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Entry tags:
Awakening
Who: Shin Tsukimi and Anyone
When: July 2nd
What: Opening Post!
Warnings: None as yet.
Shin’s arrival to Yogen is heralded by a slam as he sharply closes his locker and dizzily leans against it while two sets of memories jostle each other. He gathers himself enough to glance around, grab his jacket, and lock it, mind furiously racing as he puts it on and tries to process how he is here. The raw relief flooding through him is turning sour at the immediate possibilities that come to mind.
A: School Life (Day, Misc)
Shin… keeps going to classes he half-remembers, eyeing any non-human-looking students he sees. He feels exposed (and also mundanely chilly) without his scarf and beanie, and his hands keep drifting to the empty space of either. When classes end he returns to his locker, puts them on and pockets the items inside, before trying to leave through the front doors and finding he… can’t. Ah. So that’s how it is. You can catch him in such states as staring at the School Rules with an unreadable expression, at one of the vending machines with more of a debating one, or in one of the classrooms sitting with his elbows on a desk and his hands tugging his beanie down over his head.
B: Washing Day (Evening)
So it turns out one of the side effects of dumping a bag of dirt out inside a locker is that everything in that locker... becomes covered in dirt. So if you go into one of the bathrooms after 6PM you may see the strange sight of someone in a dirt-dusted purple jacket not-so-gently washing their clothes in one of the sinks with half his face buried into the similarly adorned scarf around his neck, because as furtive as he’s been about waiting for one to be empty it’s just a bathroom and people can just walk in. Ask him how his day is going.
C: Safety In Numbers (Night)
At this point you may see Shin file quietly into whichever room seems to have the most people in it and sit down in a corner or seat. Somewhere he has a good view of the room; if you catch him looking at you he’ll give you a polite smile and glance away, fiddling with his scarf. He’s exhausted, and his head will occasionally dip and jolt back upright as his body tries to collect the day’s debt.
Believe it or not this is him starting to try out that ‘trust’ thing again… or maybe it’s just there’s no dorm rooms he can lock. Baby steps.
When: July 2nd
What: Opening Post!
Warnings: None as yet.
Shin’s arrival to Yogen is heralded by a slam as he sharply closes his locker and dizzily leans against it while two sets of memories jostle each other. He gathers himself enough to glance around, grab his jacket, and lock it, mind furiously racing as he puts it on and tries to process how he is here. The raw relief flooding through him is turning sour at the immediate possibilities that come to mind.
A: School Life (Day, Misc)
Shin… keeps going to classes he half-remembers, eyeing any non-human-looking students he sees. He feels exposed (and also mundanely chilly) without his scarf and beanie, and his hands keep drifting to the empty space of either. When classes end he returns to his locker, puts them on and pockets the items inside, before trying to leave through the front doors and finding he… can’t. Ah. So that’s how it is. You can catch him in such states as staring at the School Rules with an unreadable expression, at one of the vending machines with more of a debating one, or in one of the classrooms sitting with his elbows on a desk and his hands tugging his beanie down over his head.
B: Washing Day (Evening)
So it turns out one of the side effects of dumping a bag of dirt out inside a locker is that everything in that locker... becomes covered in dirt. So if you go into one of the bathrooms after 6PM you may see the strange sight of someone in a dirt-dusted purple jacket not-so-gently washing their clothes in one of the sinks with half his face buried into the similarly adorned scarf around his neck, because as furtive as he’s been about waiting for one to be empty it’s just a bathroom and people can just walk in. Ask him how his day is going.
C: Safety In Numbers (Night)
At this point you may see Shin file quietly into whichever room seems to have the most people in it and sit down in a corner or seat. Somewhere he has a good view of the room; if you catch him looking at you he’ll give you a polite smile and glance away, fiddling with his scarf. He’s exhausted, and his head will occasionally dip and jolt back upright as his body tries to collect the day’s debt.
Believe it or not this is him starting to try out that ‘trust’ thing again… or maybe it’s just there’s no dorm rooms he can lock. Baby steps.
oh boy oh man uhhh *spins wheel* tw for past abuse? gaslighting? lemme know if this fits
Not-NPC Shin picks up a PDA just lying on the floor, has an 'oh, it's him!' moment on seeing who it belongs to, and then an audible mental record scratch where he fast-forwards through all of this in his mind's eye. The results... augh, no, he does not like them. Not with three years of hindsight spent poring over every single memory of the year before. He's strongly tempted to just turn around and spend some time processing this.
The moment the actual word 'sigh' is said is the moment Shin knows the jig is up. In a way that too is familiar; the way someone will ask for things without actually saying. Saying things in general without saying, and having to play catchup and hurriedly re-examine memories when that's apparently not the case at all. The sneaking sense there's some kind of joke you're not getting, and it might be on you, except it can't be.
Shin mentally turtles up just by reflex. Forget 'what's the matter', he's skipping to the important part, walking up with PDA in hand and a carefully disinterested expression.]
You should be more careful with your things, Komaeda. What if this got stepped on?
[It's not too far off from what he'd have said in sentence structure. He's still not sure how much he should be adhering to his school life.]
you know what i didnt know what to expect but i love it
( dead, harsh, defensive to keep the other at bay, but straight to the point because a sigh didn't mean "speak to me," instead it was fix the problem that he's having at hand. his problem can't be remedied, not by this person he noticed the shoes of anyway. it's the moment he lifts his head to see who he's addressing, his words come out slow, curious — it sounds like he has trouble breathing, but that's always been his struggle. though, there's more to what he has to say. )
Do I know you...?
( dementia's a bitch, one that's a pretty good cop out if shin ever wanted one, but that doesn't seem to be the case as komaeda blinks slow, sickly, empty eyes staring into the other's own. and it takes him a moment for a name to hang off the tip of their tongue, almost like it's natural — it takes him a few moments to blink, taking in the other's appearance from the beanie to the way he stands, the tone of his voice, it's all too eerily familiar. he mouths shin's name soundless to himself, "tsu...kimi-kun?"
komaeda doesn't abide by those past memories, the one's where he must have lived a better life than what he has right now, but there's this odd feeling like... wanting to run his hands through the other's hair. besides, companionship comes in all sorts of ways, and komaeda being the type of person who didn't believe in personal space could account for how starved the other was. those sort of memories don't make sense for the now, do they? he blinks away those thoughts, and with another... disappointed sigh, directed at himself. )
Ah... I really am unlucky... I'd probably be better off with it breaking due to my inadequacy to keep up with anything.
bear with me bc i'm still working things out. still got that new character smell.
There's a bit of a pause while he gets things under control and processes what Komaeda actually said after that.]
Well, if you don't want it, I'll keep it. [He's keeping his tone light, but some nervousness is slipping through the cracks.] Or we could make a trade.
[Half of Shin's entire brain is yelling at him 'what are you doing just leave' but he's brought his shovel to this conversation and he's digging.]
new character smell but you lit said youre trying to rob komaeda
( he's not offended, instead, he's humoring him as he plays the victim — eyes downcast as he looks down hurt. he's not as beat up as he seems, but he is a little stressed out from everything that's happened with him so far. there's a lot he could say to shin, or rather, there's things he doesn't know, but he doesn't bother with the memories and instead — )
What do you want from me for my PDA?
( he could just ask for it back, but you know, he's willing to see what's in store if he doesn't request for it instantly. it's because you can tell a lot about a person depending on what they want, or how they act to get around. considering that was shin's first two decisions to do, is he really the type who needs a give and take relationship? why can't he just be normal and hand it back without payment? hmmm... )
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[Your money or your life, etc. Shin knows he's not very threatening without one.
What does he want... what can he give away that he wants, and how useful is the PDA to him as opposed to to Komaeda. Low ball or high ball it?]
...How about something from the vending machines?
[It's pitched friendly, but it's clearer than he thinks that it's testing the waters. Several waters at once, really. Komaeda's willingness to play along, if he's still like what Shin remembers... and if nothing else it's worth school attendance.]
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( if he's looking for komaeda's opinion on the matter, he'll answer it in kind, but in a way that make shim question the reality of it. does he need a weapon to rob someone when he has his own hands? he could use his words, there's endless possibilities, and he shouldn't limit himself. the worst part about it is that komaeda isn't too worried, especially when he hears the request that he's interested in. something from the vending machine? well, that's a little too easy, and that he must not have any currency in his own pda, because why would anyone ask for that? )
Ah... let's see, normally I'd buy tuna...
( easily, despite how tired he seems, he's going to reach out for the pda in shin's hand, and while he could just leave him. he makes his way closer to one of the vending machines tucked away in the corner, and his fingers brush against the security lock to open it as he stares at what can be bought.
his back is to shin, but it's almost like komaeda is waiting for something to happen. he holds the device to the scanner, and he doesn't even ask what shin would want — he clicks a button, something drops down from the vending machine and...
was he lucky in choosing shin's favorite thing? i'll leave that to you. )
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[He's dodging the question! Besides theft isn't happening here... well except Komaeda taking the PDA back to use it on the machine, which Shin was not expecting and is helpless to stop.
Shin notices the back turned to him in an almost deliberate way. Is he... testing whether Shin would attack him? In some ways that's kind of flattering but. Shin doesn't... honestly even imagining it in his head feels odd.
(He kills in other ways. By majority vote.)
Something thunks into the bottom of the vending machine. It's a can of chowder so... spot on in both respects. He reaches past Komaeda to pick it up, holding it between both hands as he reads the label.]
Strange thing to stock...
[Both tuna and this.]
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( he's purchased what he thinks would be fine, so he holds the pda close to his chest as he watches his reflection in the machine. it's for a moment as his eyes shift to stare at shin through the glass, so even if he had decided to attack komaeda from behind... he would have saw something. that's the fun of living his life with lack of worry, anything could happen, and komaeda knows at the end that good things will come. he doesn't worry, but only waits, and that patience is what he gave shin at the moment. )
Anyway, it's just food... What is it...?
( he asks, turning towards shin with his hand raised, fingers pushing down against the surface of the can to tilt it his way so he can see. it's chowder, not really komaeda's taste, but if he was forced to eat it so he couldn't pass out, he guesses it would be enough. after examining it, he lifts his hand away, dropping it down by his side. )
You should come back on your own time... ( he sighs, tired, but he's fine... sort of. ) ...sometimes when you're alone, you get a special treat...
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I'm not here to entertain you, Komaeda-san.
[It's dropped the faux-friendliness, into something matter-of-fact and colder. Then it vanishes again.]
Hm.
[It's an unhappy hm. He probably will have to, since there's only so much fish he can eat before feeling ill, even in soup form. He pockets the can and pushes his scarf further up his face.]
What kind of 'special' are we talking here?
[Probably not good special. He's already making mental note of the need to go with someone.]
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I'm only curious of your hope... nothing more and nothing less... don't forget that, alright?
( that said with a kind smile, he lets him go right after, not too worried about the change in his voice. rather, he welcomes it as he places distance between the two. it's so that he can look over the items within the vending machine to give shin an example, and he squats down pointing at a bag of chips. )
Just ask for anything... I got panties once, but that's just my luck... ( he shakes his head, disappointed. ) You'll be luckier than me, I'm sure... but you get extra goodies, it's a fun, little gamble.
( with that said, he's slipping his pda back into his pocket... without buying anything for himself. )
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Shin pulls his arm back after Komaeda lets go; slowly, like he's avoiding yanking it away, just like he's trying not to let the wary glint show in his eyes as he takes a step back. People like the sort he is rapidly suspecting Komaeda is... they like getting reactions.]
I prefer not to take chances, ahaha.
[He says, you know, like a liar who isn't as prone to panicked impulse decisions as anyone else.]
Well, be seeing you around!
[He's going to take his leave, now that the PDA has been summarily delivered.]
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( their reactions seem too... unwanted, almost like shin doesn't want to be around him, and komaeda accepts that like everything else. he knows that people hate being around him, that they can't stand someone who smiles as if he knows something that they don't. the catch here is that komaeda doesn't have it in him to smile so carefree, he's too busy thinking about the things around him, specially when shin decides to leave, there's part of him that wants to stop him.
maybe it's his luck that's tugging at komaeda, reminding him that only he knows when something bad is going to happen. )
Do you want me to come along with you... since you hate taking chances.
( his attempt at having shin stay and not leave, even though he does seem to be ready to go. )
Besides... I want to eat what you have... let's go to the Home Ec room. ( he's helpful, but also trying to prevent him from going any further. )
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But he could. That's a comfort, that he could just brush him off and walk away... except that he can't leave the school. He's effectively trapped in here with him whatever he does.]
We're already at the vending machines...
[It's just stalling, because that's not what's going on here, even if people offering to help him does irrationally rankle. This is the sort of choice that by making it, shows where weight falls. He has to actually make a decision here.
Maybe... he could use this. It's not him being young and naive and thinking someone who invited him to his house after school was the coolest. He's an adult now, and he knows how these things go, and he can handle this. If he was able to make a temporary truce with Sara for the sake of something they both wanted... he can maintain a sort-of friendship or the appearance thereof, despite the warning signs, for the sake of safety.]
Sure, why not. You can just ask, you know.
[To the home ec. room it is!]
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( as the ultimate lucky student, he would know, so he's going to ignore them as he looks towards shin's direction, as if trying to read him. komaeda doesn't know feelings, but he can read people when he needs to, and it's pretty easy to see how the other reacts. it's not the other wears his heart on his scarf, but people like this are a little different, then again... the same can be said of komaeda.
things like being straightforward, komaeda's not the type to do that, it's beneath him, or rather... not part of his character. tedious, a puzzle, someone a person can't easily understand is the role that he plays, and he does that even now by taking a look at his pda. out of all places to lose it, and for the person to find it, and return it to him... how lucky does that make him? he remains silent, lips pursed into a straight line as he checks how many merit points he has left, and he has enough to keep him going for awhile.
by the time he makes it right next to shin, he looks at him for a moment, before handing him his pda. )
If you need anything else before we go, you should get it...
( because above them is the elongated light bulb, and it seems to be shaking almost like it's going to fall...
shin has a choice to walk away as komaeda stands underneath it. )
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Are you just going to stand there?
[He has to have noticed that, right? Otherwise the cryptic statement's an orphan. The warning's said with the casual, unconcerned tone of someone asking if someone else is coming over or not; no trace of the worry his other self would have infused it with. Shin himself is just going to stand there, and watch.
He has seen customers get up to some Nonsense. After a point it's like 'sure, if you want to do that, go ahead'. Shin's particularly got no room to throw stones in his glass house because he got someone to whack him unconscious with a two by four for sympathy points once.]
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( he gives a cursory glance around, but doesn't look up because he isn't sure what the problem is — no matter how much distance shin keeps from him, komaeda cants his head to the side confused. with a shrug of his shoulders, he'll take a few steps towards the other, and once he's out from under the lights — it comes crashing down instantly behind him, shattering glass echoing through the hall, and the pieces sliding over the floor.
he stops in front of shin, watching him without looking back, and even as pieces of glass hit the back of his shoes, he remains calm. )
I can stand by you, but it feels like you'd rather I not do that.
( he notices things, but with it said in a lighthearted tone, it seems that he only says that to be playful. of course, he's not too beat up over almost getting flattened by lights either. )
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[He's getting his footing here, falling back into a familiar beat. Ignore the mysteriously faulty lightbulb, because Komaeda's ignoring it. Deflect, turn things back. Draw both on his name, and... maybe on what he's seen of Miss Sara's.]
Listen, if you don't want to actually go, you can tell me.
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Do you eat your chowder warm or cold?
( yep, dementia hits different, well, he's unable to stay on one topic the entire time. this isn't really a problem if people know how to navigate the subject, accepting how it goes, and moving on. besides, nothing's better than beating around the bush without meaning to.
this means he's ready to go. )
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[People who enjoy cold soups are bizarre creatures, and also, utterly wrong.
This is a bit more familiar in another, more painful way. Those false memories...]
(Want to handwave the soup time?)
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...
( despite his mood a little down, he's capable of reading the directions as he walks forward inside. he stands next to a table that has a few dishes already stacked on top, and with a few kitchen utensils here and there. there's a knife sitting on the edge of where he is, and it almost looks like it's about to fall off towards the ground (on komaeda's foot if he's not careful). he doesn't notice it though as he leans against the table, causing it to shake slightly... )
I wonder if putting mushrooms in this would be good...
( but feeding anything to someone off rokkun's tree he personally gave komaeda is a death wish, but luckily he doesn't know that so the idea is tempting. )
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I don't think locker mushrooms would taste good, Komaeda.
[Yes he heard about those. How do you even manage that? If anyone can it's Komaeda. Please do not soup them. He has no idea about Rokkun's tree.]
I'll check the fridge.
[The meat is off limits, but maybe there's something else in there... even though the soup is probably just fine on it's own. As he moves over he takes a stab at leaning and putting his hand down with the aim of pinning the knife to the table by the handle.]
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It's been tedious to find a use for them, but if you'd rather pass... that's understandable.
( they're edible, shin just has to stop rejecting already made food when komaeda himself shouldn't make food — well, he's going to go do it now as he walks to the drawers, opening a few so he can find a can-opener to use. once he finds one, he looks around for a pot so he can pour the substance inside — a pinkish-brown color, thick with different vegetables and meat stored inside. )
Would you want omurice on the side... If you see eggs inside, that's a good start.
( last time he made rice, it was made with maggots, but maybe komaeda will be luckier this time around? )
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I can't really handle them much anyway... maybe you could fry them?
[If Komaeda wants to eat his own locker mushrooms Shin isn't going to stop him. That's on him. Shin is blissfully unaware of the maggot rice and therefore exactly just how much danger he's in. He lifts his head over the fridge door.]
Is there a rice cooker? [The words of a man who has had to put a smoking pot of charcoal rice in the sink at least once. He steps back and kicks the fridge door shut with his hands full of egg carton. Somehow this is happening. He squints at the packaging. They looked like normal eggs...] These look like they're in date at least...
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( he questions, grabbing another pot, and a singular pan for them to use and sets it on top of the stove beside the one that has the chowder inside. walking to the sink, he turns on the faucet as clear water (to him, but probably pinkish in shin's eyes) pours out, and he grabs a cup to fill it to the rim so that he can bring it back to the pot to pour inside. the water simmers a little, bubbling on the surface to show that the heat is doing its job. )
...Three will be enough.
( he thinks, reaching out to pick out one, two, and then three into his hand as he sets it down on the counter in front of him. )
Tsukimi-kun, are you a third year, or a second year?
( first year is out of the question when komaeda asks, and he just doubts the other would even be in the same year as him. god isn't that cruel, but it does make him curious all the same. )
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Aha, I'm a third year, apparently. [He places the carton back in the fridge and does the awkward slouching around of someone with nothing to do in a kitchen where someone is cooking for a bit before hopping up on one of the benches to sit crosslegged on the edge of it.] What about you?
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