lower

[sisters]

Who: Rantarou Amami, Nagito Komaeda, & friends
What: Hopezone 2022
When: January onwards
Where: Yogen high school (maybe?)
Warnings: TBE

This uneasy feeling is weighing on me / I forced down my heart’s desires that I wanted to follow so I wouldn’t spit them out / They built up inside my chest, like dregs, and clouded me.

Comments

[sisters]

( it never fails to catch him by surprise. one moment, he's rambling on about his own death, which is a great topic, he knows. he's mentally kicking himself over the fact despite its necessity, and... the next, meng yao's hand is warm on his. of course, amami doesn't stop him, but his attention snaps up to meet meng yao's eyes at the question. after a brief moment's hesitation, he shakes his head. )

No, it's— it's complicated. See, the person who was pinned with it, they weren't the one who was actually responsible. I know that much for sure. The rest though, that's all theory, and none of it leads back to a single person.

( he could go into that, into why he thinks so much of this game was set up as a trap for him, his distrust for the note he was left with, the only person there who he thinks could engineer a mistrial in their favour, but... it doesn't come to anything meaningful. he still won't know who it was, in the end.

some of the tension does seem to leave his shoulders though, looking back down to where his hand rests in meng yao's, stroking his thumb absently against the back of the other's hand. )

Anyway, that's what I do remember... But I'm sure you remember hearing me mention it before, that I've been having some problems with my memory.

( different context, but an anxiety that's pervasive throughout his time both here and there regardless. he'll take the laptop that's been tucked under his arm in his free hand instead, holding it up to the side. )

This here, it gives an idea of the pieces I'm missing.

( and they've certainly been enough to change others' opinions of him, so its clear that his doubts are still there. )

[filialdeception]

[ Meng Yao will leave it, then. There is no point in chasing the answer to a question that has no way of being truly verified. At this current time, anyway.

That being said, he listens to Rantarou being to speak about his memory issues. He does recall that, most recently, when he was meeting Kaede Akamatsu for the first time, and something came up where he should have remembered. Curiously, he wonders if it's the Counselor's fault, and his thoughts briefly turn dark.

Maybe they'd be better off if he found a way to ... anyway. Wherever that line of thinking is squared away, paying closer attention to the other's thumb against the back of his hand. ​]

I do remember you mentioning it before, yes.

[ Meng Yao's eyes catch the sight of the laptop. ]

What exactly is in the piece of technology that will? Some kind of...'file', maybe? I have heard about small 'files' that have 'information' on them.

[sisters]

( new years too, he might remember — and wanting to do his best this time no less. either way, the question brings the ghost of a smile to amami's face, the beginnings of a soft curve to his lips that's still uncertain, looking almost apologetic in nature. )

Yeah. Yeah, it's something like that. You remember the movies, right? It's like another one of those.

( he'll go ahead and look back over the room momentarily before his eyes land on the bed, pause, and then return to meng yao so he can kind of nod his head in that direction. he's looking for the other to lead the way here, honestly. it's not like amami wants to act like he owns the place or anything, but is the bed okay with him? )

[filialdeception]

[ He certainly does! ]

I do, yes.

[ Meng Yao allows a small smile to grace his face, and then the smile turns sheepish as he gives a small tug on the hand that he still is holding on, as he moves towards his bed. But not too hard of course, maybe slight to be a little playful, and provided Rantarou easily comes along, he will sit down on the bed. ]

I'm ready whenever you are, Rantarou.

[ He isn't sure how else he can reassure him, but it hopes it helps that despite everything that he has told him he doesn't look ill at ease. If anything, there is the concern evident in his eyes; and he has to wonder, what else it'll take to help him remember. There may even be a question on his mind regarding that, but for now he will wait until he sees what the other has to show him. ]

[sisters]

Right...

( he's ready, but... reluctant, to say the least. there's a short exhale, handing the laptop to meng yao to set in his own lap, and he'll tap the spacebar lightly to indicate it. )

If you need to pause it for anything, just hit this.

( but without further ado, amami will go ahead and fullscreen the video, tapping the play button himself and allowing the video to play out in full. for his part, he isn't really watching — has already been through the clip more times than he can count, and could practically voice the lines aloud at the same time as the "rantarou" on the screen. he doesn't though. instead, he looks aside, avoiding any glance to him, looks to meng yao, gauging his reaction. he looks fairly uncomfortable, but...

if he's going to take this seriously, it doesn't feel fair to this conversation from meng yao. )

[filialdeception]

[ Meng Yao doesn't pause the video for anything. He watches the whole thing without even changing his expression all that much, though he will turn his attention briefly to Rantarou, before looking back at the screen. When it ends, there is a moment of silence as his gaze falls back to him.

All throughout this entire time, Meng Yao doesn't seem horrified. If anything, he looks closer to concerned, which he is...with the anger that the other had to suffer through this buried. Even now he feels this way, despite what the "Rantarou" on the laptop screen has said. ]

...Thank you, for showing me that. I can't say it was pleasant, but I believe we are well past expecting all that we learn to be as much.

[ He passes him a brief, but wry smile. ]

This won't change what I think of you either and though I wonder what the you in the video meant when it was said "You wanted this killing game"...I can't imagine you doing anything to hurt innocent people. Or kill them, for that matter.

[ He knows he has done worse, and it has changed him irrevocably. Meng Yao thinks that even if Rantarou killed a good number of innocent people here, he wouldn't even care. But that's not something he's going to advertise. Though, he does consider letting him know something about himself in return at least. ]

[sisters]

( it's a lot of faith, compared to that he was shown by the others who had seen this video. so much so, in fact, that amami finds himself almost blindsided by the confidence with which it feels like it's said. the certainty.

... )

...And if I did?

( he isn't looking at meng yao now, gaze thoroughly trained on the ground. the fact that it's so spotless almost makes it hard to find any single part to focus on. )

I mean, we can't —

( — know, he wants to say. they can't know something he can't remember, and the thought of himself on that screen, saying that it was something he wanted... it makes his stomach turn. there's no telling what he would have done to reach his goals. no telling how close the "rantarou" of the video might have come to the him who's sitting in this room here and now. the restless energy that's been threatening to spill over finally does, and amami stands, pacing a few steps away to run a hand through his hair. )

I'm not...

( a sharp exhale, and he shakes his head. )

Sorry, I guess I'm just kind of stressed out. ( uncharacteristically so, it would seem. ) I appreciate it though, A-Yao. I just... Why don't we forget it?

( something about this, it's making him feel ill. to that point, when he looks up to meet meng yao's eyes, it's with a sheepish smile painted over his features. something comfortable and easy. something practiced. )