i'm getting a good grade in yogen lore, which is something normal people definitely try to get

[crystallomancy]

Who: Whoever's in the dormitories
When: Friday, October 1st
What: It's time for a little lecture. And a genuine information meeting. But mostly a lecture.
Warnings: N/A please don't make me change this.

( Early in the morning, a curious text gets posted. )

N.Sakasaki

DRM-STDYHLL
1800HRS

( ...In less coded news, the dormitory's study hall will have a note taped to it:

Yogen and You: A Quick Summary
Held by Natsume Sakasaki

For those who need a summary of events, whether because our meetings rarely get anything done in terms of information sharing or because you're freshly awakened. Come around dinner time for food, enlightenment, and the opportunity to share your troubles with those going through the same thing.

The room will be locked all day until about half an hour before six, at which point it will become unlocked... this is primarily for Natsume to set up a table of food, but people can come sit in early if they like. There's an overhead projector that's been wheeled into the study hall all the way from school, and the curtains are drawn over the windows. It isn't dark though, since he still has the lights turned on...

Several tables have been pushed together to make at least three groups, chairs around them like they've been readied for a dinner party, while a few more are pushed a little further back and have absolutely no chairs whatsoever; those are for the food. There's also a chair by the overhead projector.

Your food and drink for tonight: lemon and rosemary roasted shrimp, white rice, rosemary and thyme chicken, a make-your-own-salad area with all kinds of salad-making ingredients, three types of eggrolls (seafood, vegetable, and pork), and various drinks from the vending machine because some of us can afford to spend a bunch of merit points on things like that.

When a sufficient amount of people have come in, or the clock hits 6:05, Natsume shuts the door, turns off the lights, and moves to the overhead projector. To stand on the chair, so he's the tallest person in here, and claps his hands to get people's attention. )

Save all questions and outbursts until the END, ( he says, and then kneels down on the chair and flicks the projector on.

All of the slides are pre-written on some transparent sheets that project onto a wall without windows, which he reads one by one without rushing! But for ease of reading OOCly, you can find the entire thing here. There's also photocopied handouts for people on all of the tables, stapled of course, so people who aren't blind (sorry Helena) can follow along at home!

He lets the last sheet stay up, his face half-illuminated by the overhead projector, then sits down in the chair and leans forward the back of it like some kind of delinquent. )

Alright, you can speak NOW.


( ooc notes: go ahead and treat this like one of our meetings, aka mingle, jump around, actually get a chance to share information that hasn't been talked about yet, etc. thank you plenty to enh and peace too for reviewing and suggesting things for the presentation \o/ )

Comments

[commences]

Hm... then we will.

( especially if anyone comes to talk to them — loud things are the worst, but people with a louder voice gives komaeda a migraine. so he doesn't mind talking out into the courtyard with helena, the doors closing behind them so she can know that they're finally outside. )

Known all what?

( most of it is new to him, some of the stuff was found by context clues, and for the state of their death? well... he'll figure out what she's after. )

[decrypter]

The information in the presentation. I've known you and Natsume knew quite a bit, but you were keeping it to yourselves, and I wanted to respect that.

[she pauses, and the feeling of but is strong in the air.]

...if he hadn't made the presentation, I would have started getting frustrated, you know. There's no point hiding things like that from each other, not when we're only going to make any progress if we act as a team.

[commences]

Sakasaki-kun works alone, if he can, he wants to give you information that isn't baseless... I'm the same way, I'll investigate before I speak.

( who is he to lie to them, give them the wrong idea when nothing adds up. that's the type of people they are, but natsume is a little more considerate unlike komaeda — he treats everyone like a person, whereas komaeda just throws it at a couple of dogs like fetch to see what they'd do. it doesn't matter when he's the one going out to cause problems for himself for the sake of answers, he's always been like that... he works alone, too. )

That presentation reflects him, he wants to see you all move together as well... it just took a bit of time, rather than telling one by one, I believe that together you all could benefit by knowing as a group, and console each other... though, there's nothing to whine about.

( of course, she must be speaking about how natsume and komaeda converse about information together when no one's around. it's true, they've done it many times, it's like how he knows right now the other is with maya to iron out his thoughts. )

His hope... is different, but that doesn't mean he's unable to give a helping hand... the amount of danger he's went through to piece it together... you should thank him when you can, Adams-san.

[decrypter]

I have, actually. He let me know he was making the presentation when I came to him asking for some answers. It's why I managed to avoid frustration at all.

[so she had been kind, brought him snacks and tea, and looked out for mundane things so he might have had the chance to work. even the promise of future information had been enough. it was that sheer nothing that had agitated her worse than she wanted to let on. here, actually able to affect things and change them, the prospect needed to be seized even if it was only the thinnest thread.]

I realize that you'd rather operate in certainty, and while I can appreciate that, sometimes it's okay to let others know your theories, even if they are only guesses. Let us in, so we might make your work easier, and so we might actually be able to do something as opposed to feeling directionless, helpless to the whims of fate.

[and then, because this is Komaeda she's talking to, she needs to phrase it in his language.]

At the least, let me in, Komaeda. It's not like you'd be bothering me - I'm not an ultimate, so you can make demands on my time without hesitation. How can my hope grow if there aren't things to challenge it, if I can't apply it to things that need it?

[commences]

Do you get frustrated very easily, Adams-san, you appear to be such a patient person, ah... you must bottle up a lot.

( he release her hand just this once, and instead come to her shoulder to pat softly as if to reassure her that it's fine, but it's nothing to get so worked up over. information is the most important part of this place, and komaeda knows that keeping them in the dark will make them look at him differently — he doesn't think it matters when he'll explain later than sooner. as they walk underneath the moonlight, he glances over to the wistera tree to watch the petals rain down slowly. )

I'm not against speaking with the group, if a person asks, then I'll give an answer.

( or he'll just say them and someone has to catch the meaning behind it, but he tilts his head towards helena's side as she speaks in his language. he understands it perfectly well, because as an ultimate, he is on a higher pedestal than her. he pauses, thoughtful, and he nods. )

Are you sure you won't grow weary, it's a long road ahead of all of you... I can make demands, give you instructions, but will you follow them without hesitation? Second guessing will be a waste of time, because we don't have that much left.

[decrypter]

I wouldn't be asking for your demands if I wasn't ready to try for them.

[even if things don't always make sense. even if this may be a mistake that she'll have to learn from. for so long, she's been running with no direction, and her legs haven't failed her yet. she hasn't given up yet.

like stepping off into the abyss, hoping there'd be something at the bottom. this is another one of those moments.]

If we don't have much time, then it's all the more important.

[commences]

What do you think of graduation, Adams-san?

( she's a third year, she's also the one with limited time whereas komaeda is a first year with all the time in the world, set back because apparently his memories don't match up with the grade — if rokkun was honest about that, he knows that the other can lie to hide his true feelings, so getting information from him is tedious. though, when he is honest, it's not like he chooses to lead komaeda astray on purpose. )

Are you going to do like everyone else, or will you carve out your own path?

[decrypter]

Who's to say I even qualify to graduate?

[who's to say she won't wake up, back at the beginning again? it can't be thought of as a certainty, for it would be too, too arrogant.]

I have to make my own path, even if I do. I can't simply depart and give up on everything from before.

[commences]

Ahaha... apparently it's based on grades, that's what so many have said.

( though komaeda wishes that it was a little more than just grades, he wouldn't mind a little killing to help bring people together. sure, there will be bodies, but they'll rely on each other as time goes on. )

That sort of answer, however... are you also willing to walk paths with others? Even if your hope is different, in the end... it's meant to carry you forward... as long as you all can work together.

( he's doing it again, removing himself. )

[decrypter]

I'm willing to walk a path with you, Komaeda. That should answer your question.

[as he tries to remove himself from the metaphorical picture, so too does she extend her hand, grasping at his jacket sleeve. not hard enough to force - Helena can't do that by any stretch of the mind - but trying to remind him of what she said to him before.

if he's to be thrown away when someone is done with him, then she will never be done with him, even if she has to invent things to make him stay.]

[commences]

My path...

( is one where he acts alone, where he's a stepping stone so everyone can walk over him, use him to their desires, and come out stronger than ever before. if his life was needed for the end to be realized, for hope to shine the brightest because there was no other choice then he would take it. so it's true, helena does walk his path, because those beneath ultimates are either nuisances that drain their light, or they do their job perfectly for an ultimate to walk further to expose their talents.

as for the hope here, it's a bit... complicated, but he's managing to work with it, all because he loves hope. )

Then you should know if anything happens, something you don't want... embrace it, because the bad that happens is so that hope can overcome it... I hope to see that display from you.

[decrypter]

I've already gone through that before. What's a few more times?

[she can't tell him everything, not about her teacher, not about being silenced, but she can give him a little. a piece for how much he was willing to yield himself, and let his hand be held. it's a different way of saying thanks, when the word itself would not be enough.]

As long as you don't think I'm helpless, I can face down what happened.

[commences]

Death, that's what's holding everyone back here. Seeing people die before them, others killing... hope is born from those disasters, if there's none... they'll believe in something that's not there, they won't be grateful for the true hope right before their eyes.

( he comments, stopping by the wisteria once they're close enough, and luckily the wind doesn't blow as bad to cause the petals to stir. )

Just to accept what's here when there's something better, I worry for them, that's why stepping stones like us have to be that push... they have to accept the real world.

[decrypter]

But hope can be found in the smallest things, as well.

[it's hard to translate her feelings into his form of thinking, his form of speech. but if she doesn't try to phrase it that way, then there's no way he'll understand what she's trying to convey.]

Acceptance of that real world isn't enough to keep them there - they have to have something to cling onto, or they'll slip back into what's easier to process, what's right before them. Finding a foothold is just as important, and that can take place in even the smallest ways.

[commences]

Are you saying accepting a world catered to them won't hold them back? They'll become confused, besides, if they can't bend that world to their reality... it'll build them, and then they'll lose sight of themselves — so many people have said this is the type of place we live in.

( but they said this place forced them to do things they regret, as for komaeda, he shakes his head with a small laugh. it's nothing like that, it's because he's already opened his eyes. )

What's there to cling onto when all they have is what's placed before them, hm... this is where they fail, not creating their own hope, and moving forward with that... it's why I'm here to help. I'd be so ashamed if they lied to themselves, they deserve so much better than that...

( he hums afterwards, and then his mouth parts for a soft yawn. ) Hope is found everywhere and in every little thing, it's what they make of it... I just don't want them to to grow weak thinking that hope... just stops in one place, hope is eternal and moves you forward... settling down isn't part of what hope it, it shapes your future, and that is everlasting.

[decrypter]

I think we're saying the same thing, but with different words. Once they're in the true world, the one that needs them to make their own hope, to keep it moving on like fortune's wheel, that's when they need to sink in their heels and stay there, not yielding to the easy way out. Not accepting a life behind glass.

[it reminds her of a conversation she had at a different time, and she lets out a hmmm.]

How familiar are you with poetry, Komaeda?

[commences]

I read.

( that's what he does, read, and swallow down the words that's been said to him. he's a reader, he spends his time mostly in the library, and without following up on helena's previous words, he inquires about the latter. she must have a qoute prepared to him. )

What poem are we going psychoanalyze?

[decrypter]

Tennyson's The Lotos Eaters.

[fair to warn him, really, that it'll be exactly about the sort of people he detests, but her point is underlined in the context around it. that to give into what easiest is self-destruction.]

Do you know it? If not, I can ask the librarian to get a copy of his works, and bring it to you.

[commences]

Hmm...

( he thinks on it, flipping through his memory, and there's a vague set-up of that specific poem that he can recall, bits and pieces of wandering men, wandering people that wanted to rest, that found no joy in the constant movement. )

I don't know much, ( or he doesn't reference it as much. ) what about it?

[decrypter]

You'll understand when you read it. I'll ask her to get an edition in regular type, and one in braille. It's not even that long, but I haven't memorized it.

[so she can't do a recitation for him at the moment.]

[commences]

What does it have to do with me, Adams-san?

( he knows enough of what the content entails, but he doesn't go out of his way to read it like he would a good mystery novel. )

There must be something about it if you're willing to recommend it to me.

[decrypter]

It is about exactly the kind of people who need their hope inspired. More than that, I refuse to explain. You have to be patient for once.

[she won't have him reject it out of hand if he knows the whole story.]

[commences]

How cruel, you suggest something, and then want me to use my time to look into it.

( he sighs, and while he could be boorish about this, he'll use his mechanical arm to scratch at the back of his head, the sound in front of helena so she can follow. )

Let's go to the library then, save yourself a few days trip.

[decrypter]

It's not cruel. All I'm asking you for is patience.

[but he'll hear her tapping along behind, dutifully going.]