Yukio Okumura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
emptyembers) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
yogen2022-02-07 04:41 pm
emptyembers) wrote in yogen2022-02-07 04:41 pm
falling past the horizon
Who: Yukio & You!
What: Coping With Loss :)
When Beginning of February
Where: School Rooftop
Warnings: very unfun post about grief, loss, suicidal thoughts and attempts probably.
[Yukio had felt the emptiness when it happened. Well, emptiness wasn't exactly the word he would use. It was more of a sudden vacuum left behind by the sudden removal of something important. But the point was that he had felt it when it happened. One moment he had been fine, or as fine as anyone could be in this place... the next moment he had felt so empty that it almost staggered him.
It took him a while to figure out what it was, and what the feeling meant. Things had appeared normal. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and for a moment there Yukio had almost brushed the feeling aside as just his anxiety getting the better of him. The feeling didn't leave, though, and as the day had gone it had gotten worse.
It felt as if he was suffocating, the pressure in his chest crushing against him until he couldn't so much as breathe.
It got worse when he had arrived at their dorm room, only to find Kurikara on the floor. His heart had sunk at the sight of it, because as clumsy and forgetful his brother was, he would never toss that sword away like it was nothing more than spare clothes.
The rest had been a blur.
He didn't remember how he got to the rooftop, or when he had sat down on the ledge, with his feet dangling off the side of the building. He didn't remember grabbing Kurikara or the fact that he was still holding it.
All he remembered was that feeling of emptiness had grown, and through his haze, he knew without a doubt that Rin... was gone.]
What: Coping With Loss :)
When Beginning of February
Where: School Rooftop
Warnings: very unfun post about grief, loss, suicidal thoughts and attempts probably.
[Yukio had felt the emptiness when it happened. Well, emptiness wasn't exactly the word he would use. It was more of a sudden vacuum left behind by the sudden removal of something important. But the point was that he had felt it when it happened. One moment he had been fine, or as fine as anyone could be in this place... the next moment he had felt so empty that it almost staggered him.
It took him a while to figure out what it was, and what the feeling meant. Things had appeared normal. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and for a moment there Yukio had almost brushed the feeling aside as just his anxiety getting the better of him. The feeling didn't leave, though, and as the day had gone it had gotten worse.
It felt as if he was suffocating, the pressure in his chest crushing against him until he couldn't so much as breathe.
It got worse when he had arrived at their dorm room, only to find Kurikara on the floor. His heart had sunk at the sight of it, because as clumsy and forgetful his brother was, he would never toss that sword away like it was nothing more than spare clothes.
The rest had been a blur.
He didn't remember how he got to the rooftop, or when he had sat down on the ledge, with his feet dangling off the side of the building. He didn't remember grabbing Kurikara or the fact that he was still holding it.
All he remembered was that feeling of emptiness had grown, and through his haze, he knew without a doubt that Rin... was gone.]
no subject
[...oh. Oh no. That's...
...
That's very bad. That's very bad, because Rin is gone, but more importantly because Noah knows exactly what it means. When someone goes missing here, they don't just turn up okay in ninety-nine percent of cases. They don't just come back like nothing's happened, no.
It means that Rin is dead. It means that someone got him when his back was turned and dragged him off never to be seen again, just like what happened with Inaba and Bonnie and Miyuki and Nanami — just like with Clamor, only Clamor could come back because of the magic in the sickle. Rin has no such thing, as far as Noah knows.
His heart sinks, and after a moment, he lays his head on Yukio's shoulder, not knowing what he should say. Would ripping the bandaid off make everything worse? The answer is probably yes. So, he doesn't do that.]
...I'm sorry. I don't... I don't know what else to say.
[He'd reach out for Yukio's hand to hold it if he thought it was a good idea. That sword is too important, though, so he lets Yukio hold it and mourn. No point in trying to take that away.]
If you need to cry or scream or... or something, I'm here, okay?
no subject
Yukio gritted his teeth, the hands clutching the hilt of the sword trembling, knuckles white. There wasn't even a sword in here, it was just the hilt and the scabbard, the blade long gone — just like Rin.
His eyes burned, but he didn't know if it was due to tears or his flames so he reached up and removed his glasses, carefully setting them aside as to not to lose them. He only had one pair here, after all.]
He's really gone.
[His voice was soft now, barely above a whisper, but the tremble in each syllable was audible.]
The amount of times I wished he was dead, or that I tried to kill him a-and he's ...
[Tears.
They were tears.
The blurred his already awful vision, but he refused to let them fall. He hadn't cried since he was a child, not after he swore to protect Rin and now...
He brought the sword up, pressing his forehead against the hilt.]
I-I can't even tell him how s-sorry I am anymore.
no subject
Noah reaches up to brush some hair out of Yukio's face, not that it helps much. It alarms him to hear that they've tried to kill each other in the past, but now isn't the time or the place to dig deeper into that. Really, it's not even his business to begin with, but...
...no, no, not now.]
Yukio... look at me.
[What did everyone say to him when he was deep in his own despair? What did they say — life goes on, everything will work out? Empty promises here. There's only one thing that could be promised in this place, which is—]
I know it's not... a comfort, probably, but people here... they come back. It might take a bit, but they do. Somewhere, somehow, they always do. Don't give up hope, okay?
no subject
Thank whoever the fuck for small favors.
He swallowed thickly, trying to get himself back under control. He didn't like feeling like this — lost and helpless, like he was eight years old again, sobbing under the covers because he had seen a demon outside his window. Rin had always slept with him then, to comfort him as if Rin could beat back the monsters that terrorized him.]
I don't know if Rin being gone is for the best... He didn't belong here. [Did any of them? Yukio wasn't a good person, and those around them here tended not to be either. But there were people here who didn't deserve to be in whatever hell-like punishment this was.
Nene and Noah were two that he could think of.
He let out a slow breath, dropping his gaze and bringing the back of his hand across his cheeks to wipe away some of the tears.]
I'm sorry... I don't... You shouldn't see me like this...
no subject
[Noah reaches up with both hands and plaps them on either side of Yukio's face, sort of squishing the latter a bit with the force. He lessens his grip shortly after, he's very sorry.
Why does he have to suck at this?]
You're allowed to... to be sad, or cry, or scream, or kick something or whatever you need. But you're not allowed to think that you have to put up a facade in front of me. You're not allowed to think that I don't care, either.
[Yukio hadn't said that in certain terms, but Noah thinks he has the guy figured out. He knows who he fell for, after all. And that aside...
He swipes tears from Yukio's eyes with his thumbs. More will soon take their place, or so he imagines. But for now...]
...do you want a hug?