[the words are soft, a little strained, and she holds onto both of them tighter. if she had just ran instead of stopping, if she hadn't had gone out at all, if she'd had her PDA - if, if, if, echoing in her mind. and then floating through dreams that felt liquid, moments in time she couldn't place, fighting back to the surface. she just wants to be okay - wants to be bundled up and kept close, to go back to the dorms and stay in their room until she can walk again, comforted by familiar touches and sounds and smells.
she can't, not until she's discharged, but right now she doesn't want to be strong, to be a pillar to rely on, to hold other people up. she wants to be herself, and to be allowed to cling to the people she loves, anchors to stop her from floating away again. apologize over and over for the pain she's caused them. the pain she will cause them. right now, she only wants them to know that she never intended any of this to happen.]
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[the words are soft, a little strained, and she holds onto both of them tighter. if she had just ran instead of stopping, if she hadn't had gone out at all, if she'd had her PDA - if, if, if, echoing in her mind. and then floating through dreams that felt liquid, moments in time she couldn't place, fighting back to the surface. she just wants to be okay - wants to be bundled up and kept close, to go back to the dorms and stay in their room until she can walk again, comforted by familiar touches and sounds and smells.
she can't, not until she's discharged, but right now she doesn't want to be strong, to be a pillar to rely on, to hold other people up. she wants to be herself, and to be allowed to cling to the people she loves, anchors to stop her from floating away again. apologize over and over for the pain she's caused them. the pain she will cause them. right now, she only wants them to know that she never intended any of this to happen.]
It'll never, never happen again.