yogen | 10/02 | kiss me thru the pda (678-999-8212)

Are they doing better?

I didn't say that! But...if someone is targeting you, and you don't know their intentions. It's good to take that seriously...better safe then sorry.

[ It would have been nice if people took her seriously when she was being stalked in high school. Even if Komeada is a dangerous guy...someone watching him should still be something to be worried about. ]

Ugh, forget it. Just come to Sun 4.

...they have, yes. you should visit them, chidouin-san, they like you a lot.

it's fine, if they kill me... this is for their idea of hope, and i wonder... giving my life to that has always been a dream of mine.

...i'm on my way.

( it's fine, as they've been texting, komaeda's already finished his check up on saihara and rika's bodies, so he can make his way to the dormitory. once he enters, he'll knock on the door of sun 4 about ten minutes later. )

Do they... They're a sweet kid. I've just been too nervous to approach them, I suppose.

I don't think you'd give your life for a stranger. Don't you have some awful plan you need to unleash for everyone else? Dream a bit bigger then dying for your stalker, please.

[ Akira's door is unlocked, but Sara gets up to open it anyway. Akira's room is the same as ever, with perfect, handsome, ideal Narumi Ito tucked away in one bed and the other one the same mess Akira made of it before he left. Sara has taken over the unused desk on Narumi's side of the room, which already has her textbooks and two PDA's (one charging) but Komeada should be free to sit anywhere else. ]

So you made it. Anything else happen on the way here?

( as he enters, he walks in slowly, looking around as he sees the long chalkboard, and that feeling of comfort that courses through the room. it's an itchy feeling, and he looks towards sara's desk where the pdas charge, and then he looks towards narumi ito who rests peacefully. he makes his way over to him, sitting on the bed as he places his hands into the seat of his lap, watching the female with a sheepish smile. )

Hm... nothing happened, I wasn't too observant on my way, if they're always watching me... they'll make sure that I don't see them.

( he lifts one hand, rubbing the nape of his neck, and his nails scratch against the skin. )

What do you think of what's happening? Quite the event to honor hope, isn't it?

I hope they aren't following you. I don't have Akira's keys, so we can't lock the door.

[ In the best case scenario, she's being paranoid, and this is all just a prank, or someone really does have a secret but harmless Komeada fanclub and decided to text him at really bad time.]

Someone is toying with us, that much is obvious. What they stand to gain...that I don't understand. [ She bites a nail, looking worried. Komeada being stalked, several people murdered and strung up. She can't make sense of it. ]

This isn't a celebration. How many people died last night? Do we have any idea who did it? [ Strangelyher paranoia does a lot to assure her Komeada isn't involved. If he's being targeted by someone with information...well maybe it could be a mind game, but Sara isn't good at those. If he's lying to her, she'll deal with it later. ]

If it's to kill me, they could just ask. Isn't that to your liking, Chidouin-san, that I'd die and be out of your hair?

( he asks, looking up to her as he grabs the cover that narumi is sleeping under, and he pulls it up onto the male's shoulder to keep him warm. he's just a husk for now, someone that sara's been tending to, and he wonders what their reaction will be once he awakens. well, if he freezes to death, then he'll never wake, so that's what little komaeda can do. )

Besides, Saihara-kun is gone, and now you don't have to die for him.

( just a comment he remembers on the network a long time ago, the conversation that she had with the ultimate, and it seems that in the end, sara won. komaeda doesn't think it, but he does wonder what she thinks. would she have died for him now because now he's gone, or will komaeda have to be honest and say what he believes to be the truth of the matter. )

...If word is correct: nine. I'll be surprised if anyone figures it out, the only person who could do it effortlessly is now...

( gone, but komaeda doesn't seem sad, or mad, he just has that blank expression in his eyes like he should have expected this. ) Now everyone has to work, are you not a detective type, Chidouin-san?

[ Sara doesn't seem very moved by the accusation, only letting out a long suffering sigh. ]

What I want isn't important. Komeada-san, we don't pretend to like eachother, but I have promised to work with you. If you want to leave or go die...I won't stop you. But I think dying worthlessly for a stranger is below even you.

So you read that conversation...I was in a bad mood that day. [ She probably didn't need to snap at him the way she did. Saihara-san, she didn't know him well, but he was a nice person. On a practical level, he was also an extremely useful person, who clearly benefited the group to keep around. To that end, she is sad he is gone. But his death didn't involve her, and she had no control over it. So theres no guilt and she's free to move on to more practical matters.

Saihara's death is another point in these murders not being by Komeada's hands. He doesn't seem sad, but Sara's never seen Komeada sad anyway. Resigned and blank feels about right for something that would upset him. ]

I'm only a high school student. Maybe in a death game...I did alright. [ An understatement. ] But Komeada-san, I've never solved a crime before. Investigating Chiaki-san was the first time I did anything like this

...So you know about that part of me who won't die hopelessly, but this is a conversation about hope that they exchanged with me.

( he would never die like that, especially if it meant no hope was born from it — it's the way they speak by being over familiar, and wanting to test their hope, and that is a familiar notion that komaeda has said many a time. he's unable to go through with being killed, but meeting with their burner phone is interesting — the way they play like someone else, the way they handle the situation because they wanted to be found. )

...Is that so. ( now she doesn't have to worry about dying by komaeda's hands for the sake of promoting saihara's hope, and as he thinks about it, all the murders that he solved... and now he's gone, but he would have been the perfect person to solve everything else without fail. he worked hard, he put together everything to make a conclusion that would piece together the problems.

to see him as a stepping stone, as someone who will become part of the path these people walk on...
they don't deserve it.
they don't deserve to.

his organic hand balls into a fist, nails digging into the flesh as he hums playfully. )

I understand, you must compare the death games to crimes... someone had to die, so it was no problem for you. I wonder how ethical that is...

( he sighs, looking up to her now as his fist uncurls, and he settles them in his lap. )

If you need assistance solving them, I can make mock cases for you...

And thats all that it takes?

[ Stop underselling yourself. If a few hopeful texts were all it took...no he's probably just trying to bait her. ]

Yes. Looking back, there was no need to take my frustration out on him. [ Don't take that as some admission of inferiority. Saihara's death doesn't make him some kind of saint in her eyes. He was a better "stepping stone" alive then dead, but why boil someone down to a bleak image like that. ]

Don't just assume things of me...I don't want anyone dead. Ethics don't have anything to do with this. But looking for clues or figuring out who was lying in a main game...I did that.[ Figuring out what Sou is doing in general an insane and often fruitless venture. ] I also had a detective helping me though...

[ Mock cases? Like she's in law school? Or does he plan on actually killing people or...Wow...she really wants to turn that insane offer down, but it does feel like his attempt at a peace offering. And Komeada seems...upset? Maybe it isn't best to just blatently trample on a genuine offer. ]

Your game had to do with solving murders, right? I suppose...I cannot refuse any expertise on the subject.

Hm... what does it take to grab my attention.

( he's difficult, he knows that, and he only works along if there's hole involved or if he forces it in. before him is a very normal teenager, he doesn't feel anything hopeful about her, but that doesn't stop that she's capable of making it — that sort of hope is weaker than the hope that he loves the most, but he'll work with it. )

...And you can't tell him that now.

( he sighs, shaking his head as he glances at narumi one last time. do people have others that they can never tell something again? was there anything he wanted to tell saihara before he left? maybe that he wishes someone could stop him from committing anymore evil deeds, maybe if he said that he would have stayed. )

...I suppose so, but I hope we can return to that conversation later. We had no detective in our killing game, but Ultimates can handle anything, and the Ultimate Detective already took part in the second one, and we were the third. The first was known as The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History.

( what he explains here is that he knows the ropes very well, how killing is integrated into their lives and figuring out the how's and why's is what they do. the first group wasn't so lucky. especially with them having to deal with the parade as well, there was nothing stopped despair from slipping through the cracks. )

Our second headmaster decided for us to kill, and once a body was discovered, we would investigate and have a trial... by majority vote, you pick who the killer — also known as the Blackened — was through clues. If you picked right, they would die, and we would continue our fun school trip until another murder; if we chose wrong... all but the blackened would suffer a gruesome death, and go home... ahaha... we had fifty days to do this before time was up. So in a way... I'm familiar on both sides where hope resided, and that's why I have faith in you all to be able to figure out these murders... but it must be difficult with no direction...

Don't ask me that. I don't get you at all. But...yes. I can't tell him...

[ Everyone has regrets. Sara follows Komeada's gaze down to Narumi's peaceful expression. Maybe he'll stay like that forever, never worrying about this nightmarish school around him, and the students in it.

Sounds a little nice. ]

You called it something like that...? [ What a terrible name...a bit arrogant too. What gave you the right to claim the worst event in human history? ]

I hate the ideas of other killing games...but I think I understand the rules. It's like the werewolf game, or Mafia...or the card roles in our game. You have to figure out the right person from the rest.

So, tell me Komeada-san. If you have such experience, what did the great ultimate's of your game do to win?

Ahaha... it's not like I chose it! ...But it's not wrong, the event was quite the tragedy.

( being here in this school is much better than being there, he thinks, but he doesn't want to stay here — he honestly wants to die, and sadly no one gives him that satisfaction. )

It was all because of a teenage, high-school girl.

( he looks up from narumi now, and he's going to lay back on him since there's no one to stop him at all. )

What did they do...? They found hope, and defeated despair! They're pretty great, all of them who took part. ( those that died wasn't even a true death, and instead were still alive outside the killing game — count them luckier than most, but he won't rub it in. ) That's why I want you all to find it as well, do you believe in hope, Chidouin-san?

...

[ What an unflattering comparison. Or is he just being coy... Surely it couldn't all be one persons fault...a high schooler no less. She looks up to ask and blinks to see Komeada lying down on Narumi again. ]

Don't do that, you're going to crush him! [ She will stop him, Narumi might be in stasis, but don't put pressure on his lungs! There's a harsh screech as she pushes the chair back to stand. In only a few steps, she grabs the back of Komeada's jacket and tugs firmly. ]

Unhelpful as always. [Some more practical advice would suit her better then some half hearted "don't give up". A lighter tug, and a sigh. ] When you say hope, you mean something else, Komeada-san.

[ What it is...she can't say. She can see the outline of what the word hope means to Komeada, after talking to him. A value system, a sense of ethics, a justification? But more...foundational. Everything is about "hope" with him. It's scary. How can she believe in something like that? ]

I don't believe in giving up, but I can't say I believe in something I don't understand.

( he's not that hard to pull up, no longer laying on narumi as he looks in sara's direction, she really is a pretty strong girl — no wonder shin gets slapped around so often. he blinks slow, is she really giving him a chance to talk about hope, because that'll lead to one of his spiels, but he isn't against it. he's patient, watching, wondering if she'll invest herself in learning. )

If you have hope... it'll be easier to leave this place, did you know?

( he was told if he kept doing what he's doing that it'll be easier for those here to leave the school, but that'll take time, and to do that... he has to influence the school. his reasoning doesn't sit right with many, and that's why he ignores their opinions to form his own, and even as he listens to sara, he knows that she'll probably not see eye to eye with him. if anything, he can open the avenue to something more hopeful. )

...Everyone here is too attached to the idea of right and wrong, good and bad... have you ever believed in continuous good?

( when he thinks of hope, it's a positive force, something that motivates others to do the same, to remove all fear because their actions won't have negative consequences. )

A power that could crush any despair?

[ If she shakes him a little maybe she can rattle his brains enough he won't lecture her about hope again. ]

I'll leave this place by working hard with everyone, not praying to a higher power. [ The answer to his next question is short and curt. ] Not anymore. People are selfish.

[ She meets Komeada's eyes and sighs. ]

Try explaining it without saying hope or despair once, Komeada-san. Can you even talk without using those words?

It's absolute good, Chidouin-san. It's the will everyone has to work together towards a better future, an understanding of the people around you, and coming together to utilize your strength towards a shared goal. Everyone has their own desire... and that's what motivates them, I want to see you all reach that... towards a dream-like happiness that seems unbelievable that it doesn't exist... but it does... it's a pure, and warm essence... it's every positive notion imaginable, and that is why I strive for you all to create a true form of it. ...I'll do what I can to see it, even if it means pushing you just a bit to show that you're capable of overcoming what frightens you...

( confidently he answers, and he says his thoughts which takes him a bit to not use the word, because how do you explain hope when hope is... hope. he has a positive outlook on it, a little better than when he isn't talking about killing people, but there's his visible belief in it, and he glances down in his hand thoughtful for a moment. )

To have that feeling that nothing can stop you...to worry about nothing...

[ Wow he actually did it. ]

To worry about nothing...so you just don't want to feel guilty anymore?

[ She lets go of his hood, stepping away to cross her arms and stare over at him. ]

Some of my desires are pretty selfish, Komeada-san. There's more to life then stepping on everyone to get what you want.

[ Some of it doesn't sound half bad, shared goal, modivating desire...all perfectly fine things. But the way Komeada goes about them...its terrible. He'll act on his own and do whatever he wants. ]

As always...you confuse me. How can you be so empathetic, yet totally lacking?

You're thinking too hard, what's there to feel guilty about when there's nothing to be... are you guilty about something, Chidouin-san?

( komaeda's selfless, he thinks of others before himself, and the same is being done now as he explains to her his views. he can't beg someone to understand hope, but if they fight against it as much as she does, then maybe that's why she doesn't get it. )

There are some stepping stones along the way, but not all the time... the stones you make are the ones you use to elevate yourself, and I would have been one of them had you killed me that day.

( he looks down at the ground, scooting away from narumi for a bit so that he doesn't crush him despite not having the weight to do so. )

You have me alone... Ito-kun is a husk... if you want, this is your chance.

Am I guilty?

[ It comes out as more of a question as she trails off and...Damn her to hell, if she doesn't look at him and consider it for a single second. That they're alone, with everyone focused on murders, and she could get rid of him now and blame it on that stalker.

She really does consider it, for a moment that lasts a little to long. Because, the last time she knew someone this dangerous, she killed him without a second thought. She killed a bunch of others, AI maybe, but alive in their own sense, because they were in the way of what she had to do to win. ]

No. Please don't trick me like this, Komeada-san. [ She forces her hands to unclench, the tension to leave her shoulders, to ignore the ever-present weight of a gun in her pocket. ]

I...won't go back on my word. When I said I'd work together with everyone, I meant it. [ She's going to be a better person then she was when she first got here. ] And more importantly, I promised you could stay here, if you felt unsafe! I want everyone to get out of here, even if I wish you'd be more normal for once! Komeada-san you're an inexplicable, unbearable, and indefensible person, but if you just stopped excusing murder as hope...you have some good traits.

And a bunch of people really like you, and they'd be quite cross with me!

Edited 2021-10-19 05:10 (UTC)

Murder is no good when it's used to turn against one another! That's why they're unable to trust, and why hardships are created along the way.

( it's difficult to watch them fight among one another, to be afraid that every day they believe someone they're close to will stab them in their back. what's the point of people arguing amongst each other to tear down the values they've made, and it's nonsense like that which makes komaeda irritable himself — a huff, and he runs a hand through his hair annoyed. it's easy to tell on his face that he's not too keen on this part of the conversation. )

To use it in that fashion, that's why so many people break apart... why hope is lost, and others fall into despair... ( the people that he's seen, the one's that even mentioned despair is what makes his stomach turn. ) I've seen it too many times, and you have as well! It's placed everyone on sides, some can't even trust others...

( he stands up, a little stressed from the thought, but he takes a deep breath in hopes to calm himself down. one breath, then two, and then there's three as he looks at sara properly. is that what she's afraid of? the group hating her for a decision of murdering him, well, when he thinks about it... that's not how things work. )

Nuh-uh. It's never good. It'll always make people afraid of eachother!

[ It's like he assumes his actions won't have any consequences...yeah using the idea of a greater good is bad? She agrees, but how could murder ever create 'trust'. Even if you kill for someones sake, you've still killed. You're dangerous, and it creates strife. Maybe Sara can't be absolutist enough to say everyone who does that is wrong, but its never good. Death can't have any good outcomes. ]

I'm saying I won't kill you, so what's got you so mad?

[He's standing up, once again putting him above her eye level. He's staring at her...enough to make her nervous.

Actually, its exactly how things work. What did he just forget all the people who jumped up to stop her? They've been in a deadlock ever since, Sara who cares very much about being in everyone's good graces, would never jeopardize herself or anyone else to be selfish like that again. ]

That's why we have to murder believing in each other that we'll do it!

( the opposite of what he's saying, the more insane idea of it all, using trust and belief to enable the attack on one another, because if they're aware, and if they believe, and other small reasons then it's fine. to believe in each other through death is the proper way of going about this, and manages to soften the blow of being betrayed. that's why komaeda's so willing to allow sara to try her hand once more. )

I know you have it in you to kill me, that's why I'm not afraid... ahaha!

( komaeda truly does not mind killing, he doesn't mind what would come from it as long as hope overcomes it all, and it will... even if that's a goal meant for him, he shares it with everyone else. ) Because you believe in me right? To kill you... even right now, while no one is around?

What?

[ How else are you supposed to a react to a worldview so...twisted? ]

Why are you saying something like that...

[ He's scaring her, but she shouldn't let him. This is how it always is. She lets down her guard a little, has a fun time, and then reality comes back in. She needs to stop talking to him like a...whatever. She never liked him, so its fine. ]

After all... being alone doesn't matter to you, right? Even if we were in front of people, you might try it.

Saying something like what... don't worry, Chidouin-san... I haven't tried to kill you yet.

( he looks up at her, shaking his head like he's changed his mind. it's because he has, that's because his brain can't stay on one station so it switches channels until everything stops becoming static. )

I should be thanking you for your kindness, taking in someone lowly as me...

( he sighs, frowning as he nods right after. ) Being alone doesn't matter, it's all about sticking together...

"Yet."

[ She's still freaking out, but now she's had the time to hide it. Her own expression has already flatlined, emotions kicked away and brought to heel. Ugh...and like that he's totally dropped the malevolent demeanor. He's so creepy. ]

...Thank me then. Because I don't like entertaining guys who threaten me.

[ Answering questions she hasn't even asked. Making threats he doesn't back up, saying twisted things and kind ones one after another. Her expectations of Komeada...she needs to lower them. She doesn't want his detective help anymore, nvm. ]

Edited 2021-10-27 07:27 (UTC)

10/02 | kiss me thru the pda (678-999-8212) | un: n.komaeda

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