[semi-open] second truth bullet: hinata's memory

[futurebullets]

Who: Hajime Hinata and YOU
What: A catch-all log for Hinata throughout the month! Closed things will added by request, open things for stuff outside of event top-levels
Where: Various
When: Mostly June, at least one or two things backdated to late May
Warnings: SPOILERS for chapter 4 of Super Dangan Ronpa 2, after the Final Dead Room Discussion



Notes: Hinata will be undergoing a canon update that will have taken place on the 4th! He will be approaching things considerably more depressed and/or apathetic after this takes place, so you're welcome to tag him between the 1st and 3rd if you'd rather have normal Hinata! However, the threads that take place after the canon update are very important. It's something I've detailed more on plurk, but essentially there's something of a "game" that I have going. Hinata now has a "trust" level that's been reset to 0 - if his points are positive enough, he will be updated to either chapter 5 or the end of the game, and if his points fall too far, he will be "reverted" to one of two earlier canon points (chapter 1 or pre-game) and lose all of his Yogen memories. Close CR has more weight at first, but anyone has the power to affect him, so feel free to take a shot at raising or lowering those points!

If you have any questions or would like to plot things, feel free to reach me at Yamadori! (You're also welcome to write starters for me as well, just give me a heads up first!)

Comments

[aleajactaest]

don't you know better? trash like you shouldn't be imposing your own narrative on other people

[commences]

i really don't have to take this from trash like yourself you literally mean nothing to me

[aleajactaest]

you mean nothing to me either, so we seem to be at an impasse

[commences]

*pulls out gun*

say your last prayers, scum

[zanka]

*pulls out his own gun* you first

[commences]

WHY DO U HAVE TWO JOURNALS FOR HIM I CANT STAND THIS

ok but youre right me first

[aleajactaest]

because I love him :)

don't let the recoil hit you on the way out!

[commences]

*it hits you*

wish you'd take your own advice sometimes :)

[aleajactaest]

*when he is hit, he fires his own reflexively, hitting Old Komaeda*

I know, right? but at least our luck takes care of our own ineptitude!

[commences]

*is dead*

[aleajactaest]

you actually died from that? I'm even more pathetic than I thought.

[commences]

. . .

[overlordofice]

...Kehehe. Of course. None would dare to impersonate me, lest they be struck down.

[ After ages of passing through the halls, seeing the familiar face over and over again through the sea of students... They are finally here in the auditorium, face to face. He could've sworn it was some cruel trick the school had played on him, but that was not the case.

It was bittersweet, in a way. He was happy to see Hinata again, but not in this school. Not in another place where violence reigned supreme.

Still. ]

...It is good to see you, Hajime.

[commences]

*waiting for u to tell me how ppl dropped so i can die too from the drop*

[futurebullets]

can't talk right now speedrunning to chapter 1

[commences]

hugs your leg you wont make it

[futurebullets]

not with that attitude we won't

[futurebullets]

[The smile drops from his face, replaced with a flat stare, tears still falling from his eyes. Hinata doesn't make any move to wipe them away.]

There's enough blame to go around for both of us, isn't there?

[His gaze sharpens, ever so slightly.]

I wonder, who do you think is more at fault, Komaeda? The lying Ultimate Luck that weaved pretty words together? Or the worthless Reserve Course student who couldn't open his ears?

[His voice starts to tremble at the very end, fingers digging in just a little bit harder.]

[futurebullets]

[He can't help it - Hinata isn't expecting Tanaka's brand of speech, and it's enough to startle a small laugh out of him. As it ends, he shoots Tanaka a fond smile.]

I guess I really did miss it after all... Hearing you say things like that.

[Although with that, it takes on a more worried edge.]

It's good to see you, too... Even though I wish it hadn't been like this. It figures we'd pass out in the tunnel just to wake up in a disturbing place like this.

[They really can't catch a break, huh?]

[commences]

At fault? You're asking me that...?

( another rhetorical question, this time stupider than the last — calling him a liar, tarnishing his name in the sane tone as speaking "reserve course," even thinking there's something comparable between the two. there's nothing in what hinata says that makes sense, there's too much of a gap between everything he knows that causes himself some distance from this — though, the pain that comes from hinata digging his fingers deeper, and deeper is welcomed. his fingers curl against the surface of the floor, nails scratching as the brunette continues — )

When did I ever lie...

( if this is matters about his reserve course, then, komaeda has called him talentless without batting an eye. has he forgotten, or was he too wrapped up in his own idea of saving komaeda that he wasn't listening? whose fault is this, actually. )

You're distraught over the wrong things, listening to what I say... That was your choice, not mine.

( the words that caught him off guard, the words he believed that were lies, did komaeda ever tell hinata to humor him — he had plenty of chances to ignore him. it didn't seem to bother him before, it's in his character to act playfully despite hinata's spiny personality, it's to help him live a little. sure, as the ultimate luck, he has his reservations about the people below him, but despite the disgusting make-up of his body now doesn't mean he won't become what he truly is, right? he just has to wait it out, but it does appear to see komaeda is a little disappointed from this interaction. )

[futurebullets]

[His heart throbs, aching in his chest. Mind racing, ire trickles through him like a syrupy poison.

And he won't even own up to it in the end.

That's alright.]

Still shirking it off on me, huh? I should have expected as much.

[It's alright, because he'll make him see it.]

I'll make it clear to you, then.

[I'll force the truth before your eyes... until you can't look away, Komaeda!]

Telling me you're thinking about me. Those soft smiles you'd wear around me sometimes. The way you'd hold onto me like you don't want to let go. And the way you talked, as if I meant anything to you... All of that paints a picture of someone who cares, even just a little bit.

[They're things that would make Hinata blush to say out loud, if it were any other day. If he hadn't woken up like the world was ending.]

And yet, I remember the Final Dead Room now.

[He shouldn't need to elaborate on it anymore than that. Being talked down to, looked at like he's less than nothing, the gaze and words that cut through him like he doesn't deserve to even be alive.]

So tell me, Komaeda, which one is real? Are you going to tell me I'm having another hallucination on the floor? What's really the truth?

[Tell me it isn't real, he begs in his mind, the last fragile beats of his bleeding heart, that what he saw in his head wasn't enough to kill off.

His Komaeda doesn't lie.

Tell me you care.

Tell me I have a talent.

Tell me I'm worth something to you.]

[commences]

For someone who grips at straws... wanting to know about their past... you're quick to throw it all away because of what you learned... But the world changes just like that... like a watercolor painting caught in the rain.

( komaeda has always cared about the hope inside of him, it's true, even after the reveal of learning he was nothing but a dirty reserve course, komaeda still cared. all throughout his downfall, his mind crumbling from the fact all the ultimates were entities of despair, he wanted to kill them all. it was a feeling that rested deep in his heart, if he was able to get rid of them, then the world will thank him — they'd respect him. as for the reserve course, he hardly cared what became of him, maybe that's why at the time he believed that hinata couldn't have played a part in the traitor or being despair, what can someone normal do. those were komaeda's feelings a long time ago, well, what he tries to tell himself — but as long as he's been here, that feeling was nothing more than two months prior. it's still recent, but he doesn't think much of it now until hinata brings it up with such anger, such irritation that... )

I'm thinking about you now.

( it comes out straight-forward despite being tired, the difference between his mind and his heart says various things — komaeda's too affixed on hope, hinata doesn't know, but that's what he'll be in the long run if things go correctly... komaeda guesses. that's why komaeda's capable of loving him despite hating what he is now — it's not that he hates the reserve course, it was just that having his views forcibly taken away from him by tampering with his memories irritated him more than anything. he knows now, he's aware, having accepted his feelings for hinata, having accepted that he found some sort of affection that he could give him despite him being (reserve course) what he hardly thinks about. )

I'm thinking about... how you need to grow up.

( again, a statement that he's given hinata before, he's too young to understand how much influence he has, and once he grows up — all his worries will go away. he'll understand what he's capable of, he'll see that he means a lot to them and others, and while komaeda could tell him everything right here, and right now. how the other saved him, how he's the same person as kamukura izuru, that in the end he is ultimate hope, someone who harbors every talent — it seems to easy. handing it off to him like that, and to become the person that he did, he has to work for it. )

Right now you're talentless, you're acting like a worthless human being — grow up.

( he got through everything after komaeda said what he said, right? that's why he became the person he showed affection for... right? pain, suffering, that sort of despair will sink into his veins, that's until hinata manages to pluck them out from beneath his skin with his own efforts. because he did it before, he can do it again. he won't let his hope falter over something like this, remembering, but ignoring what's already been given that he made before. )

[futurebullets]

[It's the wrong thing to say.

Or at least... the wrong way to say it.

I'm so stupid.

Hinata's feels the exact moment in time that his heart freezes over. The tiles that place around it, walls building up so that he can be hurt no longer.

Thinking that wasn't the truth... Entertaining the thought he could ever care... I'm so stupid.]

Fuck you.

[It's quiet, delivered flatly and icily. Finally, Hinata releases Komaeda's shoulder as he sits back, fingers trailing along his arm after releasing the hold as if there could possibly still be something buried deep down that doesn't want to let him go.]

I see now... how mistaken I was, thinking that you ever cared about me. [He lifts his head again, and Hinata's eyes are venom.] So sorry, Main Course-san, for being such an inconvenience to you with my worthless feelings.

[The -san is a slap as much as any of the other words are. Komaeda knows he doesn't use honorifics.]

I'll make sure to stay out of your way, so you can find a nice, grown up person full of talent to waste your Goddamn time on.

[His head is so clouded with pain, Hinata can't see the clue that could unravel everything. Once again, as always with Komaeda, missing the one hint that would make everything make sense.

He cannot get through this after what Komaeda's said. Not this time. Not after what was shown to him, and what he showed in return.

The person Komaeda Nagito is seeking cannot appear like this.]

[commences]

Ah, I'm pretty sure you hate me too much to do that... use another threat!

( the faint brush of hinata's fingers sends a shiver down his spine from the still healing wound in his right arm, and he welcomes it because who is komaeda if not a glutton for pain. what's unfamiliar is the way he's straddled by him, confined by his legs that's probably to prevent him from getting up — is this how he wants to search for answers? to be as close as possible? it was a mistake on his behalf, thinking that this would do anything for them, anything for him — it just hurts hinata more, and he probably doesn't understand that.

he wouldn't say his feelings are worthless, there's a lot komaeda wouldn't say, but it's hinata who chooses to fester in his own negative emotions. it'll help him, he knows, this is nothing more than a stepping stone to pull himself together. while komaeda knows the half truth, not the whole of how hinata became who he was then, he knows enough to wipe away his worries, to calm him down. he could admit that he has a talent, he could admit that he cares about him, he could admit a lot, but that's not komaeda's role — he's held his hand by not making hinata commit to him.

things like he won't let komaeda die, things like wanting komaeda by his side... komaeda never agreed to any of it, it was probably the right choice seeing that hinata is throwing everything away over lacking talent at the moment. wouldn't it be too easy to tell him everything, things he should find out himself? unlike nanami, nothing is stopping him, telling hinata the truth as he sees it, things like how in a world that lacked hope, and talent wasn't everything... how hinata didn't exist, because he has both those things. yet, it's a disgusting thought that makes him shudder, and it's not a conversation he wants to have. )

The way you think, how you're acting... it's all misplaced, and it's annoying me. You'll annoy everyone else too by being reckless, Hinata-kun.

[futurebullets]

Keep that up, and everyone else will hate you too much for that, too.

[Hinata feels a wave of utter exhaustion roll over him as he finally gets off of Komaeda, sitting on the floor because he's too weary to stand just yet, even though he'd love to just leave right away. The boy that was more well-rested than he'd ever been in his life feels miles and miles away. There's nothing but quiet anger and pain left in him, too battered to put up much of a fight now.]

It's fine, though. [Nothing will ever be fine again.] There's not a single person here who needs me... not you or anybody else. So all I have to do is make myself scarce, and nobody will have to deal with me being so "annoying".

[He aches at the thought of it, of being alone when he's finally made so many friends here and even back on Jabberwock. But ultimately, it's better - if he avoids everyone, he won't have to tell anyone what he really is, and nobody will be able to hurt him like Komaeda.]