[ Sacrifice cards, final main games, Gin, Keiji, Sou, Herself. At first it doesn't make sense, some inane tangent of Shin's but then it all clicks into place like a slow draw of ice down her spine.
He thinks this how she died. One final betrayal, her against Gin and Keiji, Sou against her. He's spelling it out like an accusation...like thats her true nature, to kill and betray. So every kind word was a lie? All those times he told her not to believe things like that. After everything she tried to do, he's smugly telling her that he'd happily kill her. Maybe he'll try again, the second he leaves.
You can know you're nothing good. You can even know, that there are probably lows you'd sink to that you don't want to consider. You can know...deep down...that other people are probably the same. That you're no good but other people might be worse, or the same, or only a little better. You can know that, but Sara can't believe it for a second. It's all so horribly wrong.
Sara was closer to the edge of the roof then Sou, so in retrieving his beanie, he has to walk past her. As he does, the motions come smooth and unbidden. ]
Shin Tsukimi!!!! [ It's easy, a hand connects with wool, her feet shift in the snow and she dragging him back with enough force to send him flying back into the snow. Her hands go with him, sinking down in expensive fabric, holding something fragile and beating. She's been on the other side of this, she knows where to put her thumbs, how to press. She's red faced and furious, staring down at Shin with a dark rimmed gaze. ]
You'd think I'd kill Keiji? [ He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything at all. She nearly killed Gin for him, signed her own life away, killed Ranmaru. He didn't know, he didn't get it. Keiji, Gin, the only people she had left. If anything happened to them, Sara wouldn't have anything left. So she'd kill them then, just like that? Is that what he thinks? Is that what he thinks? After all she tried to do? ] I'd betray Gin? I'd trust you? Take it back you...you asshole! You don't get to walk away like this!
[ She sniffles, vision blurring so much she can barely see Shin beneath her. Her grip is as tight as ever. ] You don't know a thing about me. I tried my best. Why do you get to lie to me, Shin? Why is it okay if you kill me?
[He's not expecting it at all; just like before and way back when he's brought the knife of words to the gunfight of physical violence. It's all so sudden, blindsided, finding himself flying and impacting on cold with a jar of teeth, dizzy, barely any time to process what just happened and try to move before she's on him.]
Urghk! Gah!
[His heart is a rabbit's beat, trying to push her off. Why is this familiar? Thought isn't seeping in; it's pure animal instinct that has him clawing at his neck, her hands, knees drawn up as he strains for the slightest millimeter of air. There's talking, shouting but it's increasingly underwater, fuzzy, at a remove, distilled down to 'at him'. The figure over him is a blurry shadow stark against the bright snow and bright sky.]
It... hurts... Hiyori!
[Involuntary tears are beading up in his eyes. He's going to die here, this thing around his neck's going to kill him and choke him. One hand's grabbing at her wrist feebly, the other is still clawing at her, short ragged fingernails.
There's a small squeak, a strained bit of noise that might be 'please'. Or maybe 'sorry'.]
Even now, I still call you 'Sou'. That's another lie, isn't it? Just like mine, but I wanted to accept your lies too.
[ It's muttered nonsense. Sara can't even tell what she's saying any more. Everything spiraled out of her control. She tried to be mature and confess, but instead she's found herself back here again. No matter how hard she tries...
Ow, there's a twinge at her hand as something digs in. Sara blinks, a few tears dripping down off her face and onto...
Hiyori? Haha...wait...just hold on a second. ]
I-I'm not!!! [ For a second her nails dig in, a panicked spark of energy before she catches herself in a full body freeze. She jerks away from Sou like touching a hot iron, her hands held away like suddenly they might hurt her ]
I'm...I'm not. Just shut up! You wanted me to do this, you...I wouldn't do it. I'm not that awful. I wouldn't kill them. Please stop saying such awful things? I just wanted to tell you, so you'd know.
[The moments the pressure's gone he's drawing in a massive, wheezing, rasping, painful breath, head tipping back and back arching and hands hanging where they were, frozen and curled. There's a few more of these gasps before he rolls over onto shaking hands and forearms, hacking and coughing and spitting into the snow, his tears mixing with hers and falling off his face, one hand pulling and tugging and pawing at his scarf as his other palm presses down onto the roof, shaking.
His eyes flick to her. There's white all the way around the irises. The hand slowly comes down as he equally slowly pushes himself up to his feet, half-crouched, his heaving breathing still with a horrible whistling raw sound to it and gaze fixed on her like a lodestone.]
You- Aha-
[The words are raspy and break off into more coughing, shaking his frame. You've done it, Sara. He's shut up. He's stopped saying awful things. One hand shakingly goes to his neck, scrapes against the exposed skin there without his apparent input or acknowledgement, going over the bump of the scarred ring across it. It's going to bruise.
She's between him and the stairwell. Every angle and line of his body is that of something small and fluffy in the same room as a wolf; tense and pinned in place, the other hand tremoring in his jacket pocket where the knife is, more comfort than weapon. His gaze darts off her to the roof's edges, assessing - there's bushes, if he goes window by window, but it's cold and icy and he's never tried it from this high - and snaps back onto her like every second it's not trained on her is a danger.]
[ Sitting back on her heels feels like the only safe option. Her hands..she doesn't know what to do with. Meeting Shin's eyes feels impossible, but Sara can't look away. ]
Are you listening now? That's not what happened. You wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. We're going to escape...I'm going to escape. Gin and Keiji are fine.
[ She's sorry, she didn't know what came over her, she picked up to much from the wrong people. She tried so hard to be better, but in the end all it took was a little push. She wants to say it, but suddenly Sara just feels so tired looking at Shin. ]
Do you want the room? I...I'll just go...but I mean, I was going to ask before I left but you had to say that and now I don't know what you want me to do.
[Hiyori's not here, right. Just Sara, and himself, and the name in his mouth. He swallows thick tar. His throat feels like, well, it's closing up still, and also on fire. He's listening... Not like he has a choice. Maybe he shouldn't say that one out loud. He can take a hint from the universe, about antagonizing the person who can strangle you. The 'wouldn't you?' stays trapped behind his teeth.]
Aha... ahaha....
[It hurts to laugh, but... it's just so funny, even though nothing about this is funny at all.]
I'd... been... thinking... the same... thing.
[Just waiting for her to say it, that since she had her best friend now, he'd be moving in, and Shin was going to reveal he'd seen that coming and already had a room picked out... it never happened but it was always in the back of his brain, just in case, even as the occupancies shifted like tectonic plates, requiring new calculations of trust.
What does he want her to do? He doesn't even know, everything's just too much right now, adrenalin still speeding heart and ragged breath. No, he does know what he wants, what every nerve and desperate clanging copper wire of survival instinct is beaming to the back of his brain.]
Stay... away... from... me.
[He's stumbling around her, giving her a large circular berth and not turning his back to her... not until he's past the parallel of her, whereon he takes off running, lungs screaming under freezing air. There's the bang of the stairwell door, bouncing back ajar, and his scarf come loose and fallen, lying like a ribbon of blood on the snow.]
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He thinks this how she died. One final betrayal, her against Gin and Keiji, Sou against her. He's spelling it out like an accusation...like thats her true nature, to kill and betray. So every kind word was a lie? All those times he told her not to believe things like that. After everything she tried to do, he's smugly telling her that he'd happily kill her. Maybe he'll try again, the second he leaves.
You can know you're nothing good. You can even know, that there are probably lows you'd sink to that you don't want to consider. You can know...deep down...that other people are probably the same. That you're no good but other people might be worse, or the same, or only a little better. You can know that, but Sara can't believe it for a second. It's all so horribly wrong.
Sara was closer to the edge of the roof then Sou, so in retrieving his beanie, he has to walk past her. As he does, the motions come smooth and unbidden. ]
Shin Tsukimi!!!! [ It's easy, a hand connects with wool, her feet shift in the snow and she dragging him back with enough force to send him flying back into the snow. Her hands go with him, sinking down in expensive fabric, holding something fragile and beating. She's been on the other side of this, she knows where to put her thumbs, how to press. She's red faced and furious, staring down at Shin with a dark rimmed gaze. ]
You'd think I'd kill Keiji? [ He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything at all. She nearly killed Gin for him, signed her own life away, killed Ranmaru. He didn't know, he didn't get it. Keiji, Gin, the only people she had left. If anything happened to them, Sara wouldn't have anything left. So she'd kill them then, just like that? Is that what he thinks? Is that what he thinks? After all she tried to do? ] I'd betray Gin? I'd trust you? Take it back you...you asshole! You don't get to walk away like this!
[ She sniffles, vision blurring so much she can barely see Shin beneath her. Her grip is as tight as ever. ] You don't know a thing about me. I tried my best. Why do you get to lie to me, Shin? Why is it okay if you kill me?
no subject
[He's not expecting it at all; just like before and way back when he's brought the knife of words to the gunfight of physical violence. It's all so sudden, blindsided, finding himself flying and impacting on cold with a jar of teeth, dizzy, barely any time to process what just happened and try to move before she's on him.]
Urghk! Gah!
[His heart is a rabbit's beat, trying to push her off. Why is this familiar? Thought isn't seeping in; it's pure animal instinct that has him clawing at his neck, her hands, knees drawn up as he strains for the slightest millimeter of air. There's talking, shouting but it's increasingly underwater, fuzzy, at a remove, distilled down to 'at him'. The figure over him is a blurry shadow stark against the bright snow and bright sky.]
It... hurts... Hiyori!
[Involuntary tears are beading up in his eyes. He's going to die here, this thing around his neck's going to kill him and choke him. One hand's grabbing at her wrist feebly, the other is still clawing at her, short ragged fingernails.
There's a small squeak, a strained bit of noise that might be 'please'. Or maybe 'sorry'.]
no subject
[ It's muttered nonsense. Sara can't even tell what she's saying any more. Everything spiraled out of her control. She tried to be mature and confess, but instead she's found herself back here again. No matter how hard she tries...
Ow, there's a twinge at her hand as something digs in. Sara blinks, a few tears dripping down off her face and onto...
Hiyori? Haha...wait...just hold on a second. ]
I-I'm not!!! [ For a second her nails dig in, a panicked spark of energy before she catches herself in a full body freeze. She jerks away from Sou like touching a hot iron, her hands held away like suddenly they might hurt her ]
I'm...I'm not. Just shut up! You wanted me to do this, you...I wouldn't do it. I'm not that awful. I wouldn't kill them. Please stop saying such awful things? I just wanted to tell you, so you'd know.
no subject
His eyes flick to her. There's white all the way around the irises. The hand slowly comes down as he equally slowly pushes himself up to his feet, half-crouched, his heaving breathing still with a horrible whistling raw sound to it and gaze fixed on her like a lodestone.]
You- Aha-
[The words are raspy and break off into more coughing, shaking his frame. You've done it, Sara. He's shut up. He's stopped saying awful things. One hand shakingly goes to his neck, scrapes against the exposed skin there without his apparent input or acknowledgement, going over the bump of the scarred ring across it. It's going to bruise.
She's between him and the stairwell. Every angle and line of his body is that of something small and fluffy in the same room as a wolf; tense and pinned in place, the other hand tremoring in his jacket pocket where the knife is, more comfort than weapon. His gaze darts off her to the roof's edges, assessing - there's bushes, if he goes window by window, but it's cold and icy and he's never tried it from this high - and snaps back onto her like every second it's not trained on her is a danger.]
no subject
[ Sitting back on her heels feels like the only safe option. Her hands..she doesn't know what to do with. Meeting Shin's eyes feels impossible, but Sara can't look away. ]
Are you listening now? That's not what happened. You wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. We're going to escape...I'm going to escape. Gin and Keiji are fine.
[ She's sorry, she didn't know what came over her, she picked up to much from the wrong people. She tried so hard to be better, but in the end all it took was a little push. She wants to say it, but suddenly Sara just feels so tired looking at Shin. ]
Do you want the room? I...I'll just go...but I mean, I was going to ask before I left but you had to say that and now I don't know what you want me to do.
no subject
Aha... ahaha....
[It hurts to laugh, but... it's just so funny, even though nothing about this is funny at all.]
I'd... been... thinking... the same... thing.
[Just waiting for her to say it, that since she had her best friend now, he'd be moving in, and Shin was going to reveal he'd seen that coming and already had a room picked out... it never happened but it was always in the back of his brain, just in case, even as the occupancies shifted like tectonic plates, requiring new calculations of trust.
What does he want her to do? He doesn't even know, everything's just too much right now, adrenalin still speeding heart and ragged breath. No, he does know what he wants, what every nerve and desperate clanging copper wire of survival instinct is beaming to the back of his brain.]
Stay... away... from... me.
[He's stumbling around her, giving her a large circular berth and not turning his back to her... not until he's past the parallel of her, whereon he takes off running, lungs screaming under freezing air. There's the bang of the stairwell door, bouncing back ajar, and his scarf come loose and fallen, lying like a ribbon of blood on the snow.]