who: Joe and Friends(?) what: Closed Prompts for December when: December where: Rooftop, Room Star 5 warnings: Prompts are tagged! List updating as need be: YTTD Spoilers, Death Mention, PTSD
[ A lot has been happening in the month Joe has arrived here. He started pretty lost, but he feels pretty confident he's remembering almost everything now. His childhood, his time in his actual school, the death game... except one thing. How the game by Majority Ended. And frankly, most of the details of it. It's blurry, and thinking about it always puts him in pain. It's like something is actively blocking him from remembering...
But he knows it's not just him that's struggling with remembering. Sara... she hasn't admitted it, but Joe can tell something is wrong. He hates thinking about it but... he's observant to a fault. He's not smart, but he picks up on these things. Especially when it's coming from his best friend.
That said, Joe doesn't know what to do about either of these things. He feels really alone... he needs help. But from who?Sou Hiyori is who thinks of first. They aren't close; in fact, Joe barely knows him. But Sou was there in the Majority Game. He's been here with Sara much longer than Joe. So... what other choice does he really have on the matter? He just hopes Sou will help.
Early in the month during the day, as Joe passes Sou in the hall, he flashes him a grin and then not so subtly puts a note in his hand before walking on to his next destination.
The note is short and sweet albeit written in a crude handwriting: ]
Meet me on the roof after class.
[ A specific time isn't given, but Joe heads up right away once the final bell rings. He doesn't know what Sou does after classes, but he'll wait. He'll wait as long as he needs to. Even with it being so cold out, he'll wait...
He glances over when he hears the door to the roof open and gets to his feet. He tries to smile in greeting, but can't force it well. So he doesn't try too hard. ]
[Things that are extremely worrying; that kind of vague message, and being passed something in passing, so both have Shin already on edge and thinking of the worst case scenarios, staring down at the note in his hand and then up in the direction Joe vanished in. Is this finally it, the reckoning he's been doing his best to avoid and avoid thinking about? Something else?
...He can't exactly not go, however, so he's nosing through the door to the roof with hands in pockets, skipping clubs because the sun is already setting by this time holy shit Japan. He's got his customary smile on his face as he approaches, a little more practiced than Joe's own.]
Ahaha, after such a mysterious message, why wouldn't I? ...it's cold, so let's get on with it, though. You wanted to see me?
[ Now that Sou's here, Joe can feel his anxiety spiking. It didn't matter how much he prepared himself for this; he was never going to feel ready. But it's now or later. He's put it off for too long. ]
Yeah... I'll... just get to the point.
[ He takes in a deep breath of cold air that fills his lungs. ]
I want... you to tell me what happened in the Main Game. I can't remember it; I've tried. I need to know... and you're the only one I can ask. Sara... she... [ He shivers suddenly. ] I don't think she remembers me... or something like that. I think it's too painful for her to talk to me, and I can't help but think it's cause of the game. So please... Sou...
[The muscles in Shin's back are already tensing up, and it's hard to maintain eye contact.]
...don't you think there might be a good reason she's not told you?
[Which in and of itself is telling in it's own right. Shin knows, and it's not good, although to be fair there was never any chance it would be. Then there's the world's tiniest record scratch.]
Wait, she doesn't- ?
['They say the mind protects itself from memories like that'. It makes sense for Joe to not remember his death and what preceded it; honestly it's a surprise that Shin even does. His mind is frantically whirring as he looks to the side, fingers closing in his scarf. When did that happen. Why did that happen? Is this why he was never asked to move out, why the two aren't acting as friends? Did she... use Sahalin's machine, despite the warning signs? But no, she knew who he was talking about when he brought up Joe not being on the percentage list, so it had to have been because of something... after...
The blood drains out of Shin's already cold-drawn face.]
I-I can tell you but... Promise not to throw me off the roof, okay?
[Did he fuck up the ai. Did he fuck up the ai. Did he fuck up the ai.]
[ Joe can't hold back his sigh as he crosses his arms. ]
I'm sure there's a reason, yeah. Cause... I-I'm guessing it didn't end well. For me... anyway. [ At Sou's question, he shakes his head. ] I-I dunno for sure but... I think so? Memories get funny here, right? I'm not sure... what else it could be...
[ He closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath. The thought never crossed his mind, but Joe forces his body to relax. He lets his arms drop back to his sides before holding out his hands toward Sou. Even if the worry was being tossed from the roof, he's trying to show he isn't dangerous. ]
[They do get changed here, erased and added(?) but... as far as Shin can tell that level of specificity is... Well, there's the rumors floating around about the Counselor, who is firmly on Shin's 'avoid' list.
And... there's someone else who could have done it, that he knows Sara met, who's exactly cruel enough. It's horrible, but it is letting him calm down and clear his brain a bit.
He can't quite look at Joe's outstretched hands but... the attempt of it, is what gets him more than the success. He closes his eyes, exhales as well before opening them.]
...
Let's start small, then... You remember the bar, right? There was a cupboard underneath it. [That Shin loosened for him, honest.] Did you look inside?
[He knows Joe did, because of what happened but... this is habit now. The lantern is in his pocket but he won't be using it for this, he'll be guiding on his own because he knows what happened, this time around. This is his attempt at delicacy in a field he's only barely dipped his toes in, once more fumbling about in the shoes he's stepped in for better or worse, learning as he goes.
He's also tipping his hand here, because once it all comes together there's only one reason he could know this detail. But first steps first.]
[ Joe lets his hands fall back to his sides when Sou starts, and his eyebrows furrow as he starts to think back. Even now it's difficult, but there's some ease with Sou walking him through it. He lets his eyes close as he starts to work back through what happened. ]
Yeah... Sara asked me to open it... [ His arms cross absentmindedly, struggling with the details. ] Inside was... a-a card? Yeah a card! I remember cause it was glowing!
[ The more he thinks about it, though, the more troubled he feels. An unease that had always been there really sets in now. Because he remembers that card now. And what it said... ]
[Even still not looking directly, he's still keeping a sharp focus on Joe out the corner of his eye, trying to continually assess as best he can how close he is to prodding things too far. He's not liking his lack of confidence in this arena.]
Huh... Sara was there?
[It seemed like it had come as a complete surprise to her, the way she'd reacted to the revelation. At the time he'd thought... it was probably acting. It had to be acting. Garnering sympathy. Here and now... that's a little harder to believe, but that only makes that detail stranger. He didn't see her go back to the bar between him and Kanna leaving and finding her on the second floor, but it's not like he knew where she was every second of that time either. Maybe Joe had just hidden the card before she could see...]
Anyway, focus. It had a picture of a skull on that side, didn't it? What did it have on the back?
[There's a certain irony in hindsight to it, asking him to describe the card.]
[ Joe grimaces for a moment, but he takes in a breath to steady himself then shakes his head. ]
No I.... wanna keep going. [ Even if it hurts or seems wrong, he wants to know. ] She was. We were investigating together at the time. But I didn't show her the card... because...
[ His thought process is clear on his face: he struggles to remember at first, but after a moment he realizes it. And the truth of that is just as troubling as the rest. ]
If she saw it.... I-I would've died.
[ Because that was the rule written on the back, right? But Joe doesn't know that was a fake rule. So he remembers keeping it hidden, but the word Sacrifice is like a knife in his gut even now. He didn't know what it meant then; even now it's foggy. But there's no way it was anything good. ]
That was a dummy rule... but there's no way you could have known that. So you would have kept it on you, all the way to the end...
[It's, unbeknownst to him, ironic. He'd suspected Joe and Kai of collusion, then had that uncomfortably disproven later. He doesn't know that they were working together to an extent. Once again, right by accident, for the wrong reasons.]
Sacrifice... [His hand curls back and forth in his scarf, clearly thinking hard about how best to approach this one. Tell him outright to move things along, or once more nudge him into remembering himself? That seems to be what's working so far...] Ahaha, you already know this one. There was a room before the main game, filled with food, right?
[It had been taunting him. He hadn't taken a single bite, already sick to his stomach.]
Miley explained the four cards there... Keymaster, that kills everyone if voted for. Sage, who knows who the Keymaster is. Commoner, that does nothing. And the Sacrifice... it's a curious card, isn't it?
[They all got the same canned prerecording, so the phrasing here is very deliberate.]
[ They really did something like that? It's not that surprising; the people who ran that game were clearly off their rockers. But knowing that makes the pain in his chest grow. As does thinking more about the Sacrifice's role. It starts to come back to him...
The plan he had made to try and get him and Sara out of the game. But it hadn't worked, whether she had realized his intentions or not. The feeling of despair knowing he was going to die and she would be alone in this fucked up game. Even then though he couldn't begrudge the group. Even now he can't bring himself to hate them. But he...
Joe remembers what it felt like to die. A horrible, drawn out death. His hand clutches the fabric that cover his heart as a phantom pain sneaks in. He remembers, though, trying to comfort Sara despite being moments from dying. He couldn't even manage that.
An empty laugh bubbles out uncomfortable, and he squeezes his eyes shut. ]
Ah...aha... shit... shit!
[ He's on the ground before he realizes it like the last of his energy was zapped from him. It's hard to catch his breath through the pain and biting cold. Joe sits there on the roof with one hand clutched to his chest and the other hand holding his head.
[Like cracks slowly moving across the face and structure of a dam, or like... bending a paperclip back and forth. Back and forth... back and forth... until suddenly it snaps.
Shin wasn't expecting it to snap this quick.
He'd been holding out a thin hope that maybe if he was delicate enough, careful enough, he could leave it just at the inference rather than stark pure knowledge of what had happened, like knocking over three dominoes instead of the whole set and about as likely.]
A-are you...?
[Stupid question Shin, of course he's not okay. His hands go from outstretched hovering as Joe falls to his knees back to his scarf, looking away even as he steps forward.]
Ahaha... you wanted to know. I guess there it is...
[ Joe doesn't say anything at first. Or even react really. He just takes in shallow breaths of freezing air as he tries to get himself together. But it hurts... so much... it's not an easy task.
It take a few minutes, but finally, Joe starts to breathe mostly normally again. It goes in through his nose and out through his mouth slowly, and he lets his hands drop back to his sides. He feels like he just ran a marathon: a pain in his chest, struggling to catch his breath, and an absolute exhaustion. He opens his mouth to say something, but all that comes out his a choked sob.
He reaches up to wipe his face of fresh tears, and he takes another deep breath. His voice isn't steady, but Joe finally forms his next question: ]
...Wh-why are you and S-Sara here then....?
[ Because that's the next horrible thing he realizes. ]
[He's going to just stand awkwardly here this whole time sorry. There's... not a lot in his extremely limited collection of 'things to try if someone's having a meltdown in front of you' that he can actually try here.
And OH BOY well he knows what to do when Joe asks that dreaded question at least; eat hot chip and lie. Or, well, deflect.]
A-ahahahaha, w-well, I got shot...
[Ignore anything about Sara this isn't a school that's also an afterlife, what are you talking about, this is just him.]
Hard to say how many times... I wasn't really paying attention. Four, five, I think? Still hurts sometimes. It's weird, because it didn't then, at first...
[ Sou's response no matter how casual he tries to play it off knocks the air out of Joe again. He takes no pleasure in the news. If anything it makes him feel even more despair. ]
You... got shot? [ Joe lets out an uneasy breath, shaking his head. ] I'm sorry man... that's terrible...
[ There's nothing sarcastic or spiteful in his tone. He's genuinely sorry Sou was killed too. Despite everything, he doesn't think anyone deserved from the game deserved to die. Even... if he tried to sacrifice them... so that he and Sara could go home...
He gives his shoulder a tight squeeze to try to snap out of it. Does that matter now? He failed... and that was the right thing to happen. Even in death, he knows it's better this way. No matter how terrible it is.
[He says, like a liar. Even though some part of him was kind of unconsciously fishing for it, the part that was upset nobody seemed to care that he'd been hit with a frying pan in the head and almost died, he has no idea what to actually do with Joe's apparently genuine sympathy on getting it. Aren't you happy, just a bit? Wasn't he awful? Those last words of Joe's had stuck and gnawed at him.]
Last I checked, she was alive. Hers was the final vote for me, even.
[So who can say? Not him. Everyone being dead is assumed knowledge now... maybe Joe could go a very long time without finding out.]
She's told me about things that happened since then... [He almost tells Joe that she killed Midori before realizing that would mean absolutely nothing to him... How did so much manage to happen in less than a week?] Don't worry, she's fine.
Edited (trying to play it off so cool ) 2021-12-21 11:27 (UTC)
[ He's not sure what to make of it honestly. Sou's so casual about being dead... but he doesn't think that's the whole truth. At the very least, it's not that Joe thinks he's trying to hide something. Rather he's just trying to avoid the reality of what happened. And who could blame him?
After a moment, he takes in another breath before slowly getting back up to his feet. His body hurts in new ways he never could've imagined, and the cold is really starting to set in too.
At that though he shakes his head with a frown. ]
No... she's not fine, man.
[ There's no way with everything's that's happened Sara's fine. If she was fine, she'd remember him right? There must be so much on her mind. So much he doesn't know about from simply being dead. It hurts. It hurts so much more than any physical pain he's in.
Joe's nose flares as he lets out a sharp breath, crossing his arms then. But pressing Sou over it isn't helpful either. So... ]
Thanks for being truthful with me, Sou. I...I'm sorry things ended up the way they did. And... I'm sorry for trying to win as the Sacrifice back then too. I won't make that mistake again.
[ He uncrosses his arms and then holds out a hand toward him. ]
Can we call it even maybe? At least, be on friendly terms? Is that alright?
[He has, admittedly, had six months to grapple with the idea after the initial freaking out about it... Joe's only just finding out now. It helps to tell himself that there wasn't all that much in his life, apart from his parents which is a sick, hot-stove thought to avoid now in it's depths of how much were they in on it.
But it's also that... despite being dead, he still exists. He still thinks, breathes... he hasn't completely disappeared. In that sense, then, he's survived. Sort of. Maybe this is all just more mental scaffolding shoring up that avoidance of the reality of it.]
...She's been having nightmares for months.
[He already knew, but it does snap more into place when Joe says it outright like that. It's true. Sara definitely isn't doing well, and hasn't been for a long time, and that's... probably the iceberg of it. 'Thanks for being truthful with me' sets an uncomfortable itchy prickle across his skin.]
Don't worry about it.
[It's been so long since he's thought about it but... Joe trying to win with the Sacrifice... he really was trying to do that, wasn't he? Deceiving them all, so that him and Sara could win, could live, and all the rest left to die. What Shin thought he was doing in the first place. Mixed feelings squirm in the pit of him. He'd been doing the same thing hadn't he, the moment he thought Kanna had that card... so he doesn't have much place to judge and it's uncomfortable.]
I-i put you in that position in the first place, after all. Calling it even... if you really want, let's put it all behind us.
[It kind of hurts, that Joe is the one trying to reconcile with him... there's a hesitation, and then he takes the offered hand and shakes it with a closed-eyed smile.]
[ Knowing Sara hasn't been doing well for month makes Joe sick to his stomach. But he tries hard not to focus on that in this moment right now. It wasn't do either of them good, but it's something he needs to worry about soon. Although that needs to start with a conversation about what he knows too...
Ah. Joe shakes his head. Right, focus on now. ]
I'll talk to her.
[ But for now he grips Sou's hand. It's strong but not to a point where it would hurt. He's not trying to intimidate hiim. ]
We were all doing what we needed to do to survive then, right? Then it's fine; I don't blame you for it, man. [ He pulls his hand back, eyes darting away. ] And for what it's worth... I'm glad I didn't win. I don't think I could live with that guilt. So don't blame yourself for what happened to me either. I won't... make that mistake again.
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Closed to Shin; Early December (CW: YTTD spoilers)
But he knows it's not just him that's struggling with remembering. Sara... she hasn't admitted it, but Joe can tell something is wrong. He hates thinking about it but... he's observant to a fault. He's not smart, but he picks up on these things. Especially when it's coming from his best friend.
That said, Joe doesn't know what to do about either of these things. He feels really alone... he needs help. But from who?Sou Hiyori is who thinks of first. They aren't close; in fact, Joe barely knows him. But Sou was there in the Majority Game. He's been here with Sara much longer than Joe. So... what other choice does he really have on the matter? He just hopes Sou will help.
Early in the month during the day, as Joe passes Sou in the hall, he flashes him a grin and then not so subtly puts a note in his hand before walking on to his next destination.
The note is short and sweet albeit written in a crude handwriting: ]
Meet me on the roof after class.
[ A specific time isn't given, but Joe heads up right away once the final bell rings. He doesn't know what Sou does after classes, but he'll wait. He'll wait as long as he needs to. Even with it being so cold out, he'll wait...
He glances over when he hears the door to the roof open and gets to his feet. He tries to smile in greeting, but can't force it well. So he doesn't try too hard. ]
Hey man... thanks for meeting with me.
our time to die
...He can't exactly not go, however, so he's nosing through the door to the roof with hands in pockets, skipping clubs because the sun is already setting by this time holy shit Japan. He's got his customary smile on his face as he approaches, a little more practiced than Joe's own.]
Ahaha, after such a mysterious message, why wouldn't I? ...it's cold, so let's get on with it, though. You wanted to see me?
OUR die, comrade
Yeah... I'll... just get to the point.
[ He takes in a deep breath of cold air that fills his lungs. ]
I want... you to tell me what happened in the Main Game. I can't remember it; I've tried. I need to know... and you're the only one I can ask. Sara... she... [ He shivers suddenly. ] I don't think she remembers me... or something like that. I think it's too painful for her to talk to me, and I can't help but think it's cause of the game. So please... Sou...
no subject
...don't you think there might be a good reason she's not told you?
[Which in and of itself is telling in it's own right. Shin knows, and it's not good, although to be fair there was never any chance it would be. Then there's the world's tiniest record scratch.]
Wait, she doesn't- ?
['They say the mind protects itself from memories like that'. It makes sense for Joe to not remember his death and what preceded it; honestly it's a surprise that Shin even does. His mind is frantically whirring as he looks to the side, fingers closing in his scarf. When did that happen. Why did that happen? Is this why he was never asked to move out, why the two aren't acting as friends? Did she... use Sahalin's machine, despite the warning signs? But no, she knew who he was talking about when he brought up Joe not being on the percentage list, so it had to have been because of something... after...
The blood drains out of Shin's already cold-drawn face.]
I-I can tell you but... Promise not to throw me off the roof, okay?
[Did he fuck up the ai. Did he fuck up the ai. Did he fuck up the ai.]
no subject
I'm sure there's a reason, yeah. Cause... I-I'm guessing it didn't end well. For me... anyway. [ At Sou's question, he shakes his head. ] I-I dunno for sure but... I think so? Memories get funny here, right? I'm not sure... what else it could be...
[ He closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath. The thought never crossed his mind, but Joe forces his body to relax. He lets his arms drop back to his sides before holding out his hands toward Sou. Even if the worry was being tossed from the roof, he's trying to show he isn't dangerous. ]
I promise. So... please.
no subject
[They do get changed here, erased and added(?) but... as far as Shin can tell that level of specificity is... Well, there's the rumors floating around about the Counselor, who is firmly on Shin's 'avoid' list.
And... there's someone else who could have done it, that he knows Sara met, who's exactly cruel enough. It's horrible, but it is letting him calm down and clear his brain a bit.
He can't quite look at Joe's outstretched hands but... the attempt of it, is what gets him more than the success. He closes his eyes, exhales as well before opening them.]
...
Let's start small, then... You remember the bar, right? There was a cupboard underneath it. [That Shin loosened for him, honest.] Did you look inside?
[He knows Joe did, because of what happened but... this is habit now. The lantern is in his pocket but he won't be using it for this, he'll be guiding on his own because he knows what happened, this time around. This is his attempt at delicacy in a field he's only barely dipped his toes in, once more fumbling about in the shoes he's stepped in for better or worse, learning as he goes.
He's also tipping his hand here, because once it all comes together there's only one reason he could know this detail. But first steps first.]
no subject
Yeah... Sara asked me to open it... [ His arms cross absentmindedly, struggling with the details. ] Inside was... a-a card? Yeah a card! I remember cause it was glowing!
[ The more he thinks about it, though, the more troubled he feels. An unease that had always been there really sets in now. Because he remembers that card now. And what it said... ]
S....Sacrifice... it said Sacrifice...
no subject
[Even still not looking directly, he's still keeping a sharp focus on Joe out the corner of his eye, trying to continually assess as best he can how close he is to prodding things too far. He's not liking his lack of confidence in this arena.]
Huh... Sara was there?
[It seemed like it had come as a complete surprise to her, the way she'd reacted to the revelation. At the time he'd thought... it was probably acting. It had to be acting. Garnering sympathy. Here and now... that's a little harder to believe, but that only makes that detail stranger. He didn't see her go back to the bar between him and Kanna leaving and finding her on the second floor, but it's not like he knew where she was every second of that time either. Maybe Joe had just hidden the card before she could see...]
Anyway, focus. It had a picture of a skull on that side, didn't it? What did it have on the back?
[There's a certain irony in hindsight to it, asking him to describe the card.]
no subject
No I.... wanna keep going. [ Even if it hurts or seems wrong, he wants to know. ] She was. We were investigating together at the time. But I didn't show her the card... because...
[ His thought process is clear on his face: he struggles to remember at first, but after a moment he realizes it. And the truth of that is just as troubling as the rest. ]
If she saw it.... I-I would've died.
[ Because that was the rule written on the back, right? But Joe doesn't know that was a fake rule. So he remembers keeping it hidden, but the word Sacrifice is like a knife in his gut even now. He didn't know what it meant then; even now it's foggy. But there's no way it was anything good. ]
Sou... what does it mean? Sacrifice?
no subject
That was a dummy rule... but there's no way you could have known that. So you would have kept it on you, all the way to the end...
[It's, unbeknownst to him, ironic. He'd suspected Joe and Kai of collusion, then had that uncomfortably disproven later. He doesn't know that they were working together to an extent. Once again, right by accident, for the wrong reasons.]
Sacrifice... [His hand curls back and forth in his scarf, clearly thinking hard about how best to approach this one. Tell him outright to move things along, or once more nudge him into remembering himself? That seems to be what's working so far...] Ahaha, you already know this one. There was a room before the main game, filled with food, right?
[It had been taunting him. He hadn't taken a single bite, already sick to his stomach.]
Miley explained the four cards there... Keymaster, that kills everyone if voted for. Sage, who knows who the Keymaster is. Commoner, that does nothing. And the Sacrifice... it's a curious card, isn't it?
[They all got the same canned prerecording, so the phrasing here is very deliberate.]
no subject
[ They really did something like that? It's not that surprising; the people who ran that game were clearly off their rockers. But knowing that makes the pain in his chest grow. As does thinking more about the Sacrifice's role. It starts to come back to him...
The plan he had made to try and get him and Sara out of the game. But it hadn't worked, whether she had realized his intentions or not. The feeling of despair knowing he was going to die and she would be alone in this fucked up game. Even then though he couldn't begrudge the group. Even now he can't bring himself to hate them. But he...
Joe remembers what it felt like to die. A horrible, drawn out death. His hand clutches the fabric that cover his heart as a phantom pain sneaks in. He remembers, though, trying to comfort Sara despite being moments from dying. He couldn't even manage that.
An empty laugh bubbles out uncomfortable, and he squeezes his eyes shut. ]
Ah...aha... shit... shit!
[ He's on the ground before he realizes it like the last of his energy was zapped from him. It's hard to catch his breath through the pain and biting cold. Joe sits there on the roof with one hand clutched to his chest and the other hand holding his head.
He asked for the truth. He got it.
Joe Tazuna died. ]
no subject
Shin wasn't expecting it to snap this quick.
He'd been holding out a thin hope that maybe if he was delicate enough, careful enough, he could leave it just at the inference rather than stark pure knowledge of what had happened, like knocking over three dominoes instead of the whole set and about as likely.]
A-are you...?
[Stupid question Shin, of course he's not okay. His hands go from outstretched hovering as Joe falls to his knees back to his scarf, looking away even as he steps forward.]
Ahaha... you wanted to know. I guess there it is...
[Don't blame him... Well, for that at least.]
no subject
It take a few minutes, but finally, Joe starts to breathe mostly normally again. It goes in through his nose and out through his mouth slowly, and he lets his hands drop back to his sides. He feels like he just ran a marathon: a pain in his chest, struggling to catch his breath, and an absolute exhaustion. He opens his mouth to say something, but all that comes out his a choked sob.
He reaches up to wipe his face of fresh tears, and he takes another deep breath. His voice isn't steady, but Joe finally forms his next question: ]
...Wh-why are you and S-Sara here then....?
[ Because that's the next horrible thing he realizes. ]
no subject
And OH BOY well he knows what to do when Joe asks that dreaded question at least; eat hot chip and lie. Or, well, deflect.]
A-ahahahaha, w-well, I got shot...
[Ignore anything about Sara this isn't a school that's also an afterlife, what are you talking about, this is just him.]
Hard to say how many times... I wasn't really paying attention. Four, five, I think? Still hurts sometimes. It's weird, because it didn't then, at first...
no subject
You... got shot? [ Joe lets out an uneasy breath, shaking his head. ] I'm sorry man... that's terrible...
[ There's nothing sarcastic or spiteful in his tone. He's genuinely sorry Sou was killed too. Despite everything, he doesn't think anyone deserved from the game deserved to die. Even... if he tried to sacrifice them... so that he and Sara could go home...
He gives his shoulder a tight squeeze to try to snap out of it. Does that matter now? He failed... and that was the right thing to happen. Even in death, he knows it's better this way. No matter how terrible it is.
But that still doesn't explain everything. ]
And... Sara? She d-died too...?
[ It was fine so long as she lived... but... ]
no subject
[He says, like a liar. Even though some part of him was kind of unconsciously fishing for it, the part that was upset nobody seemed to care that he'd been hit with a frying pan in the head and almost died, he has no idea what to actually do with Joe's apparently genuine sympathy on getting it. Aren't you happy, just a bit? Wasn't he awful? Those last words of Joe's had stuck and gnawed at him.]
Last I checked, she was alive. Hers was the final vote for me, even.
[So who can say? Not him. Everyone being dead is assumed knowledge now... maybe Joe could go a very long time without finding out.]
She's told me about things that happened since then... [He almost tells Joe that she killed Midori before realizing that would mean absolutely nothing to him... How did so much manage to happen in less than a week?] Don't worry, she's fine.
no subject
After a moment, he takes in another breath before slowly getting back up to his feet. His body hurts in new ways he never could've imagined, and the cold is really starting to set in too.
At that though he shakes his head with a frown. ]
No... she's not fine, man.
[ There's no way with everything's that's happened Sara's fine. If she was fine, she'd remember him right? There must be so much on her mind. So much he doesn't know about from simply being dead. It hurts. It hurts so much more than any physical pain he's in.
Joe's nose flares as he lets out a sharp breath, crossing his arms then. But pressing Sou over it isn't helpful either. So... ]
Thanks for being truthful with me, Sou. I...I'm sorry things ended up the way they did. And... I'm sorry for trying to win as the Sacrifice back then too. I won't make that mistake again.
[ He uncrosses his arms and then holds out a hand toward him. ]
Can we call it even maybe? At least, be on friendly terms? Is that alright?
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But it's also that... despite being dead, he still exists. He still thinks, breathes... he hasn't completely disappeared. In that sense, then, he's survived. Sort of. Maybe this is all just more mental scaffolding shoring up that avoidance of the reality of it.]
...She's been having nightmares for months.
[He already knew, but it does snap more into place when Joe says it outright like that. It's true. Sara definitely isn't doing well, and hasn't been for a long time, and that's... probably the iceberg of it. 'Thanks for being truthful with me' sets an uncomfortable itchy prickle across his skin.]
Don't worry about it.
[It's been so long since he's thought about it but... Joe trying to win with the Sacrifice... he really was trying to do that, wasn't he? Deceiving them all, so that him and Sara could win, could live, and all the rest left to die. What Shin thought he was doing in the first place. Mixed feelings squirm in the pit of him. He'd been doing the same thing hadn't he, the moment he thought Kanna had that card... so he doesn't have much place to judge and it's uncomfortable.]
I-i put you in that position in the first place, after all. Calling it even... if you really want, let's put it all behind us.
[It kind of hurts, that Joe is the one trying to reconcile with him... there's a hesitation, and then he takes the offered hand and shakes it with a closed-eyed smile.]
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Ah. Joe shakes his head. Right, focus on now. ]
I'll talk to her.
[ But for now he grips Sou's hand. It's strong but not to a point where it would hurt. He's not trying to intimidate hiim. ]
We were all doing what we needed to do to survive then, right? Then it's fine; I don't blame you for it, man. [ He pulls his hand back, eyes darting away. ] And for what it's worth... I'm glad I didn't win. I don't think I could live with that guilt. So don't blame yourself for what happened to me either. I won't... make that mistake again.