Hinata Hajime (日向創) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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yogen2022-02-02 03:44 am
futurebullets) wrote in yogen2022-02-02 03:44 am
[semi-open] sixth truth bullet: future
Who: Hajime Hinata and YOU
What: A catch-all log for Hinata throughout the month! Closed things will added by request, open things for stuff outside of event top-levels
Where: Various
When: Both February (post-canon update) and January (pre-canon update)!
Warnings: threads that take place in February may contain spoilers for either Super Dangan Ronpa 2 and/or Dangan Ronpa 3; I'll mark threads from the start if I know they'll have spoilers, and will mark as soon as they pop up otherwise
Notes: (spoiler warning for the link) here is a quick overview of Hinata's whole deal right now and what's changed! you're welcome to opt out of playing with him or this aspect of him if you'd like on my opt-out, but I'll also have another post on his journal soon that will also probably need a lookover for both old and new cr (watch desum and this space)
otherwise, feel free to hit me up at![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
Yamadori for any plotting!
What: A catch-all log for Hinata throughout the month! Closed things will added by request, open things for stuff outside of event top-levels
Where: Various
When: Both February (post-canon update) and January (pre-canon update)!
Warnings: threads that take place in February may contain spoilers for either Super Dangan Ronpa 2 and/or Dangan Ronpa 3; I'll mark threads from the start if I know they'll have spoilers, and will mark as soon as they pop up otherwise
Notes: (spoiler warning for the link) here is a quick overview of Hinata's whole deal right now and what's changed! you're welcome to opt out of playing with him or this aspect of him if you'd like on my opt-out, but I'll also have another post on his journal soon that will also probably need a lookover for both old and new cr (watch desum and this space)
otherwise, feel free to hit me up at
[closed to Nanami (DR3)] backdated to... maybe 1/27?
Geez... That last bit was a close call, I really thought they were gonna pull ahead of both of us for a little while. [He looks down at the top of a head with light pink hair that's slightly leaning into him.] But I bet it didn't phase you one bit, huh?
[Even now, it still feels surreal, getting to sit here with her. It's selfish, beyond selfish... but part of him is a little glad that she's here. He didn't realize how nice it was spending time with her around until they got to be together again.]
let's say 1/31ish?
There's a lot she really should talk about with him -- what happened that night and why he didn't remember her; how her sleep has been restless and plagued with endless nightmares -- there's a lot she needs to talk about.
But it's so much easier to play games. It's familiar. Deep in her heart it's something she's wanted for months and months. What if telling him things ruins all that? It's like she's found a daydream she can live inside for a little bit, except the daydream is real (she thinks), for now.
Still, the terrible sleep is starting to catch up with her. She manages to stay awake long enough to cross the finish line in first place, but before she knows it she's snoozing lightly on his shoulder, controller drooping in her hands. ]
1/31 sounds perfect! <3
Nanami-?! Hey, don't just fall asleep like that...!
[He doesn't have it in him to bring his voice to much more than a whisper-yell, however, and he's sighing reluctantly as he relaxes a little bit. If anything happens... He's still awake, he supposes.]
Geez... You're always falling asleep and making me worry about you, aren't you? What am I supposed to do with you...
[Even in the middle of that fretting... There's fondness, too.]
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She hurries down the hall, bell ringing in her ears, opens the classroom door and crosses the threshold, and SUDDENLY A MILLION KNIVES TEAR THEIR WAY THROUGH HER BODY--
She screams with terror and pain and she's awake again, resting against Hinata, the tinny post-race music of Mario Kart 64 in her ears now, panting and breathing hard, and before she knows it she's shaking uncontrollably again.
And in front of him. He saw her this time. On top of the terror, now comes the shame. ] S-s-sorry, Hinata-kun...
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That's always when it all comes crashing down.
Hinata jolts as Nanami screams, heart hammering away in his chest as he grabs onto her by her upper arms. His eyes search her quickly, quickly, but he can't see anything wrong.
More than anything, that probably means it's a nightmare. But what did she see that would make her scream like that, like she's...]
Nanami?! Nanami...!
[Maybe it's him.
Nene's lost voice. Saihara and Kawai's bodies. His birthday. Rokuro and Keigo disappearing.
Maybe Hinata just breaks everything he touches.]
You...
[He feels something break and relax in him at the same time. She's... apologizing?]
Don't- [He swallows hard, feels his eyes burn.] Don't apologize to me, okay? You didn't do anything wrong. Did you... [He hesitates, but he has to know.] Did you have a bad dream?
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Y-yeah... [ A single, more powerful shiver, but she squeezes herself tight and the moment passes. But she's still shivering.
Why is it just her? Why is nobody else having this problem? Is she just that weak? ]
Hinata-kun... [ She hesitates herself, embarrassed to ask. ] ... do you remember dying?
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But he can't bring himself to. Not when she's shivering like that. He does make his grip a little looser at least.
It still doesn't prepare him for what she asks him.]
I...
[He's speechless for a second. Is Nanami saying...
No. He refuses to accept that. She's fine. Togami's going to bring everyone together, Nanami is fine-
But...]
...No, I don't. It was a shock to me when I even found out that we were dead. I think some people do remember, but... Not me.
[...They all got here somehow, didn't they?]
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And he remembers her... how? They're all questions she hasn't asked before. It's felt like too much of a dream. But now the nightmare has come back to her, and she can't escape it anymore. ]
You don't remember... mine either... do you, Hinata-kun?
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[He feels something cold fill up his chest.]
Of course I don't, you never-!
[The words cut off.
They cut off, because of course she did. Of course he did.
Both of them had to. Right?]
The last time I saw you... [He finally does release one arm, just so he can press a hand to his forehead as if it's hurting.] I talked to you and Komaeda before I slept a little in my cabin before the party Togami wanted us to have. I just got to know you a little. But you were fine... It's one of the last things I remember from the Island before this place.
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I've never been to an island... I just remember Hope's Peak.
[ She doesn't want this to be true, but cold dread is filling her body and she can't get it to go away. ]
You remember me, and I remember you... but other than that, everything's different, isn't it?
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[He wonders, for a moment, if it's a good idea to say what he's about to when it might be untrustworthy. But with the way Nanami is talking... It might be true after all.]
One of the ones who took us captive... He's a talking bear called Monokuma that's probably being controlled by the real culprit. But the night before the last day I remember on Jabberwock Island, he said that we had lost memories of Hope's Peak. That we all thought we were freshman, but we'd really been at school for years and had our memories taken away. Back then I didn't know if I should believe him, but now...
[Now he doesn't know what to think.]
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Something about what Ishimaru said... it lines up. ]
You don't remember... but it did happen? That's what he said?
[ It had started to feel like too much was different - maybe they were even from different worlds entirely. But...
He'd forgotten once before... who's to say it couldn't happen again?
She sniffs hard and puts down the controller, which she's been holding tightly in her hand this whole time. ]
Ishimaru forgot too... I didn't understand why nothing seemed to match.
[ She looks back up at him, finally - the hope in her eyes clear to see. She's scared to hope, but... ]
He didn't remember going to school, even though I saw him... but he did remember a game... and he used that word too. Monokuma.
[ A huge shuddering breath. ] I remember you... you must have survived after all, and made it to the island...
[ She frowns. No, something still doesn't add up. ] But... you said I was there too?...
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[Having to rely on someone that was going to have them all kill each other... Hinata can't stand it.
But relying on Nanami... That's definitely something he can still do.]
But- Ishimaru is also...?
[A jolt of shock runs through him. That means...
He might be an Ultimate too... But does that mean another class ended up in our same situation...?!]
I should... probably talk with him about some things. [Hinata knows - even if they spent time over the winter studying together, he hasn't spent as much time with him as he needs to. That overbearing guilt that hangs over him for forgetting Ishimaru never really leaves, just like it never left him with Nene.] But if he's a Hope's Peak student... If he went through the same things that we did... Then there's an unmistakable pattern there. It makes it feel more likely to be the truth.
[The memory loss, the shared thread of Monokuma - it's too much of a coincidence.]
You were definitely there, though. That... was where we met for the first time. Or at least, it seemed that way for both of us.
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[ She felt those spears. She felt that terror. That was real... wasn't it? She really died. It was awful. That wasn't... fake, somehow, was it? ]
Or... if both of us met there before Hope's Peak, but forgot? But... [ She frowns. ] I feel like I remember everything before I got to school...
This is like... a puzzle game that can't be solved, or something... [ It's exhausting, and she leans on him again, spent. ]
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[The fact that Nanami remembers when he doesn't... That she remembers when Hinata doesn't...]
I have to wonder if our memories in general might be messed up, too... I forgot my talent, yet I remember living through high school even if it's fuzzy... which shouldn't be possible if I went to Hope's Peak, either. It almost feels like someone took all of our memories and mixed them up... I don't know how else to explain this.
[His head hurts just thinking about it.]
But...
[Hinata lets her slump again him, surprised and a little flustered at first... but then secures his arms around her even more.]
What I do know is... You know Hinata Hajime. And I know Nanami Chiaki. That part's still the same, right?
no subject
What if it hurts him? ]
I ... I think so... [ What of her memories can she trust, if everything's so mixed up like that? It's like Zelda and Link - there's multiple of her and Hinata, scattered across time with different sets of memories. And these two technically don't even exist anymore, because they're dead - yet they're also not, sort of. It's strange. ]
I'm... a Nanami Chiaki at least. [ She smiles self-consciously. ] I mean... there are two of me here... maybe there'll be another one of you too someday, Hinata-kun.
[ Idly playing with a discarded cartridge while she works things through. ] Mm... but either way... I'm really glad you're here... I'd miss you and my class so much if none of you were here with me... even if this isn't always the best place to be, at least we get to play games together, right?
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I feel bad it's in this place... But I'm glad you're here with me, too.
[Today's one of the most fun day's he had since he woke up in that bad end of Jabberwock Island. Getting to play games like this, even if he's losing... Something about it is still so nice.
But then her words catch up with him, and Hinata is reeling back in shock to look at her with wide eyes.]
Wait, what the hell do you mean there's two of you...?!
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[ ... oh.
In fairness, she hadn't known what to make of it, and neither one of her had really made a big deal about it to anybody because, well... they didn't want to inconvenience anybody. At least, Nanami thinks so. That's what she feels at least, and the other one of her is her...
But in a moment of weakness, she forgot that she hadn't actually told Hinata that. And they hadn't been going to Yogen long enough for him to see both of her in the same place at once. ]
I-I'm sorry! I... didn't really know why, but I... we? didn't really want to upset anybody either, but... [ She swallows. ]
I ... came to the Game Club one day and I was already sitting here... she's really nice though! And even better at games than me!
[ It's really close, though. But just enough that Nanami can tell. ]
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[Something about it... nags at him. Usually when weird things happen here, they're a lot more malicious. But... what could be malicious about this? He can't see it.]
You said you saw "you", so... That means you guys must look pretty alike, right? I wonder if I've run into her already...
[It makes him feel a little bad, not knowing for sure. What if he made the other Nanami feel uncomfortable...?
But if he did... She's never acted like she hadn't, so both would seem to know him, right? What does that mean...]
Somebody better than you at games, though... [He doesn't quite know if it lands, but Hinata tries for a smile.] That sounds pretty scary, honestly. I'd never stand a chance against her if I'm already getting my ass handed to me.
no subject
[ And at Hinata's last, she has to laugh a little. ] Mm, it's just a little bit better... I think you'd still stand a chance, Hinata-kun. And I think... she'd love playing games with you as much as me, too.
[closed to Komaeda] 2/1, spoilers for sdr2 and dr3 part 1/2
Hinata Hajime falls asleep.
There might be a nightmare or two. He won't remember when it's all said and done.
Hinata Hajime sleeps... and then he Wakes Up-
There is sunlight painting the classroom and an obnoxious crick in his neck. Hinata is himself for a moment longer, straightening up with a groan. Then he's cursing and sitting up, remembering that he promised to meet Nanami after gardening club, and he must be late for both of those. He stands, still himself-]
2/2
of Kamukura Izuru
of Hinata Hajime
and they are one.
When he comes to, he's on the ground. His face is wet, and he doesn't know if it's sweat or tears. Either is possible. His head is full, it's so full, of talent and memories that this body can barely comprehend how to process.
It's why they had to perform the surgery on him, most likely. This normal body was never meant to contain these things, even on a purely mental level.
And he knows that, inherently, that this is only a mental shift - can feel innately how his body is just as ordinary as it was before. A little bit of strength and fitness, but nowhere near the amount he should have. Even as his mind and personality are in turmoil, it makes him crack a smile.
How interesting.
It's a lot to process, especially when his brain isn't as quick as it should be, and so he sits there for approximately twenty-six minutes working through all of it there on his classroom floor. Whether it was Fujioka or somebody else that convinced everyone to let him rest and leave him alone in here, he's grateful for it. Hinata doesn't think he could get through this part with prying eyes.
He runs through the emotions again, all of the pain and all of the happiness, the memories of being talentless and talent-full, of Enoshima's web as much as his own, of the simulation, of his precious classmates that are his now even if Hope's Peak would not have willed it to be so.
His chest aches thinking of them... but he has to also think of the ones that are, and he's on his feet before he even makes the conscious decision to stand. He needs to see them, now.
There's a desperate need to see Nanami - both of them, to hold their hands and know they're here. To say the things that he needs to say. But they aren't the ones he seeks out first, because he wants just a little bit longer to get himself in control. That, and... maybe it's just because he always wants to see this person. Had done everything to make sure he wouldn't lose him to the recesses of his own mind, because the thought of him never waking up had been just that unbearable.
Hinata picks a direction and walks - it doesn't matter where. He knows he'll find him, no matter where he is.
Because if it's luck, he has that too.
When Hinata finds the young man he's searching for, he'll look at him with an unreadable gaze. If one were to try and place an emotion, it might sadness. It might be solemnness.
There you are.]
Komaeda.
[I found you.
Feelings run through him in quick succession. Joy envy anger mourning grief guilt relief.
One more, that he doesn't want to put a name to, that grew and blossomed here. But... it probably never began in this place at all, did it?
He can feel his pulse is a little bit quickened, but he's controlled his outward response. His voice isn't a little deeper like it will be, but Komaeda may notice that there's a noticeable change in his tone and demeanor. It might feel familiar.]
There's... something we should talk about.
no subject
he finds komaeda alone, recently entering a classroom where he's picked out two books — the library has been too noisy. it's a better place to be rather than a room where just anyone could exit and enter, talking as loudly as they want, but this may just as well be komaeda's unlucky day. if one luck trumps another luck, it's meant to be so because only the stronger version wins out; just like hope. weak vs. strong, despair vs. hope, weak hope vs. strong hope — it's like a circle of life, and that's how komaeda knows it as, and why he acts the way he do. no one here can trump his luck aside from naegi makoto — ultimate hope, himself, and he finds that he'll be unbothered.
that he'll remain with his fingers pinching the corner of the book he's about to read without someone interrupting him, that he'll stay to himself without pause, and be able to enjoy his time alone. or so he thought, there's something bothering him, a shiver that rolls down his spine, and he can hardly focus from how he feels. it's never been this intense, but it's not an uncomfortable feeling. instead it knocks the wind out from him, causing him to exhale, and he looks up from his book to search around the room.
before, the feeling was short-lived, he ha only been near it for so long — the moment he woke up, the acceptance of everyone being alive, and even as his spare arm was cut away from his body. as much as he wanted to indulge in that feeling, it was taken from him not too long after once he woke up here — he started with six tallies, he gained a seventh about a week later, and then his life was already written for him. this wasn't, though, as his eyes come to fall onto someone familiar at the door's entrance, blocking the way, but the feeling is incomparable to what he felt towards the person before.
he's meant to be an empty husk, someone that komaeda can overlook with ease, and move on knowing that what he does now will have meaning one day, somewhere that isn't here. there's no fright on his features, but his eyes widen for a moment as he knows that sitting in a chair keeps him in place, he's unable to run, but why would he? it's a complicated feeling in his heart that he finds himself speechless, but that's until he finds himself troubled. )
...? H-Huh? Is this a joke?
( am i dreaming? is what he wants to say, but it doesn't leave from his mouth, and instead, he's waiting for an answer, or he's waiting to wake up. the person before him is as familiar as can be, but there's an aura about him that makes komaeda know that as talent, and so he watches for it all to fade away before him because there's no way, it can't be? his eyes aren't two separate colors, so he knows his person isn't built for the intensity that comes from talent, that overwhelming power will break him down before he can handle it mentally and physically.
he waits for the dust, for this dream to crumble. )
What is this...?
no subject
And then, slowly, he smiles. It's full of fondness.]
That's just like you, to figure it out before you're supposed to. Don't you know that spoils the surprise?
[He steps into the classroom, not as silently as he could have if his reflexes were sharp enough, but quieter than he would've been just yesterday. He stops, right in front of him.
His head hurts doing it, but he runs through what Komaeda must be thinking right now. Calculates the meaning of his wide eyes, that expression like he's trapped in place, and that notable way his always so eloquent words have left him. Komaeda has always been so sensitive to talent... he must be able to feel the difference, like a sixth sense. He may have been chosen for Luck, but the level at which he analyzes could rival even Enoshima.
Does Hinata feel... pride about that? Feeling proud of Komaeda's skills? How strange.]
If I wanted to... maybe I would've made you guess, just to keep you on your toes a little. But I'll let you off easy. I'll be direct, because that's what Hinata would do.
[If that isn't direct enough...
He lays his hand on Komaeda's arm. Lets his thumb brush over the spot where he knows skin and metal meet, the surgery that he performed with his own hands.]
I remember. I remember everything.
no subject
every step komaeda finds himself unable to swallow, maybe it's because the situation in itself is the hardest pill to swallow. he doesn't know what to think, and he wouldn't call this a bad dream, but maybe something close to a beautiful nightmare. )
There's no need to pity me.
( if this is true, no matter the game, he'll play along just the same. as difficult as it can be, as much as it can hurt, komaeda is open to anything that the other can dish out all because he's forced his body to. he's forced himself to succumb to so much as removal of his arm, accepting despair by attaching it, and as fingers brush against where the skin and metal connects; a shiver rolls down his spine, but why is that?
it's a tingling sensation that makes his arm ache despite being phantom pains. he doesn't shift in his seat, nor does he run like usual, but instead he lifts his head to look up at him as he stares at his appearance. there's nothing visibly changed, but everything that comes from inside, those copious amount if talents that burns for being so close.
there's no possible way, but he shouldn't be shocked, rather he's thrilled, but it hurts to be. his nails scratch against the desk, eyes close because it's the same as looking directly into the sun. no human was meant to be so close or they'd burn to death, turn to asked.
he knows what that's like, but his legs feel so weak that he's unable unable get up, and so he remains in this desk as he tries to still his heart. )
Are you mine?
( if this is how things are, this one isn't his, right? from the appearance, he knows that he's not, and so there's still a discrepancy in their worlds which he's just like the boy of yesterday, but have came into tune with everything today. so it was bold to ask such a question, komaeda's laugh leaves from between his lips sheepishly. )
Sorry, sorry... That was pretty foolish of me to say. You're everyone's, you know that right? Because you remember...
( how much that equates to, komaeda doesn't know, but he feels if an opening is there that he'll take it. he has to know, he always will know, because when it comes to him, as if komaeda didn't gamble his life on hope.
he wants to know, especially when it's within his reach... when hope is right there next to him. )
no subject
But there's no fear of breaking down, of falling apart.
Because this person always, at the end of it all, gives him peace. Even if he spent too long trying to ignore it.
I wasted so much time pushing you away. Young and foolish.]
Yes.
[His voice is quiet, soft even, as he pulls his hand away. With the other, he clasps the human hand that scratches at the desk to keep it from hurting the surface or itself. And for the much more selfish reason of wanting to hold it.
He looks Komaeda right in the eye, and in spite of the gentleness of the words he says next, it's like an electric current running through his body.]
I'm yours.
[The instant the words leave his mouth, he has to glance away as he brings his free hand to touch his cheek, feel the heat there. Goddamn it. The thought is all Hinata. Embarrassment. Fluster. Attraction. Chance of reducing reaction at 20% and lowering with passing milliseconds. Proximity to Komaeda Nagito too close to hide evidence.
Regrettable, at the same time that it fills him with a fragile delight. He glances back at Komaeda, smile a little self-deprecating. Even in humiliation, there's gratitude, because one day it'll be a battle with himself every day to feel what this so completely. For now, he can still be untarnished by nihilism.
Well... there's one thing, at least, that he won't have to fight for in that body that's reclaimed for Hinata Hajime.]
I'm yours as much as you're mine. [The chance of the heat leaving his face lowers again, but the seriousness on his face doesn't leave either. It's probably quite a sight; he wonders if Komaeda will enjoy the dichotomy of it as much as Hinata does.] Although with Nanami here as well... Both of them... You'll have to share just a little, if you don't mind.
[His mouth twitches up, brief but uncontrollable just from mentioning her, them. He imagines the pain in his eyes is just as easy to see as everything else is.]
My memories in this place were compromised last summer... but when I file through every encounter with you, I know. I can tell. Feel it, even if you never told Hinata as much. [His hand slides off of own his cheek, little and ring finger catching on his lips during the pass. Is it accidental, or calculated? He'll let Komaeda decide. There's no teasing in his voice with what follows, though - only the slightest edge of hesitance.] I know it might be... harder to believe, with my body like this. But I remember it all. I remember every first meeting I've ever had with you. From pointing a gun to your heart, to a conversation on a boat at the end of the world, to waking up to your gaze on a beach at the beginning of another. And if that's not enough... you can ask anything you like of me to confirm it for yourself until you're satisfied.
[closed to Nanami (SDR2)] 2/2, spoilers for sdr2 and dr3
But the moment the next day comes, he doesn't put it off any longer. He needs to see her, see both of them... even if Hinata feels like he doesn't deserve to.
Unfortunately, that also means he has to play the part of a good student, so he can't hurry off to see Nanami right away. He honestly, seriously considers skipping - he's never missed a day of class while he wasn't sick, but it's boring now when he already knows everything and feels like cheating besides. But he's obedient even as it makes him grind his teeth with impatience, because the hassle it will cause if the teacher catches him on schoolgrounds after he skipped is not worth the effort. Ultimately, it wastes time that needs to be spent on Nanami, so he endures it for just a little longer.
Finally, the school day draws to a close - and then he's running, running fast out of the classroom because he can't afford for anyone to get in his way now. His chest burns with the effort, and Hinata realizes he'll miss it when he doesn't have this anymore - he'll never be out of breath when his body is perfect again, so he savors the imperfection while he has it.
It takes too long and not at all, and then he's outside her classroom. He spares seconds to catch his breath, collect himself, and then he's sliding open the door.
Emotions hit him like a truck the moment he lays eyes on her, and that's something he'll miss too one day - he can feel again, in the body that he reclaimed as Hinata's, but it's nothing like this raw and powerful grip on his heart. The way seeing her makes his chest feel like it will burst, burst with nostalgia or grief or mourning or happiness or longing or lo-
He takes a breath. It shakes as he exhales.]
Nanami... [His eyes burn as they search her face. He wonders if she can tell.] If it's alright, I'd like to talk to you. I need to tell you something really important.
nooo not how i fell asleep writing this
Hinata-kun...?
[ He's out of breath, hurried and shaken, but there's something else that causes her to pause and stare at him. The Hinata she had met here had been different than the one she knew from before. He was from an earlier time and a much later one, as time had continued to pass for him even after leaving her. Now, though, when she looks at him she sees a different person once more - not the person she had entrusted with her hope, nor the person who she had met here, but someone else entirely. It's there in his eyes, in that look he fixes her with and the way that he speaks to her.
She stares in return, and she searches him in turn, the concern on her face slowly overwritten by something more pensive. There's the slight feeling that this Hinata isn't any of the ones she's met, but another facet of who he can be. But she had loved each and every face he wore, and so she doesn't feel worried about that at all, and after several seconds of thought she offers her answer, ]
Mm, sure. You can always talk to me. [ There's no time at which she's too busy for him. ] Did something happen...?
[ It takes a little longer, but she does break eye contact to look around the classroom for a moment before taking a step to the side and looking back to him. The last few people are filing out, and so they can talk here if he'd like, or they can go somewhere else. ]
HELP I FELL ASLEEP TOO AND IT TOOK ME TWO HOURS TO WAKE UP ENOUGH TO WRITE THIS
It's not long enough because it squeezes his throat with anxiety, and it's far too long because it makes his fingers curl with impatience. Eventually, however, the last student has left.
He opens his mouth.
He isn't sure what he's going to say.
I missed you so much. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. Please don't forgive me.
None of that is what comes out.
It's an aborted sound at first. Maybe it was supposed to be her name. His mind moves too fast for him to keep up, even worse because it's harder for him to process it now, but before he knows it he's crossing the distance between them and his arms are around her and his back hurts from the way he's bending to press against her shoulder but if he let's her go he'll die, he's certain he'll shatter apart irreparably, and not even Komaeda will be able to piece him back together again.
Hinata doesn't say the words he thought that he should.]
Thank you.
[Instead, he says the words he was always meant to.]
Thank you- Thank you- [Maybe it's between the second and third that he's choking on them.] Thank you, thank you- [Perhaps it's somewhere around the third or fourth that he starts sobbing.] Thank you thank you thank you thank you-
[He breaks apart on her shoulder in this body that can feel, that shouldn't feel, that feels too much because he has to be seventeen again with too much capacity in his brain. He does it now, while he still has a body that he doesn't have to fight with to cry - because he knows he would, he knows he still would, but if he woke up tomorrow and was twenty one all over it wouldn't feel the same.
It hurts so much he almost wishes he couldn't feel it, in the same breath that he's relieved that he can hurt at all as the Hinata Hajime that's still unruined.
I said it.
He says it now, hears himself crying and desperate through the spinning in his head, because he can't risk losing her or losing himself again and never being able to. Says it while he can feel her warm and alive, soft and small in his arms, in the hands that will one day become a little older and full of talent and never deserve to touch her ever again.
I finally said it.]
NOT US FALLING ASLEEP we're nanami now
One second she's watching him with a patient smile and listening to the sound of the door shutting behind the final student, and the next second his arms are around her and she can feel the warmth of his body, the trembling of his body as his emotions overtake him, the wet tears that drip onto her shoulders as repeated works of thanks reach her. It makes her heart ache and her throat feel tight and she finds herself frozen in place, fearful that the moment she so much as twitches she'll find this moment to have been nothing more than a dream she's waiting to wake up from.
Her hands move though, thin arms wrapping around him in turn to pull him just that little bit closer, to hang onto him tightly. It's painful to see him like this, it's painful to know that it's because of her, when she thinks a smile suits him so much better. It's painful because they had supported each other, because he had given her so much strength, but in the end she had to leave him. Her fingernails scrape against the fabric of his shirt as she takes in a breath, and she's glad it was him who had exposed her. It was too much for anyone, and she knows it had hurt, but it had to be him.
She rubs circles on his back. Hinata can cry as much as he needs to. His world was shattered over and over, and he'd had to hold up through all of that. More than anyone, he deserves to shed tears. That he's able to is proof that she had lived, that he had lived, that everything Chiaki Nanami had done meant something.
Her breath stops for a few seconds before she remembers how to do so, taking in a slow and steady breath as she searches for what she wants to say in return - what does she want to say to the Hinata of now, who she's certain remembers all the vibrant and sunny and gloomy and harrowing days that they'd shared on the island together? ]
I'm sorry, Hinata-kun. I couldn't be with you until the end.
[ Nanami made the right choice. She could never regret her own death when it meant the people she loved most would be kept safe, but if she did have one selfish regret, it would certainly be that she had wanted to be able to stay by his side until it was time for him and the others to go back to the world that they knew. ]
But I'm happy... I'm so happy, it feels like my heart is going to burst.
[ Happy to see him again - still himself, no matter how much he changes, happy to be able to support him again, happy to be remembered and cared for, and most of all, she's happy to hear those words from him. ]