The price that I pay to survive seems so high

[silentabyss]

WHO: Noah & You!
WHAT: September Catch-all
WHERE: Around :)
WHEN: Month of September
WARNINGS: Self-harm, suicide attempts, PTSD, general angst, literally none of the threads in here are going to be happy folks I don't know what to say



Unfortunately, they've been separated.

All prompts listed are OPEN unless stated otherwise and trigger-tagged appropriately in the headers. This is literally the saddest shit I've ever written y'all. I cannot be sued for emotional damages.

Feel free to wildcard on this log too, with the caveat being that the thread must be sad, because this is the sad log for sadness.

Comments

[mermaidcursed]

I know. I do too, but... I don't want to lose you too.

( he's too precious to her, too. and she doesn't know how to help him- what to do for him. all she knows is that everything feels like it's ringing loudly, there's a knife on the floor at their feet, and quietly nene lets go to pick it up, holding the handle firmly but the blade delicately.

she can't quite look him in the eye. )

You're you, yes. ... And that means... you're someone who's important to me. You're one of the first friends I made here... someone I love dearly.

I-I told you already... when you hurt yourself like this, you're hurting the people who care about you too...

[silentabyss]

[There's no response to that, not at first. Normally, Noah would be elated to hear that someone cares for him that much — the word love tossed around so openly yet so meaningfully — but today, that's not the case, because he simply wishes people would let him go.]

I... I know you did, but...

[But he doesn't know what else to do. He's been trying so hard to break the Moonstone's magic — digging in Clamor's spellbook for a clue, repeatedly trying to off himself in hopes that it would run out... Why did Harque want him to live so badly anyway? The man's been dead for five hundred years; can't Noah join him?]

...what do you want me to do, then?

cw LOTS OF UNHEALTHY SHIT HERE BOYOS

[mermaidcursed]

To come to me, come to all of us! There are people who want to help, to be with you!

( but she stops, looking away almost like she's flinching. ... nene's quiet for a moment after that, before she puts the knife in noah's hands, and then curls her fingers around his own. she stares down.

and then she moves his hand, moves the knife, to her neck. the blade of it hovers just a hair's breadth away from her skin. if they aren't careful, something very bad could happen. )

If you want to do this to yourself... You have to get past me first. I'm not going to let you do this anymore.

:')

[silentabyss]

Stop—

[He wants to jerk his hand away or try to drop the knife, but the way she's holding his hands and the knife to her neck — he might actually fuck her up if he moves too suddenly, though it's probably obvious to Nene how much his hands are shaking. Right now, he fears that his quivering hands are going to accidentally nick her with the knife.]

Stop it! What are you doing?!

[The horror in his voice matches the fear in his eyes, wide and full of tears — that she would go to this length scares him to death, more than anything else. Suddenly Noah feels sick to his stomach, and as much as he tries to, he can't think of ways to get free right now without risking Nene's throat, so—]

Let go of me!

[mermaidcursed]

( she does, letting the knife get thrown to the side again while she goes to hold him again, wrapping her arms around him and closing the distance.

she hurt him. she made those tears happen, and she's horrible- but... )

I won't! I won't let you go, because every time I let go of someone, they disappear! I won't let you be next! I won't let you do this to yourself, I'm tired of being left behind with only more pain to carry! I'm not letting you go!

( despite her heart pounding in her chest, the force of her words, the tears welling up in her own eyes- she's not yelling. if anyone walked in, they might struggle to hear, actually. but with her chin on his shoulder, she clings, and prays this time he truly hears her.

there's a stinging in her neck- maybe she was too hasty when she moved. fuck. she hopes he doesn't see it. instead, she moves, burying her face into his shoulder and letting the tears fall finally. )

[silentabyss]

[Oh— her breaking down on him has him breaking down on her in turn, burying his face against her hair and he's so so sorry that it's going to be a little damp in a few minutes. All he's good for is holding tight and hoping that maybe, even if they're just two dumb kids against the world, that they can come out of this alive.]

S-sorry... I'm sorry, Nene...

[He doesn't notice the cut on her neck, but if he finds out about it later, he still has the stolen gauze from the nurse's office from back when he and Hyde fought to the death — he'll wrap her wound if she needs it.]

I-I won't let you go e-either, okay?

[A promise said through hiccupping sobs, barely a whisper against her while he holds tight in case she drifts away too.]

[mermaidcursed]

You can't. S-someone's go to hold on to me, okay? Anything you do to yourself- you can't do it unless you do it to me, too. I'm not... I'm not letting go.

( her words are muffled against him, words hitching on her own breath as they try, try, try... that's all they can do here. try and keep trying even as the world crushes them. they'll get through it. they have to.

but for now, she just bawls into him, squeezing her eyes so tightly shut that she can't see blood on his neck anymore, and holds on like both of them will die if she lets go for even a second.

maybe they will. )