この気持ち…伝わってるといいんすけどね (12/31)

[commences]

Who: Hajime Hinata & friends
What: Happy birthday, Hinata-kun!
When: December 31, 9PM~
Where: School roof
Warnings: N/A, TBE

( there's various hidden signs that point towards the elevator, and if anyone catches sight, they'll see an arrow that points up, indicating for them to take it skyward. if they get off too early, there's a sign on the floor that reads, "next stop!", so if they dare, they can go back into the elevator and do as the words command. upon making your way to the rooftop on new year's eve, the setup is immediately apparent.

a number of glittering, sparkling decorations line the area — streamers, balloons, music, and a brightly colored sign the reads: happy birthday hinachan. at the heart of the setup is a bonfire that reaches almost shoulder-height — properly set up to make sure it doesn't spread anywhere further than its containment area, it sets a festive tone.

"borrowed" desks are also covered in an array of treats and appetizers courtesy of nene and amami, as well as enough love setsugetsukka to "make 3 people black out," which is probably enough to share if nobody gets too ambitious. the cake at the center of it all is the real star of the show however, almost as big as a person all on it's own.

to top it all off, even under the dim glow of the stars, nobody is short of a little light when natsume and noah's dazzling light show begins. once the main event has closed, a variety of firecrackers are brought out to celebrate with as things begin to wind down. varieties include the classic sparklers, these little spinny bitches, funky little sparkshowers, some little baby rockets, with the larger varieties spanning a couple feet at most. on the opposite side, there's a little table where a birdhouse is kept, and inside stuffed with all sorts of cotton and wood shavings are two birds huddled together inside, and a few treats that people can feed them if interest. if keigo looks at your character from afar, it's fine, that birdhouse they're living in was made by them, after all.

and at the centre of it all will be one boy with a bag over his head, kidnapped by rokuro arata, who sits him down and lets komaeda undo his blindfold — happy birthday, hinata-kun! )

Comments

[rearranger]

[ Ranger blinks, fascinated by the one in front of him. It's nothing special, and pales in comparison to what ASUNARO was capable of, and is nonetheless treated as though it were something more precious than a diamond. ]

Hmm... Well, I dunno about that. [ Probably Komaeda, he supposes, but no matter about that. He's more interested in the sparkles in front of him, setting off another one with an almost childish fascination - though Ranger himself looks to be in his 20s, ] ... I've never gotten to do anything like this.

[futurebullets]

[Hinata takes in the way Ranger's looking at the sparkler, the words he says - and the smile drops off his face as a pang goes through his chest.]

...Never? Not even once?

[Hinata knows there are many ways he was fortunate. He knows there are many ways he was not.

But... something about that seems a little too sad.

He's quiet for a very long moment before he reaches down to grab a package of his own, kneeling down besides Ranger a little closer than he might've a month ago.]

...Make sure you keep a good grip on it, okay? It'll last longer.

[rearranger]

[ Ranger stares for a few seconds. It's not the first time that somebody has questioned his lack of experience, but he offers the same nonplussed reaction each and every time. For a person who's never known anything else, that experience gap is nothing more or less than normal.

But he does hold it a little tighter as instructed. ]

No, I lived in a facility, so you couldn't really have fireworks in there... Well, I guess something like this might have been fine. No reason to keep 'em on hand though. Gotta stay focused on what's important, y'know?

[ He says it casually, seeming to see no problem with his. There was always too much to do and too little time. ]

[futurebullets]

A... facility, huh...

[He's quiet, thoughtful as he opens up the packaging and carefully lights up his own sparkler.]

That... sounds kind of lonely.

[Hinata has images in his head of a little kid running around in a place too big for him, a place where things like fireworks would've been allowed but not necessarily encouraged.

He doesn't have enough pieces... but it feels like a few things are slotting into place. Not enough pieces to put together a whole picture, but... Theory. A thread of possibility.

Before... I wonder if that's why he...]

If not fireworks... Did you have anything that you used to do for New Year's?

[rearranger]

[ Had it been lonely? He doesn't think that it was. He never liked being by himself, and it always did bother him to be left to his own devices for too long, but it wasn't until he came here that he started to feel that empty ache and to acknowledge the feeling of loneliness. That means that he wasn't, right? He had Safalin, Gashu, and Miley. He never did get along with Midori, but even he was there. The only people who mattered in his tiny little world were always there, so it shouldn't have been lonely at all, right?

The door was shut, but he wasn't sad, because he never thought to try and pick the lock or crawl out the window. There was no one who loved him, but he never thought of himself as alone, and so he was never sad to be shut up nor unloved.

Some days he thinks that he was, and that he simply hadn't noticed it. Ranger can push those feelings down until somebody mentions it again, until he has to roll through every memory and apply new knowledge to it once more, and ask himself again - was he lonely? Was it really so bad? Could it have been when such a large part of him still wants to go back to that miserable, empty place?

It takes him a little too long to respond as he muddles over that. ]

Mm.... Well, I was never alone, so it was fine.

[ It's not anymore, but... It was then. ]

Not really. We didn't celebrate any holidays. The whole place was pretty stuffy, and I dunno that there's much of interest unless you're interested in science and technology, so I guess it'd look pretty bad to an outsider.

[futurebullets]

[Hinata hums, thoughtful. There are a few things he thinks of saying before he ultimately discards them - too blunt, or too thoughtless, and like that time with Nanami that he doesn't even remember anymore, he knows this is a situation where his words need to be chosen carefully.]

Sometimes you can still be lonely when you're not alone. [He thinks of his parents, at classmates that laughed at him for working too hard and- something else, he thinks. Probably. Maybe.] But if the people that were around you didn't make you feel lonely, that's all that matters.

[He lights his own firework, watches as it sparks to life. Grip firm, just like he told Ranger.]

How things look or sound to me... None of that is important. It doesn't matter one bit what I think. [Part of him wonders if Ranger is changing those masks over his face again, but he keeps his eyes focused on the sparkling lights in front of him rather than look over like he wants to.] Your experiences, the place you grew up in and the people around you... You're the one who should get to decide whether those things were bad.

[He doesn't know if Ranger's looking, but Hinata shrugs anyway.]

I guess... There's times people don't realize things about themselves. [Like Hinata himself, nearly running off to his death.] I said it because something about the way you said it sounded lonely... But honestly, if I'm wrong, who gives a damn what I think?

[rearranger]

[ He does look over briefly, keeping his attention half on the sparkler in front of him, ice cream cone hiding his expression. Emotions are slippery, and he has a hard time pinning them down at the best of times, and so these conversations only grow more difficult the longer they go on. Ranger supposes this person must be more sensitive, more in tune with the their own emotions and those of the people around him. That, too, is strange to see even now. ]

Well, it's not like I can just ignore the thoughts of others either. I dunno what it looks like to anyone outside of that place.

[ It's true enough that it doesn't matter in the end, and yet it does. Just as Hinata said, there's too often things that people don't realize about themselves, and so these conversations force a person to stop and reevaluate their own circumstances in a way that otherwise wouldn't be possible. ]

Well, I'm not sure if I'd say they were bad, but it wasn't like it was a happy place either.

[ As with Ranger and all others within it, that place simply was. There was no happiness there, but he's not certain if he'd say there was exactly sadness either. ]

You shouldn't sell yourself short on stuff like that.

[ He's not quite sure why, but it rubs him a little wrong to hear somebody so ready for their viewpoint to be dismissed. If it was wrong, it was wrong, but it was still looking at things from a different angle. ]

[futurebullets]

[Hinata's humming thoughtfully as he listens along, but then he can't help but snort at the end of it.]

Sorry... Maybe tonight my head is stuck too much on the people that wouldn't have cared. [His parents, the classmates that laughed at him about - something, something that strangely doesn't feel important enough to try to remember right now.] Still, my opinion shouldn't weigh more than yours when you're the one that actually lived through it.

[He leans back a little, just to get a better look at both of their sparklers, not too far apart. Hinata never understood mono no aware when it came to these, the gentle sadness that things like sparklers and cherry blossoms are supposed to invoke because of their fleetingness; as a kid, it had always just been something bright and pretty to distract from his birthday.

Tonight, even if it's probably the happiest birthday he's ever had, Hinata thinks he understands it a little.]

That's the part that's important. Whether or not a place is happy or lonely... Maybe that's harder for you to figure out? But if it's somewhere that feels like "home", that you want to return to, I think that'd probably help you know for sure more than anything else.

[Hinata's quiet for a beat, feels a flicker of resolve and a shift of his heart, and then-]

...How about this? If I come visit you there after all this is done, then it doesn't have to be lonely at all.

[rearranger]

[ There's a little pause at that. Is there even a place for him to go back to? Ranger knows as well as anyone in ASUNARO that the company doesn't tolerate failure. In the same vein, there was no entering or leaving that place. But it's a nice idea, and so he nods all the same. ]

That doesn't sound so bad.

[ It's difficult to figure out, but this method of doing so seems reasonable enough to him. In the end, it's not a choice that he has to make now. Maybe the next time he gets bored, he'll hit the button on the elevator and take a visit back to see whether or not the worst version of his world can answer that question for him.

But that's for later. ]

... What about you? You've got a place to go back to, right? What's it like?