yogen | Ah shit, here we go again.

Entry tags:

dangan ronpa: kiyotaka ishimaru

Ah shit, here we go again.

Who: Ishimaru, Komaeda, anyone else
When: January 12th/several days after the invesigation and the discussion that came with it.
What: Makoto finally asks about Kirigiri's and his past fates (maybe even coming clean with his own past) as he struggles with his own demons. Also trying to understand what is happening here at this school since he's new.
Warnings: Talk of deaths from the far and close past. Flashbacks of gruesome murders from the killing game and his experience with the post Tragedy world. Suicidal thoughts and urges with survivor's guilt galore. Danganronpa spoilers everywhere.

The truth always comes out eventually... (Closed to Ishimaru)

[Makoto couldn't ignore it anymore. Ishimaru's reluctance to talk about his past encounters with their friends here, those creepy paintings in the common room...It was all too much for him to ignore anymore. Especially after the investigations and the talk corresponding to it.

So after everyone went their own ways, Makoto followed Ishimaru to their room for the day and waited till they were alone to ask.]

What happened to me? The me that was here before.

Please forgive me, I've got demons in my head. (TW: Dark thoughts such as suicidal thoughts and urges. Hallucinations caused by grief. And just general sadness and helplessness.)

[Several days after the investigation, Makoto found himself on the roof again, alone this time with only the memories of what happened here to keep him company. He didn't know what lead him to return to the roof of all places but he needed space from everything. Even being in a past crime scene was better than dealing with people right now.

His mind was still reeling from all the information he had gained these last couple of days. What happened to his past self, the murders that happened and keep happening here...everything. Why was this happening to everyone? Why was he here?

Sighing in tired resignment, he sat on the edge of the roof and stared at view of the courtyard and beyond below him. How did he get here? After everything, dying and appearing here...He supposed it made sense. After all, what better way for him to reflect on his mistakes than put him in another horrible situation? He deserved it even.

But...could he go through all this again? All the pain and death? The betrayals? Everything he had been fighting to stop before he came here. He didn't have much of a choice in any case, with him being here at this school.

The more he looked down, the more the world seemed to shift around him. He could almost feel Owada and Kuwata at his side as they had done the day they had convinced him to play hooky with them. Kuwata's delighted laughter and words mixed with his dying screams at his execution. The urge to just move closer to the edge was impossible to resist, making him inch closer to the edge of the roof.

Some part of him was yelling at him to back away from the edge and go back inside but the whispers of his dead classmates were simply too enticing for him to listen. Hearing Celeste's refined giggle as she teased their friends, Owada cheering on Fujisaki as they worked together...the sounds of their happy days at Hope's Peak. Ishimaru reprimanding Kuwata for not keeping up with his studies...It felt all so real. What he woud give to go back to that time.

He blinked for a moment and he saw someone walk in the courtyard. They were talking with someone else and had blue hair. It couldn't be, could it? But when the person turned around turned around, he saw the face of Maizono Sayaka, alive and smiling at him. Seeing it so clearly at this distance should have been impossible but the sight of her angelic face blocked out his mind screaming at him to leave.

She waved at him eagerly and motioned for him to come join her. Suddenly the distance between them didn't seem that vast, only a hop and skip away. He could just jump down there, couldn't he? It woudln't hurt and he would be with her again. With all their friends...Suddenly all of their friends were down there too beckoning him to come down. Yells of encouragement filled his mind as he conteplated it.

If someone walks to the roof and enter the scene, they will see Makoto staring down at the courtyard in a distant but yearning expression. He had moved to the edge till his legs dangled off the roof. He might be okay but do you want to risk that chance?]

Not quite friends but not quite strangers (Closed to Komaeda)

[After his hallucinations on the roof and the subsequential talk after, he had rushed off to find someone who could help calm the raging storm of thoughts in his head. He wasn't going to talk about his recent experience on the roof, nor his almost diasterous moment of weakness. He just needed someone who could understand what he was going through. Someone he knew and trusted.

Also his situation here made him worry about the remnants he had sworn to protect. He knew Hinata and Komaeda were here for some reason so something must have happened to them. He hadn't seen Hinata since he arrived but he had seen Komaeda. He just hoped he could talk to him alone.

After a while of searching, he was relieved to find his upperclassman alone on the third floor. What he was doing there wasn't important right now. He just needed to talk to him.]

K-Komaeda-kun? Can I talk to you?

Now I need questions...Now! Answers! I think you mean answers. (Network Post)

Hello everyone. My name is Naegi Makoto, a newcomer of this school. If you're wondering why I'm messaging people now instead of when I arrived, it's simply becuause I cannot sit idle anymore.

I had hoped that this place wasn't as dangerous as I was lead to believe, naively hoping that things would settle down. But after everything that has happened recently...I can't hide from the truth anymore.

I need to know everything that has happened here in the past. And I would like to know about theories of the history of this place and how to escape from here. Anything really...I just need to catch up with things here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( he had saw him at the meeting, and he accepted it as his own hallucinations when he spoke to ranger, because there's no way. it can't be helped that he thinks back to his failure before when the other went missing, and komaeda didn't believe it, he didn't think hope could just... disappear. to calm his thoughts, he's on the third floor searching around to see what he can find that the other's couldn't.

was everything like this before, or had they already noticed it?

this wouldn't be the first time that naegi has found komaeda, it's been multiple times, first as servant, then at the beginning of the school year, and now again that causes him to freeze in place. there's something about someone better than you, someone greater, someone so influential that can lead a myriad amount of people to hope that he feels like he's wasting his time to even be looked for; let alone called out to.

if he's honest, he feels him before he speaks, because there's so much hope that exudes off his body, but there's some concerns here. when he turns his head, he notices a flicker somewhere, and he remains silent wondering if that's a trick of his eye. he manages with a nervous smile, and pale green eyes looking towards the other's direction to finally connect with his.

does he say "welcome back," or does he say something like, "happy to see you,". no, what he knows is that hope shouldn't be here, hope shouldn't die, that's not how it works. )

...Naegi Makoto-kun. ( he pauses, rubbing his hand on the side of his jacket, and the prosthetic whirrs as he waves at the other. ) What can scum like myself do for you?

[Makoto's worried frown deepened in concern at Komaeda's casual self-deprecation. He always hated when the other talked like that, but he also knew from experience that something this ingrained into you wasn't something you could deal with in a day. Sighing, he shook his head and looked up at Komaeda with beseeching eyes.]

You're not scum Komaeda-kun. You...Nevermind. That's not why I came to you. ...Could you tell me what you remember before coming here? Are the others okay? Did something happen?

[He was already devasted that Komaeda and Hinata were here. But maybe the others were okay back home. He hoped they were, he had worked so hard to keep them safe from danger.]

Well, they are Ultimates, there's nothing they can't do!

( he still believes it as he says this, despite their circumstances, despite what they are now. they're ultimates, so they'll be able to defeat that which made them what they are now. he remembers how mahiru calls them sinners for their crimes, how they're all done horrible actions that they can't take back, but komaeda ignores that in virtue of their status. )

...I woke up from the pod where I met Kamukura Izuru, but also Hinata-kun! They're the same, which Hope like yourself would know!

( because hope knows everything, hope is worldwide, and so he knows that naegi is just as smart considering what he's done for the world. )

Mmm. I was fixed up. ( he waves his prosthetic again, normally junko's hand was placed there. ) I saw the feed— ah! You were amazing there, too, in the final battle! ...I don't remember much else.

( the way his words drag off into silence says as much. )

[Makoto watched Komaeda as he talked, trying to see if he was alright. He looked okay and he certainly wasn't acting much different from before but he wanted to make sure. After all, Makoto had just been introduced to the horrors of this school. He didn't want someone getting hurt on his watch, especially someone under his protection.

Nodding absentmindedly at Komaeda's praise, he put a hand to his chin in thought as he listened. He didn't remember how he got here either. I wonder if that is normal here...]

I see. So you don't remember either. Still, I'm glad everyone is okay.

[A voice that sounded like Maizono whispered in his ear that was then. They could be in trouble now. Closing his eyes in distress at the thought, he shook his head to clear those thoughts from his head. Opening his eyes again, he looked up at Komaeda and offered him a weak smile.]

How are you doing Komaeda-kun? Besides the whole murderous school thing I mean.

The only way to appear here is to die, so... maybe they offed me from my incompetency!

( with a smile, he's happy with that fact that as he closes his eyes, there's the slightly crinkle in the corners. after, he drops his hands down by his side as he looks at the other, watching his eyes as he realizes he's being sized up, and so he spins in a 360 turn before he's back where he started. )

...Are you okay, Naegi Makoto-kun?! It might be a lot to take in, but... if you want, I can tell you everything I know!

( encouragement towards that weak smile that worries him to see, why is it weak? ultimate hope can do anything, handle what comes, the amount of stepping stones he's used to make his way towards the end. it's unfortunate that he's here, though, it's the last thing komaeda would even want. )

...Uhm. ( he pauses, looking at the other, and he actively ignores it with his self-deprecation. ) That doesn't matter! Are you hungry?

[Makoto blinked at Komaeda's question, panic flashing in his eyes before he plastered a stronger smile on his face. He couldn't be seen as this. He was a symbol, a beacon of hope. He couldn't be despairing or yearning for ghosts at a time like this. While he personally thought of his title as nothing, he knew how much people looked to him for hope. He couldn't let them down.]

I'm fine Komaeda-kun. Just thinking is all.

[But when Komaeda ignored his question, a small frown made his way to his face before he blinked in confusion at Komaeda's follow-up question.]

I...what?

[Food? Why was he asking that?]

What's on your mind, whatever it is, there's no need to second guess yourself.

( he claps his hands together as he watches the smile appear on naegi's face, but when it dies down again into a frown; he keeps up his own grin, but there's some concern in the back of his head. )

Aren't you hungry? You seem like you came here in a rush, you know that... the rest of the remnants are fine.

( there's some distaste to that word, he's part of that group which makes it obvious. if they aren't here, they aren't dead. they're doing better than him. )

Hinata-kun is here too, but he... he's from an earlier timeline, he doesn't know.

[Makoto stared at Komaeda in amused bewilderment before shifting into a warm smile. He could do this. He had friends here. The last of the whispers faded away as he listened to Komaeda talk.]

I suppose I did come here rather abruptly. I was just so worried about you and the others.

[Makoto's expression shifted into a sympathetic smile, understanding how hard it is having a friend not know about the truth.]

How about we talk as we eat? I'm sure there's a lot you can tell me about things here.

Hm? To have the concern of Ultimate Hope! They deserve so much, so I don't mind if you worry about them, but don't waste your time with me! There's others who deserve it all the more.

( he loves that idea of ultimate hope thinking if another, especially the remnants that aren't here. to have that blessing and protection, the worries and concerns of the other before him. it makes komaeda smile wide, it's soft and gentle as he walks with the other. )

Hm... there's a lot, but I wouldn't want to bore you with the parts that don't matter...

( he crosses his arms, looking down at the ground as he tries to find a much more interesting take. )

Because you're here, the murder will be easily solved! I'm excited, I'm so excited...!

[Makoto shook his head in disagreement at Komaeda's conclusion, turning to look at him with a soft smile.]

Komaeda-kun. I'm always going to worry about you. Even if you don't want me to. That's what people do when they care for another person.

[And he did care for Komaeda. He may be hard to handle at times but he was important to Makoto all the same.]

I'll try my best but you should know out of everyone that it was mostly Kirigiri-san that did the investigations. I just translated it for her haha.

...Mmm.

( he doesn't sound fond of the idea of being cared for, so he glances off to the side almost uncomfortable, but partly giddy. he tries not to bounce in his step as he walks with naegi. he knows how komaeda feels, and why wouldn't he? he's said it once, he'll say it again, he doesn't want hope to waste its time with him, and he doesn't want ultimates giving him any of their attention even though he years it badly. just a pinch of their acknowledgement, and his heart skips a beat. )

P-Please... saying something like that! I... I really don't deserve it, you know!?

( he's able to snap back into just as important matters when hearing naegi's credit so lowly given, )

I saw it all! ...Some of it, I missed the finale, but... everyone's hope that came together was able to lead to the truth of those investigations! Without you, they would have been lost by despair... it's wonderful that Ultimate Hope lived within their ranks...! Kirigiri-san's talent was just as beautiful too, getting to see you all in one place...! Ah, how lucky!

( he steps on his own foot to calm himself down, )

Ah, sorry...

Komaeda-kun...

[Makoto sighed at Komaeda's rejection of his words but ultimately dropped it. This wasn't the time to try to instill self-love into his senpai, no matter how much he wanted to. They were going to talk about it sometime though!

He winced slightly at the mention of that time, his expression falling slightly before strengthening out of pure determination. He truly believed it was through everyone's help that they escaped that game. Kirigiri's skills may have led them forward but without the teamwork and sacrifice of their friends...It would have ended differently.]

It's okay. No need to apologize. What food do you want?

[He's changing that subject as fast as he can.]

I'm here to treat you, Naegi-kun! I'd starve just to see you eat anything that you'd like!

( he's determined to do that, his fist balled together tightly as they walk together. his nails digging into his palm, but the pain that comes from it doesn't bother him anymore. the fact that he's been through worse where his legs were slit, and removing his own arm, then stabbed in his gut by someone here... his tolerance isn't like anyone else's. )

Naegi-kun... I've sung of your praises as Ultimate Hope! I can't wait for everyone to see what great feats you can accomplish! They need hope... this group here, some days they truly make me want to die, but I live to see what hope they can manifest!

( now that naegi is here, there's nothing that can't be done which makes the serious expression on komaeda's features mellow out. he blushes a bit, looking off to the side as he thinks about the other, and he inhales in an attempt to calm himself down. it truly is hard to stay on one subject that isn't about ultimates, or him as the ultimate hope! he's here now which he doesn't know if he should be happy, or disappointed, but hope can become part of anything.

having him here will turn everything around! )

What's the last thing you remember?

[Frowning in concern at Komaeda's words, he nodded reluctantly as they walked. What would he like then...]

If you insist...Is curry available?

[The mention of people needing him made him inwardly sigh as he nodded in understanding. Watching that discussion did seem hopeless dare he say. Still, he wasn't sure about how Komaeda expected him to fix everything. He was only human after all.]

I remember being on a ship to the Future Foundation. I was...going to my trial...

Trial...

( it comes out slow, confused at the term with a tilt of his head. he doesn't remember a trial when he woke up, but he doesn't remember much past the information fed to him, and having enoshima's arm removed during surgery. silent, he tries to make head or tails of the situation, and from what he already knows, he'll just begin there. )

Because of your act of insubordination?

( when it came to them as a group, there was fuss, lots of it, and knowing the crime that naegi committed by not following through with exact orders, komaeda laughs. )

And yes, curry is available. I'd give you the world if I could, but your radiance already covers it!

( smile, smile! )

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Ah shit, here we go again.

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sdr2/3 spoilers

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