yogen | npc contact.3

[ She really wants to punch him, just as much as she wants nothing to do with this, or wants to want nothing to do with this. It's easier when he's not looking at her, hander when he links their fingers; she doesn't squeeze his hand, but she doesn't pull away, either. ]

I still think it's a bad idea. [ because it is one. but- ] But if it's only for today, I'm okay with it.

[ If nothing else, she can trust herself to keep to the boundaries and time limit she's set. Besides, they'll have to go upstairs again eventually, and the persistent smell of blood is very sobering and will remind them of their reality whether they like it or not. ]

( me: why would she want to punch him
natsume: i wrote it to embarrass you
me: oh yeah )

I'll try not to be such a wonderful love interest that you can't ever conceive of life without ME.

( He's joking. Like, he's serious, but also the wording, the words, it's— anyway, he'll pull her to skating proper, nice and slow. We'll take it easy. )

...Thank you for the gift, TOO. I have one for you and Hiro-kun each back at SCHOOL, so don't let me forget to give you them before you leave toDAY. ( He should've just given it when he saw Hiro earlier but no. Don't let me forget to post crimmus gifts for your NPCs too, I'll just backdate it to the 23rd/24th. ) Do you like red bean PASTE?

You don't have to try that hard.

[ He'd have to try harder to do the opposite, and also because the only time I've ever skated holding hands with someone it was with my brother and I tripped and pulled him down while rightening myself up again so I was fine and he faceplanted and refused to do that with me ever again. I'd like to imagine this is what's going through Maya's mind right now, Maya's the big brother. ]

I told Hiro to go home and not wait for me after school, so I can take his. Red bean paste is fine. Why?

No real reaSON.

( good to know though. )

...You know, ( he says after a moment, lips twitching, ) you wouldn't be so adamant about how bad an idea this is if you weren't worried about falling for ME.

I'm not and I won't.

[ He makes it very easy to not do that every time he opens his mouth, that's the only bright side to this ]

It would be a bad idea whether or not I liked you, so it amounts to the same in the end.

[ Like, if she didn't, it's not going to happen. And if she did, it can't happen. There was only ever one option. ]

( He's not straightforward with his feelings and she gets on him, he IS straightforward and she gets on him, he can't win. )

Whatever makes this easier for YOU. ( Sincerely. ) Why are you even entertaining this THOUGH?

( ...A genuine question, that's been on his mind. If she doesn't like him (doesn't hate him, but doesn't like him), why bother doing any of this with him. Dates and skating and fulfilling impossible wishes and not-confessions. )

[ Yeah, why? She can't answer that any more than she can answer why they started going on not-dates in the first place. But she remembers that first not-date, and what Natsume said to her then. ]

Because magicians aren't the only ones who want to make people happy. You wanted to confess to me on Christmas Eve. [ ... ] I'm still going to turn you down, though.

[ just for the record ]

( ... )

It'd make me happier if you didN'T.

( HE CAN'T NOT TRY. )

[ HE CAN IF HE PUTS HIS MIND TO IT ]

Happy is happy. Take what you can get, Sakasaki.

[ hhh she's going to start tugging him forward, let her be the one to lead their way around the rink ]

( HE WOULDN'T BE HIM IF HE DIDN'T TRY THOUGH. IT'S VERY HIM.

but he chuckles because he hadn't expected anything different, honestly. )

Pretend you have someone you LIKE. When would you like them to confess to YOU?

( like we're scheduling this activity into the very busy schedule of (checks notes) this one go at skating )

Right now.

[ Tell her immediately. She has no patience for people dragging things out.

Also yeah their date ends the moment they finish this one loop and make it back to the gate, this is why she's leading. ]

( Hm.

Alright then-- )

《I love you.》

[ STOP

she's not even going to take them around the perimeter, they're making a beeline straight for the exit ]

Your first attempt was better.

( NO STOP he's letting go of her hand so he can skate in front of her, arms spread out )

I wasn't finISHED, Little Wolf. ( ♪ ) But what's wrong with this atTEMPT? I thought you liked it when I was straightforWARD.

[ He'd better be REALLY good at that skating backwards thing because she's not stopping ]

It's because you have a smug grin on your face this time and it kind of pisses me off.

[ He was rightfully embarrassed last time, that's how it's supposed to be, not smiling that borders upon teasing that borders upon not being serious even if said in a straightforward manner. ]

( what is she gonna do, crash into him? he'll catch her. )

Oh, do I? I didn't reaLIZE. ( hmmm~ ) Maybe I'm just happy that I can say IT.

( he is

actually

extremely embarrassed but if he keeps acting like this then he can pretend he isn't. )

Can I contiNUE?

[ She makes a mental note to start carrying a pocket knife around from now on. ]

How is there more? ...just get it over with.

[ put them both out of their misery ]

( Stop, you can't just stab everyone that's embarrassing.

...but actually

he slows to a stop, catching himself on the rink's wall as he reaches the edge. How is there more... How isn't there more? Natsume wets his lips and forces his shoulders to relax, though his grip is tight on the rink's wall. There's something he has to do first, and he raises his hand up.

God, but he is drained from the magic he's been using all month—he lets himself use the wall as a support as he conjures a night sky above them, darkness blotting out the mall's lights, the sunlight, just a little galaxy that encapsulates the skating rink. They're awash in a pale blue glow, just like they had been that night in the virtual world, but there are no shooting stars this time. Just the lights that go in and out above them in a mimicry of stars, too dim at some points and too bright at others and at all times seeming as if they're above to implode.

Natsume breathes out slowly, ignoring his limits, and speaks softly to keep his voice from shaking. )

Maya Arisu. ( The way he speaks her name is gentle, as if it's something important—as if she is. And she is, to him. He's said as much before, to someone else, as embarrassing as it had been to admit. ) I've been fascinated by you from the moment we MET. An equation I couldn't SOLVE... A predictable puzZLE, with the most absurdly shaped pieCES. Every time I think I have something figured OUT, you throw me for a LOOP.

Though, ( he laughs a little, breathless, ) admittedLY, I feel like I've experienced that less and less over the MONTHS.

( Breathe in. Breathe out. The stars droop just a little, but they don't fall, and he puts his free hand over his heart. )

...You're a hardworking, unromantic, extremely practical, and boring GIRL. You like green tea without anything added to IT, you need silence when you work or you can't concenTRATE, you prefer to undress the cutest of lunches down to their basic compoNENTS... You don't waste your time with "what ifs" or anything like THAT, and if you want someTHING, you simply work towards IT. Even the impossible doesn't seem to far out of your reach like THAT. ( ... ) You're not that bad of a magician yourSELF.

( Magicians make miracles occur, after all. )

But that hardworking, unromantic, extremely practical, boring attitude of yours is what I LIKE. It makes the look you wear all the sweeter when I manage to coax it OUT. ( Her blush. The way she won't look at him, how much easier to breathe it gets when she doesn't. ) I'm sure being loved is a burden for YOU, but you once told me only to apologize for the things I reGRET.

( Okay— okay— just a little longer. )

I don't regret the way I feel about YOU. Against my better judgMENT, I doN'T.

( ...

He should, though. He knows that. He should regret that, and telling her, and becoming comfortable with being here like he'd scorned other people for being. Comfortable enough to acknowledge how he feels and to act on it, to confide in people here and there about it, to write a stupid wish.

A few stars on the other side of the rink flicker out like rickety streetlamps on a deserted street. Natsume watches her, a little pale—or maybe that's just the lighting. )

...Even if we met in another TIME, another LIFE, another WORLD, ( he continues, careful not to let his voice waver, ) I think I'd still fall for YOU.

( ...

He closes his eyes, okay, better. The room had started to get a little dizzying, and he doesn't want to actually fall because of her. That'd be... very uncool. )

That's ALL.

( confession done. )

Edited 2021-12-25 14:46 (UTC)

[ What is she supposed to say to any of thiiiiiiiiiiiiiss

"that's all" she should have said no, he can't continue, and then maybe her face wouldn't be so red and hot and her brain wouldn't be short circuiting and she wouldn't— and this is what she does, this is the only proper reaction to being told all of this— have to stomp down hard on Natsume's feet with her knife skates. ]

( MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM the stars collapse around them, singing resplendently as they supernova one after the other. It was already hard to keep the night sky up but with the pain on his foot it's next-to-impossible, and the darkness gives way like silently shattering glass to the mall's bright lights again.

His eyes are squeezed shut too, teeth grit to only let out a long hiss of pain. At least it isn't like she's stepping (stomping) on bare feet, which would definitely be worse, but it isn't nice feeling either. He's going to have bruises, at best. Maybe something broken a little at worse. That's fine, he'll just heal it, shouldn't be too bad, it wasn't that bad to do Subaru— )

I love YOU, ( he breathes out when he pulls her closer, so she can hear him despite the ringing tones of the stars, ) but please reject me properLY, Maya.

( Like she said she would, even if it'd make him happier if she didn't.

...

But his knees give out despite his best efforts and he'll let go of her to land hard on his ass on the tile outside of the rink, one more bruise for him and his transgressions. Maybe he'll just lay here for a little while. He's starting to get a headache from the stars anyway, echoing in the emptiness of the mall even as the noise winds down. )

[ She nearly falls into him when he says the L word, and she's glad she doesn't embarrass herself by doing that, and she's glad that he had the presence of mind to let go before his legs give

his throat is right there

dull blades still hurt, she could end it

but instead, she moves beside him and carefully crouches down so that she's hugging her knees and looking down at him. ]

You're impossible.

[ Impossible things are the only things worth wishing for. ]

You make me wish we met in another time, another life, another world.

[ Which would be impossible. ]

So tell me this again when we make that happen.

[ Try again in about a year and a half's time after they've both graduated and learn what's all out there after leaving this time, this life, this world. ]

( ...He's not so into the idea of love that such an admission makes him think that ah, he could die right now and be happy with that, but there's something tight in his chest. He peeks open his eyes and squints at her, even if only one can see her.

When, huh. )

...I'm not going TO, but only because I'll find some other way to put IT. I'm not fond of repeat performanCES.

( He'll confess, still, if his word holds true, and he loves her again. It'll just be different.

Natsume watches her a moment, then closes his eyes again. She's really so... Ahh, he really used the L word again. It comes easier after the first time; now it's the only one he wants to use with her.

Maybe it isn't too late to ask for de )

Do you like me back THEN, or will I have to wait until our next life to hear you say SO?

You have to wait until our next life.

[ She is NOT saying it. There's no point in saying something he already knows, just to hear her say it. It'd be like telling him the sky is blue, or water is wet. ]

( But he wants to hear her say it--

ah. )

I might be blind THEN, and I want to see your face when you say IT. Pretty PLEASE?

( He's not above this. )

[ Fishing for sympathy when it's his own damn fault he's going to be blind ]

I'd have to leave you behind and never see your face again.

[ She wouldn't be able to face him again, she'll have to kill him ]

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