yogen | like a bitter stranger

Entry tags:

like a bitter stranger

Who: Everyone
What: Our monthly family meeting.
When: March 5th, 2000.
Where: Yogen dorms common room.
Warnings: Discussions of murder, suicide, child death...more?

[ A message goes up on the forums late Friday evening.

S.chidouin: Group meeting in the dorms Saturday. 12:00. No punching. No stabbing. I'll bring stickers.

If your character would not find a post from Sara worth listening too, Bonnie is wandering around, vaguely noting how important this meeting is, and how very much you should attend. No further details are forthcoming.

The meeting itself is a quiet affair. The fireplace is not lit, there are no snacks. Sara waits in the corner for everyone to arrive and get settled and then she clears her throat to speak. ]

As most of you know... [ It's hard to start, but her voice gets firmer as she goes on. ] We spent the last two months investigating Maya Arisu's murder. That case is solved. A few weeks ago, Bonnie-chan and I found the culprit.

Rantaro Amami killed Maya Arisu, Hiro Arisu, the vice principal and is presumably responsible for the scene with Keigo Arata. He is also dead. I just figured...everyone should know. To many people got hurt the last few months. I'm sorry.

[ She fiddles with her hair. That's all...she really has to say. There's not much more then that as the gist of it. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'll check on her once she's stable.

[ It's too late for him to do so now. Ranger made his choice, and he has no intention of apologizing for it. If not Shin, then one of the others will have assisted her by now. She'll be in Midori's care, and he'll ensure that she remains undisturbed until she's capable of the time is right. Even so, there's no reason for him not to, and so he makes a note to do so once both she and Komaeda re more stable.

Bit it is strong enough to drive a wedge. It already has, but that's fine. He doesn't care if he's hated by them. It's not as though any of them had really cared for him. It was always just a temporary truce until they found some disagreement, no different than the way they are with each other. Then again, maybe he'll be proven wrong. He hadn't expected her to extend a hand when he arrived either.

For now he continues, ]

... Well, you know how that one is. He had to cut in the conversation to call it surprising advice from someone who "did barely anything themselves." He was trying to get at that I wasn't paying enough attention myself, and that I didn't care, since I said they shouldn't have needed my help to start, and that they had plenty of opportunities... As for me, I have no problems with what he did.

[ There's a little sigh. ]

I shouldn't have given as much help as I did.

[ He had been worried about doing so. He had been hesitant, but it's always bothered him when problems remain unsolved and people are left floundering about. But if he had listened to that feeling, if he would have followed the logic to it's natural conclusion, then...

...

... ]

You hate to see things not come to a logical conclusion, because then it'd be lost to time.

( it may not be logical, but this is what komaeda would call a natural conclusion without force, and without too much of a push or handholding— this is by their own thoughts and actions. there's nothing to solve for him or for ranger if they find this to be necessary on amami and keigo's end, it's an outcome fitting due to all the variables of who each person involved was to another person, how the deaths were exacted, and so much more. all the angles that everyone would have to look at and think... how could this happen? why did this happen in the first place, yes, it's because an ultimate gave too much to someone so boring, so helpless who lacked talent themselves. that was the starting point, and the mistake made, but it's through time that views change and how much a person is willing to go through begins to show itself.

to look through that many lenses to find out where is a shame, because it shows that no one has acknowledged what others have done. their bonds are lacking, and there's hole within companionships, relationships and even in those so called truces. his eyes close as he gives thought to ranger's words, and as komaeda's mouth parts, it's quick enough to close because no one understands anything when they're too busy trying to find out who did it, and not pick at why someone would do it. too many "whos" and not enough "hows" or "whys", is what he thinks. )

You know how it goes: you gain as much as you give... I think you've given enough, so now it's their turn.

( truthfully, ranger has given so much help that maybe komaeda should have taken over at that point to do it all himself. ranger wouldn't let him, so there's no need to think back on the past of what could have happened or not. )

I understand you don't want to see them fail, but it takes a few failures to understand what they need to do right... such as the conversations that didn't go the way they thought them to.

[ He's right. Ranger was made to be a human, and so emotions course through him regardless of whether or not he wishes for it, but he was made to be an AI who runs on facts and data. He's an illogical, impossible creation, one in which should capture the best of both worlds. But he's young and was crippled from the very start, left half a person, and so even now it's difficult for him to parse sentiment. He's jealous of those who can, he hates those who it comes so naturally to, for he would kill any number of people just to have a scrap of that sensitivity.

Has he given enough? It doesn't seem like it. It doesn't even seem like it's enough, but then it never done, and so he needs another person to tell him. Still, he lets out a soft sigh. ]

That's the only way you learn, huh...? Those lessons come at a pretty high cost... I think that about covers it. I talked to others, but it didn't get so heated.

[ It comes at a high cost, and it's frustrating to know that no mater how much time passes they won't stop to think about what it is they're doing. They won't recognize the mistakes they've made in their thinking, but sit upon their self-righteous thrones.

He shakes his head, and despite thinking that, tentatively asks, ]

Do you think they'll get it eventually?

[ Will they understand what Amami did? If they can't understand that, then what about the next one? It'll be a clean slate, a new opportunity - will they do better then for havign gotten pushed over by him?

... ]

... Did I do the right thing?

Edited 2022-04-11 03:32 (UTC)

You did just the right amount, because they'll always know there's something.

( he could continue to wallow in his personal affairs, these that aren't meant to muddy ranger, but he changes his perspective by giving the other his attention. standing up, komaeda sets one hand on the table as he leans forward. organic hand raises up, settling it down on ranger's head, and fingers slip under ginger locks— white peeks over golden orange like waves drenched in the setting sun's light, the overview of a mountain from where komaeda stands, and ranger sits.

komaeda's hand shifts left to right, thumb brushing against the scalp, scratching, massaging, and at the end he ruffles right after.

right or wrong, good or bad... )

I've told you right? With hope there's no good or bad! ...Ah, no... you don't like when I express it like that... there's just no "or"! Hope is... absolute good because you're striving for the impossible to make possible, as long as you never give up... everything will come true!

( slow pats, a bit of laughter that's short enough because he has to catch his breath. )

The moment you give up... it's snatched from your hand, so it was difficult, but don't give up on yourself or them, no matter how frustrating, or disappointing, or obnoxious they can be! If you give up on anyone, it means everything you've done so far is for nothing... all the help you've given, and all that you done. It means something.

( fingers curl inside his palm, and his knuckles brush gently against the side of ranger's face, slowly, and then expand to push a few strands behind his ear. )

Never forget hope! That small thread you hold onto will grow stronger, thicker, and even brighter... so don't give up on it. I should have paid more attention, but... good will come after the bad.

( out of everything he asked, he thinks it over on whether they can, and in time he believes they will. sometimes they have to believe the impossible, but it may not be now, and it may be a few years later... but he has a feeling it'll all come to light one day for them. they'll use this experience, they'll cherish even more in the future. )

Together, you'll all get it. No worries.

[ There is no right or wrong, and there is no good or bad, because the lateral half of the equation is chopped off. He considers the definition once more, and he finds that it should describe ASUNARO quite well if they weren't so often working against each other. It's a group that has no need for God nor miracles nor luck because it creates and bypasses and surpasses all of those things. They've conquered life and death, the art of creating and destroying, and the work is never done so long as there' something others would deep impossible.

There's nothing in this world that's inconceivable, it's merely that humans lack imagination and willpower. They give up on creativity and dreams when they put their toys away and enter into adulthood... But people fail to fit into any of the categories for advancement, and so when does one decide when to stop?

His eyelids lower as Komaeda strokes his hair and scratches at his scalp. His eyes flutter open as his head lifts slightly, bumping up against his palm as he leans into the touch and his eyes move up. It's such a soothing motion, nostalgic of one of the few moments in his time in the facility where he had felt so contented. He lets a gloved hand reach up, fingertips and palm brushing against the back of his hands before wrapping around it. It's a brief hold, just enough for a little squeeze, before his grip looses enough to let Komaeda pull away when he needs to. ]

You had your hands full... It's fine, I can handle those kids by myself.

[ It hurts now, but he did enough. He did the right thing, and just hearing those words are enough to reassure him. Even if it takes time, they'll get it... If he can think of it that way, then he can keep going as he is. ]

But... You're right. [ He breathes out a sigh, his posture finally relaxing. His grip tightens one more time before loosening, another little squeeze. ] ... What about you?

[ What does that mean? Well, it means that Ranger is concerned, but vague enough that he can choose how he responds. ]

Ahaha! What's that supposed to mean, if I empty my hands that you're going to handle it all?

( that sounds pretty lonely, doesn't it? he won't ever officially wipe his hands clean unless there's a need to do so, but here he is with so much work to do, and he needs to do it fast. if he could fix the gaps by pulling then together, and knitting the areas closed even if sloppy... that's more than enough as long as there's a connection?

it's more than enough because they'll work hard to build it even stronger. it's this thought that calms komaeda's nerves, and bring him back to a sitting position. the library isn't stuffy at all, and he feels comfortable here, even more so with rio around. his chest raises slowly, and it lowers all the same in a comfortable rotation as he breathes in the scent of the room. the smell of pages mixed with the plants inside makes it feel like home. )

You're right, you could handle it! I know you can...

( saying so makes him giddy, almost, too ecstatic at the thought because even if he's not here for the moment that rio will have everything covered. there's no doubt because he won't be doing anything alone for the long term... )

What about me? Let's see... what do I want to be... the cog, maybe?

[ It's lonely, but Rio nods in response all the same. The idea doesn't bother him. It's part of working together, after all, that the world should be divided up and one able to cover for the other. If Komaeda were to grow too busy, too tired, then he wouldn't need to worry when his partner is an AI who doesn't have to worry about such affairs. His only limitation is his code.

But then, there's really no need to worry so long as they look out for each other, and that's why he can start to relax as his partner does. It doesn't alleviate his concerns, but continuing to pick at an open wound will do no good.

There's no need to talk about it if he'd rather not. ]

The cog...? Hm, well, in the end that's all anyone ever is.

[ Small pieces and mechanisms that keep the system going. There's some that are more critical than others, some easier to replace, but everyone is dispensable in the end. That's not a bad thing though. It means that no matter who's lost, or how many parts fail, a machine can continue running seamlessly just by repairing and replacing bad parts. ]

Does that make you the driving gear?

[ That's what he always pushes himself to be, really, the small cog powered by a motor that starts the rotation of the entire gear train. Komaeda is like that, he thinks, the person who begins the process. They're all interconnected, but without that singular piece all movement would cease. ]

Hope is the driving gear!

( back to his old self, his attitude fluffier after a few pats to cheer him up being able to talk about what he loves and respects. komaeda is no driving gear, he's not what makes the people start moving, and instead it's hope that they're holding onto that makes them act. for as long as he's been here, none of them get it, and he thinks no matter how long he's here... many of them will not understand. it's disappointing, but if he doesn't remind them, who will? they'll never realize that it's hope that makes them work hard, that it's hope that allows them a future, and that hope can turn dreams into reality. )

I'm the really, really small cog.

( the smallest one that doesn't matter if it's removed, because the big gears will connect and still move the machine. with a nod, he exhales with a smile before leaning back into his chair properly, not sliding into it to sulk, but presentable like an individual who is ready to be interviewed for a job. )

Don't forget that you're a main piece too, Riokun... you're irreplaceable.

( dolls can be copied, cloned, and all sorts of ways that rio will never end, but this is the one that's shared a good few months with komaeda and the others, and he doesn't think he could choose another rio over another. )

[ He wonders at first if it shouldn't be the motor. The driving cog is the one that starts off the chain, but there has to be something that powers it in order for that first cog to turn. But the more he thinks on it, the more he finds that it might not be bad to assign it the roll of a cog. it's what starts the process and allows the rest to build up on itself. Then those things that make up hope, he thinks, must be the motor.

But that's not a bad thing, he thinks. The driving gear bears the burden of setting off the chain reaction, and so it might be better to be snugly fit between others, driven by momentum and energy transfer. Still, he doesn't think his initial assessment was wrong either. ]

Ah... You think so?

[ Rio looks down with a little frown. Dolls are replaceable, and he's just data and code. There's no human that can't be replaced, but there's even fewer AIs. He lifts his eyes up after a moment, tilting his head to one side. The implication isn't lost on him, but those small cogs have just as much significance. ]

I dunno that it matters how big it is. The small cogs are needed for the bigger ones to rotate since they can complete more rotations and produce more force.

[ Larger gears can increase speed, but a proportional amount of force is needed. Smaller gears complete more rotations and produce less speed, but offer more force. It's a delicate balance. It's not difficult to transfer that concept to a person, and so he offers his observation, ]

Your words have weight to them.

[ If they didn't, then it wouldn't draw such a strong reaction from others. But good or bad, it seems as though he always garners one, unlike those who fade into the background and seem to almost join in with the faceless mass of students. ]

( it matters how big they are because different shapes allows the turning force to become stronger, and it's easy when the smaller wheels turn quickly with less force, and the bigger wheels slowly with more force. his mouth parts, but then he closes it, because that would be giving himself too much credit.

this group of people, the entire student body or what's left... and so many pieces have left can also make up the cog in a wheel, or the machine. there's interior cogs, exterior cogs... the latter could be those who died who are capable reminders to keep people going, stepping stones... as komaeda would love to see them as. the former are what they are since they're on the side— spurs, worms and crowns of all types and sizes. without a certain cog, the entire machine loses its ability to do anything, and the driving gear, or maybe the torque that could symbolize hope is gone. once something falls out of place, it's all gone, and komaeda would rather die than say he's able to do something like that.

the soles of his shoes scratch against ebony flooring, the miscolored wood that won't even start afire no matter how many times his legs go through the motion of back and forth, back and forth. )

No one really listens to me like that...

( that's why he's unable to believe that they hold anything. it's nice when someone listens to him, like now, he's able to relax and give more than he normally would.

hell, if no one listened to him, then that problem would have never existed. he ignores it though, be abuse he's selective in what carries weight, and what doesn't. the machine he's part of is a miraculous piece of engineering because... )

Everything will turn correctly here even if I'm gone, so I'm not that much of a important piece like you are.

( not that he wants or needs to be, his desire to be god has long since faded, but maybe that's why he can no longer see a role for himself that's important. he dreams big, but they're not meant for him to have. )

[ Based on how easily he's discarded, it would be more appropriate to say that Ranger isn't a terribly important piece of the machine. That's an uncomfortable thought though, and so he lets it slink back into the recesses of his mind. ]

Well, it'd be a problem if the loss of any one person caused the system to collapse. That means it was always on a shaky foundation. But you know, those small cogs are important, and they're hard to replace.

[ Machines are delicate like that. If just one piece is removed, the entire train collapses, no different than how a chain will break with the loss of a single link, or how a necklace ceases to be one with just the loss of a clasp. They're tiny things which seem so insignificant on their own, but which help to hold the entire system together all the same.

It's difficult for him to argue, as people need to speak for themselves, but the response people offer when confronted with him, or otherwise when he's mentioned, is enough to tell him that his presence is one in which moves the larger pieces around it. Small, delicate, quick, difficult to replace - such a description does suit him well.

He leans forward, folding his arms on the table, sliding one foot forward and stretching his leg forward until only the back of his heel rests on the floor. ]

I'd be different if you weren't here.

What do you think you'd be like?

( who is the rio ranger today that would make him different from the rio ranger of before? what has komaeda's influence done for him, if he has to think about it, he knows that the other has been through a lot with him. with as much change as they been through, komaeda focuses on rio's expression, reading to see what he can tell from it.

would his features be softer, or could it be more jaundiced, maybe those eyebrows would be more lowered and knit with frustration. )

We met at the top.

( he looks up above them, past the ceiling, and the dirty floors, and the cramped crawlspaces all the way past rumbles of rock and gorinto they'll make it to the fourth floor where rio ranger of that day walked down, and was introduced to purgatory. )

If we didn't... what would we be like now... aha, you were so mad at me too, and hated when I touched your face cards too.

( no more talk of cogwheels, now they can humor the idea of different paths, and alternate conclusions of their lives.)

[ It's brief, but his head leads back and his eyes roll up and a thoughtful sound. It's a familiar look, one to mimic some deep concentration as he runs through scenarios and simulations in his mind based on present data. Who does he know? What has he learned from them, and what might have he been able to if time weren't spent elsewhere? It's impossible to know, but close guesses are enough for hypothetical questions. ]

There's no one else suited to be my partner here.

[ Is he referring to the present time, or perhaps back then? It's a little bit of both. Rio is a difficult person to work with so consistently, as his values and priorities are an ill-match for most, and he won't work with anyone whom he sees as beneath him. It was pure luck that he ran into an anomaly that was just close enough to what he was used to that they could be called an even match.

His eyes drop back down to Komaea, a little frown on his face. It's not as though he wouldn't manage, he does well enough at drifting in and out of situations, but it would be lonelier. There's the faintest hint of that loneliness in his expression. He'd felt it when he came here too, and it was only through pushing and pulling that he was able to overcome the hurdle.

He folds his arms on the desk, tapping his elbow with his index finger. ]

I hated it, but you kept pushing anyway. You're that kind of person, so I got used to things, and I decided that living with you wasn't so bad...

[ Maybe with isn't quite the right word, but it was certainly partaking in his way of life. It was listening to him in a way he wouldn't with others, and fixing bits and pieces of it onto his own worldview to see what fit and what didn't. ]

So if I hadn't met you... Probably... I'd have just kept drifting until Midori came along... So I'd only be able to look at the world using one eye.

[ It'd be the same picture, the same sketch, but only half of it would be colored in. He wouldn't be able to see the other half, nor would he have the depth perception to gauge how far away it was. Functional, but inefficient, incomplete, and lonelier. ]

Ahaha... I did push, because I didn't care what happened. I was interested and curious, but I wasn't making any commitments. That's how I engage with people, and to learn the truth between the lies.

( as if he had a vision that day rio would show him an experience new because he had became part of their lives. there was no going back unless he was weak to die like the rest, but he kept up pretty well while bouncing around in other orbits to see what he liked and what he didn't. he called in checking up on others, then scurrying away somewhere else, but those visits got longer and longer, and no conversation got shorter and shorter.

if he thinks about it really hard and compiles his observations on others that have been here then... he doesn't think rio would be lost, but he would find someone, everyone always does. as long as someone makes sense then they could persuade him, but that would be too easy...

logical, persuasive, able to damage control or move entire groups by a single action, gain trust while not giving away his own trust blindly, think not of oneself, but of their own conviction strongly.

if someone can meet those then he believes there's a connection that can brew between rio and that person. )

You wouldn't look at the world with one eye... your perception would be a little more colorful.

( where komaeds can't stomach just white and black, but he does because it reminds him of hope and despair. if he presses it together, the world becomes grey, and then it's maddening— his head hurts, and he'll close his eyes tightly to calm himself down.

when he opens his eyes and they scan the horizon, he doesn't see a beach anymore or the artificial sun staring down at him, he's offered all sorts of colors and people, and he hears their voices that either request him to stay or run hum off. )

...It's because I know you better than to just drift. You have to find reason, isn't this what this place is about?

[ There was no need to commit at the time, but the sequence of events that led them to here is one that he can't replicate despite running through the data. There may be others that he'd settle in for a time, but there are none who he can seamlessly mesh with. It's probably because Komaeda can care so little, because he can push without worrying about the outcome, that he could progress as he did.

But if it was only Komaeda, he wouldn't be here either. There's too many other interactions, too many other thoughts, splashes of color that were throw on the blank blue canvas that he had always lived with. On that he won't disagree. ]

It's easy. You can seamlessly work with people without having enough compatibility for them to complete your eyesight. How many people have been able to do that for you?

[ Is he able to do so? If not, then there should be somebody. Rio had Safalin before coming here, and he has Komaeda now. But people come and go, they drift in and out of relationships, they enter and disappear and die. When everything's factored together, it becomes difficult to find a true partner, and there's a precious few that can do more than add a few strokes and a second look at any one work.

There are others who could, but none of them are here. ]

Well, I'm sure I would have found something for myself, seeing as a person can't just stay the same and all. But it wouldn't be what I have now.

...I have to think about others now?

( it sounds like a complaint, but he's always thinking about the people around him. it's not about them showing him the world, it's about him letting others know that there's no impossible, and that they can have anything as long as hope is kept alive. he hasn't really thought about what people have allowed him to open his thoughts and show him another view on things, but he knows for rio he's accepted trying to see what makes the place he comes from actually having positive notes that only he can convey.

he's thinking about it as he leans back in his chair, and his eyes glance to the side as he shakes his head. komaeda has never been fond of admitting what people can do for him, and so he ignores it too to avoid hurting them. he has thoughts about the people who may have influenced some of his decisions, but he still feels the same as when he came here.

weaker in his emotions, but that's not a bad thing is it? ah, yes it is he'll hurt himself if he doesn't put them in check. )

My eyesight is pretty hard to understand! I have 20/20 vision, and I can see hope so well, but not many want to see that with me... I know something like this doesn't go one way, so I don't...

( he thinks of helena for a moment, the blind girl that's brewed hope and uses it to motivate herself, she's managed to find support through komaeda's words to paint her world, herself.

he laughs softly, nodding. )

...Maybe there's something to be seen! But this isn't about me really, as long as you think you've found a way to exist with the multiple sights here then you're pretty compatible.

( he hasn't seen rio fight with anyone over his eyes being better than theirs, but... you can't fight with the blind because it's obvious whose eyes are better... there were many blind individuals within the meeting. )

I wouldn't be much good if I couldn't. That's the whole point of making an AI.

[ AIs can adapt with a speed and efficency that no human can, smoothly learning and adjusting to new data. He would be another failed project if he didn't, and so even those views that he gives no credence are ones he needs to learn.But that's not Komaeda's point and he knows it.

But he won't budge in this case though. Even if he looks at it from their vantage point, it's only to rule out all other arguments until there's only his own left.

Rio folds his arms on the table and cants his head. ]

Hm... Well, if you can one person to understand you, then that's good enough. It means that others can too.

[ It's like proof of concept. If they can understand each other, they can learn from each other. Still, he won't push the matter any further. More importantly, his partner looks better now for how the conversation has gone. It must have been the right choice to follow him. ]

People are pretty slow, but they seem to get the message eventually.

That's a pretty reasonable assumption to make.

( if one person can understand that means many others can do, it's just whether they want to listen or not. he's listening to rio himself, and he should take his words to heart and learn from the advice that if he understands this, then he's just as well on his way as anyone else trying to understand him. this isn't as difficult as hope though, and there's so many here that needs to work on it... he decides that he'll double his efforts in his speeches, and guiding them properly. )

They're in a constant state of confusion, but... I can only wonder if they have a limited capacity of how much information they can retain in their skulls... it does seem unfortunate what they do know.

( blaming, not learning how to fix their problems, or stop them from arising. komaeda has gotten far too used to it, and he uses his brain most of the time to figure out what would repair the problem at hand.

just like the one not too long ago, he's trying to see what he can do there. )

Mmm... but if you believe that they'll get the message, then don't get so caught up on what happened. Chidouin-san, Tsukimi-kun... the rest... they'll get it eventually.

[ There's a twitchy little frown, but Rio has no room to argue. They should be able to get it at some point, and if they don't then that simply means they were never worth his time. ]

... You're right. They've just got a bunch of bad habits that they need to break, but... If they can rewrite them, it should be fine.

[ He tightens his grip, squeezing his elbows and taking in a deep breath. If he looks at it that way, then it's easier for him to let it go. ]

In the meantime, we have each other, and... I'm sure the two of us can figure things out.

[ Because he knows Komaeda will carry on as he always has, whether or not anyone is with him, and so Rio takes it upon himself to ensure he doesn't wind up alone. He studies his partner's expression from across the table, trying to decide if that offer will be taken when it seems some days that he understands nothing at all, but also to see where he himself stands. He's still worried. ]

( the expression he wears no different from the norm. there's no smile, but his lips are pursed into a straight line, so that must mean he's thinking about something, or he has nothing to feel on the matter. eyes remain trained on rio, watching his every movement, and brows knit together momentarily in thought, he's conscious of the fact rio's reading his face, and his ears twitch from the offer.

his eyes look up to the ceiling for a moment. )

We do, so don't worry. I'm not that difficult to work with am I...?

( it almost sounds like something he needs to make sure about, because he's still rio's partner no matter what, right? even if he tries to mend problems the other is better off ignoring to leave it be. he can't leave rio in a position like that when he's vulnerable, and sensitive of the people and their actions.

he wonders if sara and shin's words weigh on them too, do they know the emotional damage inflicted? it must be easy because he's a doll, and not wholly a human, and so they can talk to him any kind of way. this won't go ignored, rio will always remember, this feelings will add up and he hopes that there won't be many more arguments like this in the future. )

It's always been us, you've been the only person here with me this entire time.

( yep, i sure did. )

[ It's just them, and there's times when he he thinks that they're the only two people trying to understand one another. It's not right, because he's certain there are others who want to understand Nagito Komaeda, but that sense doesn't go away. If more people did, they certainly wouldn't wind up in positions such as this.

There's a precious few who try to understand Rio Ranger, and those bonds are broken the moment he doesn't act as they decide he should. He shakes his head. ]

... It's always been us, [ He agrees, ] You're not hard to work with. It's just 'cause you're making a one sided effort... Even people who hate each other should be able to do that much.

[ He blows out a sigh, and the corner of his lips tics up in an attempt at a smile. ]

We're partners, so it doesn't really matter what happens. I'll support you no matter what.

[ He'll stop him from doing anything reckless, and if that fails he'll become an active player in his plans. But no matter what, they'll work together to see things through to a fitting conclusion. That is, Rio thinks, how it should be. ]

...

( of course rio would point that out, but komaeda has always believed himself a team player unlike most of the people here. if he had to choose what to work on alone — eyes size rio's upper body up, reading his expression — it would be to murder by himself, to use his own hands to help strengthen the hope here. he's the type of person who accepts his own consequences, and thinks everyone else is an idiot for not understanding why he did what he's done. it's always been about their hope, to guide their hand without them realizing komaeda has let go, that they drive themselves to obtain what seems to be the impossible.

there's no hope here when they can't even do that much, and they're too busy blaming others. )

What do you think I should do for them, Riokun?

( his tone weary, but he inhales slow before exhaling. he clears his throat gently, not wanting to wake up any of the book entities that reside her. gently, he sets his hands down on the table to lace them together, and nails dig into the flesh of his skin to leave behind red, crescent marks that he doesn't mind if they bruise his hand. it's a pinch to wake him up to reality, to hear someone else before he defaults to his own thoughts and desires.

if they're here together, then he's listening. )

What has to be done so they understand this sort of living is them digging their own grave?

Hmm... Normally I'd say that it's enough to see other people experiencing consequences, but that doesn't seem to work here. They're not gonna learn to stop biting until somebody hits back.

[ He props his elbow up on the table, resting his chin on his palm. ]

For example... If I had snapped every last one of Shin's fingers when he went off, do you think he'd try that again? He's a smart kid, so I'm sure he'd realize the stakes after that. You either learn to work with others, or you you're left with no allies to protect you and suffer the consequences.

[ He says it as easily as one speaks of changing the channel on the TV. As he says it, he wonders if he should have. But it'll do no good to do so now. It's like smacking a dog on the nose with a newspaper. It has to be done the second it makes the mistake, otherwise the connection won't be made. Perhaps the next time someone decides to play games with him he will, just to make sure the lesson is learned. ]

They're digging their own grave, so shove them into it. If you don't, somebody else will, and they'll be buried alive.

[ He will. ]

Edited (WORDS) 2022-04-30 20:21 (UTC)

Hm.

( is this valuable input? it allows him to look at this from ranger's perspective with how sensitive he can be to another person, as in, breaking their spirit, and their bones— he goes deep, deep down into teaching them a lesson. komaeda knows that he's rougher around the edges once he's slighted, and he learned that the moment they met when he caused a slight problem within the art room. now he doesn't know if torture is something he'd allow, but there's no such thing as a slap on the wrist either in order to tell them what's right and what's wrong.

he's right that if shin's fingers were snapped to the side, visible bone sticking out from the meat, and making them irreparable then he's crushed shin's chances at doing what he does best. his fingers are important to his character, he'd no longer be able to code, or do whatever work he does on the computer— he's a craftsman, and he needs his fingers to do just that. )

He's wary so they'd grow wrong, and he'd lose proper mobility. His hopes will be crushed then and there if they were no longer fixed.

( this is said genuinely, and with much thought. too much thought given to the person that told komaeda to run off and talk with add to get himself killed along the way. that was shin's own way of having komaeda buried alive, and that's why he understands the phrasing of why he should do it before someone else. the ultimate is... kinder, he'll allow them room to crawl out after they've seen what they did, but ranger would make sure they never come back. if their deaths served a higher purpose like hope, then he would allow them to suffocate under the dirt, and watch them claw at the worms and maggots to dig their way to the top, but a gun shot through the soil should fix that. )

It'll prepare him for the future, he'll be more mindful and cautious, I can't say it would be bad. ( but with how flexible shin is, who knows if it'd be good for him.

he sighs. )

If you remove one finger, it's a start.

[ He would bury them alive. He would break their arms and legs beyond repair and throw them in, cover them with dirt shovelful by shovelful, imprint the lesson so thoroughly that any who lived to see it would never even entertain the idea of making the same mistake. Rio wants to survive, he wants to do more than that, and he'll remove any threat to his way of living. He'll do anything, act in any way, and that's why he needs other people too. There has to be somebody to rip the shovel from his hands and throw it to the side.

Komaeda does that now, and he finds it to be a fair point. It's no different than a writer. He'll be no good as an engineer nor a programmer without his fingers. But one could be cut off. It would have the same effect without doing permanent damage.

That, Rio thinks, is what's necessary for those of that nature. Rokkun was no different. If there were no other options, then Rio was prepared to bury him alive, but there was a better way - a way where there were no real victims sans his memory. ]

... Right... The point's not to break them. It's just a lesson, so one finger would be enough. It's not really a bad thing, is it? If you drop it in a bucket of ice, you can still have it reattached.

[ If he thinks of it from his partner's perspective, then... ]

IT should be fine for a person to learn how to depend on other people that way too, right?

like a bitter stranger

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