the words float back to his mind, how they'd lost their sister and mother, how he'd lost their brother, how their father wasn't the most around -- things they held similar enough in common with subaru, who knew his father best from a screen and as an idol than anything else, who lost him far too young, who learned responsibility and how to smile for others, how to make them smile in return, without learning how to process the emotions that came with the baggage of loss. who's mother, once she could smile again, worked hard enough to make the ethics of japan proud, who subaru wanted to simply relax and get home at a reasonable time, who he began to work for to that end.
the pain, the loneliness, the suffocation of it all.
... if his mother hadn't had him... if he hadn't been able to make her smile...
regardless, natsume's right; it's upsetting. but subaru's always valued the truth, even if it hurts, even if it sucks, even if it's something he doesn't want to hear. he hesitates, takes the knife, and feels the weight in the palm of his hand.
like lanling, but he'd chosen a different way.]
... Do you really think this'll help?
[because subaru is trying to decide if he's more terrified of dying or not seeing keigo again. any normal person has hesitance, but he also knows natsume... probably... will not let him die. if no one else, natsume.]
no subject
the words float back to his mind, how they'd lost their sister and mother, how he'd lost their brother, how their father wasn't the most around -- things they held similar enough in common with subaru, who knew his father best from a screen and as an idol than anything else, who lost him far too young, who learned responsibility and how to smile for others, how to make them smile in return, without learning how to process the emotions that came with the baggage of loss. who's mother, once she could smile again, worked hard enough to make the ethics of japan proud, who subaru wanted to simply relax and get home at a reasonable time, who he began to work for to that end.
the pain, the loneliness, the suffocation of it all.
... if his mother hadn't had him... if he hadn't been able to make her smile...
regardless, natsume's right; it's upsetting. but subaru's always valued the truth, even if it hurts, even if it sucks, even if it's something he doesn't want to hear. he hesitates, takes the knife, and feels the weight in the palm of his hand.
like lanling, but he'd chosen a different way.]
... Do you really think this'll help?
[because subaru is trying to decide if he's more terrified of dying or not seeing keigo again. any normal person has hesitance, but he also knows natsume... probably... will not let him die. if no one else, natsume.]