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now we've got bad blood
Who: Shin & close CR (and the Nanamis if desired)
What: Despairzone 2022, Flipside
When: Hope your Valentine's Day is going well, Shin's sure isn't
Where: People's phones and dorm doors, Moon 1
Warnings: Past abuse/toxic friendship is likely to come up
Midori is here. Let Sara and Alice know.
Eight words from Ranger that make Shin feel like all of his blood has turned to ice. His mouth is dry and his mind whirling as he stares down at the screen, thoughts and implications racing frantically through a brain that otherwise might as well have been suddenly replaced with cotton wool or cottage cheese.
He feels sick. With only a token effort at excusing himself, he just runs straight out of the room to the nearest bathroom. It's an off-kilter blur of the mirror, and the twinned shine off fixtures, and his own nausea and ragged frantic breathing, until the fact he's clutching his phone still tight enough for it to maybe break registers through the pain in his hand.
He swallows thickly, and tries to breathe, and sends a reply to Ranger with the slow, deliberate effort of someone trying to do something delicate while out of it. If this is some kind of joke, it's not funny at all. He tries to collect himself, pull himself back together into one place, every nerve on high alert because he can't afford to fall apart if this is true. He's staring at the screen with intensity and a taut, shivering frame. Ranger is... well he's not the sort to outright lie, right? Just mislead. So this is true? Probably... he'd really like this to not be happening.
His hand buries itself in the wool of Nene's scarf. It's a comfort and it isn't. He doesn't know anything. He- he needs to know what's going on.
No reply.
Here in Yogen Shin's let himself get comfortable, sprawled out like ivy, retreating with frost, reaching up towards sunlight, putting down roots. It's not until the possibility that he might need to withdraw completely back into his shell appears that so does the lurching horror that he just might not fit any more. Vulnerabilities exposed no matter what he does, and so many.
All he can do is try. There's nothing to do but to try, and warn as many people as possible before Midori gets his hooks in them like he did to him. He sends his final text to Ranger and lets his head thunk back against the bathroom wall, exhaling. Right now, Shin is at the closest to an advantage he'll get... he just needs to hold onto that.
He lifts up his phone again, and bracing with the other hand, gets to his feet.
What: Despairzone 2022, Flipside
When: Hope your Valentine's Day is going well, Shin's sure isn't
Where: People's phones and dorm doors, Moon 1
Warnings: Past abuse/toxic friendship is likely to come up
Midori is here. Let Sara and Alice know.
Eight words from Ranger that make Shin feel like all of his blood has turned to ice. His mouth is dry and his mind whirling as he stares down at the screen, thoughts and implications racing frantically through a brain that otherwise might as well have been suddenly replaced with cotton wool or cottage cheese.
He feels sick. With only a token effort at excusing himself, he just runs straight out of the room to the nearest bathroom. It's an off-kilter blur of the mirror, and the twinned shine off fixtures, and his own nausea and ragged frantic breathing, until the fact he's clutching his phone still tight enough for it to maybe break registers through the pain in his hand.
He swallows thickly, and tries to breathe, and sends a reply to Ranger with the slow, deliberate effort of someone trying to do something delicate while out of it. If this is some kind of joke, it's not funny at all. He tries to collect himself, pull himself back together into one place, every nerve on high alert because he can't afford to fall apart if this is true. He's staring at the screen with intensity and a taut, shivering frame. Ranger is... well he's not the sort to outright lie, right? Just mislead. So this is true? Probably... he'd really like this to not be happening.
His hand buries itself in the wool of Nene's scarf. It's a comfort and it isn't. He doesn't know anything. He- he needs to know what's going on.
No reply.
Here in Yogen Shin's let himself get comfortable, sprawled out like ivy, retreating with frost, reaching up towards sunlight, putting down roots. It's not until the possibility that he might need to withdraw completely back into his shell appears that so does the lurching horror that he just might not fit any more. Vulnerabilities exposed no matter what he does, and so many.
All he can do is try. There's nothing to do but to try, and warn as many people as possible before Midori gets his hooks in them like he did to him. He sends his final text to Ranger and lets his head thunk back against the bathroom wall, exhaling. Right now, Shin is at the closest to an advantage he'll get... he just needs to hold onto that.
He lifts up his phone again, and bracing with the other hand, gets to his feet.
no subject
[Give him a second or two, he's been getting his stamina up lately thanks to swimming et al but it's been a lot of school he's just covered and the adrenalin is starting to wear off. He gets his breath back a bit, swallows a couple of times, realizes he didn't actually plan how he was going to do this.]
Err... I-I'm fine... Can we talk in private?
[That's probably the place to start, the hall probably isn't the best area for this.]
It's kinda urgent, aha...
[He'd just kind of kept the laugh and now even his own habit makes his skin crawl. He swallows yet again.]
no subject
[wherever he wants to go, be it his room or hers. wherever feels private, and safe. it's when they're there, and the door's shut and locked, that she'll start up with the concern again.]
...Shin, what's going on? You sound like you've been fleeing demons at your heels.
[what was chasing him? hunting him? it couldn't be one of the- no, definitely not. but he's definitely not fine, and this is definitely critical to address.]
no subject
[He'll go to his room, pretty much entirely on autopilot because it's simply felt like the safest place he knows for a long while.
It probably says a lot that he doesn't immediately turn the kotatsu on, even offhand by habit. Instead there's a moment of buffering that the name snaps him out of.]
Demons, huh... He might as well be one...
[There's a tapping as Shin drums his fingers on his collarbone through his scarf, thinking about how to describe Midori. Where to even start... He's never so much as mentioned him to her. His fingers stop and close in the fabric.]
...
Helena, I...
I-I had a... friend, once... The original Sou Hiyori. He's here.
[The last word is almost a hiss. He's trying to press this on her with his voice, because she's the closest who hasn't experienced it to knowing what Sou Hiyori is. What that name means, from Shin's use and wear of it.]
no subject
[she doesn't need to know him to know that only certain types of people instill that kind of fear, that panic. this is a warning, him cautioning her against what caused deep scars. and her waiting, to see how much he wants to reveal. what she needs to worry about, or if she needs to be a shield for him - to protect him from someone's attack. a healthy person can stand at least one blow for another, if not more.]
no subject
[Ranger at least... probably discovered him today? He wouldn't sit on that right? Shin's mind feels like it's attacking itself, gnawing itself.]
Helena, you have to listen to me. You can't trust him.
[He's got his hands on her shoulders, close enough the spikes of his hair are brushing her forehead, voice low and urgent, because he knows he's said this before but it's so important here, she has to know.]
He'll say you can... that he's your ally. He'll be friendly, he'll be nice to you... but it's always a trap, or a distraction! He's a master of psychic attack... h-he'll make you forget things, and you'll think it's your fault. He's bad news, okay?
[His fingers are curled; he realizes himself and lets go hurriedly, turning away and stalking around the kotatsu with unearthed energy. He's barely scratched the surface.]
no subject
she stays standing, but her expression says she's listening to him, every paced footstep. every important detail he chooses to give her, to be prepared, to be safe, because she recognizes this for what it is - trying to save someone from his own pain. likely she'd do the same, if certain people appeared here.]
...I won't. Not if he's hurt you so badly - I'll be on my guard.
[because Shin is her friend, even if they clash from time to time. Shin is someone she can fall asleep around and feel safe, someone who understands more than she'd like to verbalize aloud.]
You're the only Sou I care to know.
[thankfully, they already have two people with the same name - it will simply depend on context.]
no subject
Ah, he... might also be going by Midori.
[He wasn't around for the man's effective throwing away of the name to him, but he knows what Sara called him on request and it's the name they've been referring to him with so far.]
...Thanks. That's... all I'm asking.
[He's starting to settle, some part of him was expecting not to be believed, to push and yell and watch his worst fear play out anyway. With that, embarrassment is starting to seep in, the moment popping like a soap bubble.]
S-sorry. Got a little carried away... Ahaha.
no subject
[stepping closer to him, she tries for some degree of a reassuring smile, if it's possible.]
It's an alarming thing...I might come running to find you if certain people ever showed their face.
[people with knives and bombs and ruthless demeanors, who never hesitated. worse things than Sullivan's hands on her shoulders.]
As well, I'm glad you told me before I could walk the wrong way.
no subject
[Certain people... He does see it sometimes, the murky shape of whatever thing has left it's own marks on Helena, as blurred as the purple afterimage of staring at a light too long and exactly as painful to catch glimpse of.]
Well, I said it before, didn't I? I don't want you to... know. What that's like... that's the sort of thing nobody should.
[Nobody should, in an ideal world, the one Shin would like. One where the strong don't or can't use the weak... One where maybe the categories don't matter at all? Hard to picture. That's if she doesn't know already. It comes back to it, that question, to know or not know... some things are best left outside of personal experience, aren't they?]
Ahaha, I'll do my best if that happens. It's only fair, right?
[But there's a warmth now in his voice as well as that promise. There's some part of him that had been still starved that he had no idea of until now. The smile... but what's most reassuring is the sense he's actually being listened to, about this bone deep thing. And he can trust that reassurement, know it's not Helena sinking claws in further and pretending they're comfort, or even just saying what's said to these things out of pity. He can just... not second-guess it, for once, even if that tiny voice never truly goes away, has been set raucous by this. He fidgets with Nene's scarf again, careful not to accidentally unpick it.]
If it matters... Sara and Alice also know about him... What he's like.
[It's as much for himself as for her, but maybe it'll help her too, if things close in to the point of feeling mad for being mad.]
no subject
[...even if she's still upset at Sara for what she did, and will not stop until she hears that Shin says it's all right. but she's believing him - sincerity radiates out of her like warmth from a candle flame. she believes him, she trusts him, she knows that he says his words because he cares.]
You have more than he does, and he is a stranger here. There's some comfort in that, no?
no subject
...Yeah... I do, huh?
[It has has been a comfort if also a surprise to realise, something he's been salving himself with, but it comes with it's own flipside. Friends, allies... their help also places them in harm's way. He's thinking about Sara, that one time, asking if she can't be scared just because she has friends. He thinks he gets it a little more now, when looking from one perspective and not the other.]
Don't know how long that will last, though... He's charming when he wants to be. And people here...
[Turns out bad people also have access to the power of friendship... and don't care about that sort of thing. The scales that have a little tilt to them now from Midori not knowing anything and anyone are going to tip back down, he's sure of it.]
no subject
[it's a hopeful way of looking at things, but it's the best one she has for the moment. strength with numbers, and with the truth in their hands to hold onto. people here do believe Shin, for the most part - he speaks, and people know that he comes from a solid place. he seeks the truth.]
You will always have more than he does, because you have the advantage of being here first. He can't undo that.
no subject
[It's not actually skepticism... much. His ability to assess is all out of sorts... he's bad at telling what people will do and how they'll align themselves, he's painfully learnt this much. Helena is someone who... knows what she's talking about, so he'll defer to her here.]
Strength in numbers... but if some people fall for it, they can convince others, right? It's not good for them exactly either...
[He's so unused to the idea of being someone people listen to and believe, at scale. He knows that Helena believes him, especially now, and Nene, and so on, but the group as a whole? Even as he's been putting himself forward in meetings... It's hard to grasp.
He tried the power of the truth, and he got shot down... even if it wasn't the truth in the end, those emails were real. But then he was told no one believes the words of a liar... it's complex, he can't win.]
You're right... Ahaha, I'm never not going to have been first.
[That... it does mean something. Getting there first, establishing a foothold first, getting your ideas out first... they put you at an advantage for sure. It's why it's good to claim your card right at the start, right?]
...
Guess I'm just worried... that won't be enough. Pretty pessimistic, huh?
[Especially over time as the gap in knowledge closes. He can't tell if he's catastrophizing, because Midori is legitimately scary to him; what's prudence and what's paranoia? Is there even a difference? Helena's calm demeanor and good points are helping, grounding him, which means an overturn in layers.]
no subject
[extending her hand, it's an offer - if he takes it, she'll gently squeeze for reassurance.]
You're not facing him alone. None of us are. And no matter what, I believe you.
[because she can forgive him, time and again. they're still here. still friends.]