この気持ち…伝わってるといいんすけどね (12/31)

[commences]

Who: Hajime Hinata & friends
What: Happy birthday, Hinata-kun!
When: December 31, 9PM~
Where: School roof
Warnings: N/A, TBE

( there's various hidden signs that point towards the elevator, and if anyone catches sight, they'll see an arrow that points up, indicating for them to take it skyward. if they get off too early, there's a sign on the floor that reads, "next stop!", so if they dare, they can go back into the elevator and do as the words command. upon making your way to the rooftop on new year's eve, the setup is immediately apparent.

a number of glittering, sparkling decorations line the area — streamers, balloons, music, and a brightly colored sign the reads: happy birthday hinachan. at the heart of the setup is a bonfire that reaches almost shoulder-height — properly set up to make sure it doesn't spread anywhere further than its containment area, it sets a festive tone.

"borrowed" desks are also covered in an array of treats and appetizers courtesy of nene and amami, as well as enough love setsugetsukka to "make 3 people black out," which is probably enough to share if nobody gets too ambitious. the cake at the center of it all is the real star of the show however, almost as big as a person all on it's own.

to top it all off, even under the dim glow of the stars, nobody is short of a little light when natsume and noah's dazzling light show begins. once the main event has closed, a variety of firecrackers are brought out to celebrate with as things begin to wind down. varieties include the classic sparklers, these little spinny bitches, funky little sparkshowers, some little baby rockets, with the larger varieties spanning a couple feet at most. on the opposite side, there's a little table where a birdhouse is kept, and inside stuffed with all sorts of cotton and wood shavings are two birds huddled together inside, and a few treats that people can feed them if interest. if keigo looks at your character from afar, it's fine, that birdhouse they're living in was made by them, after all.

and at the centre of it all will be one boy with a bag over his head, kidnapped by rokuro arata, who sits him down and lets komaeda undo his blindfold — happy birthday, hinata-kun! )

Comments

[commences]

Hiyori-kun.

( not the proper way of speaking to him, but there's lots of people, and komaeda can be considerate just this once. he's not hard to look at, considering every person is just another body to the grand scheme of hope that he's designed personally. yet, he always seems like an outcast when there isn't something between them, unlike the door from the christmas party when he was someone kind playing a game of tic tac toe with him. sizing him up, he already knows about the lack of his scarf, the one that belonged to the original sou hiyori, and... hm, at this point, komaeda knows a little too much, but he engages like he knows nothing at all.

at least right now, anyway. )

First you fumble with the hacking gun, and now you don't know how to play with with a sparkler.

( he stands in front of him now, picking up one himself that isn't lit, but he'll demonstrate. flicking his wrist to draw out a few kanji and katakana symbols, but the end word always tends to be "hope," nothing more, and nothing less. it's probably what he was expecting, anyway. )

We can write out our wishes with these, if you want.

[notsosou]

[Ignoring that poking for a rise... Of course it's 'hope'... Not necessarily as Shin was expecting, but not really anything of a surprise, either.]

Wishes... Don't really have any right now.

[It's like some part of him has shut off at the moment, gone numb with pins and needles, the motion of his heart in that area is still. Maybe he could dredge up something if he really tried, pull something together with logic and not emotion, but why try? Anything he tells Komaeda is something he can use.

He makes a half-hearted sort of twirling motion anyway; a circle, or a spiral, bright against the dark, clockwise, then counterclockwise.]

Do you ever wish for anything other than "hope"?

[Kind of a dangerous thing to ask, given it's going to unleash the floodgates at best, but with so much currently offline to nurse itself, it seems like a fine enough sardonic uno card reversal.]

[commences]

Do you not believe in hope, Hiyori-kun?

( when said like that, it sounds like he's given up, that there's no chance in hell for it to even exist. what's so wrong with wishing for hope every chance that he can get. )

You ever want something so bad so you put everything into obtaining it, as long as you have that hope, you can keep going without giving up. If I stop wishing for hope, then my original path will be blinded. I wish for other things alongside hope. To see my peers understand one another, let them know they're not alone. This is going through one ear and out the other for you, isn't it? Doesn't mean you have to give up on it.

( those are the floodgates opened by yours truly, and as he speaks them, he seems to really believe his own words. that he wants to help his peers to achieve that hope, and that if he gives up on doing so, he'll worry for the lot of them. he has to take it into his own hands, but if they do well, they don't need komaeda's kind and helping hand. he lifts his prosthetic, waving it to dismiss it. )

Let's see... You could wish for a better year, or no more murders, or to make more friends! It doesn't matter what you wish for, what matters is if you can apply yourself to make it happen... wishes aren't granted to those who do nothing.

( he realizes that he's talked a lot, so he closes his mouth for a moment, but then he probably has some thing else to say, please... cut him off. )

[notsosou]

Ahaha, sounds to me like there's no difference between what you call 'hope' and selfishness.

[A familiar part of him is cautioning warning, but it's easy enough to push aside. Maybe some part of him just wants to run a stone along the knife's edge of words, the way it wanted to know about Kanna's death.]

If you want something and don't care what's in your way, that's definitionally it, isn't it? And if you want something and it can't happen, it's useless.

[Giving up... There's a reason he stopped looking for Midori. Maybe this really is going in one ear and out the other, as usual, a little more than as usual. His past self made an effort to understand, because they were friends, but Shin now tries to read the words behind the words, the thing they're being used for rather than what is said... which runs into problems when it's Komaeda's earnest worldview. It repeats, too... it's not long before tuning it out is easy.]

Don't they say if you tell someone, it won't come true?

[Those things... maybe he would wish for them. He has at least one, already. It's an uncomfortable accuracy, one of those small reminders.]

[commences]

Now, now... You're missing what's important... the people by your side. Who said you had to do it alone? Come on, Hiyori-kun! You're working so well with some people, don't throw it all away.

( to be so selfish, how could he? that's not how it works, and even komaeda feels slightly disappointed in him. he plays with his own sparkler before scuffing the end, killing the light. )

What gives you hope? I feel as if the meaning has been stomped on for you, but even someone like Adams-san understands perfectly.

( the true hiyori hurt him, komaeda understands that, it's why he can't even think of something grand as hope. unfortunate, but he laughs it off with a gentle smile. ) That's because she wants to be with others, and understand. That's how you make friends, and grow stronger, because once you connect with a person, you want to see their hope grow too alongside yours.

( as he keeps going, he's a little confused. it doesn't come true? wrong wish, buddy, but he's patient, it's like talking to a child who almost died last night. )

That's only on birthdays! This is the new year, you have to say it loud and proud. ...Are you terrified of saying it aloud as if it's some sort of weakness?

[notsosou]

[The people by his side... that's why he tried making friends here in the first place. Believing in people, because they weren't how he thought, because they believed in him... only to find out that it doesn't matter. It never mattered. It came down to a coin toss, in the end, and all his words might as well have been dead air. It's raw and painful, the way a wound unfurls it's tenderness over several days, the shifting of colours across his neck.

He can't go so far as to say it was a mistake - alliances are useful, people working together are more powerful, that's how a majority works, that's why it can be a tyranny. But maybe putting his heart and trust in them was. He watches his sparkler burn down to a charred stop.]

Oh? Does she now?

[What has Komaeda been filling her ears with? Or rather, what has she actually been listening to? It's that spike of fear again. He hates that it reminds him of that gulf between them also, invisible only until it isn't, where it's felt keenly. Where Shin painfully realizes how much he's changed, if he can't understand a person like who he was, even by theory, and fears the repetition of history.]

You always take things so literally, geez.

[Or it's more like Shin is oblique because he knows Komaeda will pick up on it, and then runs face first into the feigned innocent response every time... as far as he sees it.]

Urk... Don't put it like that. There's a thing called privacy, Komaeda. Ever heard of it?

[From his tone it's his turn to talk like he's explaining something simple, because Komaeda sure acts like he hasn't... and also because, yeah, Komaeda's on the money.]

Fine, how about this? I wish... you'd stop talking about hope for a year.

[Just a sidelong little smirk at Komaeda, because how likely do you think that is? He knows the answer already: 'just make it happen yourself', (work it out yourself Shin I can't just hand you everything all the time) but that doesn't actually matter. It's a throwaway wish, like snakeskin.]

[commences]

Mhm... Hiyori-kun has no privacy when he wears everything on his sleeve... ( his eyes quickly look to his neck, blinking a few times as if he's making a connection, but it comes off carefree like he means nothing by it. just a comment that holds no weight because komaeda's shouldn't know the the meaning behind it. ) ...or maybe it's the scarf.

( for a year? which komaeda's going to be a little bitch to equate it towards 1999, which is a year, and once that passes into 2K, he's able to talk about hope again. he glances up to the clocktower, that's about a few more hours from now. he's not going to correct shin, but he does find it funny that he'd leave such a gap, or maybe he thought it was such a good wish that he feels proud of himself. he won't get judged for now. )

I wish for Tsukimi-kun to smile before the year is up, with such a downcast expression, it'll happen. People will come and check on you regardless, which will turn that frown upside down.

( because it's shin tsukimi that's hurt, but komaeda switch right after into the name that he's supposed to use when around other. he doesn't too much care for the "hiyori" side of him, too much of a try hard, when he's just as vulnerable as everyone else here. maybe that's the side of him that doesn't understand hope, and sees it as selfishness, hm, maybe the old tsukimi would have thought something of it. )

With those out of the way, what's a wish you want to do for yourself? For me... I w—

( "to die," is such a common one, as if komaeda doesn't have the urge to walk off the edge when it shows itself. sadly, he can't die hopelessly, so he's just as alive until a moment comes where he can sacrifice himself for the greater good. whenever that happens to show itself.

anyway, he looks at shin because they have to say it together. )

— iiiish...

[notsosou]

It's not like it's all or nothing. ... Forget it, why am I even bothering?

[He tugs up a collar-side with a free hand. What's he doing. Komaeda's the sort who'll hear what he wants to. Telling him things in even a little good faith... isn't ever going to work. (He's surprised Komaeda hasn't commented on the handprint at this point, but maybe he's biding his time.)

I'm crying he was so smug about it, he'll be kicking himself when he realizes but... that's what happens with vague specifications. A few hours is an achievement in it's own right, so who ends up winning in the end?]

What kind of wish is that?

[He looks that gloomy, huh? People have been checking in on him... He smiles, fairly often, as much of a defense as and part of his Hiyori persona. That side of him... at the end of the day it wants to keep him alive, even if that means killing him. Try hard because the odds feel so stacked... and also honestly, inexperience. Hope the way he sees it feels dangerous as far as it's concerned, something to seal away and thereby stifle, and the rest of him resents it. Hope the way Komaeda describes it... fits easily into it's worldview after the filter of his own perception. There's nothing unusual about him smiling within the span of a few hours, such that it would require a wish, because it would happen anyway.

...a genuine, happy one, fully from the heart, from Shin Tsukimi? No. He doesn't do those on command anymore. Even his own, really; they take him by as much surprise as anyone when they happen. Somehow he gets the strangest feeling there won't be one today.

He'll take a page out of Komaeda's own book and just stare at him with dead eyes and, yes, a smile. Go on. There's no reason for him to participate in this. He can pretend he can't tell it's meant to be a joint thing, even as Komaeda'll make a thing of it as he does every time Shin feigns ignorance.]

[commences]

( a shame that he gives up so easy, if only there was some way to motivate him more. rather than frown at his words, komaeda keeps a coy smile as he watches the other fiddle with his collar. it's like he wants komaeda to say something, but there's time and place, and mentioning that will only draw him back rather than make his wish come true. ah, he said it himself, if someone said their wish, they'd have to make it happen all on their own. how many hours does he have until the year is over, can he make shin smile in that amount of time? he used to smile before. )

You made a wish for me, and I'm not going to limit you. I never want to see someone stuck in a moment of stagnation, it goes against everything I do.

( that's why shin takes two steps back, and komaeda takes two steps forward. that's why even now he doesn't care for the wish of not saying a certain word for a few hours where he can spread hope without even speaking. if he couldn't, he'd just be as useless like a rock on the side of the road.

now when he's mirrored with a dead look and a smile, komaeda matches it with a happier expression in his eyes, and a softer smile. that's not the sort of smile he wanted to see, but that smile isn't meant for him, it's supposed to be for shin tsukimi himself. one branded as sou hiyori benefits komaeda none. a breathy chuckle follows afterwards, and komaeda circles him once, and then twice before taking the sparkler out of his hand. )

Should I wish for us both, then? You have a tongue so you can talk... I can't indulge stupidity for so long, so you know the quicker you do this... the faster you can get rid of me.

( but whether komaeda goes is another story, shin should know the only person who wins is the person who keeps going because nothing stood in their way. even now, komaeda's able to continue like himself unlike shin who is guarded from head to toe, locking himself up, and... )

Hm... what do people wish together? To not be lonely? ( he writes the kanji of lonely with the sparkler, and then he continues with another word. ) To find happiness? A wish for Tsukimi Shin-kun and Komaeda Nagito-kun... ah, even saying that together is terrifying, what if I ruin it?

( the small crackle and snap of the stick plays in his ears, and with an inhale he hands it back to the other. it's to protect it from just exploding in his hand because nothing goes exactly right for someone like komaeda, but he seems to be avoiding that tonight. is it because it's hinata's birthday? or is there another reason? whatever it may be, he keeps it to himself just like everything else. )

[notsosou]

Ahaha, like I can ever get rid of you.

[Maybe in the short term, but in the long term... Komaeda's almost certainly going to return in some fashion and for some reason, like puzzles or clothes-theft. Speaking of, there goes the sparkler.

...Shin never learnt how to leave, in the end. The choice was made elsewhere, without him. He doesn't know how to disentangle himself if there's even a way, even now when he knows what exactly sort of thing's happening, when he wants to, when as far as he knows he has no more illusions about this. The result is this tangled tattered knotted thing... it doesn't help they're all forced to live in close proximity.]

Lonely, huh... [Does he look lonely? Is he lonely? Ordinarily there might be an answer but it's all a mess right now, because loneliness and safety have bled together like paint. It's clear Komaeda is reaching out but that can only look like a trap, feel possessive. The tying together of them like that has him hunching into himself despite himself. It's terrifying, for it's own reasons to him.] If it's a wish for both of us, maybe it should be that, right? A clean break.

[Kills me, this equal and opposing wish to his past. There's that element of the dare to it, the same as stark fingerprints on his neck, the same as wanting a wolf to rip off it's clothing.]

[commences]

Quick to run away, aren't you?

( it's that constant running that makes komaeda act the way he does, no one leaves unless he decides for them to. the distance shin places between them, komaeda doesn't acknowledge it, if he follows, and if he appears then there's no way for the other to get away from him. that behavior isn't healthy, but using one's own insecurities to get away isn't any better. it's a drastic change from those older times, where they did some good in each other's company, but recently, shin makes that hard. he's afraid, that much is true, but he should be considering komaeda can change like a light switch, and do something with no regrets. )

I'd miss you, Tsukimi-kun.

( he looks up at him, blinking, and there's some honesty to his words though komaeda isn't really a liar — honest to a fault, and shin probably knows that much. )

Haha, there's no need for that, besides... you're already broken. Clean, and straight down the middle, there's no need to lie to me. ( there's this vacant look in his eyes, detached from the situation as he moves on without needing an answer for it. ) Mmm... anyways, thank you for coming. Sakasaki-kun says I shouldn't thank people when it's not about me, but... I'm glad you could come and make this gathering just as special.

( that's not his hinata, he'll never be his hinata, and he's just a talentless fool who continues to cry every time something happens. despite all that, komaeda did all of this for him, so seeing people able to make it, even shin for example, someone who is coming back to the scene of where he almost died... is that bravery, or cowardice because people are around so someone will always see? whatever it is. )