yogen | ☆ now's your chance to be a ☆

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ensemble stars: subaru akehoshi

☆ now's your chance to be a ☆ | un: s.akehoshi

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I never said to ignore it, but it goes to show that... you keep an open mind.

( it tells komaeda much about subaru, how his brain thinks farther than it should, but he isn't upset with it. to learn about someone means to let them speak, and those who say too much usually tells on themselves, but this is only the other's honesty, and his belief, and so komaeda has to listen. he decides upon what's said, and he smiles like he's onto subaru because he's always enjoyed being a few steps ahead of someone else. that way he can assist without having to hold their hand the entire way, and as long as subaru can say this, and know his limits, and the ones that he needs to push in order to make something out of it. a hope that was meant for that person, and one that someone can use as well. )

If you become observant, so many things stand out to you... for someone that lacks talent. ( he pauses, then he remembers npckun's outburst when saying subaru was full of talent... ... ... yeah, he still has no talent. ) A normal person such as yourself that wishes to shine so bright for others... it'll stand out to them.

( never did he tell subaru to keep those sides of npckun to himself, but never did he tell him not to, and it's his decision on what must be done — it'll affect those around them, of course. he's seen the youth mad, he's seen them sad, he's seen them happy, and utterly disappointed by komaeda's actions. to allow others to view that part of them, so they're part of the system that they have sounds more fitting than being locked away in the confinements of their shop. )

...Ahaha. When someone seals away parts of themselves that makes them... them... they start to lose sight of who they really are, and that sort of life... I can't imagine them living such a life, it'll ruin their hope.

[ignoring the "it'll ruin their hope" part, komaeda... sounds like he's worried about them as a person. he's also going to ignore the lacking talent part, because he's fine with being talentless in komaeda's eyes when all is said and done -- when someone is blinded by that one single fact, they can't see the rest of someone, and this is something subaru stands by. even if komaeda claims he can, if only for that hope of someone's...

but regardless--

... regardless...

...]

Yeah, it sucks.

[cutting away parts, sealing them off from others, just to fit in some way. maybe not with a crowd of friends, but a crowd nonetheless -- to not stand out, a nameless, faceless figure among so many others. simply a shopkeeper.]

... Maddy, let's go back a bit. About graduation, and their goal... I didn't ask them why they did what they did, because that wasn't the important part to me. I don't want to blame them for doing what they felt was right at the time, that they thought would "help them", because at that point it was said and done. I'd been through that before about someone else, so I already knew... I wouldn't be able to change that.

But...

[... his expression hardens a bit, sure as can be.]

I'm going to change their future. That's why I wanna ask again: Do you know what'll happen to them after graduation? Yes or no.

( their future... familiar, hinata was also one for the future, that was their theme apparently — looking ahead, the future foundation, and even the changes that came along with it. that's what hinata always fought for, and there was that needless debate between it and hope, whether those two things could go hand in hand. that's why the future and hope is such wonderful thing, and why komaeda wants to see how far a person can go together because their hope does outline the future, and days to come.

it's why he wants npckun's hope to shine just as bright, even if it's not as bright as others, even if it's eaten by millions of other lights... in the end, that hope benefits the others.

of course, he can only think about that for so long as subaru speaks again about a decision that the shopkeeper has made. one that's said and done, and normally those aren't ones that can be taken back. )

...If they reach their goal, or not? Because if they don't... they'll be unhappy, and won't be able to keep anyone.

( because that's what they said that if they reached it by the end of the year... they'd be happy, and that maybe they could keep komaeda. it's not confirmed, but it does make it read like there's a chance they won't see each other ever again. )

I have my suspicions, but with the way you say it... how you're willing to give up graduation towards their goal, you must have a clearer idea of what will happen to them with the expression that you wear.

[keep anyone... that's a new piece, he'll tuck it away since the only thing they told him otherwise was that they trust him -- and he won't betray that trust.

technically he isn't even now, even though he's sure they wouldn't want anyone else involved, and the debate rolls heavy in his mind. subaru bites his cheek, studying komaeda for the last time, before he nods.]

I do. So tell me what you think and I'll let you know if you're on the money or just off.

[because komaeda is smart and observant and has his fingers in so many pies, just like natsume, so if anyone has an idea of what's afoot... it's him, and subaru is trusting in that.]

...Alright.

( hangman's gambit this, he guesses. he wonders how he should process this, where he should go by explaining their reasons — he guesses he can start with their goal, and then figure out how it leads into what will happen to them towards graduation. )

When I first met them, they were a nobody to us. A shopkeeper, but I engaged with them and they were... reliant on currency, they needed it for an unknown reason.

( he starts, looking up at the ceiling of the crawlspace, but there are no answers there. he lifts his hand, tapping the surface like he's doing it to kill time. or is it to drive the other's focus here than on komaeda exactly as he thinks through. )

A major theme that the other has suffered... has been loss. They take, and take, and take... and lose, and lose, and lose...

( going to look at subaru to see what he thinks. )

[subaru would have preferred a straight answer actually leading people to the right end is hard..... he's used to directing them away from it.

and yes his eyes go up to where komaeda's tapping, briefly, before dropping back down the the man himself.

... actually being on this side is sort of fun. maybe he can get into this, it's not boring watching someone put pieces together, and the interested light in subaru's eyes says as much. maybe he can learn more about keigo this way, too, fill in the blanks he's missing.]

Right. They've lost a lot, and they don't wanna lose anything else -- but the opposite of losing something isn't taking it, it's "giving" -- and the opposite of giving isn't either of those, it's just "not giving".

[they're two separate actions. taking isn't what subaru would call it, either; it's craving, indulging, basking in something that's given to them. but he'd never call it "taking", it's a harsher nuance.

... besides, "taking" would imply they're able to keep what they have.]

That's just my view, so you're gonna have to go with it. Anyway, they've lost a lot and they don't really give at all. [... they do, in little ways, the quartz heavy in his pockets, but... not themselves.] They're scared to, but why?

I know. I only said it to see how you'd correct me.

( not only that, he would have continued with the giving aspect as well, but he wanted to give one another some breathing room on the idea of it. it's subaru emphasizing on the matter that makes komaeda's smile remain, almost like a dog who's enjoying the bone being thrown, and in turn, he tosses one back.

to call it loss is because you can take, want, and need, but at the end of the day when it comes to loss... you lose. when you give, you never actually lose, and also the terminology that komaeda knows it by when it comes to "take" is because he understands how rokkun works, he knows how the aratas tend to take without having anyone to tell them otherwise. it's good that they can do that, it may be harsh, rude, and unexpected, but that's how far their will goes, and it's not like it should be frowned upon. )

They're not so different from you, knowing the consequences of giving, and it's why you hardly understand the romantic aspect of your life, but you're willing to try... to "give". As for them... they know the consequence, they've already gave, so what is it that they're able to give to you? What you want from them is their person — body and soul — not their objects, not their hand holding, just their person and hope... but if they're scared...

( he looks at subaru. ) If... they're scared of giving you that...

( because if they give their person in that way, then they'd obtain all the love they ever wanted... he chuckles, running a hand through his own hair. )

[it was a hard road to get to the point of wanting to "try", and even now his heart is fractured, splintered, held together by gold the way old pottery was done when someone wanted to really fix something, when they treasured what was lost.

so he nods, because komaeda's on the right track, and so he can give a little.]

It's because they don't want to get attached. Because when you start to give yourself to other people, you're inviting them to scrape you out like a pumpkin, and you're giving them the chance to take what they learn and hurt you with it.

[he can't forget the words so quietly spoken only the empty store had given them any volume, can't forget the tears hot on his collar. wouldn't anyway, no matter what happens in the future.

so if that heart and soul is fractured, splintered, missing pieces to others or because of others, subaru wants to replace them with gold.]

They were so quiet when I asked them for their name, like it wasn't theirs to give in the first place. That same day I learned why they sold their totems, about things you give and can't get back, and that they didn't like the dark. One only of 'em is important to us right now though.

[... two of them are connected but still.]

Edited (chsnged wording bc i remembered a better nuance) 2021-10-07 21:18 (UTC)

( even as they speak, komaeda reads subaru, and it is like dealing with a pumpkin as he scoops out the insides to learn so much about him. there's no need to point fingers and call him out, but the wounds visible, and digging his fingers inside so that the blood leaks out faster, draining until there's nothing left. that's how he could treat subaru, but instead, he'll allow him to leak instead because the more a person says, the more it becomes difficult to hide their thoughts because of how much feeling they put behind it. )

...Names have powers.

( he repeats off the tip of his tongue which is a familiar phrase rokkun has told him before, the irritation in his voice when komaeda called him outside the nickname that was given to him. but it's because of subaru's wording like they weren't meant to have it... he wonders if the same rules apply, it's why they say not to give your name in the dark, or the spirits can take full control of you. that's how everything works around here. )

...

( and komaeda glances up subaru, his eyes trained on his person, almost like there's something he understands. )

What... ( he remembers learning that they're here because of a contract that they made, the one that helps them sell their wares, how they're protected under the school. when komaeda commented about speaking to the person that gave them their contract, they rejected the idea, and stated their contracts are fair so to make them with them.

...hm. ) ...unfair contract did they make, it's part of why they sell those totems, why they hate when people they care for even take part in trying to purchase them.

[in the end it's their choice to make, the person buying the totem even knowing full details, and that's why subaru has reluctantly accepted natsume's own decision -- he'll never agree with it, anything is too much to lose of a person -- but he's accepted that it happened, that there's nothing he can do to reverse it.

... not at the moment, anyway. not without reversing death itself.

subaru's quiet, and komaeda can tell he's debating saying any more, before he scoots closer and talks lower, as if hiding from the spirits too.]

For something important to them, they made a deal with someone. The price was their very existence.

[... he pauses just to let that soak in, but he continues soon after.]

To be honest, it wouldn't matter if I graduated or not -- the rest of this year is all they get. Keigo's not like us, they're not part of the cycle anymore.

[samsara, they'd called it. komaeda probably knows the word and its meaning, but subaru prefers the layman's.

but he didn't like that, and so he's going to change it. he's going to change their unfair future, it's just

he can't do it alone.]

( is that what npckun wanted komaeda to be mad at, is that what should make him frustrated? in the end, he doesn't know how he feels about it, almost like if that was the choice to be made, then it was their choice. it's not like komaeda was very attached to his existence in the first place, and so he mulls over something that's bothering him. )

You said when they told you their name, that it was like they weren't meant to have it? ...Do you understand the notion of names having powers, do you believe... that sort of existence was traded.

( he hums, is it one of those instances they have to get their name back to make them a person again? )

That's what I get from what you said... and would explain why they're omitted out the cycle that we have...

( it's only a theory, nothing they can make a solid claim about, but when he thinks of the name "kogamo," it makes him wonder. he did ask the other about their name, and they said it was one offered to them by their mother, and even then... komaeda has his reservations, but maybe subaru heard something to that effect. )

...Can what they purchase before time's up really be that useful, or are they deluding themselves. There's only so many months left, money can't be the fastest way, not like the source.

[he nods at komaeda's thoughts -- it's the same as his own, that their name is something they aren't allowed, why they push so hard into the role of a shopkeep and keep a facade, a distance, the way they cater instead of giving themselves. the thought process has been helped along by komaeda's words, his pushes and digs, and subaru's thankful for it.]

It has to be worth something, at least in Keigo's mind, even if it might've just been the only option they saw they had. And... they told me what I'm doing now is help enough for them. That I can trust they'll have it all by the due date, so I don't have to do anything more than what I have already.

[... it's not that he doesn't trust that, the issue is--]

But they asked me to help them, Maddy. They're scared. Even if they get what they want-- what they need in the end, they don't want to never see us again. And they're trusting me to do everything I can to change that end. [a beat.] That's why I'm telling you.

[komaeda, who knows infinitely more than him. who can do things subaru can't. who keigo trusts, speaks fondly about at least.

... he has to tell amami too...]

...I want to see their hope.

( it's not about the person, no, it's about their hope at the end of the day, and there's nothing to be seen if they don't make it to that goal. it's like yanking komaeda's chain so that he follows along as company, but there's actually something he wants for his time. that happens to be the hope of the individuals around him, and he looks at subaru who's sincere and cares about what will happen to them — that it's something they need to prevent. )

It's almost like a subplot... if we're active enough, maybe we can find a clue... this isn't a coincidence.

( ...don't mind him, he's just speaking thoughts. aside from that, he closes his eyes, thinking a little more on the subject. )

Kogamo is the name that I know them by. ( a cherished name, a sacred name that he heard rokkun say when they took him back to the cabin, and there he met with his sibling despite only having so much energy left in him. ) ...I'm not sure if they recall it, or know it... but I wouldn't say it to them unless you're sure... when you tell them things they don't remember... it's... an unbearable sight.

( he thinks back to telling rokkun about his memory, an the way the other got upset about it, absolutely betrayed knowing that about four people knew his memory — his dream. the anger, the fear, there was so much komaeda witnessed, and by the end of it, to hear someone say they wouldn't cry, but he did before the night went into silence... that person who cares so much for their sibling... )

If they asked you to help, then you must support their hope, help them before their foundation breaks... they wouldn't have asked if it wasn't crumbling right before their eyes.

[they wouldn't have asked if it wasn't crumbling right before their eyes.]

Kogamo, huh...?

[it must've been something their family called them, then... their brother or sister. maybe that afterthought of a father. keigo, kogamo, kamo-kun, p-kun... so many names, so many. which do they know as theirs, and which were given to them...?

subaru lays his head down, chin tucked against his arms. this is trust for trust. there's no question or doubt that he'll do everything he can to make that wish come true, to help them out however he can, to change their fate -- but komaeda impressing it further like this gives him some relief, in a way.]

Gotcha. I'll keep the name safe, and I won't let their foundation crumble any further. [whatever that foundation is. attachment? attachment, giving, relationships...

oh that's gonna be tough. it's fine. he grins widely up at komaeda, genuinely bright and confident--] I'll become their new foundation if that's what it'll take -- not because I want 'em to rely on me, or because I don't trust them, but because I love them and don't want them to be scared anymore.

[they have something against relying on others, after all, wanting to be dependable and trusted and such-- he knows, he gets it from the bottom of his heart, so he thinks he understands how he can help.]

( the last suitable foundation of hope stood hinata hajime, but the fact that this is npckun, they wouldn't understand the value of him. not that subaru can be him, but those who lack talent can humor those who lack it, and because subaru and npckun are in the same field; subaru will be able to handle it accordingly. )

We'll see if you can do just that, become their foundation... allow their hope to shin bright, because normal people are... fragile, you break so easily.

( compared to an ultimate who has their talents to get them by, to make them more than normal, and here he is with someone in the crawlspace that komaeda sees nothing in. he sees nothing, and yet he gave him something so vital — it's because he knows how npckun was, how they acted when komaeda brought them up. he'd be an idiot if he ignored the signs, he can even see how they treat amami, and no matter how much komaeda closes his eyes to the relationships — that he should be the one who's the messenger between those who lack talent and do have talent, they tend to get past him, through him, and it's annoying.

now, if he permits them. it's a differerent story, because they can't do anything to effect an ultimate. and in the end, those without talent drives each other, and so that hope they build can be almost as successful. )

...

( however. )

What is hope if not an essence to love? It's not a physical aspect, Akehoshi-kun... symbolic in every word, hope can and cannot be touched... but in the end, it depends on what your hope is... and theirs is right before their eyes at every moment. They'll reach it with their hand... like hope held mine.

( and for a moment, he thinks about hinata grabbing his hand... but it's easily dismissed as he looks at the other. )

Thanks for trusting me, Maddy.

[... even if he's a thankfully talentless loser, or especially because he's one--]

There's nothing that can hold me back, 'cause one way or another I'll find a way to do what I want. Whether I've gotta break through a few walls, make my own path, or follow the straight and narrow, I'll do whatever it takes. I don't really get "hope" the way you call it, but... I think I've got something similar, so I'll just use that to understand what you say.

[it really gets over his head sometime, to the point he wants to tune it out, but he's determined to understand komaeda -- because they're friends, or at least subaru wants to be friends with him.]

Their "hope" is the thing that "sparkles the most" in all the world to them. It's not the only thing, 'cause you can have plenty of sparkling things, but it's the thing that shines the most, that glitters in the darkness, that they're pretty much guided by -- like how sailors did back in the day, using only the stars in the sky.

[he'll watch komaeda, just to see his reactions. but it's casual. he's not about to get into the philosophy of "sparkling things".]

For me, the things that "sparkle the most" are the memories I have with my friends. Every single one, good and bad, make me who I am, and drive me forward. They're the sparkling smiles of my fans, of my friends, of the people I care about -- they're simple gifts, even if they're nothing but fake jewels, because it doesn't matter what something is as long as the person who got you it was thinking of you even the littlest bit.

For you, it's... [...] The future. You want a good, bright future, and you follow others who have more "sparkling things" than you do, people who can guide others.

[like stars in the sky.]

And you help them find their "sparkling thing" in return, because every one's "sparkling thing" is something special to them, that they can use to shine light on someone else's. To guide them to theirs, and create the brightest, shiniest, most glittering, twinkling, sparkling future ever. Even normal people like me have something we're willing to give, to add to that.

Even if someone steps on us, uses us to reach into the sky, our sparkling things are still important, and they're still ours.

[...]

Keigo's something sparkling to me, too. I'll help them reach the sky and make sure they don't fizzle out.

( trust. that's a heavy word, but his world isn't so black and white so there isn't trusting and not trusting — it's just how he feels things should be between each other. to hear that subaru believes komaeda trusts him, he doesn't know if that's a proper way of explaining it — he just loves hope, he'd do anything for hope if it seems worth it. the thing about their hope is that he doesn't know if it's big or small, but it can easily be devoured if they're not careful, especially if subaru doesn't watch his step.

he knows the other's spiel is to watch for komaeda's reaction, to see if he understands where he's coming from which would result in praise — acknowledgement. yet, he doesn't agree with some of it. his hope? being the future? no, his hope... the thing is, komaeda has no hope, he has nothing, he's just a stepping stone to help the other hopes. to guide them, to help them isn't his hope at all, but he'll look for hope, reach out for it — his future isn't even something to think about, because he only has so much time until that inevitable end. )

What challenges that "sparkling" thing to you?

( he's giving in for a moment to subaru's terminology, curious, because for komaeda what plays a key role in hope is despair, the one thing that can happen, and hope will effortlessly wipe it away. to have a hope that's bright, there are pieces that involved to strengthen they will, their wants, the hope that they have to become an even stronger hope for the world. )

Is that essence the way your world lives, that if you lose that... your whole life crumbles? There's nothing left of you but a husk of what was.

( hope can be the end of someone that loses it, and others are lucky, but komaeda's mind doesn't let him see outside that perspective because all he's ever had is hope. it's what keeps him going, alive at this rate, because other moments are chances to die, unfortunately this talent of his keeps him here. )

[the try is at least important to subaru, it's more than he thought he'd get, and so he brightens up.]

The same thing that challenges your "hope", duh! And... yeah, to all of that.

[the second part's said a little softer, the brightness fading somewhat as he rests his cheek in his hand.]

If someone runs out of those sparkling things, or doesn't find meaning in them anymore... If someone ruthlessly crushes another person's sparkling thing with their own, whether they mean to or not, then that person can't live anymore.

[...]

It happened a lot at Yumenosaki. Natsume and I are survivors of it, actually, helped by others whose sparkle shone the same way. There's a whole cenotaph dedicated to everyone who gave up, or couldn't find a will to live after their shining dreams were crushed.

[people who had weak hopes, essentially.]

They died, just like that?

( yes, those are weak hopes, if he tries to understand it in his layman's terms, those are just people above who the normal set who were too weak to survive in the stronger group. which yes, it could be said that natsume and subaru had stronger hopes, hence why they were able to survive unlike the rest. that's how it's framed, and yet komaeda will give natsume credit due to his own hope that's steadily growing — a small flame, like a candle that can easily be blown away, but it's reluctant, and for something so small... it's able to stay out of the way of harsh winds.

as for subaru, komaeda feels no hope from him, like an empty husk that gives off no light. )

Killing themselves so hopelessly, even their deaths won't mean anything, and yet a cenotaph was erected for them? A waste...

( cruel, yes, but why when their hope was so weak? there's no need for it, but there were memorials left behind back home, too, in order to represent the fallen ultimates. )

...What did their deaths give you, when they died? Hope to keep going? Or did you all pity them...

... Fear.

[he can answer that, he guesses. it was a general consensus.]

A lot of people just didn't want to end up that way, so... they quit, they kept their heads down, or they became stronger.

[... the cenotaph isn't exactly a waste, objectively, there were people who had friends and family that would be missed -- subaru could have easily become a name on it, if his light had continued to be snuffed out, but it hadn't and he didn't. he feels pity for the people who lost their lives, but he feels anger more than anything that it happened in the first place.]

And don't call it a waste! I don't have names to mourn on it, but there're other people who do. Everyone deserves to be missed by someone, I don't care what you say.

...Those that grow from such a tragedy have the strongest hope, and those who could only keep their heads down, afraid that they were next... are weak... but their hope will be eaten by others.

( there's weak hope and strong hope, the two things that matter to komaeda, but the strongest of all hopes is what's important for everyone. though that despair, anyone can find the hope that will persevere through all darkness, it's light overcoming it all and exposes a world for everyone to see. in a way, the cenotaph isn't a waste for what it can symbolize, but for komaeda, the end of subaru's statement misses him. )

You said you were helped by others, because you and Sakasaki-kun couldn't do it alone, or you'd rot like the rest.

( that's what he's getting out of this as he turns on his side, looking at subaru for a moment. then he glances into the palm of his hand, frowning like he's been hurt by this realization. his brain teeters both back and forth: )

Isn't a good thing those people died... that it built you to move forward. It's sad over those that were lost, people you can't get back... it's why you have to keep your head up, or you'll lose the path you've walked, and fall just like them. ...The wisteria, also your cenotaph.

[komaeda's right. subaru and natsume would've been one of the numbers, the former more likely than the latter by the end of the year (light pulled out by others, drowned in darkness, smothered by animosity and the lonely chill of cold shoulders and cutting words), so he doesn't say anything to that. simply turns his face away, puffing his cheeks and then letting them fall again.]

I wish they hadn't died, though. [of course. a loss of life is a loss.] Everyone whose name is on that memorial's someone who really wanted to be an idol, because the slackers who didn't were the ones who came out completely unharmed.

[who left. who saw their priceless paradise, their eden between the rivers, turn into something they'd have to work for instead.

slackers. it's a bitter word, an unusual tone for the otherwise bright boy, but he doesn't seem to linger on it.]

The past's the past and we can't change that! But we can always change the future, so... yeah. It wasn't a good thing they died, but it was... [he weighs the words, unable to look at komaeda.] Eichi-senpai called the whole thing necessary.

[... so it was necessary. the strictness, the cutthroat methods. subaru wouldn't agree, but at least it scared off the people who weren't serious -- the ones who mocked him for his passion, who drive knives into the still-scabbing wounds.]

Eichi-senpai has the right idea, they seem to understand that despite how unfortunate, that it was needed for your future to be shaped properly.

( komaeda nods right after, as if that's what stood out to him the most. they can mourn over the deaths of those who didn't make it, but at the end of the day, it brought something positive considering their lives seem better now than it was back then. to watch people fall by their actions builds a certain structure for those to live by, explaining to them that if they don't follow the same path that everything can be avoided — a lesson taught. )

You agree, don't you? That's why you hate to look at me, because you wish it wasn't... but it was. That's how hope is formed, Akehoshi-kun. ( people don't want to accept it, and while he watches subaru, trying to figure out how he falls on the scale of things is easy, especially on the libra scale that weighs his actions. )

Despairing times brings upon a hopeful future, and it's a surprise for how kind and open you are to say those "slackers" are... beneath you.

( don't get him wrong, to him in a way, those are people who aren't a cut below, they're people still beings who can probably make it to being ideal like the rest of the idols, they still have a chance — as for the untalented, they can never have talent — penguins can't fly just because they want to. and yet, komaeda accepts those slackers as the problem, those who drag down the light of everyone else, and came out unscathed, and unfortunately they should have added with the body count. )

[yeah, this is why he remembers thinking that komaeda and eichi were alike.

the part that follows makes him still, though, and he decides to draw circles in the dust of the crawlspace. it's easy to focus on that and breathe, rather than to let the defiant shame of someone called out take over him--]

Shut up.

[nevermind. he's mad because komaeda's right, because he does agree to a point, even if he wouldn't have liked all those innocents to be hurt in the process -- subaru is a just boy, a good and just boy, and... the people who died weren't guilty of anything besides having less fortune than others. or less hope, as komaeda might put it; their dreams weren't sparkling enough, weren't strong enough, and they died for it. because of it.]

You don't get it. [...] Maybe you would, but you wouldn't at the same time. Yumenosaki's... a private performance arts school that was famed for really churning out idols, along with other pieces of the industry. Mostly idols though. My dad was an alumni too, it goes way back.

[... despite him thinking komaeda wouldn't get it, it seems he's still willing to talk.]

It got to the point where people could sorta slide along though, as long as they took the idol course. As long as they said they were part of something, they'd get favor in class, they'd be guaranteed to graduate, people would worship the ground they walked on... even if they didn't do anything at all besides a few half-assed performances. My class was full of people like that.

[slackers.]

I don't hate 'em though. I mean, it's a waste of energy to, y'know? They did what was best for them, so good riddance~.

( yumenosaki, that's the school, in a way how he speaks could almost be related to that of hope's peak academy — a place that cultivates the talents of students that'll change the world, their actions will mold the future, and with that hope will create something so blinding. not just anyone can come, though, there's no such things as slackers that walk upon their halls — there's the reserve course students, but they were the piggy banks just in case something went wrong — something did, but money wasn't able to fix a thing.

such effort was bred into, hence why his father is also part of it, but to be dated so far back, their methods must have nice been the best, hence why nothing stayed the same, and lives were lost along the way. how did he think, how did he act during his time within yumenosaki — were those simpler times, or the steady creation to what builds yumenosaki now? it leaves a lot to inquire, but komaeda's thoughts wander.

he swallows down the thick saliva in his throat, listening properly as he watches subaru speak — he's not a kind person at all, but his words say one thing, and the tone says another. it's this sort of conversation that komaeda likes to pick apart, and it's why he enjoys the psychological aspect of it all. they had to do something to be part of anything, if they did nothing... they just took up space, it sounds so desperate. so, so desperate that knowing people who didn't have to do anything sat, and wasted their time with "half-ass performances" as subaru says makes komaeda feel slightly ill, those are the people who drag down others, that snuff out the light, and block the way of those who truly deserve their praise.

the end of it though, the good riddance, it reads that they're gone, and komaeda can only frown at the thought of those who lacked talent sitting in a room to have a light cast over them, to be loved and adored by doing nothing. uncomfortable, but he stares at subaru like he's tired, but maybe that's because the nature of the conversation is mostly just those who lack anything still obtaining a personal gain. one can be admirable not hating them, considering they're not worth his time, but it almost feels like they still crawl beneath his skin... he's aware they didn't deserve the acknowledgement for how much they've lacked.

a shame. )

☆ now's your chance to be a ☆ | un: s.akehoshi

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