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Entry tags:
six reconnections ➱ open feb catch-all;
Who: Himeko Inaba and YOU.
What: Catch-all log for February
When: Throughout February.
Where: Various locations as listed.
Warnings: None for now, but will be updated as necessary.
↳ option one. ( during the disney trip, but not at disney )
↳ option two. ( feb 12th )
↳ option three. ( valentine's day )
↳ option four. ( wildcard )
What: Catch-all log for February
When: Throughout February.
Where: Various locations as listed.
Warnings: None for now, but will be updated as necessary.
↳ option one. ( during the disney trip, but not at disney )
- [Perhaps you're one of the plucky ones that decided to say no to Disney, like Inaba and find yourselves rather bored--and well, given that everything is basically self-study now and Inaba is, well, not exactly hurting in terms of her studies, as she was a naturally good test taker. And on top of that, she was actually decent at math, so it's actually rather...
Well - it certainly doesn't push all her worries, but it definitely allows her to relax a bit, knowing that having an emptier school meant all the nuisances were gone, albeit temporarily.
Which also meant that she could do as she pleased. Hence for those who might still be around, they might notice her in various places, but especially on the second floor - particularly in the cooking room and workshop.
What she can be found doing in the cooking room is well, trying to teach herself how to cook a little better--it's something that she had been doing before, back home and is something that she wants to carry over here. Even more so since it's actually a matter of survival.
Probably doesn't help that she's not all that great of a chef and finds it rather frustrating to do so...]
What a pain... why is cooking so fucking difficult. Maybe I should just buy stuff from the vending machine, instead...
[But she can't rely on others to cook for her in the first place!! What if someone decides to take advantage of that...! Well, at the very least, she isn't blowing up the kitchen and is instead just frustratedly staring at her cooking notes. It's probably fine.]
↳ option two. ( feb 12th )
- [So. How about that tuition, huh?
Inaba, someone who looks at the PDA when she has the time to, even if she doesn't reply to everyone's antics, given the way she is.
But then that ping goes off and well...
...time for her to investigate the matter! People might notice her snooping around places where faculty may be while trying to be natural about it; not to mention that she's polite about it and all. But it's odd that she's trying to be so proactive and trying to actually talk to people, isn't it?
Hm.]
↳ option three. ( valentine's day )
- [Otherwise known as "the worst day in Inaba Himeko's existence".
She's awfully aware of what day today is and while she's already naturally distant to most people, today is a day where she's... well, not in the best state. In fact anyone who is a third year, or teaches third years will probably notice that she's looking a lot more lethargic, and not in a 'she hasn't slept' way but she also has bags under her eyes showing that she hasn't slept much lately.
People who are observant will definitely notice that she's fiddling with her pendant idly, sighing heavily every now and again to the point where it's honestly just kind of sad.
After classes, she actively avoids people, wanting to find a room without people--or well. At best a place that she can keep herself distracted.
Which is why she chooses the library, stockpiling on a lot of random books. But none of them are romantic in nature. It's fine.]
↳ option four. ( wildcard )
- [I wrote this all at 3AM, come @ me with anything else you want to do with Inaba, I'm down for a lot. She isn't going to Disney, but if anybody wanted to attempt to convince her prior to it, feel free to make An Attempt at least. Feel free to hmu at
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But... ]
If there's even a slight chance of that being possible, I want to hold onto it. It's either that or I'll end up as a lingering spirit.
[ Bound by missed opportunities, unfulfilled goals. ]
Even you have to admit, if there's even a one percent chance, you'd have nothing to lose by betting on it. To pick up where you left off, to make it count this time.
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Then again, I guess I'm the weird one here, huh.
[She laughs, a little brokenly.]
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I think it's the opposite, Inaba. Even if I hold onto that one percent, that's still an overwhelming disadvantage against me. I'll keep that hope alive, but it'll eat at me until I know it's completely hopeless.
[ Which turns his stomach to think about. ]
If it were easier for me to accept that I'll never see my family or my friends again, that would be true Hell. It'd be the same as letting go. I'd say it's lucky that you're able to disregard that so easily, but...
[ He draws a finger to point directly at her pendant. ]
You're just as unlucky as I am.
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[She doesn't think that a person's hope is necessarily wrong, or even bad. But she doesn't have that same sort of outlook, and it shows in her sad, solemn smile.]
"Unlucky", huh? ...Mm, I wouldn't say that.
[Unconsciously, a hand reaches to her other wrist, where the tallies are.]
If I were truly unlucky... everyone I loved and cared about would be here. They would all be dead. But I'm alone, just like I was from the very start. And--I won't hope for kindness, or love, or friendship, or any of that. Because once I find out the truth behind certain things, that will be end for 'Inaba Himeko'.
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She has a point. He'd already decided that he'd rather be here by himself than have anyone he knows wind up in purgatory like this. Having to suffer through everything he's going through. It's just in his nature to take on all of the responsibilities so others can enjoy themselves.
It just doesn't sit right with him, though. ]
Sorry, but that's wrong.
[ The problem was that he'd heard similar stuff to this before. Unfortunately, she can't escape kindness. Or, in reality, selfless idiots. ]
If you were truly alone, I would've taken the book and left by now. Like it or not, you've made a companion. As long as I hope for the impossible, that's how it'll be.
[ You done fucked up now, Inaba Himeko. ]
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Ma'am, this is a library--]
Why the hell would you want to, with someone like me, who--
[She hisses through gritted teeth for a moment before trying to recollect herself, getting up from the chair she's sitting on.]
...If this is about 'paying me back' from last time, then stop it already. I don't need it.
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[ He's poor, he'll accept free stuff whenever he can. Still, the fact that she's showing any kind of emotion like this can only be a good sign. ]
You said it yourself. Humans can't be expected to go on by themselves. Say what you want about yourself, but I don't think you've shed your humanity just yet.
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Aah, you can't just throw my words back at me like that... But I can't deny it. I don't want to become anything that isn't 'human', after all. That's why I've made the choices that I did this whole time, and will continue to do so moving forward.
But I already told you, didn't I? I can't trust anyone here, so I can't be expected to be with anyone here as a friend.
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[ After all, she shouldn't. Not when he's not even sure about it. ]
You don't need to consider me a friend either. At best, I'll consider you an ally.
Regardless, you'll have me on your side.
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[It comes off a little flatly, but there's sincerity to her single worded question; as if what he said wasn't enough for her.
Well, that, and she's just now more confused.
Not a friend but an ally??? For what reason???]
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[ Which're coming off the top of his head, naturally. ]
The first is a selfish reason. I genuinely think that having someone like you around is good for the rest of us. Your analysis of what's been going on with the Arisus and ability to pick up on certain details has been stellar. Losing that, we'd be more screwed than we typically are.
[ Leaving him, as a student council representative, as someone who'd want to remain on her side. There are so many around who want to cause chaos or be vague, and having Inaba here to be more straightforward could only be a good thing. ]
The second...
[ Hm. How does he phrase this? ]
You remind me of somebody. Someone who wasn't interested in having any kind of friend or even interested in acknowledging anyone else around her. There's no deeper meaning behind it, but when I hear you speak about being alone and your need to keep everyone further than arm's length away...
I can't help but think that I'd be betraying them by leaving you by yourself.
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Seeing scenarios like that isn't difficult at all.
[It's a staple for all of her life, so why not more of her afterlife?]
I'd say there are some who are on par or even better than I am, but one of them is a nuisance that I hate with every fiber of my being, so I am not even going to talk about them, because they're a pain in the ass.
[...
She sighs. And then speaks up, again. But there's something to her voice that's heavier.
Like this is something that's been on her mind for a while.]
It's not as if I want to be this way. But after having all the constant murders being done by 'transfer students', constantly, it's... safer, to distance yourself. You can't get hurt, or betrayed.
Well, it probably doesn't help that some people know something about the last time I died here in this place and hasn't been telling me anything about it. That's my own problem, though.
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[ "Coming back from whatever dead place you floated in". That's what he had said, wasn't it? Ugh, he was furious enough to miss it, but he remembered something that that guy had said that unnerved him. Other than-- well, all of the insults. ]
I don't think I'm necessarily strong enough to hurt someone and not feel shitty about it later, so you can take that for what you will. But, I won't lie to you and say that way of thinking isn't valid. Opening up to someone superficially only leaves you open to be hurt. It exposes your weaknesses far, far too easily.
[ His weakness is far the hell away from here, so he'll take that. ]
...you know. There's someone I think I need to have a chat with about anyone that's died recently. [ A beat. ] Rather, people that've died and then come back.
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[She answers him dryly with a bit of a sigh.
Well, Inaba's good at covering up a good portion of her weaknesses with proverbial duct tape, so she's glad for that. Taichi's not here too, so it's not as if that can be used against her.
But someone that's died and come back--]
... Hm? With who, exactly?
[There's a very, very keen interest in her voice at that as her gaze shifts from him to the wrist with the tallies for a brief moment, thoughtful.]
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[ The only other person that's been consistently good to him, and has been here as long as anyone else. ]
I don't think I've gotten the full story from Nene Yashiro just yet.
[ Which, as he says it, he feels nervous about it. Mostly because... he really, really doesn't want to stress her out any more than she already is. ]
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[That's an interesting name to pop up. Now she's more interested.]
Did she... tell you something else before? You said 'full story', but I assume she said something, right? I mean, I do remember that she told me that when I came back, that after whatever happened...
...I'm supposing 'death', or whatever, that I was reanimated with three others for the student council elections. Maybe you were one of those 'three others'? So actually the person you might want to be talking to is someone else entirely. Although I can't say for sure that they'd know about who did it.
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Actually, that. That would explain. A lot. ]
Yashiro mostly gave me the run down of what had been going on, but I hadn't asked about myself. I didn't know if it was important or not.
[ A brief pause. ]
Arisu-- Maya, had asked how I would have done in the student council elections after I had expressed interest in joining again. I was fully intending on participating, but I don't remember anything between thinking that and waking up during the cultural festival.
...if that's the case, then I want to know definitively. All this talk of possession, I sure as hell don't like the idea of anyone taking over my body.
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[There's a questioning look in her gaze--but there's something more to it, something rare: concern. It's not something that she gives often, and to a lot of people, if any.]
Honestly, maybe you were better off not participating if it was really a bloodbath like I've heard.
[...]
I do want to know, too. I-- [And for a moment, she's vulnerable. Her voice shakes. Her fingers curl into a tight fist, nails digging into the skin.] I hate the idea that someone used my body like that.
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[ After all, he wasn't missing a limb and hadn't become an evil puppet or anything as far as he knows. When he regained consciousness, it was as if nothing had ever happened. Despite that, her concern's absolutely noted. Here she is asking why no one should care about her, while she's showing him a bit of sympathy. ]
--? I agree and everything, but--
[ Something about how she's speaking on that's bugging him. ]
--Nobody here thinks that was actually the real you, if someone was controlling you. In fact, it could've been a doppelganger or something like that. Some kind of puppet.
[ Again, trying to explain this away as if it'll make him feel better, but also... he's not too sure about it. It feels like he wandered onto a mine field just by bringing that up. ]
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This isn't the conversation that she was expecting to have on this day, but she supposes this is the conversation she might as well be having.
She smiles.
It's not one that reaches her eyes.
When she speaks up yet again, there's something unnatural about her speech; it's soft and cracked, like someone playing a note slightly off-key.]
I know that. But, still... I don't like it.
[There's something vulnerable in the way she talks about this, with her voice too soft.]
However, in that case, given what I heard that happened...
[She shuts her eyes, thoughtful for a second.
Of course, she knows that maybe she's been overthinking things this whole time. But there are still so many questions that are left unanswered.]
Whether it's a doppelganger, or possession, or even a puppet. There's no denying the fact that I was just gone for several months. Or rather --
[A pause, as she tries to collect herself. Her thoughts. She opens her eyes again, wearing that same smile. It's a sad, lonely one.]
Who's to say that the 'current us' aren't the doppelgangers with false memories of the person that died all that time ago?
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Granted. There's the part of him that thinks, who in their right mind would want to take his memories? He's got too many flaws, too little money, copious amounts of unhappy thoughts and memories behind him. Surely, if you had the capabilities, you would remove everything. Give them nothing but happy memories, false or not. It felt like an attempt was made, but...
...no, it didn't sit well with him. ]
Whoever's mixing souls and memories around, they could do a lot better than me. Even if it was as a joke, or for fun. But even without that thought in my head...
[ ...he plants his palm flat against his heart. ]
Whatever I feel for my family, my friends, for Shinomiya-- maybe it's too idealistic or naive, but this feeling can't be faked by anybody. Until that fades away, I don't truly believe 'Shirogane Miyuki' is dead and gone for good.
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As someone who's dealt with a lot of things regarding the soul, regarding memories... she can't tell. If she's real or not. If these memories of hers are of somebody else's, or are fabricated from the start.
There isn't anybody here that knows the real Inaba Himeko.
So there's nobody that can truly confirm her existence.
That's what she thought.
She sighs.]
I see. I suppose in a way... you're lucky, for being able to think that way.
[It's so bright. Something that she's always struggled with, as a dark person.]
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Although, that begs a question. ]
Inaba. When you think about the person who gave you that pendant... what do you feel?
[ Why the hell are you in the library? ]
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[Surprise flits into her expression at that question.]
You can't just ask a girl that sort of question!
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Why not? It's a fairly straightforward question. I imagine it wouldn't be that tough if you didn't harbor something for whoever it was.
[ Just an insinuation, especially from the reaction. ]
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