The price that I pay to survive seems so high

[silentabyss]

WHO: Noah & You!
WHAT: September Catch-all
WHERE: Around :)
WHEN: Month of September
WARNINGS: Self-harm, suicide attempts, PTSD, general angst, literally none of the threads in here are going to be happy folks I don't know what to say



Unfortunately, they've been separated.

All prompts listed are OPEN unless stated otherwise and trigger-tagged appropriately in the headers. This is literally the saddest shit I've ever written y'all. I cannot be sued for emotional damages.

Feel free to wildcard on this log too, with the caveat being that the thread must be sad, because this is the sad log for sadness.

Comments

[silentabyss]

You don't have to be him, that's not what I... what I meant...

[Sidney is fine as Sidney. Sidney's always been fine as he is; Noah didn't start calling him dad that day for nothing. He stares down at his arms again, and then — as if guilty — flips the spellbook closed.]

I just... I don't know what to do. What are you supposed to do? The only thing I can think of is... is just... taking a break in the void for a bit.

[Like how he used to break down alone in the library, back when it was silent. It's the same thing, just... one of them has resulted in more permanent damage.]

[wolfetracks]

If you need a break, seek me out. I'll take care of you. I promise.

( it's a soft, earnest plea and a promise as said all at once. )

IF you can't find me, you have people who will let you rely on them, rest with them. You aren't a burden to me or anyone else.

[silentabyss]

But I always need a break.

[And that's just the truth in the matter. Noah isn't usually the kid who thinks of himself as needing to slow down — he's the type to walk ever forward until it literally kills him. Here, he's got no choice but to acknowledge the fact that he needs a break, since there's not really a "next goal" for him to shoot for like on Elrios.

Here, he's got no choice but to accept the fact that he just wants the world to stop for a bit and leave him alone.]

I can't expect everyone to be there all the time. And even if someone is... it's just going to be annoying every time.

[wolfetracks]

For us? Not at all. You- especially when you need help- could never be annoying. You're too harsh on yourself, Noah.

( finally, sidney drags a chair over to sit down, sighing slowly as he does. even with a month of beds, more months of floor have left it's damage. ... but that's not the important part. )

... You aren't some burden to carry, son. You're someone who needs healing, and the time to do that. The place to do that. This school won't allow it- not on it's own. But I want to help you. And once we escape, I want to give you a kinder world. But I can't force anything.