(closed) so if i break my face

[commences]

Who: Nagito Komaeda & anyone who hits me up
What: July catch-all
When: 07/01 onwards, save a few backdated threads
Where: Various locations
Warnings: TBA

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my face is just my face

This post is a place for all of Komaeda's closed threads, starters, and miscellany through the month. If you want to set something up, I can be reached by PM or at sakasaki

Comments

[sunstead]

[All he wanted was a packet of peach-free fruit snacks to close out this shitty, shitty day... and then, while he's still scanning the vending machine for the right code, he hears the voice of a certain hopeful someone he'd specifically asked to never speak to him again—

He stiffens, one fist wound tightly at his side and the other gripping his PDA so tightly it may very well end up like the broken one sitting back in his locker... but he eventually turns on a shoed-heeled foot, not punching Komaeda in the jaw like he so desperately wants to, but still very much glaring in his direction with all his icy power. The mean bitch Ventus glare is turned ON.]

I am not in the mood for this. [what part of "I want you to never speak to me again" did he not understand???????] Whatever you wanted to say, I don't care, because I've yet to hear one sensible thing come out of your mouth since we got here. Do I need to spell it out for you?

[commences]

( it's the way clamor glares at him that makes komaeda wonder where such intense hostility came from, and also makes sense as to why noah hasn't been around him. the last time he saw him was during the wishes, and he had attempted to grant at least one of them. if clamor's reaction to him is this intense, then who knows what sort of things he's told noah to make him keep his distance. he deserves it, he knows. it's better this way. )

Thank you.

( he starts off thinking it's better this way, not being able to harm him because of his luck... it gives komaeda a moment to smile, almost satisfied with this turn of events. though, that's not why he came to talk to clamor. )

It's difficult, being around people who are worth more than me, so nothing I say means anything, but...

( he breathes in slow, attempting to get himself together before he crosses his arms — )

If it's about Ebalon-kun, you'd listen... won't you?

[sunstead]

[well

the "thank you" at least throws Clamor off long enough for Komaeda to get a sentence in. He needs a moment to decide if he's angry, confused, or just frustrated with everything that's happened today and desperate to take it out on someone. But if anyone deserves to get mercilessly chewed out by him right now, it's probably the lunatic who killed an innocent girl, mutilated Izumi's body, and bullied his son.

Clamor sighs sharply through clenched teeth, deciding that it's better to just ignore him and move on. He's still keeping one eye on Komaeda (not going to turn his back on a murderer) as he turns to face the vending machine just enough to hopefully punch in his snack code and get the hell out of here...

until Noah is brought up. He freezes again, ever briefly, before angrily punching in the code he was looking for. He really shouldn't be taking such obvious bait, but]

I already told you to stay away from Noah. I know you've been picking on him, too. I swear, if you ever do anything to hurt him [the fuck is Clamor going to do, he can't even do magic here] it'll be the last thing you ever do.

[there's a gentle beep as he swipes his PDA over the sensor, followed by a mechanical whirr and a thunk of a small pack of nutritious fruit snacks being deposited into the bottom of the machine. He looks Komaeda in the eyes.]

Stay away from my family.

[commences]

If he hurts...

( what has komaeda done to hurt him — mentally he's made him stronger, he's questioned his morals, his actions, learned how hypocritical he is, and how easy he is to read. noah is a lot of things, but he's also a bomb that's ticking until something specific happens. if komaeda wanted, he could attack clamor, he could attempt to kill him because he feels the need for hope — but he doesn't. there's nothing clamor's death will do for the group, besides, they have to get over the despair that's choking them, all of them. it's a shame that someone so hopeful like an ultimate had to take the pain, but with him out of commission... they'd have to work everything out themselves to figure out a murder if one was to happen now. )

It'll be because of you.

( as he says this, it's been awhile since his last, but there's a smile that creeps onto his face — like he knows something the other doesn't know. it should be a known fact, he thinks, with how close noah is to him, it should be obvious. unless clamor's that idiotic that he doesn't even know how the mind of his son truly works, and if that's the case, komaeda's excited. he's lost a lot of his sanity recently, so it's understandable why he can smile in a situation like this. especially when clamor is a game changer for the entire group, if something was to happen to him...

noah would hurt, noah would do something unforgivable, and if clamor didn't forgive him... he'd be fine. it's a selfish desire, but someone has to do the work if no one else will. after a couple of moments to see how clamor's face shifts, komaeda's smile will disappear as a hand settles on his waist, and with a shake of his head. )

Only you can truly hurt him, in a way... you're his best friend... and you're his enemy. It must be lovely to have such an affectionate position knowing you'd be the reason he'd lose his sense of self...

[sunstead]

[he shouldn't even be listening. he should just walk away now, stop enabling Komaeda's ramblings, it's not like anything he says is worth listening to...

but he listens. he listens, and he hates every second of it, because none of it is a lie.

If he hurts, it'll be because of you.

... that's how it is, isn't it? Noah... can protect himself. Noah doesn't need anyone else to defend him. He's strong, and independent, and fearless against danger. What could Komaeda even do to him? Murderer or not, he's just human.

But it's the people around him getting hurt that Noah is always fretting about, and... what is Clamor, if not a glaringly obvious weakness? If someone wanted to hurt Noah, wouldn't it just make sense to go for one of the people closest to him, like a weak and easy target who's never been in a real fight before? Someone just like, say... Clamor?

He's been trying so hard to support him, to keep Noah's spirits up even when everything is falling apart... but what if that's what ends up hurting him most?

he hates how much those simple words can shake him, and he has to tear his eyes away, bending down to snatch the fruits of his labour from the vending machine, frustrated at how unsteady his hands are]

You're wrong. [he's not wrong] I'm not warning you again. Stay away from Noah, and stay away from me.

[commences]

No, you're wrong. ( sore wa chigau yo! ) Listen to yourself, you're not as stupid as you're making yourself out to be, I know you're a man of revered sagacity.

( clamor's smart, komaeda has seen him reason things time and time again, but he knows better than anyone what noah is capable of. could it be he's blind to the extent that his death will cause so much harm and suffering that komaeda has contemplated whether he's respect it or not. he doesn't like meaningless deaths, he hates hopeless ones as well — if noah killed them all, he would be trapped here forever, all by his lonesome. he'd have no other, he'd wallow in his own suffering until he dies, but should he really have to go through that because of someone weak like clamor? )

If anyone should stay away from him, it's you...

( but komaeda's aware that clamor won't, so he laughs it off before sighing tiredly, he tends to go through various mood changes. he feels one way, and then he feels another, too bored to really care what the outcome of his actions will be. all he wants is hope, that's the end outcome, and his curiosity peaked by whether clamor can overcome that his death will be the stepping that that breaks noah completely, or will he be able to soften the blow to make noah live on without him, and prevent the death of every student here. )

You're his hope, a sort of proclivity that keeps him alive, but do you understand how much that means to him... You say things like stay away from him, you're afraid I'll hurt him... but you're doing that job already, the moment you lose your life...

( he points towards clamor to make sure he understands how much is on him, how much his life is worth compared to everyone here. they're insects in noah's eyes compared to the bright light clamor radiates to him, how much he noah wishes for the man to remain free — even if it means his son must kill everyone here, and die himself. either way, they'll both end up alone no matter their choice.

being together? in a place like this? who needs lingering attachments. )

All the people here you've tried to protect... just give it up, they'll all die anyway once that young boy loses his hope.

[sunstead]

[Komaeda doesn't know when to shut up. Once again, Clamor considers just socking the other man in the jaw and getting out of there... but in the end he's still a coward. And no matter how much he denies it, no matter how twisted up the logic is, at least some of what Komaeda says is true.

he's not just going to forget this, even if he walks away now. he's long passed that point already.

fine, weirdo hope man. he'll play your stupid game.]

... So, what? You want me to stay away from him? If you think I'm going to take that from you, you really are brainless.

I already lost my life a thousand years ago... I'm not afraid to die again. If it was to save Noah's life, I wouldn't think twice. But that doesn't mean I'm going to throw my life away, either. I am going to live, and Noah and I will leave this place together, just like always.

[that's his one, selfish wish... a wish that feels too ambitious to put his faith into, something a dead man like him hardly deserves. but he can still try.]

If you're so worried about something happening to me, maybe you should stop inciting people to murder.

[commences]

No... you won't leave this place.

( noah doesn't want clamor to leave here because anywhere else, clamor's in danger, and that's the last thing he wants — instead, he wants his freedom. to be free, komaeda has heard it now and time again, everyone has a different definition just like he does with how they view hope, but he doesn't believe that freedom outshines hope, no, you need the latter to gain the former. )

Not if he has anything to say, because he cares too much about you... so he'll do anything as long as you're safe...

( who wouldn't do that for a loved one? that's normally how it goes, how it should be, but komaeda doesn't understand the sentiment. all he has is hope, and the ultimates around him, and... a few other people, considering he has to be around those that are untalented — he takes it upon himself to share his life with them just to mediate their conversations with ultimates, and deal with them so talented people doesn't have to. )

When you mentioned you died before, does that have something to do with being a sickle...? He divulged information about wanting you to live for yourself.

( he's ignoring the murder part. )

[sunstead]

... My past is none of your business. I'm not answering that.

[he's a little miffed Komaeda even knows, but well... it's not like he's tried to make it a big secret or anything. but he's still not going to talk about it now, because fuck you Komaeda. you specifically don't get to know about the sickle thing.

basically, he's ignoring the sickle part.]

Noah has his own goals to worry about, too. And he wouldn't leave me behind in a hellhole like this. Just because I have a body here doesn't make it any better... we're partners, we leave together.

[he won't stay behind, and he won't leave without Noah—what would be the point? being "safe" but alone again... he'd be miserable like that.]

[commences]

Then it must be true.

( given his reaction, the hesitation at the start, he can gauge from that alone that there's truth to what noah said, and why wouldn't there be? as much as he claims to care about him, why would noah lie, also why would he lie if he's willing to kill them all for clamor. it wouldn't make any sense, and yet, komaeda looks towards the elswordian before swallowing down his saliva, a moment to get his words together. )

His goals only involve you, Clamor-san. ( he looks down towards the male's boots, blinking as he's a little surprised of the brand. ) What are those...? Ah, you see... ( lift his head back up to properly look him in his face, trying to catch the reflection of him in his monocle. he sees that from it, he isn't smiling, nor does he appear impressed, and he wonders if that's because of how serious the conversation is.

when he says partners, it sends a shudder down his spine... what's it like to have something like that? in a way, he guesses him and hinata could have had that, and as much as rokkun calls them "partners in crime," it feels distant... are they supposed to be together no matter what? then why... did he almost die? listening to clamor opens up too many possibilities, and so he sighs to push the thought of that out his head. )

If anyone threatens you, if there's an attack on your life, to keep you safe... he'll kill to make sure you're protected — no one here is safe, and imagine... those meetings you run, just one wrong move... and the blood of everyone here will be on your hands.

( or sickle, he says this easily, thinking of the weaker transfers first: nene, stephanie, and among some others. )

...If he's thinking of killing others, he's already in the process of wanting to preserve his hope... he'll do anything, even if it means going against your words... that sort of pure love is what motivates him, you're the reason why our bad end will come about.