[CLOSED] Now you've got a weapon and a companion, all in one!

[sunstead]

Who: Clamor, Noah & others!
When: October 8th through the end of the month
What: Clamor returns!! At least in spirit. Catch-all for the month.
Warnings: There will probably be mentions of murder/suicide/trauma at some point or another.

source

((Closed prompts are below, replies will be from suspiciousweapon!

Clamor will be semi-available for the month, seeing as his current body makes it more difficult to talk with people + Noah is being overprotective of him + he's kind of depressed right now. That said, feel free to hit me up on plurk at BlueFlewFedUQueen, ping me through the game discord, or send me a PM if you want a thread with Clamor and I'll see what we can do!))

Comments

[silentabyss]

[No, no, no, he hates that resigned tone, how chilly and dead it sounds — he knows without a doubt that Clamor is still upset, but it's when he deigns to hide it that somehow everything feels worse. Somehow, Noah thinks, like hiding emotions has ever helped anybody here — like how they constantly have to play a game of badminton with their feelings until they're both miserable.

Where did May go? It feels like an eternity ago that they hugged at the bottom of the clocktower staircase — where the staircase used to be, anyway, now an elevator desecrated with corpse after corpse — and had an actual heart-to-heart. Noah won't ask if Clamor doesn't trust him enough to talk anymore; it'll only make things worse.]

You didn't do anything. I did it.

[But if Clamor couldn't feel time rewinding, then Noah doesn't have to say anything, right? Which is, frankly, the opposite of productive and the opposite of what he wants — at the end of the day, if they could just be damn honest with each other, he'd consider that a victory, even if they're both crying themselves to sleep every night (as if Clamor's capable of that in the first place). But no. No, neither of them seem capable of even that much, and Noah thinks bitterly that they never will be, going as they are now.

Maybe Clamor will ask about his comments later. For now, Noah climbs down from the top bunk, much as he doesn't want to be anywhere near the pool building. All he wanted that morning was to swim before classes, and then Clamor showed up dead that morning...]

It's this way. [Kill him. Kill him, kill him—] I don't go to it anymore.

[Noah trudges through the dorms, across the courtyard and toward the pool building, and when he pushes the doors open he's immediately hit with a flashback so hard that he quite nearly drops Clamor to the ground. Somehow, somehow that doesn't happen, and when he snaps out of the initial flood of memories thirty seconds later, he manages to take another step and stand near the shallower end of the pool.]

The far end of the pool goes down... I don't know how far down. It's salty down there. [There's your saltwater source, bud.] I swam maybe thirty feet down before I had to come back up. The burned body that the others found in the pool looked like something had eaten it. And...

[Does he say anything... Clamor's just going to feel worse if he knows he asked Noah to come show him where he found his waterlogged corpse that morning. But... secrets aren't meant to be kept between friends, so it's a risk he'll have to take. He's shivering, he already freaked out when they entered, it's a little too late to try to pretend nothing's wrong.]

It's where I found you, too. A week after that.

[suspiciousweapon]

[Part of him knows Noah can probably tell... they've been travelling together for long enough, it's no different from how he knows Noah's own habits of deflection and self-blame. But his resolve doesn't change, even when he hears the disconcerted emotion in Noah's voice. Please, understand that this is an act made in kindness.

Of course, it still doesn't go as planned. He knows that the moment Noah says I don't go to it anymore, when he visibly reacts upon entering the building (Clamor is calling out to him in concern for those thirty seconds, thanks), and if that wasn't obvious enough Noah is kind enough to spell it out for him. How was he supposed to know that's where the body—his body—was found?]

Noah— [sternly, maybe he'll be happy to hear some of the emotion return to Clamor's voice, but he is not pleased] that's enough. We don't have to go here if you don't want to! You could've told me that later without showing it to me, we don't have to do this right now. I can't swim anyway! So if it's making you upset, we can go somewhere else. Please, Noah...

[he knows he's being a hypocrit, but he's frustrated. maybe he needs this, too. maybe... he just wants to have a nice day and pretend everything is fine and normal like before. maybe he doesn't want to spend his first day back watching Noah have panic attacks and cry while he's helpless to do anything about it.]

... It's not that I don't trust you. There's a lot to catch up on, and I'll tell you everything I can remember, but you... no, we've both been through a lot since I left. Is this really how you want to spend our first day back together?

If you really want to talk about this now... we can talk about it. But it's you that I missed while I was gone. I'm happy just to hear your voice again. We can talk about anything you want, we don't have to rush things.

[silentabyss]

I don't know when I'd rather do it! Today or tomorrow or whenever, either way, it's going to hurt both of us in the end, so why not just get it out of the way?!

[He doesn't mean to lash out, but by the El it's too late to take it back, and Noah stops for a moment to hold his head in his hand as if afflicted by a headache. That's not it at all, though, more like if he doesn't dig his palms into his eyes he might start crying again, and that's the last thing he wants to do right at this moment.

Staying in the pool house is the worst idea possible, though, and he's swift to march out, to push open the doors leading to the sunlit courtyard and just sit down against the wall nearby to breathe for a second. Too many heightened emotions right now, too many thoughts in his head, too many loud sounds that aren't actually there and he knows they're not — but he can damn well still hear the shocked gasps of everyone entering the pool that morning and he can still see the way Shuichi looked at him as he handed the spellbook over and he can still feel Sidney's arms wrapped around him while Noah screamed and sobbed.

He's at least coherent enough now to talk through the cacophony only he can hear.]

Sorry, I... I didn't mean to yell at you. Sorry... I'm glad you're back, and I'm glad that we're together again, and I'm just... sorry. I'm happy, I just...

[If he broaches the topic of how many times he tried to die last month, gets it out of the way now, they can recover from it eventually at the risk of ruining their entire first day together. In Noah's mind, if he chooses not to say anything now, he might not ever try, and maybe that's just fine — maybe Clamor can live in ignorant bliss and not know just how many times Noah plunged that knife into his throat.

He's torn, and maybe it shows when he finally brings his head up from his palm and looks off across the courtyard. Wanting to say something versus not wanting to even get started, because wouldn't it be easier?

But what if someone who caught him and his myriad attempts brings it up to Clamor in private? What if Sidney brings up their little grief counselling soiree, what if Stephanie says something, what if Komaeda blabs— uuuugh.]

Sorry, [for the hundredth time,] do you wanna come see where I found your... uh... sickle body? It's kind of funny.

[Quick change the topic]