn't take the knife, and it just seems that trip had shattered a few souls here and there. )

Didn't you say someone who doesn't know how to take a hit, be knocked down isn't worthy of ruling... think of this as the same.

( the blade remains in his hands, and he reaches out with it, dropping it over the ledge because he's interested in whether it'll just disappear and reform back into childe's hands. he's learning the various avenues that comes from his water magic, and it'd probably be good information to have on record. )

If you allow this to eat away at you, are you truly fit for the throne... where's your hope?

[There's the slightest twinge of discomfort that displays on his face the moment Komaeda sends the dagger over the edge, and while he makes no move to stop the action he maintains concentration for a good fifteen feet before the weapon loses its shape and fizzles out into a spray of water droplets. Hopefully no one is loitering below, because they just got roughly four cups of water dropped onto their head if so.

A migraine is slowly forming behind his eyes, and he's not sure if its from overexertion or more of the same that had been happening since before he left. His Vision isn't at its strongest here, not out in the "normal" world; if Komaeda wants to see the whale they'd have to meet up in the other school.

Regardless, he rolls the questions around in his mind a few times, thinking carefully on a reply before he gives it with a soft hum.] You're... Mistaken if you think my resolve has been shaken. Quite the opposite, honestly. It's more... [He gestures vaguely at the grounds below them.] It's more that the trip opened my eyes. Showed me that none of this is meaningful either. And if I want to get back to where I belong, I can't afford to hesitate when the time comes to burn this all down. Not when my own ambition is on the line.

( that resolve is familiar, too familiar that komaeda finds himself smiling despite the dagger doesn't appear in child's hands anymore, and his response opens so many doors that komaeda is pushing himself back from the edge so that he can stand up properly. )

Is this the true you, Chakkun? You're really not the neighbor next door who offers me sugar because you're worried...

( those fake smiles are just to placate the system, because no one will ask if they believe they're true. it's not about that though, as komaeda outstretch his arms, and begin to walk the length of the rooftop edge, just one mistep and he'll fall over. )

Do you have hope? If so... to destroy this place, to be set free... the opportunity is right before your eyes, it's whether if you'll take it, or not.

( his hands slip into the pocket of his jacket, looking towards the other with a too calming smile, like he's up to something, but that's the name of the game. rokkun said it himself, for komaeda to do what he keeps doing which is part of dismantling the school, and their thoughts on this school having no meaning to keep standing is slightly all in align, so he wonders... )

Hm...hm...hm...~

[There's the slightest tilt of his head as he tracks Komaeda's movements with his eyes, curiosity lighting up within his irises. The danger of such a height is certainly present, and with the way the other treats such a concept so frivolously makes him wonder if they've always been a little more alike than he's allowed himself to realize. Childe enjoys Komaeda's company well enough - minds it a lot less than some from his own home, for certain. Perhaps that's been because they might be kindred spirits, in a way.

Listless corpses that only taste the breath of life the closer they are to death's embrace.]

An opportunity you hold the key to unlocking, I assume?

[It's a simple inquiry, but a loaded one. He gets the impression that Komaeda is lingering on the cusp of requesting something. Maybe not from him personally, but he certainly seems to know more than he's letting on. And right now, Childe is quite open to hearing out the specifics.]

As long as you have hope, anything is available to you, Chakkun...

( for a brief moment, his eyes swirl in a mix of white and black, the white more apparent in the twists and turns of the swirls as he glances at childe. it sure is an opportunity, it sure is a key he could have if he's willing to take it in his hands, and do what he will with it. does childe have hope, yes, komaeda's felt it through the means of his abilities with the dagger — the aura that wafts off him is there, noticeable, knows he can do more but somehow he feels limited.

he stops mid-step as he walks along the line of the edge, and he turns completely not fretting over the dangers behind him. it takes one blink of his eyes, and they're back to normal like they once were — a sickly, pale green color of a sick man. )

I'll just speed up the process.

( isn't that kind of him? more than what anyone else can do here. )

There will come a time that involves bloodshed... could you kill the people here, all of them, just to be freed of this place... could that become your hope?

( trick question? or serious question? komaeda's response depends on childe's answer. )

[The change in those eyes brings him to a pause, though he doesn't find it as disconcerting as he probably should; he's seen a lot in his life so far, and there are a lot of interesting individuals here that are equipped with their own special abilities. He tilts his head back, turning his attention up to the dying reds of the setting sun as they bleed across the sky. The few clouds that float lazily along have been tinged pink, and he's reminded of the snows of Snezhnaya.

Pure white, stained with the remnants of crimson viscera.

There's never been a color he's liked more than the purest red of life itself. Boiling hot and pulsating as it flows through the veins needed to keep the body alive. Something that's not supposed to see the light of day, which makes it all the more satisfying to watch it drip and pool.

He's no stranger to ending a life. The potential for bloodshed doesn't scare him off, in fact the opposite is true. It excites him, sings to him. His own blood begs to be spilt in tandem, so that he can watch his own life drip from his wounds.

He knows he could do it. He could. The only thing holding him back...

Noah's face flashes before his mind's eye. Then Nene's. The rest of the children he's taken a protective liking to during his stay in Yogen. He could bring himself to watch them die too, for the right reasons. For the guarantee that his actions would be the only way to set them free, so that they could live their own lives to the fullest. Even though at his core he remained powered by conflict, he never could quite shake the need to be the guardian of childhood dreams. If there were no other options left to take... Well. He could be the scapegoat, if that was necessary. He could take the fall, play the part of the villain, dance to the tune of strife and murder... If it was needed to keep them safe.]

I could. [The concept also came with a ticket home, and in this set of hypotheticals that may have in turn influenced his decision with a hint of his own selfish preservation instinct. Childe had never thought himself a selfless person anyway.] If doing so could guarantee their safety, then yes. I would. It's the duty of the strong to protect the weak, to save those who lack the conviction to save themselves.

To some this place is a safe haven, to others... it's a complete hell, and though one side it could be saved, we will remain here, controlled like toys... on the other, if this place is destroyed... what will hold us back, our souls can go wherever they want...

( from what rokkun said to him, he doesn't care where any of them goes as long as this school is gone, he speaks as if it's this place that holds them back. komaeda likes to see change with hope, he pushes forward, acts for the same of others, he's never been a selfish person, and that's why he was willing to kill at the start to help them. they've moved farther than eh expected, they're "living" in a way that seeing dead bodies comes as no shock to them. he wants to grow their hope, and this school could become the foundation if he didn't feel as if this place held them back — he's seen so many people adjust, but to live in a place like this.

he looks off to the side. )

When it comes to their hope, it's up to them whether they can make it or not, but if you're part of what takes down this school... who will tell you otherwise?

( rokkun may have something to say, but once he's achieved his goal, he's probably excited, happy, more than what komaeda could be. though, komaeda cares about hope, about childe's hope, about everyone's hope within the building, and komaeda walks back so that he isn't playing on the edge anymore. behind childe, he drops down to his knees, wrapping his arms around the other's neck as his chin rests on the male's shoulder tiredly. )

Besides, our souls are tied here... no wonder we come back, if you strip them of that, kill them, you'll remove them from this... You said it yourself, didn't you? It's meaningless here, so why not find meaning elsewhere... I wonder how far your hope will go... can you make this place the foundation that gives them the strength to climb towards the peak where hope and happiness resides... I'll do anything for it... hope that is.

( and then he points to the sunset, blinking a bit. )

Just like the sun goes down, it still comes up... hope works the same... despair will swallow them for only a moment, but if they have others willing to help them, they're able to move forward... They won't like the idea of it though, killing... everyone here is afraid of that, are you still willing when that moment shows itself to save them... can you kill?

[There's the slightest jolt of surprise as the other's arms are around him without much of a warning, the instinctual twitch of his left hand calling forth another hydro constructed dagger, which he grips tightly against his palm. Other than this, he makes no move to extract himself from the grip, even going as far as to tilt is head just slightly to allow Komaeda more comfortable access to his shoulder.

The message is fairly clear; while he's put up with the contact thus far, this is starting to push it. Any further, and he might have to stab as a warning.

Despite this, he still politely listens to Komaeda's words. It's a concept he hasn't much considered prior to this, the fact that some may prefer it here. Some might not want to leave, would want to continue comfortably living in such a lie than risk what might lie beyond. And that... Could prove a problem.]

Well. If anyone stands in the way of my goals, I suppose I would simply have to strike them down, wouldn't I?

[It's spoken so casually, the faintest hint of a smirk contained within his words. He deliberates for a very clear beat of hesitation, wondering just how much he should reveal to Komaeda. Not his whole hand, of course; he has to keep a few good cards in his pocket to play during the most opportune of moments for his own benefit, but... Well.

It might certainly make things more interesting around here, if he were to tease just a little. It's only fair, after all, given that Komaeda himself has also been hinting at something deeper.

Reaching up with his right hand, he rolls up his left sleeve and begins the process of unwinding the bandages he uses to hide the tally marks on his wrist. Twenty-nine currently, though if he's doing the math right he should have another in the upcoming weeks due to the death he faced at Pierro's hand. He tucks the bandage into his pocket, humming a little as a wolfish, almost predatory grin slid its way onto his lips.]

Besides. It's rather bold of you to think I haven't been... Handling things around here already. My methods have been a little more private than the louder ones who take pride in the broadcast, if only to be certain that I can continue my work unhindered. Someone has to keep that endless void from spreading, after all.

( one can learn a lot about a person by touch, and words, and doing this tells komaeda a few things — some are sensitive to touch, others can't stand it, but it seems he puts up with it. that's information to know for later, he tucks away in his mind with a smile as he watches the sunset. komaeda does what he wants, even if it means getting his hands nice and dirty, and so his eyes glance to the side of childe's cheek as if contemplating whether he'll do good or not. he doesn't seem like he does well with orders if they aren't to his liking, or maybe he does, he seems to be listening quite well, and his comment about rulers do need subjects to listen.

komaeda's mouth parts at the other's words, the void, which komaeda remembers has receded some not too long ago — add noticed it, he was entraced by the idea as someone who came up from the void. now that's something to say, is he truly the person that keeps the void at bay from swallowing them whole? )

And that's all because of you...

( he asks, curious, he'll bite actually, it's a bold claim considering no one really knows the innerworkings of it, and even add has been trying to learn the methods behind it. does childe know ow much add would love the answers behind it, but komaeda keeps quiet, and then he pulls himself off of the other as he leans back, bends his knee so that he can rest his arm atop. to show someone their tallies — twenty-nine — is almost a sign of trust if he kept it hidden on purpose, and it insinuates that killing is what's holding it back? then again, childe could lie, he could say anything. )

When you first came here... how many did you have?

( when komaeda appeared, he only a rather unlucky number, or lucky to some. a low numbered compared to what he has now, but he doesn't show his marks to childe just yet, rather, he's curious of whether the other will comment, or if he'll want the same amount of information back. that's how people keep track on a person's killing spree, on their livelihood, on what they do when no one's watching. )

...That and are you suggesting that every added mark reels back the void?

( tally, death, whatever childe wants to call it. )

Twenty-seven.

[It's offered freely enough, information that he doesn't seem too reluctant to part with now that his current count is out in the open. It hasn't been that significant of an increase in number, though in his defense he's only placed his plans into motion rather recently. He'd been sure to use his first few months to build himself up as a reputable figure, one that was clearly trustworthy enough that people wouldn't question him too much.

Which had worked... Rather well, from what he could see so far. He had a lot of people in his corner willing to back him up.]

I'm willing to divulge the specifics needed to get it to retreat just yet, not when it's the biggest bargaining chip I have in my pocket. Truthfully, I myself stumbled upon the means entirely by accident. I was attempting to sate my curiosity on other fronts, one thing lead to another, and... Well. Information was gleaned.

[He tilts his head to the side, fixing Komaeda with another, more amused grin that's tossed over his shoulder.] It's very specific, though. One wrong step, and the whole process is rendered useless. I have to admit, I myself am rather curious on whether or not you find the answers worth paying for. And if so... How much you're willing to divest as payment.

( two more added to the pile, but that doesn't explain the way the void fluctuates, and so komaeda feels as if it's just not that. instead, he'll come closer to childe, looking at the arm that was shown to him, and he'll reaches out to touch the marks to count each one individually, but also see if there's anything different about them. leaving this alone to one look really isn't komaeda, so investigating it further may prove to show him something, but he doubts it. )

How lucky... it's been a problem posed to them, just one wrong drop of blood, and a person dies just like that.

( is how he sees it, but he'll remove his fingers after looking the marks over, and he'll think on the connection of the void, and why childe showed him such a specific number of tallies. besides, this is the real deal, or he wouldn't be so confident about it — it's not manipulation, it's wholeheartedly his desire to do this, and he'll exchange depending on what he receives which the ultimate finds respectable. so it's the offer that he has to give for that information, and from what komaeda can find about childe is that unbridled bloodlust to the point that maybe he can monopolize off of it. )

To carving the flesh from bones... to your tallies... you're someone interested in the heat of conflict between people, aren't you?

( as he speaks, his voice remains soft as always, not too bothered, but there's a bit of interest within his tone. )

[He allows the investigation, even going as far as to twist his arm back and forth to allow Komaeda to see the tallies better if needed. There doesn't seem to be any differences between the first twenty-seven and the last two, simply the regular marks that everyone has received here at Yogen.

He laughs a little, rolling his shoulders in a light shrug.] That's a bit too specific, I think. It's more that I'm interested in the nature of conflict as a whole, really. [On a superficial level, his motivations really are just that simple; to become stronger.] The heat of battle can forge even the weakest of weapons into something deadly. It's only when you're challenged with your own demise that you can truly discover what you're capable of. I live for those moments, for the rush of true adrenaline.

[Other than his playful jaunt with Jason through the other school earlier this month, this conversation has probably one of the few where he's being absolutely genuine.]

Then I'll gamble myself.

( the heat of battle isn't something that komaeda can do, because he doesn't have any fancy abilities aside from his talent, but that might just be his weapon. it must sound crazy hearing that he'll put himself on the chopping block, but there's a reason he seems confident in the bartering chip of himself. a hand lifts to stare in the palm of his organic, almost like there's something for him to read there. )

You can force your weapons on me... giving you the chance to make me meet my demise, but I already know the end results.

( he lifts his head, a practice smile on his face as if he's done this many times, but who knows if this could warrant information out of childe or not, but if he's interested. then komaeda would have to show him in some way, but for now, he'll see if the other finds something to gain through it. )

This way, you can test how strong you really are... Sometimes it's not only meeting your fate, but bringing another to meet theirs... if you can't, I wonder does that mean the opponent lacks the ability to do so.

[Surprise doesn't fully cover the reaction he has to Komaeda's statement, blinking a few times in stunned silence as he simply... looks at him. It's almost as if he doesn't quite believe that Komaeda is being genuine, but as the pause stretches on he comes to the conclusion that this definitely isn't some sort of joke. Komaeda's too unhinged, so this seems relatively on brand for him the more Childe considers it.

Which doesn't make it any less strange of an offer, if he's being truthful.]

You... Sorry, let me make sure we're on the same page. You want me to hurt you... Fatally? In exchange for what I know?

...Ah, was I not clear?

( he gasps, a hand covering his mouth, but then he drops it into the seat of his lap. )

In exchange for what you know... you can try and fatally injure me, torture me, chop off my limbs —

( he lifts his prosthetic hand, waving it to childe so that he can see it's an option on the table. but it's not like someone did it to him, komaeda did that to himself with a chainsaw so he's used to whatever attacking his body. he has his limits, he can die if fatally injured to the point of no return, but he's sure his luck will win out here to keep childe interested. )

Try whatever you like, it's just up to you to make it happen... but it won't be easy! For what you know, I can offer my body.

( and his talent, with that said, he'll turn to look at the sun that slowly begins to hide behind the horizon. )

[He makes a fist with his right hand, propping his elbow up on his thigh to rest his chin atop his knuckles. It's an... Interesting offer, to say the least. One he hadn't anticipated just... receiving so out of the blue with so little preamble. It's a rather extreme option to simply jump to, after all.]

You seem pretty secure in thoughts of your own immortality. What's to stop me from getting bored? It doesn't quite seem like you plan on fighting back. There's the challenge of bringing you to the edge of death and pushing you over, yes, but surely you don't think that's enough to entice me? [Without a fair competition, it seems a little too much like Komaeda is auditioning for the role of a punching bag. Which... Sure, while it would be an easy way to vent out the pent up need to swing at something... It completely neglects the side of him that needs to be hit back.

Surprisingly, his tastes somehow fall closer to the masochist side of the fence than they do sadism. He's clearly both, of course. But ever since his tango within the Golden House before the Exuvia and his arrival here in Yogen, he's been aching to find someone else here to lose against. Someone to break his bones and push him to get even stronger. He's no stranger to inflicting torture, either, and it's never been high on his list of enjoyable activities. He can do it, of course. Can do it rather well even. But it doesn't quite get the blood pumping as much as...

It clicks into place, and then he's laughing.

Of course. It's been right there in front of his eyes from the moment Komaeda placed his own well being on the table to "gamble" with. This must be where they are the same.]

Ah-hah... Wait a minute. I get it now. You're not actually offering me your body, are you? You're asking to use mine. You want me to use my fists and my abilities - or whatever else I can bring to the table - to beat you close enough to taste that hope of yours a little better. Because you crave it...Don't you?

Now now... don't get off topic.

( finding a hidden meaning in komaeda's words do nothing for the conversation they're having, using childe's body in that means would take away from the information he wants. while it is interesting, he raises a brow as he contemplates the idea of what he crave — at this point, he isn't afraid of death, but he welcomes it like any person would. he can be honest, though, keeping it between them. )

I wont fight back, or... I can try, but something will, something uncontrollable, and whether you live to the next one day by being near me is up to you — I've seen countless bodies drop, and my own safe from harm. Your life will become a tumultuous whirlwind of unexpected events, some that you can't explain. For the information you hold, I'm sure a chance for freedom and that could work in your favor, keep you working...

( that's how his luck works, it kills other, and leaves him to reap the rewards, but it's like a pendulum that constantly cuts into his body, it swings back and forth never to give the finished blow to separate him completely. instead it's part of this mind, and he continues to separate himself from what's around him, even now when he looks at childe... he sees through him, and not at him. )

Your dagger, it can be used as a weapon... can't it?

( he holds out his hand, the organic one that's marred with scars, three nails plucked clean, two regrowing.

...while he's talking though, there's something that shoots through the sky — spherical from the courtyard, directly towards the rooftop. upon closer inspection, it appears to be a baseball, and if childe isn't paying attention or too focused on komaeda... it'll come directly towards his face.

...

...

...

does it come even close? )

[If he wasn't just fresh off of a return from Teyvat, his senses would have probably been dulled enough to mar his reaction time. As it stands, he's spent the last six months of his own time doing battle with the other Harbingers, so his reflexes are fresh and in their prime. He spots the baseball coming, and with the slightest twitch of the hand beneath his jaw a shield of hydro forms directly in the path of the projectile, which it bounces harmlessly off of with a soft thump. The shield splashes away once it's no longer needed, and Childe tilts his head a little in thought.]

Usually that's what daggers are used for, yes. I guess you could use them for decorative purposes, but that just sounds boring. [Adjusting his hand from a fist to an open palm, he drums his fingers against his cheek.] Hypothetically speaking, if I were to take you up on this offer... I would have to say that the information wouldn't be divulged until I've decided the price has been properly paid. Does that sound agreeable to you?

Properly paid...

( easily rolls off his tongue as he looks at the other, and his hands press together thoughtfully as he knows his luck works in mysterious ways. it's uncontrollable, so there's nothing he can do about it, but with the soft thump of the baseball now hitting against the ground near them, it rolls just a little, and stops before falling off the edge of the rooftop. reaching over, komaeda picks it up, looking it over — )

How would you know when, Chakkun?

( here, he sets the ball back down on the ground between them, like he's ready at any moment. )

[That's a question he hadn't actually considered, despite the fact that it seems like the most important one that should have been hashed out prior to his own inquiry. His fingers pause, eyes narrowing a bit in thought. How much pain was enough to cover the cost of the lives taken to get the information he'd been sitting on?

The cowboy hadn't exactly been quick or easy, after all.]

I suppose... [His words are slow, careful. Like he's still thinking through his reply even as his lips form the words.] The time would be right when I could know for sure I can trust you... Well. Trust you to not run off and spread all sorts of nasty baseless rumors, that is.

♛ A knife in my heart couldn't slow me down ♛

tw: suicide mention

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i'm not even sure what to tw this as but I feel like it needs one. he's being a freak again

tw: childe being a freak

tw: childe

NOT TW: CHILDE

HE NEEDS TO COME WITH A WARNING HONESTLY

tHIS REMINDS ME WHEN I HAD TW: KOMAEDA ITS JUST THEM FREAKS

yogen's resident unhinged pair of weirdasses

literally sat here cryin on how to phrase this bc it sounds crazy

childe voice: oh he a FREAK freak

tw childe voice: he MY freak freak

SIGHS... ur right. who's idea was it to let these two interact

MEEEEE IM LITERALLY CRYING me digging in komaeda's crazy ass luck bag let's start off small

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