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00:00 01/01

✽ At the stoke of midnight, something shatters on the ground floor in front of the bulletin board, and the entire school goes dark: all electricity gets shut off, all flames are snuffed out, and the sky is heavily overcast to hide the moon and the stars. The only source of light are the suncatchers purchased from the student store, but even those fully charged will start to dim and go out over the next three days.
✽ Nene, Hinata, Noah, Amami, and Komaeda will smell something burning, and if they pull out their PDAs, it is hot to the touch and the casing is cracked, like something had blown from the inside, and their PDAs will not be working. For everybody else, the screen flickers when they press their thumb to their PDAs, and then goes dark again. ...
✽ If anybody was inside the main school building at midnight, I am so sorry, and for everybody else who enters the building afterwards, please watch your step. The appearance and atmosphere of the school has changed to that of the "void school" and can not be reverted upon breaking a mirror. Please refer to the aforementioned link for details about the school.
✽ As of midnight, no npcs can be found inside the school, including the library ghost, the gardener, and the cats. If a character were near an npc at midnight, it would appear as if they'd disappeared into the shadows the moment the world went dark.

??? whenever you guys solve the void

✽ 01/10 marks the beginning of the final semester, and when npc students and faculty will return to school. Of the ~260 npc students enrolled at the start of December, only ~40 npc students return to school, with the other three quarters having their names crossed off the class roster in the locker area. In light of the rapidly shrinking student body, homerooms will be consolidated by year, creating a single class for each of the first, second, and third years.
✽ The countdown in front of the bulletin board has reached zero, and the glass tube appears to have shattered and bled out onto the floor, to nobody's surprise. The mess will be cleaned up by the end of the week, and in its place is a notice for the school trip taking place next month. Please see the toplevel below for more details.
✽ The science lab is now open. Add will probably elbow people out of the way getting here, but he gets dibs on the anatomical model: it is warm to the touch, and rather than being made of plastic, the skin, muscle, bones, other organs feel very much real. He thinks they might be. The rest of the room is set up like a typical research lab, with all the basic chemicals and equipment: a refrigerator, liquid nitrogen storage tank, sonicator, incubator, autoclave, laminar flow cabinet, mass spectrometer, and a high performance liquid chromatography system.
✽ It snows on and off and the sky remains overcast with no sign of the sun all month.

OOC

✽ Please give the temporary locations page a thorough read! The most noticeable changes aside from the usual void school appearance is the scattered void, lack of electricity in both the school and the dorm, and the ability to walk off campus. The setting will remain as is until the characters figure out how to revert the change, or on 01/10, whichever comes first.
✽ PDAs will be inoperable until fixed. Tech-savvy characters may realize that the PDAs are powered through inductive charging, and the first step to getting them (also electrical appliances and hot water) to work again is to locate the generator.
✽ All npcs will be ICly unavailable until we unvoid the school.

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( well, like, that's sensible, you don't just ASK people how they died. unless you're natsume. )

It was compensation for helping them with their math proBLEM. They didn't tell me not to tell anyone ELSE, though I've kept my mouth shut on it anyWAY.

( because it would upset a lot of people.

it's going to upset subaru now. natsume watches the other carefully, expression neutral and voice a factual, even-tone; his hand moves to one of his jacket pockets, fingers clenching around something there. )

They made a wish to be with their family aGAIN, and then they picked up a KNIFE, and drove it into their HEART. ( and with one swift motion, he holds a knife between them.

the one he usually keeps beneath his pillow, subaru'll notice. ) It took a lot of convicTION, though they said they were just SCARED. Their heart hurt so MUCH, they didn't know what else to do to make it stop hurTING.

( ...

he isn't going to ask subaru anything. sus it out yourself, bestie. )

Edited 2022-01-11 02:41 (UTC)

[... oh.

the words float back to his mind, how they'd lost their sister and mother, how he'd lost their brother, how their father wasn't the most around -- things they held similar enough in common with subaru, who knew his father best from a screen and as an idol than anything else, who lost him far too young, who learned responsibility and how to smile for others, how to make them smile in return, without learning how to process the emotions that came with the baggage of loss. who's mother, once she could smile again, worked hard enough to make the ethics of japan proud, who subaru wanted to simply relax and get home at a reasonable time, who he began to work for to that end.

the pain, the loneliness, the suffocation of it all.

... if his mother hadn't had him... if he hadn't been able to make her smile...

regardless, natsume's right; it's upsetting. but subaru's always valued the truth, even if it hurts, even if it sucks, even if it's something he doesn't want to hear. he hesitates, takes the knife, and feels the weight in the palm of his hand.

like lanling, but he'd chosen a different way.]

... Do you really think this'll help?

[because subaru is trying to decide if he's more terrified of dying or not seeing keigo again. any normal person has hesitance, but he also knows natsume... probably... will not let him die. if no one else, natsume.]

Do you only do things that are guaranTEED?

( a question about a wish, asked to him so many months ago by the same person he's helping subaru to find, but it applies here, too. )

...I wouldn't give you the chance to try if I thought there was a possibility it wouldn't WORK. ( because that's how natsume works. and maybe there's a little less backing for this, maybe this is a little insane, but

but...

but subaru has been quiet, has been mopey, has been forcing himself every time someone talks to him to act "normal". it's high time he found a reason to actually smile again. he isn't the only person who would go a mile and a half to see an akehoshi raise their face to greet the sun again. ) I won't be FAR, but this is something you have to do on your OWN. Like you SAID, the little shopkeeper is scared of ME. I can't be around when you do IT.

( ... )

I don't think they'll let you THOUGH, if they're HERE. They don't want to hurt you; they never WOULD. I think you hurting yourself for them falls under THAT.

( natsume starts to move past him, pausing to... touch his arm briefly, lips pressing together. he can act all calm and fine, but subaru is his responsibility, too. he's almost sure he'll make it in time, he'll be able to do something or call someone to help if he needs to, should anything go too terribly wrong, but chiaki's words ring in his ears, to tell subaru whatever he deems important— )

Little Shopkeeper cares about you a LOT, ( he says instead, voice soft. ) They love YOU. Infatuation or otherWISE, I think they'll come if it's you who calls out to THEM.

( ... )

[yes.

in some way, guaranteed, even if it's by his own power. it's why he had foolishly taken on the task of helping them, had given them that often reminded hope, because he thought he could. but had he anything to truly show for it?

...

no, not himself. but maybe the people around him, the ones he's asked for aid, had trusted with information he had been given in confidence but without the binding promise of not telling.

but the rest is comforting enough. the touch, the words, the thought that drifts back to his mind -- that to them, he feels like home, and what home means. subaru turns his gaze back to the knife, pursing his lips in thought, and then nods.]

Okay. I'll try not to get any on the ground, just in case... Y'know.

[just in case it goes topsy turvy. easier said than done, but at least he still has a shard of mirror tucked in his jacket pocket if needed, even if he might simply suffer the an ill fate of going back and forth until...]

But hopefully it won't come to that. [close your eyes. inhale, hold, exhale. focus on the person nearby, their heartbeat, their breathing.

natsume is just close enough to allow that, and when subaru opens his eyes they're more alive and aware than they have been most, if all of the week.] Thanks, Natsume. I'll see you soon.

[one way or another, with or without a knife sticking painfully in his chest. because even if he's still scared, even if it's normal to be, it'll be worth trying anyway. and if it doesn't work -- well, no one's gotta know.]

( ...

natsume'll go around the rooftop entrance then, leaning against the side just out of sight; he can see subaru, but he can't be seen. he's left his light over there too, for subaru to see by.

with a sigh, he links his hands together and watches, his body tense his stomach twisting his heart growing louder in his ears. )

[it must be hard, watching someone do this.

subaru watches the door after it's closed, unable to see natsume, and then to the sky.

it's hard to do it, too. even with the safety net keigo never had behind him. even with the slimmest hope that something different would happen. the knife weighs heavy in his hand, just like it had during the practicum, and he thinks of the desperation on their faces, the way they'd thrown themselves, how they'd sought to deceive him for their own gain, and had succeeded in some ways--

but not enough, since he was standing here and they weren't.

inhale, exhale.]

C'mon, Keigo. I'm home, aren't I? I want you by my side, for years to come -- not just as my boyfriend, but as my precious friend Keigo, so... please, come home. Everyone's waiting for you. [...] It's fine if this isn't what you want, if this isn't what you need from me. I won't hold it against you. I'm just scared I'll never see you again, and I don't know what else to do.

[because he'd never think to do this otherwise, no matter the situation. but if there's even a slim chance it works, then he'll do it -- this is what he's decided, and what he puts his full confidence on.

subaru breathes in, breathes out, and raises the knife to his chest, grip tightening. hesitation only makes it worse. stalling only makes it worse. so he'll sigh out his terror, smiling as he continues warmly--]

I love you, Keigo. I can't imagine a life I never met you in, and I don't want to. None of us do. So come home soon, okay? We miss you.

[...

he'll pull back the knife and drive it towards his chest with no further words]

somebody save Subaru I'm crying

no i'm leaving him to die, bye ori

( groaning how did anyone convince me to continue this instead of just dropping out of shame for a useless fucking attempt

for a moment, nothing happens, and natsume hopes that subaru doesn't take it to heart—that this attempt to show them how much they're needed here by the people they love, that they love, that they're wanted they're devoted to they're looked for even on the worst pathways—failed. something in natsume is petty and vindicated that didn't work, that subaru isn't as important to keigo as he wants to belief, but it's a far-off echo of an afterthought as subaru crumples with a knife in his chest and natsume shoots off to his side. by all medical sense, he shouldn't remove the knife; it's what's keeping the blood in, but it wouldn't do to heal it with it in either.

there would be too many questions.

so natsume pulls his knife from subaru's chest, bites back a gasp at the blood that immediately starts flowing faster and faster, soaking subaru's clothes and natsume's pants, and throws the knife off the roof. thank god no one goes for walks at night, or he might be earning another tally. two, if this would count against him on the off-chance that he can't—

that subaru— )

≪Shut up,≫ ( he hisses to himself, gathering magic to his hands, pulling it from the deepest reaches of himself. only eight days, barely a week, since he did his last tiring display of magic, since he did a month full of nothing but magic for warmth, for health, for practice, for enchantments, for confession...

faintly, he thinks of clamor, how magic pulls from your mana—your lifeforce—how it can burn you from the inside-out or drain you to near lifelessness, and he thinks he understands. he feels like he's on fire, but he feels like he might die, too.

but he can't. not yet, and he doesn't look at subaru's paling pained face, or think about the warmth pulsing under his hands, literal life pumping out of the body of someone that's more beloved than anyone by everyone. he just focuses on channeling his magic the way he had during the practicum, when he'd knitted flesh and bone back together, moving one thumb to draw circle after circle after circle and the rest of his hand to keep the pressure on.

he doesn't stop even after he feels the blood cease to flow between his fingers; he doesn't stop even after he can't feel the deep cut open beneath his hand. there's just the rising moon, the heavy stench of iron, and subaru's breathing in his mind.

...

natsume won't even stop if and when subaru begins to stir; his eyes are wide and his face is paler than usual, breathing as shallow and quick as the other's had been at the start of this, as if there isn't enough air and there never could be despite the open space of the roof.

and very softly, beneath his breath, there's the repetition of "please live, please wake up, please live, please wake up, please live—" nearly inaudible if not for the silence of the coming night. )

Edited 2022-01-12 02:36 (UTC)

[we live and die together maybe natsume'll take chiaki's words a little more to heart and actually tell subaru how much he means to him next time!!!

how shock tends to dull pain.

how it doesn't quite feel real. subaru figured this wasn't it. but if there was even the slightest chance then he wasn't going to squander it, he wasn't going to just throw it to the side, because komaeda's right -- you do everything you can, you give all you can, just to see the person you love shine. he gets it now. he doesn't wholly agree but he understands just what drives a person to it, how important someone gets to be.

he trusts natsume not to let him die, at least. they're best friends. they're partners. they've been thorns and hooks in each others' sides since first year, since they made that wonderful mistake of reaching out, of allowing, of finding similarities even when anyone else might've seen none. busy parents. an inability to make friends. passion and love for the things their family left them, and how they want to use them to make people smile -- even here, even now, in this school of the dead.

it's why he agreed to try in the first place.

warmth and iron flood his senses, his own and, faintly, the familiarity of natsume's. it hadn't even been a month since the practicum, since his shoulder was dug a little too hard into and the burning tingling stretched from fiber to fiber. he was more awake for that, so in his dream-like state he thinks of it like drawing lines in constellations, from one star it another and how they can make pictures of any grouping. how so many people have different views of the sky. so many stories. it's nice, it'd be fascinating if he was more interested in that particular section of study but nonetheless it's nice.

subaru breathes out, long and slow, unlike the quick his body had panicked with, something that felt like hours ago. he squeezes his eyes, feeling slowly returning to him, consciousness with it, and he hears, dully, the words cast almost like a spell.

...

natsume...?

the name doesn't vocalize like he thinks it does, it's more of a groan in the very chest natsume presses so hard against, and when subaru opens his eyes and sees the dark of the sky, the ball of light flickering and fluttering as if hanging on with all its might, and finally registers his best friend. the weight on his chest, the circles continuously drawn, the paleness of the other's face and how he trembles, how his eyes are unlike anything subaru's seen before, and

yeah, natsume's still pretty. but he decides that he never wants to see this face on the other again, just like he'd decided he never wanted to see the same on keigo's. a silent promise digs its way deep into his heart and subaru lifts a hand to put it on natsume's, to stop him. natsume'll hate him for smiling, but he does, sky blue eyes warm with life.

subaru knew he'd pull through.]

( he stops.

not because he wants to or because subaru's hand is on his, but because the magic pulled taut like a rubber band finally snaps back against him and he curls over a bit, gasping, eyes squeezing closed.

but he registers, faintly, the warmth on top of his hand, and he sighs a heavy exhale. his eyes slowly open, and there's a flash of relief before he pulls his hands away and raises them up.

...

he wipes the blood on his jacket and sits back, wobbling. )

A shame I can't tell Master Clamor about THIS, ( he says, voice small and quiet and tired. ) I think he'd be proud of how far I've COME.

( right after he got done being mad that this happened in the first place, or that he didn't really do it properly, or that he hadn't told anyone—especially someone more magically competent. )

When you feel like you can STAND, we can go back DOWN. ( never mind him. his tone's turning more clipped, composed, the way he likes to carry himself despite the way he looks right now. ) But take time getting THERE. You're still going to feel PAIN.

( and he'll still have a scar. just like keigo. )

[he feels it even now, the ache center-left in his chest, pain that strikes further when he tries to sit up and promptly slides back down, gasping with it. oh, no. we're staying here for now. subaru closes his eyes, lets out a shakier exhale, and tries to find something of natsume's to grab again.]

... I knew you could do it, [he finally manages. soft and pained from his attempt, but there all the same.] You're... Natsume Sakasaki, after all.

[never a doubt, never a moment's hesitation.]

Thanks. Sorry for worrying you.

[even though this chance was higher than the other.]

Gimme ten. I'll be good then, I think.

( no, no, no touching. if he really wants something he can have the hem of his jacket but no touching. )

I wasn't worRIED. I'm Natsume Sakasaki, after ALL. I have complete confidence in mySELF.

( yeah, yeah, yeah.

but okay, ten minutes. ten for him, too. )

[hem is fine. it's enough, a solid reminder of natsume's presence beyond words.

subaru laughs a little, feeling oddly light, and wonders if that's the aftermath from the threat of dying, if it's some sort of weird atonement for his poor attitude before. he feels oddly refreshed. maybe it's the magic.

ten minutes. ten minutes, and then subaru can lift himself a little more, inhaling at the renewed pain and waiting until it dulls to inch his way back up. stabbing yourself really hurts, who knew.

...

ah.]

We're gonna have to do something about our clothes.

[they're....... bloody. but at least they've soaked up enough, and subaru'll resist the urge to pull them off despite the chill the blood's giving him now. at least for now.]

( hm. )

I have less blood on ME, so I'll just go to our room and pick up some for US. We'll wash up and get CHANGED, and then...

( ... )

We could burn THEM.

But I like this outfit.

[it's one of his yogen casual! it's kept him nice and warm and okay it's like, fraying a little with how often they have to wash and reuse these and it's torn now anyway and...

...

a sigh. better to burn them off and leave nothing for anyone to find, he guesses, because... there are so many people who would scold them for this, that it would hurt and upset. and that's the last thing subaru wants to do.]

Okay. But we're not using magic for it, Natsume.

( he likes his, too. it's been one of his favorites to wear. it's fine, he guesses. he has costumes to cobble from... )

...Of course NOT. ( said in the tone of someone who was definitely going to use magic to incinerate their clothing. ) We'll use the firePLACE.

While everyone's there? Fat chance, Natsume, let's just...

[hmmm.]

Let's gather some flammable stuff and do it next to the school. The snow'll cover whatever's left anyway, and it'll be nothing to look at when spring comes. Probably.

( how sloppy............. but yeah, it'd be hard to do while everyone's away, short of just doing it in the middle of the night. )

Very WELL. ( maybe he can go back later and incinerate it a little more. just in case. ) Now shut up and REST.

Ahaha. Okay, Natsume. I will.

[he'll gently ease himself to a better sitting position, crossing his legs and idly touching the scar that remained as proof of a fool's errand. that makes ... scars now, so many more than he ever thought he'd have. just as sensitive as the ones on his arm, but this one won't remain that way at least.

...

he definitely cannot change in the same room as anyone anymore.]

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JANUARY EVENT LOG

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00:00 01/01

??? whenever you guys solve the void

OOC

nyehehe // cw suicide mention

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cw: suicide attempt

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