who: Helena and others! what: March catchall log when: All month where: Across campus warnings: Potential gore, body horror, psychological horror in dreamscapes.
[the disconnect is jarring, from Dito's elation at the fact that that woman is dead - that he did it, eventually, she assumes - into the odd response. like something has a foothold in his mind, and doesn't want to let him free. that would explain his behavior, if that's really so, affecting his memory enough to make someone dead but living. someone living but dead.
still, she can pull the pieces out, and line them up. if he was being told what to do, then that explains why he couldn't kill her - because she probably told him not to, and thus he was thwarted. whether it was actually terrible enough to warrant her death or whether it was Dito chafing at any bonds put on him, she doesn't know. and yet, Helena knows herself, knows she'll want to believe that him getting his freedom even through such means would be for the best. knows there will be some doubt there on if he's a full fledged monster, or one goaded on. bad things get worse under the right circumstances.
the air oppresses, as if it wants to keep one docile. maybe...maybe he has to snap out of it again. maybe she has to keep pushing, putting her hand in an old wound, to remove what's amiss. maybe that's why she was sent to wait here, if you believe in things like fate.]
If she's dead, then there's nothing to keep you here, if you'd rather be gone. You have your own will to abide by.
[reason says only his own wishes bind him to this land. if his master's dead, then that makes him a free man - not bound to her commands not obliged to be anywhere or do anything he didn't want. of course, one could argue a Dito that took orders was better for everyone else around him, but she's trying to have that amount of sympathy. he deserves that much.]
[ helena's presence really bothers him in a way he doesn't expect. he thinks about her words for a second, face blank again like he's processing everything like a doll. like he's stuck between his own volition and a certain emptiness that excudes throughout him — whether or not five is dead, he realizes.
there's really only one thing that makes him feel invigorated. ]
Haaaah...
[ he laughs, in a drawn out, unhinged manner. ]
I'm sick of it, y'know? This thick, smothering air. The way it sticks onto your skin, all sticky and salty and...ugh.
[ he shudders ]
If I had it my way—
[ yeah, he would rather be gone.
he looks down at his gloved hands for a moment, wondering if it's that easy to just leave. of course, if she's dead, he doesn't have anyone controlling him. he can just up and do whatever. it's what he wants. he wants to do whatever, and he wants to do a lot of carnage to satisfy himself.
— this is confusing.
he runs a hand through his hair, annoyed at how his fringe has been slightly clinging to his forehead in this environment. it makes his glare more apparent as he stares down helena. ]
Where'd you come from? All drenched like that? I wanna go there.
[ hell, he wants to add to the blood. he has the ability to do so, and of course he wants to make the most of it. he's got so much anger and bloodlust to make up for, after all. ]
[her words are automatic, sharper than intended. but he doesn't know, and it's not the paradise he would think - that is, of course, if he's not a hunter. but even hunters fall victim to the cycle. it's the same path, and surely, that can't hold too much joy, after enough circles]
If I don't belong here, you definitely don't belong there. Not unless you want to get killed.
[because if the dice didn't roll in his favor, he'd be like the rest of them. where all you could do was run. most of this blood is her own - and he's too obvious a choice. a control group, really.]
[ he doesn't have his spear on him right now, but even so... he shrugs. ]
I'm not gonna die that easy. Unlike you.
[ his eyes widen slightly as he looks up and down helena again, and he's honestly far too curious about how she became so adorned in his favorite color ever. ]
— Or not, since you're still around.
[ he crosses his arms, taking a step forward. ]
What's got you looking like that, anyway? I know you didn't kill someone...
[it's a simple answer, if he bothers to follow all his thoughts to a conclusion. it's an answer she doesn't mind sharing, since the evidence clings to her, sticky and grotesque and drying in a way that means she'll have to scrub at her skin to get rid of it.
it's already happened. what use in hiding it? her cane rests across her lap, loosely held, and the air makes her own hair cling a little, heavier now.]
You had it right the first time. I've gone and died yet again. Me being here is just temporary, until I'm called back to life in that place.
he tilts his head inquisitively, unable to take his eyes off helena. it's almost unfair, considering that she can't even see him in turn.
a scoff. ]
I already know you're too resilient for your own good. You just won't fuckin' die. But you're not exactly suited for survival, either. So what's the deal?
[ dito takes another step toward helena, arms uncrossing as he moves to throw them behind his head in an egregiously fake show of indifference. ]
What is it you're even here for?
[ even his previous mistresses could tell him as much.
even if the answers were stupid to him.
except zero's, but... hers was always a fool's errand, regardless.
not that his own isn't either, but considering where he's ended up for the past year...he doesn't think he's doing too badly. he's still alive, after all. he's still seeing blood, and ugliness, and guts, and...everything!
so he can't complain.
or at least he shouldn't. but then people like helena come around, and he can't help but get like this. ]
[she turns her head back his direction, so he can see her expressions again, particularly how her eyebrows raise at this question. she's still sitting, though, unwilling to give up her spot while he sorts out whatever thoughts he's having. hasn't he ever heard of things just happening in dreams? does there need to be something more?
(her standing there in that other school, asking him Is "because I wished to" so unsatisfactory?)
clearly, she's not here for her own sake. there's a thousand places she could be sent to wait while her body is repaired, while time ticks over. clearly, he won't accept a coincidence, wavering path overlapping with his own for a little while. that leaves really only one solid answer, doesn't it?]
Maybe I'm here for you.
[strange as that idea is.]
Because you wanted to talk to someone. Because you needed to remember that all of this isn't real, that you're free, and you couldn't do it on your own.
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2/2
— dito straightens up slightly, face turning more puzzled. ]
I guess... I couldn't kill her for a while.
[ this fog is annoying. ]
no subject
still, she can pull the pieces out, and line them up. if he was being told what to do, then that explains why he couldn't kill her - because she probably told him not to, and thus he was thwarted. whether it was actually terrible enough to warrant her death or whether it was Dito chafing at any bonds put on him, she doesn't know. and yet, Helena knows herself, knows she'll want to believe that him getting his freedom even through such means would be for the best. knows there will be some doubt there on if he's a full fledged monster, or one goaded on. bad things get worse under the right circumstances.
the air oppresses, as if it wants to keep one docile. maybe...maybe he has to snap out of it again. maybe she has to keep pushing, putting her hand in an old wound, to remove what's amiss. maybe that's why she was sent to wait here, if you believe in things like fate.]
If she's dead, then there's nothing to keep you here, if you'd rather be gone. You have your own will to abide by.
[reason says only his own wishes bind him to this land. if his master's dead, then that makes him a free man - not bound to her commands not obliged to be anywhere or do anything he didn't want. of course, one could argue a Dito that took orders was better for everyone else around him, but she's trying to have that amount of sympathy. he deserves that much.]
no subject
there's really only one thing that makes him feel invigorated. ]
Haaaah...
[ he laughs, in a drawn out, unhinged manner. ]
I'm sick of it, y'know? This thick, smothering air. The way it sticks onto your skin, all sticky and salty and...ugh.
[ he shudders ]
If I had it my way—
[ yeah, he would rather be gone.
he looks down at his gloved hands for a moment, wondering if it's that easy to just leave. of course, if she's dead, he doesn't have anyone controlling him. he can just up and do whatever. it's what he wants. he wants to do whatever, and he wants to do a lot of carnage to satisfy himself.
— this is confusing.
he runs a hand through his hair, annoyed at how his fringe has been slightly clinging to his forehead in this environment. it makes his glare more apparent as he stares down helena. ]
Where'd you come from? All drenched like that? I wanna go there.
[ hell, he wants to add to the blood. he has the ability to do so, and of course he wants to make the most of it. he's got so much anger and bloodlust to make up for, after all. ]
no subject
[her words are automatic, sharper than intended. but he doesn't know, and it's not the paradise he would think - that is, of course, if he's not a hunter. but even hunters fall victim to the cycle. it's the same path, and surely, that can't hold too much joy, after enough circles]
If I don't belong here, you definitely don't belong there. Not unless you want to get killed.
[because if the dice didn't roll in his favor, he'd be like the rest of them. where all you could do was run. most of this blood is her own - and he's too obvious a choice. a control group, really.]
no subject
[ he doesn't have his spear on him right now, but even so... he shrugs. ]
I'm not gonna die that easy. Unlike you.
[ his eyes widen slightly as he looks up and down helena again, and he's honestly far too curious about how she became so adorned in his favorite color ever. ]
— Or not, since you're still around.
[ he crosses his arms, taking a step forward. ]
What's got you looking like that, anyway? I know you didn't kill someone...
no subject
it's already happened. what use in hiding it? her cane rests across her lap, loosely held, and the air makes her own hair cling a little, heavier now.]
You had it right the first time. I've gone and died yet again. Me being here is just temporary, until I'm called back to life in that place.
[not a walking corpse, but not alive either.]
no subject
[ dito mutters, his voice even for once.
he tilts his head inquisitively, unable to take his eyes off helena. it's almost unfair, considering that she can't even see him in turn.
a scoff. ]
I already know you're too resilient for your own good. You just won't fuckin' die. But you're not exactly suited for survival, either. So what's the deal?
[ dito takes another step toward helena, arms uncrossing as he moves to throw them behind his head in an egregiously fake show of indifference. ]
What is it you're even here for?
[ even his previous mistresses could tell him as much.
even if the answers were stupid to him.
except zero's, but... hers was always a fool's errand, regardless.
not that his own isn't either, but considering where he's ended up for the past year...he doesn't think he's doing too badly. he's still alive, after all. he's still seeing blood, and ugliness, and guts, and...everything!
so he can't complain.
or at least he shouldn't. but then people like helena come around, and he can't help but get like this. ]
no subject
(her standing there in that other school, asking him Is "because I wished to" so unsatisfactory?)
clearly, she's not here for her own sake. there's a thousand places she could be sent to wait while her body is repaired, while time ticks over. clearly, he won't accept a coincidence, wavering path overlapping with his own for a little while. that leaves really only one solid answer, doesn't it?]
Maybe I'm here for you.
[strange as that idea is.]
Because you wanted to talk to someone. Because you needed to remember that all of this isn't real, that you're free, and you couldn't do it on your own.