yogen | Kiss of Life

I've told you that it's nothing special... a simple talent that doesn't stand out...

( considering amami has finally realized it just by the end of komaeda's explanation, it goes to show that the talent in particular was never interesting. should he be sad about it, or maybe a little disappointed? no, it validates him that there's nothing about him that's worth noting to an ultimate, even for someone as aware as amami... even he was unable. it adds onto the weight of how incompetent komaeda can be, and he looks away with his hands wrapped around his waist, and claws digging into his side, but he know than to let it tear his clothes. )

...I know, I've seen the video. Forgive me for not telling you sooner, hm... it wasn't my story to tell.

( he tries to keep his eyes on amami, slightly uncomfortable for the other's curiosity about his talent later, but that's not how it works. )

You have an excellent talent, I only know one person who could match it, but he's not that sort of person, anymore.

( ultimate hope, the keeper of every talent, he too would have something like it, and it'd make sense how he's able to stay alive. there's so many ways to take that title, but the sort of skill it has, it's amazing. so while he's met the talent before, he's never seen it given to one singular person. ) ...Ultimate Survivor, no wonder you managed to survive.

I mean, that's just what you think, but... it's fine. We'll come back to it, 'kay?

( he really is curious! but he also doesn't want to leave this misunderstanding hanging for any longer than it has to, so there's a heavy sigh as he crosses his arms over his chest. he shakes his head, glancing off to the side. )

You can't really be too impressed with mine either. After all, I did a pretty awful job of surviving in the end.

( which should tell komaeda more than enough about the reason for amami's doubt in this supposed "talent", but he'll look up, try to meet komaeda's eyes properly once more as he continues. )

Komaeda-kun, I know you saw the video, but do you mind if I ask you how you think I survived?

...How literal do you take talent, Amami-kun?

( it's like how komaeda's luck prevents him from dying, yet here he is in purgatory, but perhaps that's just his luck as well. the other wouldn't know that because he isn't aware of the full context that makes komaeda's luck so lucky. yet, there's so many ways that could represent the way the other survived, but if he's mentioning the video, does he mean making it to the end and then requesting an entire new killing game? )

You killed, or you avoided dying. It's simple as that to make to the end of a killing game, as long as the Blackened isn't found, if they get away with it... they live.

( just a sparknotes version, that's all. )

Monokuma, no... Enoshima-san betrays you. ( well, the option people search for is never properly given to them. )

So you really do think I survived by becoming one of the blackened...

( at least, that's what it sounds like, with the emphasis komaeda places on it. it stings, not gonna lie, but amami takes it in stride. gives a little huff and carries on like it's just fine with him. )

I don't know who Enoshima-san is, but yeah, I guess you could say Monokuma betrayed me. The mastermind did anyway — broke their own rules just to take me out of the game. ( and it's one he's probably going to be endlessly pissed about now that he knows why that happened in the first place. but focus, he has to focus; he's talking about this for a reason. ) That's the game I remember though. The one before that, I don't... I don't think I was the blackened. "Avoided dying", like you said, that's probably the better way to describe it.

...Those are the ways to get to the end, it's not like I blame you for your actions, making stepping stones of those along the way, but whoever made it towards the end with you... must have killed themselves.

( that means someone must have really looked up to him, was willing to die in place of amami so he could live as the final and last count. though, there's an air about the video that makes komaeda hum, a hand brought to his chin as he looks down at the ground for a brief moment. )

The you in the video said... he wanted this, confirming that it was your decision. ( he pauses, closing his eyes, and he clears his throat. )

Amami-kun, what do you know of Monokuma? Of it's owner... ( it doesn't sound unlike enoshima, breaking her own rules, changing her rules. ) That, and how did she break them? Well, how did you know it was the mastermind?

( amami shrugs at that, offering an open-palmed gesture to show just how little he has to work with — figuratively, literally, across the board. )

Next to nothing, if I'm honest with you. Right now, I can only make guesses, but... I do know that they broke the rules of the game.

( though he does tilt his head some, looking at komaeda with something searching in his eyes. )

How do you know the mastermind was a "she"?

Always has been.

( he starts, trying to calm himself down as he thinks on it. )

...During the first, second, and third killing game, it's always been her. Even after she died, she was still able to toy with my classmates, too.

( komaeda clears his throat as he thinks back through the black book, having met her in person, and everything else when it came to that female specifically. she's always been the mastermind that would bring despair, and if not, she would use her sister to play the role if no one else would. )

I've met her, I've seen her, and she's why the world suffers from despair — the one and only who caused such a disgusting tragedy. ( he grinds his teeth as he continue, thinking on the all the problems she's caused, and he scoffs right after that rolling his eyes hurts. his claws clink together in irritation, while the organic raises to rub at his forehead. ) I hate her. ( and yet, at one point, he loved her which makes his heart sink low to his stomach, that he feels the need to bite his tongue so that he doesn't throw up. )

Wait, hold on a minute. See, that's where I get lost...

( and he doesn't look too pleased about the fact, exhaling heavy through gritted teeth as he looks down at the floor, thinking hard to try to piece his scraps together. )

What "tragedy"? And who is "she"? And are you saying you know about the killing game that I was in before?

( the first, the second, the third killing games — it really is a pattern, and any one of them could have been the one that amami had found himself in before his memories were wiped. but it still... doesn't make sense. just how much did they forget? there was a tragedy, right? it puts a sense of deep unease in him, not to be familiar with his own history, not only on a personal level, but in not understanding the realities of the world around him either. but he takes a deep breath, looks up to meet komaeda's eyes. first things first: start with the beginning. what he assumes would be the beginning. )

... Hey, Komaeda-kun, does the term "Ultimate Hunt" ring a bell to you?

The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History, that tragedy.

( he emphasizes as if it's meant to ring bells, but amami should know this, it's basic knowledge of how the world turns back home — especially if he knows monokuma, especially if he joined in a killing game. it's common sense at this point, that's what people are afraid of, what makes despair the frightening knowing it could destroy the world like that in one fell swoop. )

...And no details of killing games, but you're my junior, aren't you, Amami-kun? I've only seen two, heard of three, but you don't seem like someone who could make it on the student council... so the first couldn't be yours.

( is he saying amami's not smart or amami's not that type of person? who knows, but komaeda's taking a deep breath to calm himself down while inside. it's starting to feel stuffy, he thinks. he pauses, brow raised at the question asked of him though — ultimate hunt? it doesn't ring any bells, even as he tries to figure out what that could be. )

...It doesn't. ( he lifts a hand to his chin, curling his fingers around as he ponders. )

The name suggests hunting Ultimates, but... hm... ( his voice lowers, mumbling to himself. ) A ragtag group like Ultimate Despair...?

So you don't recognize it either...

( damn. he'd been hoping that maybe, maybe he'd have possibly met someone with some answers. now that he's really thinking it over though, he's kicking himself at the same time. saihara, ouma — either of them probably could have told him what it was. they'd both survived longer than he had after all, would probably be able to share with ease what any of those missing memories the note claimed were. for now, all he can do is grimace and move forward with what he does have to work with. )

Thought it'd be your tragedy, since I've never heard of that either. Maybe they'd be connected somehow, yeah? But I guess that isn't the case.

( anyway, he'll let komaeda slide for that student council point, if only because amami does not attend enough class out here to be picked for something like that. )

Sorry, I'm getting kinda off-track here, huh. Point is that I'm pretty sure I didn't win the killing game the way you think I did. I wanted to win against the Mastermind, not my classmates, and I had to take a rematch because it ended in a draw.

( and he's going to keep telling himself and everybody else this until if and when it can be proven wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt. )

Your killing game could have went on during...

( the simulation? he was out of commission in the real world, but that's not a story he wants to tell so he waves it off. )

Monokuma is a close accomplice of mine when I was part of the game, and there's a way to get to the end without killing — avoiding every twist and turn, and by the end... perhaps someone killed themselves for your goal, especially if it was to make it end. A kind motive...

( but he failed it since he's here, and komaeda knows how the end of his killing game went, but enoshima never truly dies, he thinks. despite what monomi did to ensure that the mastermind couldn't thrive, what are the chances that something happened after he left? the time discrepancy is real, which, he clears his throat. )

A draw? Is that something your video said, I remember it from start to finish, but... ( he scoffs. ) Tell me the terms of the Mastermind's "Draw".

Edited (dog energy) 2021-11-23 23:31 (UTC)

An accomplice...

( he repeats the words slowly, a cautious look in his eyes as he searches komaeda's expression for an explanation, but... mm, well, it's something he can mark down to ask more into later. for now, he's more concerned with the fact that the apparent killing game expert of their school doesn't seem to recognize either of his. there's a grimace, and he supposes that it must have been after komaeda's. but then... wouldn't he have heard about those first, second, and third games?

difficult questions, and in the end there's one for him to answer as well. )

Easy, you make it down to the last two players. ( whether the mastermind is included in that number or not, he doesn't know. as far as he figures: )

If you catch every blackened and succeed in every trial, but you don't manage to identify the mastermind, the the game would end — but you wouldn't win. The win condition is that you have to get away with killing another player. There's nothing saying you'd be able to leave the grounds of the killing game at that point, and if you did want to get out, you would need to break the tie somehow. You would need a rematch.

( and his past self took that rematch, is what he's trying to argue. )

And these are terms crafted by the Mastermind themselves?

( rematch is quite the odd choice, especially for enoshima because that would be repetitive and boring, she would mix it up in any way that she could. he knows her enough, fell in love with her, at one point understood how her brain worked because even he wanted to make a newer version of her. silent, komaeda leans against the door, legs crossed as pale green eyes glance down towards the floor. perhaps he can calm down no matter how worrisome he's feeling with an ultimate so close in a locked space. )

...Amami-kun, the Mastermind has always shown herself, well, the one that I know — but she's the start of why the world is decaying, and why despair leaks into the soil. She died, and survived, despair having the ability to transcend death...I hate her... I hate her... I hate her... I hatehatehatehate her...

( he repeats, biting his tongue on the third by accident, and he flinches with blood pooling into his mouth — he swallows thickly, fingers clutching tight and his fist bangs against the door. he forgets how to breathe, so he gasps for air right after. he thinks about what did enoshima promise them, and he recalls a "repeat," where everyone stays on the island, accepting their losses, and no one would have to return to a world where they had destroyed it. the truth, a horrifying truth that they'd live, and everyone else puppets. )

Was a "rematch" on the Mastermind's terms, or a request you asked for by winning the game? Your video said you "asked" for this, so I wonder how many choices were placed before you?

No, they aren't.

( because the truth is, monokuma and the kubz only gave them the bare minimum to understand the situation they were in. just enough that it was clear they were to kill each other, but not enough that they could understand how to work the rules to their advantage. either way, it's stressing him out to think about. it's one thing that komaeda hates this mysterious "her" despite his own views on death and hope, but amami can only shake his head, at a loss. )

I'm filling in the blanks, because all I have to work off of is our rulebook. It seems reasonable though, don't you think?

( it feels like it would be. he's turned the theories, the potential scenarios over and over again in his mind, and this was the only one he could accept. )

All I'm saying is, if I won — if I got out of the game by killing somebody, then why do you think I would want to go back in again? And with the goal of ending the game, no less. It just doesn't make sense like that...

( not... to him. he doesn't want to be that kind of person, who would willingly choose to kill others when there was another way. )

Do you think the Mastermind keeps the rules the same every game?

( who's to know how they went, besides, komaeda has this budding irritation the more they stay on the topic of the mastermind — junko enoshima is a big deal only because of what she's capable of. one hand wraps around his own waist, closing his eyes to keep himself from causing a scene. it's suffocating being in here to talk about teh despair she caused, the control she has over the killing games, and he's surprised that he doesn't know. )

Amami-kun... do you know of the first killing game, who Ultimate Despair is, how that person is the Mastermind behind every killing game placed so far?

( then he'd know the types of games that she plays, that rules can be changed as time goes on, and so he shakes his head as he waits. it takes time to understand the mastermind's reasons for what she does when you don't know who she is, and it was quite odd he asked how did komaeda know that the mastermind was a "she", when...? )

I don't. I just...

( he doesn't know about the first game. he doesn't know about his own games. he doesn't know who "she" is. he doesn't even know who he is, for that matter, but... he was hoping he could at least try to believe in the person he was before all this, and that he wasn't the type to put blood on his hands for his own gain.

but clearly, komaeda doesn't have that faith in him.

which is fair, he guesses; he hasn't done anything to earn that, now has he? in fact, it's been quite the opposite. you kill once, of course others will assume you're the type who's okay with that. who would want to do that, even. )

I don't want you to look at me differently because of what you think I did.

( his gaze drops. he runs a hand through his hair. he breathes a long exhale, but plasters a half-hearted smile across his expression — something almost apologetic for asking so much in the first place as he offers a shrug. )

But it's fine. If that's the kind of person you think I am, there's probably not much I can do to convince you anyway.

...Why do you think that killing is horrible, Amami-kun?

( why does he find that horrible, if someone has to kill to spread hope, then it's fine. to make others around him stepping stones, that's just fine too, but komaeda hasn't seen a killing game where people could survive properly all together — his own class is different because it was done in a simulation, but those actions still effect them. )

If you killed, I'll still love you. If you didn't kill, I'll love you. I love your hope.

( he takes a step back, placing a hand on the other's chest right over his heart because it must be difficult to have a conversation like this with komaeda. ultimates don't have to prove anything, as long as their talent spreads hope to everyone, maybe... )

If others Ultimates died, their hope builds your hope. Being able to spread your talent to others while still alive, having the chance to encourage those that believe they're lost, and have no path in sight.

...If you did kill, you're wiping the efforts of the Ultimates that died one by one, than glorifying them for what they did accomplish. I don't want you to do that, their hope may have been weak, but their hope combined with yours regardless. ( he sighs, closing his eyes. ) That's why I like watching you, I've never felt despair off your person, and my senses have never been wrong. ( he's actually proud of the light that he can see, the aura that wafts off a person telling him if he should like or dislike them. ) It's about how your actions mold the future, I don't understand why you'd ask her for another game, but she'd play any game you offer her.

( he closes his eyes, dropping his hands down to his side as he takes a step back. )

If you had that perk, the others with you... are an entirely different set of students from your first game. You don't have the makings of a Mastermind, even when my heart was troubled, I hoped for the best.

Edited 2021-12-25 23:18 (UTC)

Because that's not the kind of person I want to be. The kind of person who can kill without batting an eye, or without caring about the hopes that those others had before they died— that they should have been able to reach with their own hands. It's...

( something he doesn't want to become. of course, if they did... if they did die, by his hand or anyone else's, he would want their hopes to continue — to be carried on by someone. if not him, anyone would do, as long as they were able to be remembered and valued. it's not because of the "worth" of that hope that he feels this way though, it's just... hard to know how else you can honour their memories. in a way, he thinks he understands what komaeda is trying to get at in that sense; by denying his responsibility for those lives, he's denying their memories value.

is it selfish of him not to want that responsibility?

... )

But I guess... at this point, anything is a step up from being suspected as the Mastermind.

Kiss of Life

V3 spoilers

everything after this is probably just V3 spoilers

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