[she gives a thoughtful sound, considering his current state, and tap-taps out the door to follow Nagito for the time being.]
It's taken a few hits, but it's still there. Growing, healing from what happened to it. He's finding new things to draw on, and it's still alive. But I wouldn't say it's self sustaining just yet.
[it still has to be nurtured, loved, encouraged. he needs to bloom a little more.]
A helping hand isn't too bad now and again, but he's a mess without guidance... he gets far too into his own head.
( then he becomes reckless, and if he can't control himself then no one else can. he'll ride that high, and he will crash, and his life may not belong to him anymore. )
Riokun is upset with him, do you believe it's their bond that must have been a hit for him, or are they still caught up in Amami-kun's actions?
...The story is already written out, visible for us all. I noticed it from Riokun's end one day... alas!
( he laughs, aware enough, but the actions with amami only nailed in even deeper, hitting a sore spot beneath the skin between them. can they continue to build a life that way, though...? )
All we have is time here. The need for them to grow, learn from their mistakes, and to move on... it's hard for some who are haunted by their past. Seeing their life play on loop, it must be tedious...! I want them to know hope more than anything, if they lose that, then they're left to desperation.
[to be supports, to be friends. to be there for them, when they hurt, and to share in their joys.]
We are capable of reminding them how important their hope is, when they falter - if you stumble, don't you want someone you trust to reach out and steady you? Wouldn't you do the same for them?
( he remembers at a point that helena wasn't high in her spirits, that she spent her every waking night in fear, or worried about them all killing each other. now she speaks of hope, makes him think one way when he looks at the other. it's a bit inspiring if it wasn't for how the days have been so far, and what's been taken, lost, adrift at sea because some days... it feels like he's drowning, choking.
he exhales to reassure his body he's not underwater, and that nothing's lodged in his throat to the point he can't breathe. it'd be sad to leave the world like that. )
Last time I did that, Chidouin-san was in excruciating pain... you didn't see it, but I did.
I heard about that...and does she blame you for it?
[of course she had the details. but she doesn't hold it against him - it was Sara's choice to intervene, and that, Helena views with a calm head. it was her choice, and Nagito was preserved, and all is well in the end that someone is still alive.
if he is adrift at sea, then as his friend, his pupil, his fellow, she'll row the boat out and throw him a lifeline to bring him back on board. all of these things she says, they apply to him as well.]
You have to tell yourself over and over you made the right choice, it might be one of those scenarios.
( might be, but he doesn't want it not to be. he doesn't want her hurt as he glances off to the side thinking on the issue, she got hurt because he hurt add. he's irritating a bruise, making it bleed over and over again until it's a nasty scab rather than healed skin. he's a scab on the world even out in sea, it doesn't make him feel any better until he's covered up by the tropical storm, swept up in the waves, and disappear.
yet, helena always throws something out to remind him he still exists. it hurts to exist as is. )
I don't regret what I said, I could never. Something good will come from it, but why... did they have to interact with me, had they not...
I'm a little depressing, huh? That's lame for someone like me...
( he rolls his shoulders into a shrug, tilts his head left to right, and then he tries to smile, but it's slightly strained. )
What was expected is never what's important, it's if they ever get there... if they don't then... they lost. I need to believe in them a bit more, though.
If they're lost, then we can gently guide them back. Spring is the season of growth, new beginnings...of warmth coming back into the world. Let the ice melt into dew, and the water will clear their view.
[slipping up beside him, she puts her hand on his mechanical arm, as if he was a gentleman escorting her.]
You just have winter clinging to you a little longer than it should. It happens.
( the ice that clings to his body, the cold that's always been there since he was born... that winter which clings to his body, but it never matches up well with his smile; warm and gentle. that's what manages to pull across his face as he walks with the female like so, happily because of the subtle pick-me-up. )
You're right... it's been cold lately, so I should warm up.
( his mechanical arm is cold, his entire body is cold, and he lifts his organic one to hover over the hand that rests on him. hesitant for a moment before cold digits rest over helena's hand, patting gently. )
You found Spring before me... it must be nice. I'll come and visit it soon.
[pausing in her stride, she shifts her cane to the crook of her arm, bringing her other hand to join the group and lay over his. she's warm, for how much she looks to keep herself that way, and if she can give him a little of that, she'd like to. warmth is made to be shared, not hoarded, after all.]
If you take too long, or you get lost, I'll come find you and bring you to it. It's waiting for you, after all.
Do you remember last year in the storm? ...Was it last year? Around that time...
( he can't remember the exact date, but he does recall the temperature dropping, and how they were lost in a storm in a pure and blissful white. it covered their tracks, and even their warmth, and the chill remained wrapped around them like a jacket, and depending on how long they ventured then it could become warm— how the cold can become so warm, but painful at the same time.
it was the winter's bite, and one of helena's colder moments— perhaps that's when spring hit for her, ever since then. she could see the flowers bloom in the recesses of her mind, and how she tends them, she's tasted despair for a moment and reacted in a way that komaeda had hoped for. )
Ahaha... I think Riokun is caught in that storm. I willingly stand, but... you know personalities like his can adjust far too easily. I don't want him in that place, I want him to move out the snow too.
[of course she remembers. when he had painlessly slid a metaphorical knife in her, and everything that hurt, burned, destroyed her from the inside - it had been able to bleed out, and the snow had washed the injury clean, so it might heal. it was his doing, and she could never be grateful enough for it.]
...Might I try to show him spring? I know he might not be used to it, since he told me he grew up in a place without windows. Maybe we can bring spring to him, if he isn't sure of his footing - then he'll see the path.
You have to show him more than Spring... that season is better with people, and so how will he see other perspectives! That's why I want to try and mend what's been broken... and if I can't, then I can entrust it to you.
( it's not their job to fix what happened, but it is their job, as friends, to try and workshop their problems so that they can engage. their group is too small for arguments to break out like this, and it would spit on everything that's been done— how much work, effort and the precautions took to see it through. all the way from start to finish, even during komaeda's first murder. )
Being there for one another helps the soul... don't you think bright hope will come with the beautiful new growth. I want to see what flowers bloom from you and him.
Then you'll have to tell me all about what you see, when we bloom - and we'll tell you what's grown from you.
[she pauses, and then laughs a little, her hands still trying to warm his. she'd like to feel that he's taken on a little warmth.]
He told me that he grew up indoors...that he didn't get to experience things like the snow, like sun. So I promised myself, whenever new things come - when things change, and the world does, I'll look for him, and bring him out to see it for himself. I think you do that for him too, without realizing it. You give him chances to enjoy himself.
I think we all do... he was only with so many people, but now he has individuals like us.
( all sorts of people to watch, new interactions that he would have never made in the facility. they are the new exotic plants brought to his attention, how he has to tend them for the best results.
it makes enjoying the sun, and what the world has to offer even more exciting. what new discovery will he find? )
You showing him anything without actually seeing makes it all more beautiful.
Sight isn't the only way to understand the world, after all. Every other sense speaks volumes - and how they interact creates yet more things to understand. I'll never understand a color, but I can tell you that some flowers are so full of petals that they rustle when you carry them. I might not see the sun, but I can feel how it gives you warmth to be in it for even a moment, and how you can know when clouds cover it by the ebb and flow of those temperatures.
I can't tend to plants by their looks, but I know when they've decided to start growing by the scent in my homeroom - fresher, and then the sharpness of fertilizer from the garden club. And I can't see what I'm cooking when I do, but I know by taste what I'm missing in the process, when I need to wait a little longer, when I need to make something else stronger. Maybe I don't see the world, but I perceive it in every other way, and it is a wonderful world that I want all my friends to be able to take in. Him, of course...but you as well.
You can do a wide array of things, but that's what happens when you're alive.
( having all these chances to see the world in different points of views— feeling, taste, scent, and hearing, and even if helena lacks sight, the world is seen through different lenses. it's beautiful in grey, or white, or even blue and purple, and the warm splash of red. she doesn't need her eyes, but that's what komaeda means, that her not seeing but can break down the world just like that supports his train of thought.
to show someone what they don't ever think about has beauty within it from the soil to the petals, and to the sun that shines down to cover them all in its warmth. soon they'll break from their shells to become a part of life most amazing, that way they truly become part of the life that they cherish.
someone has to show that to ranger, and if not helena... then who? there will be others, but it's more meaningful when she does it. makes spring all the more brighter and livelier, and makes him excited for it all the more. )
But that's true! Very true... It's right, Adams-san. That's why... It means a lot coming from you.
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no subject
[she gives a thoughtful sound, considering his current state, and tap-taps out the door to follow Nagito for the time being.]
It's taken a few hits, but it's still there. Growing, healing from what happened to it. He's finding new things to draw on, and it's still alive. But I wouldn't say it's self sustaining just yet.
[it still has to be nurtured, loved, encouraged. he needs to bloom a little more.]
no subject
( then he becomes reckless, and if he can't control himself then no one else can. he'll ride that high, and he will crash, and his life may not belong to him anymore. )
Riokun is upset with him, do you believe it's their bond that must have been a hit for him, or are they still caught up in Amami-kun's actions?
no subject
[she has an idea, a guess. but it's only as thin as spider silk, and not her words to speculate on.]
Give them time, I think. Their bond will recover, stronger for the hardships.
no subject
( he laughs, aware enough, but the actions with amami only nailed in even deeper, hitting a sore spot beneath the skin between them. can they continue to build a life that way, though...? )
All we have is time here. The need for them to grow, learn from their mistakes, and to move on... it's hard for some who are haunted by their past. Seeing their life play on loop, it must be tedious...! I want them to know hope more than anything, if they lose that, then they're left to desperation.
no subject
[to be supports, to be friends. to be there for them, when they hurt, and to share in their joys.]
We are capable of reminding them how important their hope is, when they falter - if you stumble, don't you want someone you trust to reach out and steady you? Wouldn't you do the same for them?
no subject
( he remembers at a point that helena wasn't high in her spirits, that she spent her every waking night in fear, or worried about them all killing each other. now she speaks of hope, makes him think one way when he looks at the other. it's a bit inspiring if it wasn't for how the days have been so far, and what's been taken, lost, adrift at sea because some days... it feels like he's drowning, choking.
he exhales to reassure his body he's not underwater, and that nothing's lodged in his throat to the point he can't breathe. it'd be sad to leave the world like that. )
Last time I did that, Chidouin-san was in excruciating pain... you didn't see it, but I did.
( he's not saying she's wrong, though. )
no subject
[of course she had the details. but she doesn't hold it against him - it was Sara's choice to intervene, and that, Helena views with a calm head. it was her choice, and Nagito was preserved, and all is well in the end that someone is still alive.
if he is adrift at sea, then as his friend, his pupil, his fellow, she'll row the boat out and throw him a lifeline to bring him back on board. all of these things she says, they apply to him as well.]
no subject
( might be, but he doesn't want it not to be. he doesn't want her hurt as he glances off to the side thinking on the issue, she got hurt because he hurt add. he's irritating a bruise, making it bleed over and over again until it's a nasty scab rather than healed skin. he's a scab on the world even out in sea, it doesn't make him feel any better until he's covered up by the tropical storm, swept up in the waves, and disappear.
yet, helena always throws something out to remind him he still exists. it hurts to exist as is. )
I don't regret what I said, I could never. Something good will come from it, but why... did they have to interact with me, had they not...
( had they not... )
no subject
[he cannot take sole blame for what someone else did. not unless he wants her to call him Nagito aloud and take his flesh and blood hand.]
If you keep saying things like that, if you doubt it...are you doubting the hope that could come from it?
no subject
( doubting hope is the last thing he'd do, but there's something that stands out about it. add, sara, and whoever else was involved. )
Do you think they'll learn anything, if they start to regret everything then it's a step back.
no subject
[she says it with every ounce of conviction in her voice - they always learn from every experience in life.]
It's just not going to be exactly what was expected.
no subject
( he rolls his shoulders into a shrug, tilts his head left to right, and then he tries to smile, but it's slightly strained. )
What was expected is never what's important, it's if they ever get there... if they don't then... they lost. I need to believe in them a bit more, though.
no subject
[slipping up beside him, she puts her hand on his mechanical arm, as if he was a gentleman escorting her.]
You just have winter clinging to you a little longer than it should. It happens.
no subject
( the ice that clings to his body, the cold that's always been there since he was born... that winter which clings to his body, but it never matches up well with his smile; warm and gentle. that's what manages to pull across his face as he walks with the female like so, happily because of the subtle pick-me-up. )
You're right... it's been cold lately, so I should warm up.
( his mechanical arm is cold, his entire body is cold, and he lifts his organic one to hover over the hand that rests on him. hesitant for a moment before cold digits rest over helena's hand, patting gently. )
You found Spring before me... it must be nice. I'll come and visit it soon.
no subject
If you take too long, or you get lost, I'll come find you and bring you to it. It's waiting for you, after all.
no subject
( he can't remember the exact date, but he does recall the temperature dropping, and how they were lost in a storm in a pure and blissful white. it covered their tracks, and even their warmth, and the chill remained wrapped around them like a jacket, and depending on how long they ventured then it could become warm— how the cold can become so warm, but painful at the same time.
it was the winter's bite, and one of helena's colder moments— perhaps that's when spring hit for her, ever since then. she could see the flowers bloom in the recesses of her mind, and how she tends them, she's tasted despair for a moment and reacted in a way that komaeda had hoped for. )
Ahaha... I think Riokun is caught in that storm. I willingly stand, but... you know personalities like his can adjust far too easily. I don't want him in that place, I want him to move out the snow too.
no subject
[of course she remembers. when he had painlessly slid a metaphorical knife in her, and everything that hurt, burned, destroyed her from the inside - it had been able to bleed out, and the snow had washed the injury clean, so it might heal. it was his doing, and she could never be grateful enough for it.]
...Might I try to show him spring? I know he might not be used to it, since he told me he grew up in a place without windows. Maybe we can bring spring to him, if he isn't sure of his footing - then he'll see the path.
no subject
( it's not their job to fix what happened, but it is their job, as friends, to try and workshop their problems so that they can engage. their group is too small for arguments to break out like this, and it would spit on everything that's been done— how much work, effort and the precautions took to see it through. all the way from start to finish, even during komaeda's first murder. )
Being there for one another helps the soul... don't you think bright hope will come with the beautiful new growth. I want to see what flowers bloom from you and him.
no subject
[she pauses, and then laughs a little, her hands still trying to warm his. she'd like to feel that he's taken on a little warmth.]
He told me that he grew up indoors...that he didn't get to experience things like the snow, like sun. So I promised myself, whenever new things come - when things change, and the world does, I'll look for him, and bring him out to see it for himself. I think you do that for him too, without realizing it. You give him chances to enjoy himself.
no subject
( all sorts of people to watch, new interactions that he would have never made in the facility. they are the new exotic plants brought to his attention, how he has to tend them for the best results.
it makes enjoying the sun, and what the world has to offer even more exciting. what new discovery will he find? )
You showing him anything without actually seeing makes it all more beautiful.
no subject
I can't tend to plants by their looks, but I know when they've decided to start growing by the scent in my homeroom - fresher, and then the sharpness of fertilizer from the garden club. And I can't see what I'm cooking when I do, but I know by taste what I'm missing in the process, when I need to wait a little longer, when I need to make something else stronger. Maybe I don't see the world, but I perceive it in every other way, and it is a wonderful world that I want all my friends to be able to take in. Him, of course...but you as well.
no subject
( having all these chances to see the world in different points of views— feeling, taste, scent, and hearing, and even if helena lacks sight, the world is seen through different lenses. it's beautiful in grey, or white, or even blue and purple, and the warm splash of red. she doesn't need her eyes, but that's what komaeda means, that her not seeing but can break down the world just like that supports his train of thought.
to show someone what they don't ever think about has beauty within it from the soil to the petals, and to the sun that shines down to cover them all in its warmth. soon they'll break from their shells to become a part of life most amazing, that way they truly become part of the life that they cherish.
someone has to show that to ranger, and if not helena... then who? there will be others, but it's more meaningful when she does it. makes spring all the more brighter and livelier, and makes him excited for it all the more. )
But that's true! Very true... It's right, Adams-san. That's why... It means a lot coming from you.