yogen | (open) alice in yogen...land

Entry tags:

your turn to die: alice yabusame

(open) alice in yogen...land

Who: Alice and anyone!
What: Awakening + some post-arrival catch-all content for variety (library studying efforts; music room moment of silence; attempting to carry out his "three hopeful deeds" quest; testing whether he can bathe without summoning his fairy godmother at awkward times or prove that it was all a prank after all).
When: Late January and probably early February.
Where: First floor hallways and locker area; library; music room; dorm building common room and bathrooms; anywhere you want to run into him to aid his mission.
Warnings: YTTD spoilers and discussions of death in some threads.

a. first floor — counselor's office to lockers: awakening

[ Alice blinks, shaking his head as he catches himself against the doorway. The fog hampering him barely lifts; something feels off, but it slips through his fingers as soon as he pursues it. Finding a mysterious surprise in one pocket is just as perplexing — 35.4 N, 138.6 E... Whose writing is this, and why is the note in his possession? Since when...?

The answers don't come. They definitely aren't written on the walls, or the floor, or anyone's face. For now, Alice folds the scrap of paper back into a small square to store in his locker — it's possible that he simply needs to get some rest, out of sorts, he decides.

Upon reaching the correct row of lockers, entering the combination for his own, he hovers there too long, abruptly gripping the edge of the locker's open door so tightly that his hand trembles, white-knuckled, and the locker hinges creak. His other hand does the same with the front of his jacket, creasing its lapels.

This, all of this— What in the world is he doing here, classes to attend on his mind, years after already finishing high school...? In such a plain uniform, at that! It's almost as bad as enduring the restrictive shackles of "slammer style"! These thoughts hurtle through his head, wherever they came from, knocking loose question after question, each one more dizzying to ponder than the last.

He shuts the locker, and thinks of countless others lining a white room. He opens it again, merely to continue peering inside at its perfectly normal contents, seized by the absurd fear that he'll come face to face with a gun-wielding schoolgirl. But that can't be right — she was outside—

In some sort of nonsensical dream, yes? ]

How... how ridiculous...!

[ Open, shut. Open, shut. A white room with a stained ceiling. Perhaps it would be best to turn around and leave for a change of scenery, but he can't seem to clear his head for that, soon clutching onto the locker partly because his knees might buckle otherwise as one hand tugs at his shirt's collar. ]

b. library: totally blending in

[ The spectre of finals week may have been vanquished for the time being, but this is still a school, and the start of another semester heralds the inexorable approach of further torment. Not only that, but if the rumors are to be believed, this particular school's methods are plainly insane, the biggest yikes imaginable! It's like a death game, culling students so cruelly...

As tempting as it must be for everyone to hide from it all (right?), they have no choice but to prepare in advance for whatever else lies in store.

Alice, for his part, is seated at a table in the library, textbooks and pages of notes laid out before him. A model prisoner elsewhere, it should be a piece of cake to mold himself into a model student here, thanks to the completed high school experience under his belt, thus setting an inspiring example to follow — it's the least he can do now. And so, with what might be unexpected diligence, he turns page after page, the tip of his pen scratching across paper, covering the sheets in neat (if somewhat odd-looking) handwriting.

Consequently, the look of concentration he wears is particularly intense, closer to scowling at the study materials in front of him — at least until he pauses for so-called furtive glances cast around rather conspicuously. Eating in the library is surely forbidden, and he knows better than to try his luck here, even with his unparalleled capacity for stealth, but how can anyone focus uninterrupted for hours on end on an empty stomach?!

All the same, despite such inconvenient obstacles, if anyone in the vicinity appears to be noticeably discouraged in the face of their schoolwork today, Alice will eventually speak up. ]

...Trick questions would violate some kind of code... I'm sure of it. So it's simply a matter of studying regularly, and paying attention in class, in order to face future exams without any mental blocks... Perhaps that's the key to avoiding a terrible fate.

c. music room: reko was better at this

[ Why come here, of all places?

Alice can't play a single instrument — it makes no difference whether or not most are locked away out of reach. Even so, once he's approached the piano, he lingers there awhile, though he only lets his fingertips wander across a few keys, slowly, from left to right, without pressing down.

He does hum under his breath, just a brief sequence of notes that breaks off before long, leaving the song unfinished. ]

d. dormitory common room, various locations: three hopeful deeds

[ Support others, lift their spirits by returning hope to their despairing hearts... What a task he's been handed! Honestly, there's a part of him that thinks this is purely for his peculiar fairy godmother's entertainment. He's rather out of practice when it comes to spending so much time around others, for one — unless this school counts, hazily, and the Death Game before it — and no one seems especially inclined to regard him as a beacon of hope.

(Did his words dispel Ranmaru Kageyama's despair, that time...?)

Nevertheless, unwilling to risk something dreadful if the entire thing is true, Alice is taking his quest seriously indeed. Around the school grounds, on each floor and from rooftop to courtyard, he stays on the lookout for anyone who might fit the description of someone who has lost the will to go on.

In the dormitory building's common room, however, while he tries to surreptitiously keep up his watchful observing from a free seat, the disturbing decor remains distracting. This feels horribly familiar, too, all these paintings on the walls. ]

As if one art gallery like this wasn't enough...

e. dormitory hallways and bathrooms: haunting

[ Since human bodies continue to function as they did in life outside of this bizarre purgatory, it would be completely disgusting to have no access to running water, and so forth. Daily showers are as necessary as ever!

But with a ghostly presence lurking about, how is a man to bathe in peace?! Said ghost could appear at any moment, and if it wasn't a lie that no one else can see him, reacting aloud would arouse suspicion...

Alert, Alice does his best to tiptoe through the hallways, and to flatten himself against the walls without touching any of the paintings. It's a race against time — he can't hold his breath much longer to stay silent as he creeps towards the nearest bathroom! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Then it isn't him making her uneasy her, at least... It's weariness and this place itself, Alice surmises.

Relaxing to some extent, he attempts to return the smile, but it seems that neither of them really succeeds. Well, he's already said that there isn't much to smile about here...

Which goes against his mission's rules, leading down the path to despair! Hurriedly, he searches for a way to rectify that error. ]

So you recently woke up in his school yourself? It's no place to settle in comfortably, so you aren't wrong to find it odd...

[ Alice crosses his arms. ]

Yet that doesn't mean that introductions aren't in order, now that we're conversation partners — my name is Alice.

Edited 2022-01-29 08:22 (UTC)

Mm... [ She can't seem to fully get the sleep out of her eyes no matter what she tries here. It's so easy to just sink...

But she tries to shake herself out of it to make introductions. ] Mm.. my name is... Chiaki Nanami. It's nice to meet you, Alice.

[ Alice might have offered his surname alongside a "pleased to meet you despite the circumstances" in return — thus completing their introductions properly! — but Chiaki Nanami doesn't seem to be in any shape to draw that out much longer. Instead, she looks on the verge of falling asleep then and there, in her seat.

How much studying has she been doing?! ]

H-Hey... Are you all right? Shouldn't you rest...?

[ Passing grades are obviously important, but fatigue impedes one's ability to concentrate! ]

[ It's true, she hasn't really been sleeping well. But sleeping brings dreams she's never ready for. In a way, studying and homework, and especially games, are the best way she can rest. If she sleeps, it's usually accidental.

She rubs her eyes and yawns again. ] Maybe... but I'll be alright.

[ She stares at him for a while again, then slowly asks: ] Do you remember your world very well, Alice-san?

[ "Maybe"...? She should absolutely rest! She seems utterly exhausted! Of course, it's not as if he can insist on it — she's not his younger sister.

He resolves to leave that topic alone, unless Chiaki Nanami can no longer stay upright at all, requiring assistance walking to her room. For now, there may be something that troubles her — missing her home, for example.

Her question gives him pause. ]

My world... [ One hand comes up, fingers pressing against his temple. ] Something about this place mixes those memories together with memories of things that can't be real... but I'm certain that I can tell them apart.

[ Alice lowers his hand. ]

And you, Chiaki Nanami?

[ She hesitates, because she doesn't really want to admit this... but he asked, and it's only polite that she answer. ]

Sometimes telling them apart is hard... but maybe I'll get used to it eventually. [ Hopefully more distance from it won't cause her to just forget... ] But I remember... mmm... good things and bad things about it, yes.

[ Is this the mental weight troubling Chiaki Nanami, robbing her of rest? The answer elicits a look of dismay, a twinge of guilt. Alice is certain that he can distinguish between his true memories and the false ones now, but it wasn't his intention to rub it in — and it wasn't quite so easy, after he awoke... ]

You were a student in your world as well, yes? Living an ordinary life, attending school?

[ Raising his hand again, Alice gestures at their surroundings. ]

Perhaps that's why it's more difficult for you — these circumstances don't feel unusual while you're in high school. For a grown adult, on the other hand, it's definitely bizarre to go back to school like this!

[ She hadn't even thought of that! She blinks at him. It's like some of the fog is clearing from her mind. ]

I... I was. Yeah... it was a strange school, but... it felt like a kind of home, and now this is... both one and not one, too, so...

[ She rubs her eyes again, trying to clear some of the sleep from her eyes. ] You might be right... Alice-san.

[ For a moment, it's as if his theory has indeed brought Chiaki Nanami some comfort. He should keep it up, then! How to go about doing so is the question to address, however... ]

Well, what do you recall of your true school? Speaking of your memories may help your mind to sort through them more easily.

[ His own memories grew less jumbled as others such as Sara Chidouin and Shin Tsukimi — and even Ranger — mentioned certain things that served as waypoints to get his bearings. ]

My true... [ She casts her mind back. In all honesty, she often tries not to think about it all that much.

But images return to her mind when she looks - images of her smiling classmates alongside her, playing games together, goofing off amongst themselves...

Her eyes water a bit and she sniffs, wiping her face on the back of her sleeve. ]

I r-remember... my friends. [ Her smiling teacher ~~pushing her into a--~~ ] ... Chisa-sensei...

[ Her face furrows as she looks deeper into memory, bringing up more images - a rainy afternoon, a gunshot, a friend with vacant stare, a taunting voice, a WIDE GRIN

She shivers and doubles over on herself, hugging herself tight as she starts to shake. ]

I-... I-I-I'd rather not. Please... [ Not so much pleading with him as with the images in her head, taunting her-- ]

[ Ah... Those are tears glistening in Chiaki Nanami's eyes, and Alice's heart lurches, clenching in alarm behind his ribs. What seemed a good idea a moment ago isn't that at all, rapidly proving the complete opposite!

Making her cry isn't what he wanted, but it's too late; he can't undo it. The bad memories must outnumber the good. ]

Chiaki Nanami—

[ She's trembling, suddenly hunched over, as Alice reaches out to touch her shoulder, a tentative attempt at reassurance and an apology in one. He tries to conceal the panic creeping into his own tone of voice, to make it something calming to focus on instead, away from distressing things. ]

Y-You're safe... It's an entirely different school, and there's no need to be scared...!

[ She jerks involuntarily when he touches her, hugging herself so hard that it's actually a bit hard to breathe, but maybe the wheezing breaths will help her forget, help her escape, help her wiGAME OVER

She cries out and holds her head, all coping strategies forgotten, just breathing hard and feeling out of place and out of step with reality--

"It's an entirely different school."
"There's no need to be scared."

She grips the armrest of the chair she's in, trying to pull herself back to... this reality, the one she's actually talking to somebody in. It feels like swimming through molasses. But... she can do it. ]

[ He really isn't helping, is he...? That's what Chiaki Nanami's flinching tells him, and her gasps and cries, and the tension he can feel beneath his palm. Her entire quaking frame seems rigid as she clutches her head, the chair. What awful things have resurfaced in her mind, trapping her there? ]

Chiaki Nanami... Can you hear me?

[ Gingerly, fearing another surge of distress, Alice gives the girl's shoulder a few light pats. ]

More importantly... can you breathe?

[ Steadying her breathing might be particularly urgent, so that she won't lose consciousness at this rate! ]

[ She nods slowly. The voice helps a lot. She's pulling herself back.

Little by little, her breathing gets more regularly. She's starting to unclench. She's starting to register the sight of the common room around her, again. Her homework, fallen to the floor in her panic.

Deep shame in her heart, too. That she let another person see just how hard of a time she's having. She can't look at him. ]

I-I'm all right... Alice-san... please forgive me for that...

Thank goodness...

[ Chiaki Nanami's response is reassuring, and so is the change in her breathing as it grows calmer. The knot of guilt and dread in Alice's chest loosens; he can breathe easier himself. With a sigh of relief, he draws back a little to give the girl more space, rather than leaning over her. ]

But what in the world do you mean? You... Why should you need to ask for my forgiveness?

[ He's the one who said something to rattle her so badly! Yes, it wasn't intentional, but Chiaki Nanami is hardly to blame for her reaction herself. ]

[ She shakes her head. ]

I... have nightmares... and I haven't figured out how to stop from having those reactions. But... I'm trying to learn.

[ So others won't have to keep taking care of her like this. ]

[ Nightmares, hmm... Chiaki Nanami experienced something terrible, that much is clear. The memories haunt her, whether or not she revisits them purposely. ]

Those reactions are normal, you know. Having nightmares, feeling fear... Don't apologize for such things as if you're imposing on me, or anyone else.

[ The girl isn't looking at him, but Alice shakes his head, too. ]

You... have friends here, and they would agree, surely?

[ Just because she's studying alone at the moment, conversing with him, isn't necessarily an indication that she is alone. ]

[ She stares at the ground for a while, just focusing on her breathing - in, out, slowly as possible while her heart's still beating like this. She's still new to this place and learning about a lot of people... but she does have friends here. Old and new. He's right about that. ]

You're right... I think. Probably. [ Not that she has a lot of experience with this.

She looks up at him, finally. ] But I don't want to always be the one asking for help, either.

[ It's a sentiment that he can understand, in a way. She thinks of herself as useless then, a burden, doesn't she? For all he knows, someone has in fact told her something along those lines.

Alice can't help the frown that darkens his expression all over again. ]

You appear to be a considerate person, Chiaki Nanami. Don't others seek you out, in need of a listening ear and the like?

I... [ That's how it was at home, a lot of the time. Even if people didn't directly ask... she cared about all of her classmates more than she could possibly bear. She was always checking on them.

She swallows. ] I just... want to still be able to help them. Does that make sense?

Of course it makes sense.

[ There's no hesitation. Of course someone like Chiaki Nanami, who seems kindhearted and thoughtful, would think of others before herself, wanting to be there for her friends. Of course she might even fear that her own troubles would deter them from relying on her. ]

But why would that change now?

I need to learn how to be better... so I'm not always like this.

[ She wipes away some errant tears and sniffs. ] I don't know if that makes sense... but I don't want to hurt so bad that I can't help my friends.

Edited 2022-03-21 07:45 (UTC)

[ Now Alice pauses, considering Nanami's reply. Whether or not it's a good thing depends on her definition of learning how to be better, he thinks. Does she see it as healing from the wounds inflicted upon her heart? Or forcibly shutting her pain away, setting herself aside altogether?

They've just met... He knows next to nothing about her, apart from what she's told him since the start of their conversation. Still, there's the sense of something familiar, the ghost of another kindhearted girl. ]

I doubt that it would come to that... Even now, you're thinking of them. I'm sure your company comforts their hearts...

I guess I'll find out... [ Her heart aches for... people she may never see again; friends she hasn't made yet, but who she might not ever make if she says or does the wrong thing; it's a lot to take in. She feels very far away from home.

But... Alice has been kind. A friend, even. She does give him a relieved smile, if only a small one, with a bit of a haunted look as her mind is still thinking of those others. ]

You are very kind, Alice-san.

[ And even if she doesn't know whether she dares to hope yet... she has, at least, been saved from the very worst thralls of despair. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(open) alice in yogen...land

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject