and she let subaru go through with that, no less... )
Sorry.
( because there's nothing that can be done about it now, pocketing his hands and looking off to the side as he is. there was simply no way for him to know that, considering the response he was expecting to the news of how well his first attempt went over. what's done is done, and didn't it work out, aside from subaru's going rogue? )
I'm back though. I wouldn't gamble with their life, and I didn't with mine either. I made a deal, and the other side held up their end of the bargain, so you don't have to worry anymore, Helena.
You say that, but you have to know I'll worry anyway.
[because that's how she is. she worries over the ones she loves. it's all she can do, sometimes. stand there and feel, and try to be a support. it's all she's good for, some days.]
( because that's what it all comes down to. seeing as she'd let subaru go through with his plan though, amami doesn't doubt that fact — continues on without waiting for any confirmation. )
But see, I did some asking around, and a contract can't be filled if one party isn't there to be held to it. I happened to hear from Komaeda-kun about a deal we could cut with Mizuki too — that if Kamo-kun died, they would be able to come back to the school as a student.
( a two-for-one deal — they stay in the cycle, they stay with the people they care about. )
So I went to Mizuki myself to make sure that both of those things were true. And, well, the idea was to go through with it before Akehoshi-kun went through with his, but you know how well that turned out.
[the word leaves her unconsciously, but she holds the papers tighter. shaking her head, she tries to take a breath, but-]
You both...both of you were so stupid. You could have worked together, either of you could have said something, and you didn't until it was too late, even if there was a plan, keeping all these secrets, maybe I could have helped you somehow instead of you taking it on alone...
[it's not a big explosion. a tiny one, but Amami will see the way it affects her. the relief in one's body, finally speaking their mind after so long biting her tongue. the breathing, trying to calm herself when she catches the edge.
the fear that surges in, that saying something has simply ruined it all now, after it might have been, and that she's really lost him now. she should have stayed quiet.]
( he disagrees, but it's true — he can see it. the way the tension leaves her body, the relief of speaking her mind, and helena did seem quite the emotional type so far as amami could remember. moreso than him, who's trained himself into suppressing such things, if only so that he can keep moving forward towards the one goal he has.
he's hardly going to admit that he was wrong for finally, finally meeting something that resembles that now-unreachable goal of his. )
Anyway, that's how it was. Kamo-kun was never in any danger, and I'm back now, aren't I? The fact is, as long as we're still in the cycle, we'll be okay.
...please don't do something like that without saying something, next time.
[that's all she can really ask, in the end. she can't demand anything of him, she's not that precious to him that she can require anything from him. but even if she can't do anything, she can remember.]
You're back, and I don't want to think that maybe I've lost you again.
I'll try not to — it's not exactly a situation I want to repeat, y'know.
( but it seems like that's the extent of the scolding he's going to get, so his shoulders fall slack, relaxing slightly again. )
And anyway, you wouldn't lose me in a place like this. It's in pretty bad shape now, but the only one here who was ever in any real danger was Kamo-kun.
I mean, it's an afterlife, right? ( he says it as if the answer is clear as day. )
I don't think the idea of a place like this is so bad — somewhere to be until you're ready to move on, or to figure things out before you go back — but the execution leaves something to be desired. It was better before the fire though.
( that's the part that catches him first, considering his own ongoing issues with memory. )
Well we do come back over and over again, we've figured that out. We know people will come and go in terms of "opening their eyes," too. You don't think there's a chance they could be worth taking a second look at?
( just some food for thought before he shrugs, fabric rustling as he brings up a hand to fidget with. )
( you literally hit on one of his big Themes leave him alone... )
Oh, you don't know?
( he thought this was common knowledge, and sounds sincere in being surprised by her asking. )
Originally, it was a grade school... more like a daycare, really. It wasn't quite so violent, but things got worse as time went on. Kazuki-san's binding fell through, and then after the fire, the school rules became a lot more cutthroat. The details don't matter so much, but hasn't always been like this, is the point.
( which, he's not too confident in it, but he has to give it a try — for kamo-kun's sake if nothing else. )
I've been putting something together with Ishimaru-kun lately, and we're going to go talk to Kazuki-san about it. I figure that one way we could start working on it is by helping out with the tree.
I remember Mr. Ranger saying it looked like it could use some pruning, at the least, and I trust his eyes. Do you think because there's so many souls in the tree, if we make it healthy, then other things might get healthier?
[she remembers what Kazuki told her about clipping away sections to give the entire plant more energy. maybe it can help just a little bit.]
At the least, we could lift some of the burden on the souls...
Hadn't really thought of it that way, but yeah, I guess that works.
( ever eloquent and poetic with her way of seeing the solution. amami is a lot simpler than that. )
I just... don't want to kick anybody out of here before they're ready. It's pretty hard to hit graduation, and reincarnation is a tough pill to swallow. The last thing we want is for everyone's souls to be packed like sardines in the meantime.
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and she let subaru go through with that, no less... )
Sorry.
( because there's nothing that can be done about it now, pocketing his hands and looking off to the side as he is. there was simply no way for him to know that, considering the response he was expecting to the news of how well his first attempt went over. what's done is done, and didn't it work out, aside from subaru's going rogue? )
I'm back though. I wouldn't gamble with their life, and I didn't with mine either. I made a deal, and the other side held up their end of the bargain, so you don't have to worry anymore, Helena.
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[because that's how she is. she worries over the ones she loves. it's all she can do, sometimes. stand there and feel, and try to be a support. it's all she's good for, some days.]
Will you tell me what the deal was?
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( because that's what it all comes down to. seeing as she'd let subaru go through with his plan though, amami doesn't doubt that fact — continues on without waiting for any confirmation. )
But see, I did some asking around, and a contract can't be filled if one party isn't there to be held to it. I happened to hear from Komaeda-kun about a deal we could cut with Mizuki too — that if Kamo-kun died, they would be able to come back to the school as a student.
( a two-for-one deal — they stay in the cycle, they stay with the people they care about. )
So I went to Mizuki myself to make sure that both of those things were true. And, well, the idea was to go through with it before Akehoshi-kun went through with his, but you know how well that turned out.
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[the word leaves her unconsciously, but she holds the papers tighter. shaking her head, she tries to take a breath, but-]
You both...both of you were so stupid. You could have worked together, either of you could have said something, and you didn't until it was too late, even if there was a plan, keeping all these secrets, maybe I could have helped you somehow instead of you taking it on alone...
[it's not a big explosion. a tiny one, but Amami will see the way it affects her. the relief in one's body, finally speaking their mind after so long biting her tongue. the breathing, trying to calm herself when she catches the edge.
the fear that surges in, that saying something has simply ruined it all now, after it might have been, and that she's really lost him now. she should have stayed quiet.]
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( he disagrees, but it's true — he can see it. the way the tension leaves her body, the relief of speaking her mind, and helena did seem quite the emotional type so far as amami could remember. moreso than him, who's trained himself into suppressing such things, if only so that he can keep moving forward towards the one goal he has.
he's hardly going to admit that he was wrong for finally, finally meeting something that resembles that now-unreachable goal of his. )
Anyway, that's how it was. Kamo-kun was never in any danger, and I'm back now, aren't I? The fact is, as long as we're still in the cycle, we'll be okay.
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[that's all she can really ask, in the end. she can't demand anything of him, she's not that precious to him that she can require anything from him. but even if she can't do anything, she can remember.]
You're back, and I don't want to think that maybe I've lost you again.
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( but it seems like that's the extent of the scolding he's going to get, so his shoulders fall slack, relaxing slightly again. )
And anyway, you wouldn't lose me in a place like this. It's in pretty bad shape now, but the only one here who was ever in any real danger was Kamo-kun.
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[how are they not in real danger?]
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I don't think the idea of a place like this is so bad — somewhere to be until you're ready to move on, or to figure things out before you go back — but the execution leaves something to be desired. It was better before the fire though.
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[that's an era of the school that escapes her entirely.]
All I know, even in those false memories, is now.
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( that's the part that catches him first, considering his own ongoing issues with memory. )
Well we do come back over and over again, we've figured that out. We know people will come and go in terms of "opening their eyes," too. You don't think there's a chance they could be worth taking a second look at?
( just some food for thought before he shrugs, fabric rustling as he brings up a hand to fidget with. )
But yeah, it wasn't as bad here before the fire.
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[focus, Amami. focus.]
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Oh, you don't know?
( he thought this was common knowledge, and sounds sincere in being surprised by her asking. )
Originally, it was a grade school... more like a daycare, really. It wasn't quite so violent, but things got worse as time went on. Kazuki-san's binding fell through, and then after the fire, the school rules became a lot more cutthroat. The details don't matter so much, but hasn't always been like this, is the point.
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It's like one of those stories...where a land gets tainted somehow, cursed, and things go wrong. Is it fixable? Or are we resigned to it?
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( which, he's not too confident in it, but he has to give it a try — for kamo-kun's sake if nothing else. )
I've been putting something together with Ishimaru-kun lately, and we're going to go talk to Kazuki-san about it. I figure that one way we could start working on it is by helping out with the tree.
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[she remembers what Kazuki told her about clipping away sections to give the entire plant more energy. maybe it can help just a little bit.]
At the least, we could lift some of the burden on the souls...
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( ever eloquent and poetic with her way of seeing the solution. amami is a lot simpler than that. )
I just... don't want to kick anybody out of here before they're ready. It's pretty hard to hit graduation, and reincarnation is a tough pill to swallow. The last thing we want is for everyone's souls to be packed like sardines in the meantime.
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[and nodding, she's made up her mind, just like that.]
I'll help you. Kazuki taught me quite a bit about gardening, and you'll need careful hands on your side to make this happen.
...If you'll allow me, of course.