[ It's a lot to process, but Ranger finds that it's simple so long as he starts from the top. It wouldn't be possible for Shin to know, but for Ranger, there was only one possible way that Sara could have even known about it, much less gotten their hands on it. There was only one person who would have known what it meant, where it was, and how to properly remove it without causing any damage.
Why is a harder question for him to answer. She should have known it was a hopeless cause. Was it to alleviate her own guilt? Was it out of some twisted kindness, or did she just want to see what would happen? But it couldn't be, right? To betray ASUNARO for a stupid reason like that... It couldn't be that she betrayed him for them, right...? He had held onto hope that he wasn't repaired because it was out of her hands, but maybe...
...
It doesn't matter. The rest is simpler to process, at least. They had utilized their resources, but not in just the right way, and come up empty. Gashu had broken one of the game's rules and died for it. Ranger already knew of his dedication to the game, so much so that he would do anything to see it succeed, and yet it doesn't make it sting any less to hear of how much more he loved the participants than he ever did his own creation. It doesn't make his death hurt any less when - despite everything - he still wanted to see them safe.
So then, after all of that, they were down two Floormasters, one attempt plan, and cards flipped around via their trading game until Nao had the Sacrifice and Keiji had the Keymaster card. That's simple enough, and then there were two. She voted for the wrong person in her world... For him to say different universes, did that mean it was only from her perspective?
It's a struggle, and he has to chew on the idea of it being a reality for a good 30 seconds. It's as though each simulation were its own little world, with red and blue existing parallel to each other. Red and blue, and for the person inside of the room there was only one right choice.
Ranger can't imagine being willing to sacrifice himself for another person. ]
And as far as you knew before then, she had made a different choice?
[ Six months... That's a long time to go on believing if so. ]
... Ahaha, it's so funny that it makes me want to throw up.
[ The words come out heavy and bitter, and the more he thinks about it the sicker he feels. Six months, three years, is there really that much of a difference between the two? ]
[Anything that can get someone to just... throw away their life is incomprehensible and terrifying, to Shin. The idea of Kanna being voted for and dying... was incomprehensible and terrifying.]
It's not like I knew it was possible at the start. Ahaha, she was ever so careful to never outright lie, too... like that even matters.
[It's a tactic he knows well: Huh? I never said anything like that, Shin. It's rude to just assume things, you know. Why did he fall for it again?]
'Nothing happened to Kanna'... [His voice twists into exaggerated mimicry, and he has to cough again.] Of course it didn't.
[It's a shared heavy bitterness, acrid like tar on the tongue, in the air between them like miasma. And yet something in him unclenches, just a little, in strange relief, the way something long dried and desiccated uncurls when a drop of water lands on it, or a muscle you didn't realize was cramped unlocks. Ranger gets it; more than gets it, feels the same way, and Shin can have a few guesses as to why. Shin shies away from trusting the feeling, but that doesn't mean it doesn't linger.
...Can Ranger even throw up? Well, if he can eat, maybe. Shin laces fingers in his hair, beanieless, snarled in the strands.]
...you get it, then. Why I may not have been exactly calm at the time... but this was more than disproportionate. She just attacked me...
[From the local tit-for-tat expert. It had just come out of nowhere... once second cutting the conversation to a close, the next being flung into the snow, like he'd just lost cutscene protection.]
[ He does get it. What would he do if Safalin were to show up now? He's been asked that before, but he's yet to find an answer. What could he do with these that paralyzing cocktail of bitter betrayal and unshakable affection?
It seems strange to say that nothing happened, and Ranger does wonder if there was more context to it. It was always easier to direct, mislead, and avoid than to outright lie and have it come back later. ]
Yeah, I get it. I dunno that I'd say any of the executions were nothing.
[ Safalin was cruel, and so she had probably pretended it to be a painless affair. Kanna had no doubt bloomed beautifully. It was hardly nothing. He moves on from that though, ]
I'm sure things ramped up pretty quickly after that, right? You lashed out at her because of what happened, she snapped back, and then one way or another, she decided to be the one to take it a step too far.
[ There's only one things can go, after all, and breaking someone's nose was a fair bit different than trying to strange them. Ranger doesn't pry for the details, since they don't seem to matter, instead blowing out a sigh. ]
Well, you're right. No matter how you look at it, that's going too far... Did she stop? [ A beat. ] ... Or did you stop her?
[ There's a little hesitation to the second question, as though he already knows which it's more likely to be. Then again, maybe he just doesn't want to think about that being the case. ]
[That same morbid scab-picking curiosity. Feeling bad, so you're itching to make yourself feel worse. Just how did Kanna die? What unforgivably cruel thing did they create just for her?]
Nothing happened to her after that, though, for sure...
[A small clarification, since he'd been asking about the fourth and fifth floors at the time. No need to ask about anything before that, right? He'd been worried since Midori was the floormaster... turns out he needn't have been at all, for the world's worst possible reason.]
Ahaha, 'quickly's an understatement... She just went right for the throat. [So to speak. There wasn't the back and forth implied here so much as... forth.] Didn't even hesitate!
...
[He doesn't want to talk about this. He definitely doesn't want to talk about it to Ranger, even in and maybe because of all his agreement of Shin's feelings, or anyone, doesn't even want to think about it.]
Well, obviously she stopped. I'm still here, aren't I? Guess she'd had her fun... or maybe she just didn't care to check.
[If this were a video game, or something, that'd be Ranger's audial cue there's more thread than that to pull here. Getting the truth out of Shin really does require a prybar sometimes.]
[ He might have told Shin before. There's a part of him that's tempted to tell him now, if only for the sake of full transparency, but the words catch in his throat and something tugs at the back of his mind and warns him not to. ]
It wouldn't change anything.
[ It's not like the details of his own death. The executions for the participants were all custom tailored for them, but none of them were anything more than an exciting little spectacle for all involved to watch.
He frowns a little. Didn't even hesitate, huh? That's concerning. He is here, so he suppose she must have stopped, but something about the way Shin says it makes him hesitant to drop the issue. If it were just something minute he might be able to, but... It says a lot about her current state if she was sensible enough to stop on her own. ]
Yep, and it's a good thing that you are.
[ He taps his knee. His next words come out a little more cautiously, ]
Well, that kid's not the type to do anything halfway for the sake of it, so I can't imagine she just got it out of her system... So then she did realize that she was acting like an idiot?
[She'd still be dead, cheap, gruesome performance aside. It's bad enough just knowing they would have rubbed salt in the wound, just because they could, all for the sake of this 'ritual', as Sara had put it... He can't do anything about it, and that aches.]
Ahahaha... you really have changed, huh?
[A bitter, strained, laugh. Good thing that he is... why do people keep thinking that, not wanting him to die? He doesn't want to die himself, but that's natural, right? Even Midori didn't want to die. Even Gashu and Kai... or they wouldn't have tried so hard beforehand, sweat beading on their faces. But other people... he doesn't get it. Even now. The only option is he's hidden those parts of himself he hates too well, enough that people forgive him when they step on the trap underneath the leaves. That he's advanced that much in that skill... or maybe they just pity him.
...it makes more sense if it's just practical, especially coming from Ranger. Even with the ability to feel compassion... if Shin died his options for someone who understands his code get limited. Or so Shin would like to think, especially in this moment of grasping onto something else.]
...
...
An idiot... Doubt it, she never does. [Ranger's right, she just barrels ahead straight through things.] She just dropped me like a hot coal, who knows what she was thinking? Surely it can't be... that I thought she was Midori.
[Almost said the name there, caught it in time. Would Ranger even know the nickname? He's not really thinking about that right now. He hates this, that returning to that state of mind, that hollow in his brain still there, paved over instead of filled in like as thought.]
Lack of air really does strange things to you, doesn't it? Well, I guess you wouldn't know... doubt you've experienced any equivalent either. Maybe that logic error came close, ahaha.
[I've seen it described by a Jenna Moran as like this, and Shin would probably think of it this way as well; it's like being under a DDOS, more and more of your brain and your thoughts and your self being spammed with, replaced with, overloaded by, requests for air, desire for air, even plans to get air start falling away to be replaced with nothing but NEED AIR. You get very stupid, very quick... he'd like to chalk it up to that.]
[ Has he changed? He supposes that he must have. If he compares his behavior from before to that of now, there's clear differences. There are things that have changed but even more that has stayed the same. It was being completed, but even before that it was simply the nature of an AI to adapt to their surroundings. People were much in the same way, and when he looks at it he sees how much those around him have changed.
It takes him a few moments, but he manages to figure out who Shin is referring to. There's only so many people that both Shin and Sara know and even fewer that would warrant such mention and reaction... So that was how it went. It's disappointing, but not in the least bit surprising. Nor does he understand what a lack of air might be like though heknows the science behind it, and he likewise suspects that it would be closer to a DDOS or perhaps a virus than even his logic error, which was closer to a repetitive loop or an unsolvable problem. ]
Nope, but I can take a guess at how fun it is... Ahaha, that really does sound like the kind of thing he would do during his tantrums... Tch, well, it's better than nothing.
[ If a person decided they wanted to be like Hiyori Midori and could manage it, then there's no real issue with that. He was a brilliant man who could get what he wanted, but there were consequences for such a decision. It meant giving up much of what made a person a human being, and it meant being willing to do anything at all. That isn't the kind of person either of them aspire to be, Ranger things, not in any real capacity. ]
Did she just run away with her tail between her legs after that?
[Later he'll wonder if Sara had told Ranger previously. Now, though...]
He never did like it when things didn't go his way... [He'd do that thing where he'd pretend it didn't bother him, chirpy and chipper as ever, but Shin'd still Know, because Midori would make sure he'd know... He feels sick just thinking about it again, panting, that panting making his throat hurt, making it worse, dragging his hands in the blanket tight enough his fingers shake, trying for air. This was a bad idea...] Just.... one big... ball of desires.
[Like a five year old. Feels like he shouldn't be thinking that the moment he does but, no, he will. Shin looked up to him for so long, but he really was one under all that, wasn't he? One that could do all sorts of things to people to get what he wanted.
So maybe, in that way, he and Sara aren't that different, planning or no planning.]
Better than nothing.
[It's a flat rasp. Numb. How many times, and Shin just doesn't remember? When did he start wearing scarves?]
Ahaha, you think I stuck around to check?
[Maybe it would have been better if she'd ran... but probably not. He'd been the one with tail tucked away, to so put it.
She'd still been talking, rambling. Shin hadn't been inclined to listen to much more of it.]
[ Midori was that kind of person. He was there without ever being there. The type of person who would act cloyingly sweet, bouncy and energetic and friendly, while taking it out on whoever he could when things didn't go his way. It was like he was nothing and everything all at once.
No sense in lingering on him though. For better or worse (and Ranger does find it to be a mix, as he was undeniably sharp, talented, and motivated in a way few are,) he wasn't here. If they were lucky, it would stay that way. If Ranger was especially lucky, none of them would show up. ]
Nah, I figured it was just a matter of who went first.
[ More specifically, it was a matter of whether or not Shin could go. That answers the question of how long he was out there at least. ]
So, lemme see if I got it straight. You're not the Shin that she knows, she's not the Sara that you know, and the vote changes depending on who you're looking at.
[ It seems safe to assume that Shin was voted for on his side of events, and Kanna was voted for in Sara's version of events. It's a bit difficult to grasp, but he's already been slowly coming to terms with the idea that none of them are truly from the same place. It sounded more like they were copies of each other, and if he thinks of them as akin to simulations, that means these variables are normal. Komaeda had mentioned something about it before. ]
Fast forward six months, and you two finally get it sorted out, and it damn well shouldn't have taken that long for it to happen. I'm gonna guess it just take a guess and say it was conveniently sidestepped for all that time, and by time it comes up it's a big deal and the whole conversation implodes.
[ He pauses there, taking in a breath despite not needing to, more to let what's been said up until this point register than anything. ]
So she goes for the throat, you mistake her from Midori, she finally gets knocked to her senses, and here we are. Nobody died, but it sure as Hell shouldn't have gotten to this point.
[ He waits a beat once more. There's a few blanks in the middle, but Ranger thinks that should about cover it. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Why is a harder question for him to answer. She should have known it was a hopeless cause. Was it to alleviate her own guilt? Was it out of some twisted kindness, or did she just want to see what would happen? But it couldn't be, right? To betray ASUNARO for a stupid reason like that... It couldn't be that she betrayed him for them, right...? He had held onto hope that he wasn't repaired because it was out of her hands, but maybe...
...
It doesn't matter. The rest is simpler to process, at least. They had utilized their resources, but not in just the right way, and come up empty. Gashu had broken one of the game's rules and died for it. Ranger already knew of his dedication to the game, so much so that he would do anything to see it succeed, and yet it doesn't make it sting any less to hear of how much more he loved the participants than he ever did his own creation. It doesn't make his death hurt any less when - despite everything - he still wanted to see them safe.
So then, after all of that, they were down two Floormasters, one attempt plan, and cards flipped around via their trading game until Nao had the Sacrifice and Keiji had the Keymaster card. That's simple enough, and then there were two. She voted for the wrong person in her world... For him to say different universes, did that mean it was only from her perspective?
It's a struggle, and he has to chew on the idea of it being a reality for a good 30 seconds. It's as though each simulation were its own little world, with red and blue existing parallel to each other. Red and blue, and for the person inside of the room there was only one right choice.
Ranger can't imagine being willing to sacrifice himself for another person. ]
And as far as you knew before then, she had made a different choice?
[ Six months... That's a long time to go on believing if so. ]
... Ahaha, it's so funny that it makes me want to throw up.
[ The words come out heavy and bitter, and the more he thinks about it the sicker he feels. Six months, three years, is there really that much of a difference between the two? ]
no subject
It's not like I knew it was possible at the start. Ahaha, she was ever so careful to never outright lie, too... like that even matters.
[It's a tactic he knows well: Huh? I never said anything like that, Shin. It's rude to just assume things, you know. Why did he fall for it again?]
'Nothing happened to Kanna'... [His voice twists into exaggerated mimicry, and he has to cough again.] Of course it didn't.
[It's a shared heavy bitterness, acrid like tar on the tongue, in the air between them like miasma. And yet something in him unclenches, just a little, in strange relief, the way something long dried and desiccated uncurls when a drop of water lands on it, or a muscle you didn't realize was cramped unlocks. Ranger gets it; more than gets it, feels the same way, and Shin can have a few guesses as to why. Shin shies away from trusting the feeling, but that doesn't mean it doesn't linger.
...Can Ranger even throw up? Well, if he can eat, maybe. Shin laces fingers in his hair, beanieless, snarled in the strands.]
...you get it, then. Why I may not have been exactly calm at the time... but this was more than disproportionate. She just attacked me...
[From the local tit-for-tat expert. It had just come out of nowhere... once second cutting the conversation to a close, the next being flung into the snow, like he'd just lost cutscene protection.]
no subject
It seems strange to say that nothing happened, and Ranger does wonder if there was more context to it. It was always easier to direct, mislead, and avoid than to outright lie and have it come back later. ]
Yeah, I get it. I dunno that I'd say any of the executions were nothing.
[ Safalin was cruel, and so she had probably pretended it to be a painless affair. Kanna had no doubt bloomed beautifully. It was hardly nothing. He moves on from that though, ]
I'm sure things ramped up pretty quickly after that, right? You lashed out at her because of what happened, she snapped back, and then one way or another, she decided to be the one to take it a step too far.
[ There's only one things can go, after all, and breaking someone's nose was a fair bit different than trying to strange them. Ranger doesn't pry for the details, since they don't seem to matter, instead blowing out a sigh. ]
Well, you're right. No matter how you look at it, that's going too far... Did she stop? [ A beat. ] ... Or did you stop her?
[ There's a little hesitation to the second question, as though he already knows which it's more likely to be. Then again, maybe he just doesn't want to think about that being the case. ]
no subject
[That same morbid scab-picking curiosity. Feeling bad, so you're itching to make yourself feel worse. Just how did Kanna die? What unforgivably cruel thing did they create just for her?]
Nothing happened to her after that, though, for sure...
[A small clarification, since he'd been asking about the fourth and fifth floors at the time. No need to ask about anything before that, right? He'd been worried since Midori was the floormaster... turns out he needn't have been at all, for the world's worst possible reason.]
Ahaha, 'quickly's an understatement... She just went right for the throat. [So to speak. There wasn't the back and forth implied here so much as... forth.] Didn't even hesitate!
...
[He doesn't want to talk about this. He definitely doesn't want to talk about it to Ranger, even in and maybe because of all his agreement of Shin's feelings, or anyone, doesn't even want to think about it.]
Well, obviously she stopped. I'm still here, aren't I? Guess she'd had her fun... or maybe she just didn't care to check.
[If this were a video game, or something, that'd be Ranger's audial cue there's more thread than that to pull here. Getting the truth out of Shin really does require a prybar sometimes.]
no subject
It wouldn't change anything.
[ It's not like the details of his own death. The executions for the participants were all custom tailored for them, but none of them were anything more than an exciting little spectacle for all involved to watch.
He frowns a little. Didn't even hesitate, huh? That's concerning. He is here, so he suppose she must have stopped, but something about the way Shin says it makes him hesitant to drop the issue. If it were just something minute he might be able to, but... It says a lot about her current state if she was sensible enough to stop on her own. ]
Yep, and it's a good thing that you are.
[ He taps his knee. His next words come out a little more cautiously, ]
Well, that kid's not the type to do anything halfway for the sake of it, so I can't imagine she just got it out of her system... So then she did realize that she was acting like an idiot?
no subject
[She'd still be dead, cheap, gruesome performance aside. It's bad enough just knowing they would have rubbed salt in the wound, just because they could, all for the sake of this 'ritual', as Sara had put it... He can't do anything about it, and that aches.]
Ahahaha... you really have changed, huh?
[A bitter, strained, laugh. Good thing that he is... why do people keep thinking that, not wanting him to die? He doesn't want to die himself, but that's natural, right? Even Midori didn't want to die. Even Gashu and Kai... or they wouldn't have tried so hard beforehand, sweat beading on their faces. But other people... he doesn't get it. Even now. The only option is he's hidden those parts of himself he hates too well, enough that people forgive him when they step on the trap underneath the leaves. That he's advanced that much in that skill... or maybe they just pity him.
...it makes more sense if it's just practical, especially coming from Ranger. Even with the ability to feel compassion... if Shin died his options for someone who understands his code get limited. Or so Shin would like to think, especially in this moment of grasping onto something else.]
...
...
An idiot... Doubt it, she never does. [Ranger's right, she just barrels ahead straight through things.] She just dropped me like a hot coal, who knows what she was thinking? Surely it can't be... that I thought she was Midori.
[Almost said the name there, caught it in time. Would Ranger even know the nickname? He's not really thinking about that right now. He hates this, that returning to that state of mind, that hollow in his brain still there, paved over instead of filled in like as thought.]
Lack of air really does strange things to you, doesn't it? Well, I guess you wouldn't know... doubt you've experienced any equivalent either. Maybe that logic error came close, ahaha.
[I've seen it described by a Jenna Moran as like this, and Shin would probably think of it this way as well; it's like being under a DDOS, more and more of your brain and your thoughts and your self being spammed with, replaced with, overloaded by, requests for air, desire for air, even plans to get air start falling away to be replaced with nothing but NEED AIR. You get very stupid, very quick... he'd like to chalk it up to that.]
no subject
[ Has he changed? He supposes that he must have. If he compares his behavior from before to that of now, there's clear differences. There are things that have changed but even more that has stayed the same. It was being completed, but even before that it was simply the nature of an AI to adapt to their surroundings. People were much in the same way, and when he looks at it he sees how much those around him have changed.
It takes him a few moments, but he manages to figure out who Shin is referring to. There's only so many people that both Shin and Sara know and even fewer that would warrant such mention and reaction... So that was how it went. It's disappointing, but not in the least bit surprising. Nor does he understand what a lack of air might be like though heknows the science behind it, and he likewise suspects that it would be closer to a DDOS or perhaps a virus than even his logic error, which was closer to a repetitive loop or an unsolvable problem. ]
Nope, but I can take a guess at how fun it is... Ahaha, that really does sound like the kind of thing he would do during his tantrums... Tch, well, it's better than nothing.
[ If a person decided they wanted to be like
HiyoriMidori and could manage it, then there's no real issue with that. He was a brilliant man who could get what he wanted, but there were consequences for such a decision. It meant giving up much of what made a person a human being, and it meant being willing to do anything at all. That isn't the kind of person either of them aspire to be, Ranger things, not in any real capacity. ]Did she just run away with her tail between her legs after that?
no subject
He never did like it when things didn't go his way... [He'd do that thing where he'd pretend it didn't bother him, chirpy and chipper as ever, but Shin'd still Know, because Midori would make sure he'd know... He feels sick just thinking about it again, panting, that panting making his throat hurt, making it worse, dragging his hands in the blanket tight enough his fingers shake, trying for air. This was a bad idea...] Just.... one big... ball of desires.
[Like a five year old. Feels like he shouldn't be thinking that the moment he does but, no, he will. Shin looked up to him for so long, but he really was one under all that, wasn't he? One that could do all sorts of things to people to get what he wanted.
So maybe, in that way, he and Sara aren't that different, planning or no planning.]
Better than nothing.
[It's a flat rasp. Numb. How many times, and Shin just doesn't remember? When did he start wearing scarves?]
Ahaha, you think I stuck around to check?
[Maybe it would have been better if she'd ran... but probably not. He'd been the one with tail tucked away, to so put it.
She'd still been talking, rambling. Shin hadn't been inclined to listen to much more of it.]
no subject
[ Midori was that kind of person. He was there without ever being there. The type of person who would act cloyingly sweet, bouncy and energetic and friendly, while taking it out on whoever he could when things didn't go his way. It was like he was nothing and everything all at once.
No sense in lingering on him though. For better or worse (and Ranger does find it to be a mix, as he was undeniably sharp, talented, and motivated in a way few are,) he wasn't here. If they were lucky, it would stay that way. If Ranger was especially lucky, none of them would show up. ]
Nah, I figured it was just a matter of who went first.
[ More specifically, it was a matter of whether or not Shin could go. That answers the question of how long he was out there at least. ]
So, lemme see if I got it straight. You're not the Shin that she knows, she's not the Sara that you know, and the vote changes depending on who you're looking at.
[ It seems safe to assume that Shin was voted for on his side of events, and Kanna was voted for in Sara's version of events. It's a bit difficult to grasp, but he's already been slowly coming to terms with the idea that none of them are truly from the same place. It sounded more like they were copies of each other, and if he thinks of them as akin to simulations, that means these variables are normal. Komaeda had mentioned something about it before. ]
Fast forward six months, and you two finally get it sorted out, and it damn well shouldn't have taken that long for it to happen. I'm gonna guess it just take a guess and say it was conveniently sidestepped for all that time, and by time it comes up it's a big deal and the whole conversation implodes.
[ He pauses there, taking in a breath despite not needing to, more to let what's been said up until this point register than anything. ]
So she goes for the throat, you mistake her from Midori, she finally gets knocked to her senses, and here we are. Nobody died, but it sure as Hell shouldn't have gotten to this point.
[ He waits a beat once more. There's a few blanks in the middle, but Ranger thinks that should about cover it. ]
Sound about right?