sights that can't be seen

[decrypter]

Who: Helena Adams and etc.
What: Catch all log - nonevent things, random starters, whatever.
When: December.
Where: All over Yogen.
Warnings: Will edit when needed.



(for whatever we want to do this month! jump in with a random starter,
or if you'd like something custom, message me via journal or plurk.)

Comments

[decrypter]

[these hands aren't forcing her into line. she feels like the storm takes her rage, makes it bigger, that the violent whipping wind and ice is what she is and the entire world has shaped to match it. Komaeda's hand is...

it's stability. it's as sure as the weight of her cane, dropping down and drawing the world into definition. it's as sure as the blaring siren that says you have a chance, reach the exit. for as much as he flinches away from touches to his living hand, it would have a pulse if she pressed her fingertips to the vein in the wrist. it would touch as surely as she did.

she doesn't want to be afraid anymore. she doesn't want to have to constantly be turning her head to listen, to sense for someone coming to kill her. she doesn't want anyone she cares about here to fear that. but she wasn't made to be a protector, just to survive. she wants a life, where she can write and not write and laugh and sleep and wake up the next day looking forward to it. she wants to be able to try and fail and fall on her face and succeed and take joy in it. all of that has to be done while alive.

Helena could have screamed more, until blood was in her throat, but she thinks of Nagito who has to listen to this. who is bearing up her agony, just because he's there. he could have kept walking on when she gave him the way. he didn't have to put another jacket on her shoulders, or hold her hand. yet he did all these things, even though she was no ultimate. no better than another stepping stone. and she knows, Nagito is kind, no matter how he'd run away from hearing the fact. he wants to be a beacon, to see others go on their way. Helena should thank him for it, really.

she won't scream anymore, to spare him. the storm will do all the screaming and howling she needs.

Eurydice. it is a place, it is hell, it is here in her head, it is not here, they are dead, they are out, they never left. and she wants to live. so strong, it is fire's heat in her chest. even dead, she wants to live.]

...Why do I have to take misery with me? Why can't I survive and believe at the same time?!

[her protection, her fighting against. his choices were too narrow, if she has to doubt or die and choose between those.]

[commences]

How will you grow without misery?

( by hardships, by a shove, by realizing one's weakness, misery is just a stepping stone like everything else, once she takes that step — it's gone, she'll never need it again. as long as helena is willing to move forward with others that are taking the same heavy step, then those miseries, those pains, and everything else will become nothing to her. she has walked that path, and so will others, she'll become familiar, and she'll guide those that will listen. even now, she listens to komaeda who knows misery, he knows a life that's filled with pain from the moment he was born, and he's been brought down to the deepest hell of despair where he's known as a monster.

he in fact is a hunter himself, he devised a war, he watched them die, and he made no room to help many, but he assisted those that he could. his own little nerf of saving those kids before they died by allowing the future foundation to capture them, and he would continue on as if he's done nothing. that was his perk because he was in despair, and he still loved hope, and knowing that concept still remained through his misery — he still fought to move forward even if it meant taking the world down with him. )

It's a stepping stone. You're well aware of that, to make you carry that the entire way would be foolish, you'll grow tired, and you'll become weak just like Yashiro-san.

( underestimated the problem that comes with carrying everything but her own, and not dropping it to overcome the weight. that was her own mistake, but helena's learning, she's preventing the downfall before it carries her down too. she won't drop into that shadow of darkness, and instead allow the snow's fury to swallow her entirely, but there's still that chance to save herself unlike the dark depths of the unknown. )

Adams-san, can you finally take that step after everything you've said? Drop the misery in your heart now, that which brought you pain and move forward without hesitation.

( he takes his hand back from her, watching the female from his side as his footsteps crunch in the snow, )

Once you take that step, you can finally walk along with everyone else. You can survive, and you can believe. You can hope without second guessing.

( komaeda looks forward now, watching how the white curls in circles before his eyes, or it's just a trick of the light. it feels pleasant, and inviting, but he's cold, and so he wraps one arm around his waist as he takes another step. he continues to walk beside her even though the snow bites at his face, nips his fingers, and slows him down, but there's never been a speed when you walk with a person; it's just don't be left behind and lose sight of one's hope. )

[decrypter]

[she's weighed down by more misery than she'll ever give voice to. every slash that hit bone, every explosion, every bruise so deep that someone called it blackened. but it feels like it's flowing out instead of rising up to choke her. the fact that there still is an exit. that even if the world was dark, she could still feel the warmth of the sun, and it feels like Nagito's hand on her arm.

no matter how beaten down they were, no matter how pathetic they became, a survivor had to fight and survive, because of that.

oh. she had become so consumed with the past that she had forgotten. sorrow like rocks in her pockets, dragging behind her. drop them one at a time, and leave a path of where you've been. Helena's hand is chilled, but she can still grip her cane, using it to help pull herself back to her feet. her expression is no longer agonized, but clear - as though she had some kind of quiet revelation and shed a veil that had cloaked her in every step. vulnerable, exposed, but still walking. still pushing onwards, regardless.

the snow falls on her hair, her shoulders, and she breathes deep, into a throat that aches from screaming, the sharp cold coming into her chest and soothing everything overheated and inflamed. Helena feels so light, it's a change. like the wind will carry her off if her cane didn't anchor her to the earth.

you can hope without second guessing. she wants to, and wanting is the very first step.

there are no words, but Nagito will know the feeling of a change, and know that it's taken place. as though he took a blade of snow, and made the right cut that freed her from what would poison her if it stayed in. Helena has always been willing to listen - really listen to his words, instead of trying to dismiss them or make him change how he speaks. it gives her an advantage, because it means that what he's said, he knows she hears for the truth it is.

she'll take her strides and catch up, so they're walking side by side again.]