Who: B.B. Hood and friends (and you?!) What: pretty late catch-all, listen, don't worry bout it When: Post field-trip - End of Feb Where: Here and There
[ ...She'd thought a lot of things, back and forth. It could be you, it could be them, it could be...it could have been a lot of things. This investigation has been one giant game of trust, all the evidence pointing at friends. Who do you choose to believe in? How can you doubt, when others are kind? Can you think for yourself, when all you want to do is believe in the people you care about?
Slowly, Sara's hand moves towards her pocket, twists around his wishlist from Christmas. Back then, this was all she had enough to launch an assult to try and find something. She couldn't even prove it...everyone had said she was wrong. But later, Amami said he really had wanted Maya's contract, he'd even wanted it for the same reasons Sara guessed. She just hadn't paid attention, too worried about the revelation from Keigo. Her heart back then...hadn't been willing to doubt that admission. She'd wanted to believe in him and Subaru... ]
Shouldn't you...
[ Shouldn't you shouldn't you shouldn't you... She wasn't Saihara, or Hinata-san, or even Komeada! She wasn't a detective. She'd been a dumb first year with a guess, and she'd wanted to believe in everyone's goodwill for once! Be optimistic! She'd wanted to be wrong!
Her feet take her the last few steps. She doesn't even realized she'd wound her arm up before her fist slammed into his face. So much for that newfound desire for pacifism, but punching was allowed. ]
Think of that before, you BASTARD!!
[ That's all she has in her before Sara crumples, burying her face in her hands with a strangled cry.
[ Bonnie wasn't necessarily thinking too much about whether or not she was doing well, but more for the idea of letting Sara do her own thing momentarily. As easy as this would be to solve with violence-- holding him back up again, maybe this time out of the window, she had made a deal to bring whoever she could that was involved in the murders back over to Nao.
After all, she didn't know Amami that well. Hell, to her, any one of them could've still done it if they had a will made of iron. It didn't help that there were clearly those who wanted to believe in him more than anything else, to the point where they blindly defended him once the accusation came out.
Those are the most dangerous people. Those who have a wall set up before you can even get close. ]
So then--
[ She doesn't have too much time to respond. Having taken a moment to think on what this guy was seemingly confessing to, she paused and focused right as Sara threw her punch, stepping back in surprise. ]
Whoa! The hell--
[ B.B. nearly topples over at the sudden surprise, marching over once Sara crumples. Gosh, hell of a shot. ]
Goodness! And I thought I was ready to clobber him.
( she steps forward, and he already knows what's coming, even if he doesn't quite have the time to react. her fist crashes into his face, and he stumbles back, hand coming up to asses the damage. it's tender. it hurts. his eyes sting for a moment, but he blinks the sensation away; this is something he brought on himself, and it's nothing to cry over. telling himself that, it's a little easier for him to straighten up, empty half-smile tugging at his lips. )
Ha, guess I deserved that...
( still conscious, but that one's gonna leave a real mark by the end of the day, isn't it?
...
it's no different than it was with subaru though. he's not mad. he deserved it, after all, and she's only doing this because it's his actions that drove her to it. he pauses for a moment before crouching down. doesn't approach her. doesn't reach out to her. but he kneels down with a pretty sorry look on his face. he's ashamed of himself too, believe him. )
I'm sorry, Chidouin-san. For holding out so long too, I just...
( ... )
I thought if one person might be able to understand, it wouldn't be anyone else... So I couldn't... I couldn't tell anyone.
( and believe him, he's been trying. testing. seeing who might be willing to accept it if he did. suggesting that they need to look at someone they didn't expect, or that the killer felt remorse for what they did. in the end though, he couldn't bring himself to tell anyone else, but if it's sara... at least she does know the stakes. at least she does care about kamo-kun. maybe not enough to kill, maybe not enough to go this far, but even without understanding his "why," isn't it enough to know that the risk of losing someone forever is so much scarier than for now? )
Shut up. Stop smiling at me like that. This is awful. You're awful.
[ Does she know if he's smiling? No, of course not. She's covering her eyes like she can shut out the entire situation. But he's been smiling the entire time, kind smiles, understanding smiles, awkward pained ones. She's not crying, not yet, but her breathing is low and ragged as Sara digs her fingers into her forhead and tries to find any kind of words. An apology? She hit him. ]
Was it fun, playing me for a fool? Bonnie-chan was right. I was right...
[ He treated her like an idiot, like all her thoughts of friendship didn't mean a thing...all that talk of working together... and now he thinks she'd understand. The theory she thought was so cruel, killing someone for a wish to save Keigo-kun. Hadn't it been so odd Amami had shot down involving them at any turn...why was she so dumb.
Clearing her throat helps, even if it makes what she says next sound rougher then she means.]
Shut up! I don't want to hear it! Stupid, selfish boring reasons! Lying people! Why do I have to understand you! Don't put that on me...its never right to kill! Never ever, not even if you think someone else gives you the right!
[ A lot of sorrow and remorse going around, it's making it harder for her to enjoy the fact that she was right after all.
Bonnie steps back to lightly pat Sara's head, trying to be a bit soothing. ]
...
[ Actually, she doesn't know how to proceed on that front. She wants to tell Sara that she's wrong again, that there are good reasons to kill, but now's not the right time for that. Instead, it's over to Amami, where she'll just place her hands on her hips. ]
You didn't wanna get torn limb by limb by everyone who defended you, s'that it?
[ Well. Whatever, on that front. ]
Killing for something you want real badly, mmmm... yeah. I get that. Not so easy when you don't know how badly in the end.
[ She imagines, in the moment that wanting something going into the act isn't the same as wanting it coming out. The concept of guilt isn't really a factor for her, after all. B.B. just knows what it's like for others to want something out of the way that badly to hire her.
Well. Maybe that can be an option for next time. ]
( it breaks his heart to hear the hoarseness in her voice, the stilted, ragged breathing, the way she thinks he'd take any joy at all in something like this. he won't deny her that though, even as he has to hold back a sigh himself, frowning down at the ground as she lectures him. )
You're right, Chidouin-san... You are. I know that.
( it's never been an excuse for his actions, not really, but it's something he's told himself. over and over and over again, because he doesn't like it either. he doesn't want to kill either. but when he's faced with forever or for now, when he's faced with the threat of losing his family, again, and standing by helplessly as they're never given that chance at the life they deserve... then sending somebody back into the next step of that cycle, here or elsewhere, it doesn't seem so bad — at least they're out there somewhere.
it's still not an excuse.
but he looks up to bonnie instead for a moment. he feels guilt, but he doesn't feel regret, exactly. still, he grimaces some at the implication of her words. )
You can tell them it was me if you need to. ( that, he can own up to. ) I just... don't want them to know why.
( he doesn't want a bright red target on kamo-kun's back. )
[ It's good Bonnie speaks up to talk. It gives Sara time to wipe her face on her sleeve and stand up again. Right...they're still here to investigate. She needs to calm down a little, even if this feels like someone punched her in the stomach after all her talk of trust. ]
The mechanics of the murder are the least I want to know. [ Her voice still sounds raspy. ]
You killed Maya Arisu on a hunch..? You keep talking about keeping this secret, but look what secrets got us! You and Subaru doing awful things in the shadows, and nobody can even help you! How is lying again going to help Keigo!?
And you think telling the truth is going to help them... how? Explain it to me, Chidouin-san. I want to know how letting the others, especially those who have made it more than clear that they want revenge, is going to achieve anything except for putting them in more danger than they already are? You can't seriously say that you're willing to make them pay for my actions.
( pulling himself up to his feet along with her his voice is sharp — not quite loud enough that he could be considered raising his voice yet, but it's getting there. the urgency, the desperation. he's almost to the point of pleading, and if she pushed just a little more, there's little doubt that he would reach that point. he did something wrong. he did. there's no reason kamo-kun should be the one who has to pay the price for that.
luckily for him though, after snapping back at sara, he still has bonnie's question to address. )
It doesn't matter how I did it. You guys had a pretty good idea of it back at the meetings, so does it really change anything if I walk you through it?
( no. it's unforgivable either way, and amami gains nothing from breaking things down. )
[ Aww. Boring. But the main point of it seems to be that he doesn't really want to walk through that again. Relive that experience. That's Bonnie's interpretation anyway...
Really, she has a million more questions about it, but it's more likely that none of them are really appropriate for what's happening. A hunter would brag about how they managed to take down three targets, managed to convince a tightly wound group that they weren't behind it and nearly get away with it.
This wasn't a hunter, though. This was, to a girl with no idea of what an Ultimate is, just a normal young man who did something he isn't happy about.
...So confusing. ]
Mm. You know, if the truth doesn't get told, then others'll get hurt anyway. Eventually someone back there will take the blame while you just keep feeling sorry about it. Really-- I don't care what you want to do about it.
That said... there's someone I do need to bring you to. I promised.
[ To Nao, to sock him one. Probably to do more than that, but she wouldn't lose any sleep if the poor girl did try to kill him. ]
Three people are dead! You don't get to use Keigo as a shield anymore.
[ Bonnie might be willing to let things go and deal with the consequences later, but Sara draws herself up with a glare, squaring her shoulders to glare up at Amami. She jabs her finger up towards his chin with a click of her teeth. ]
These are your actions! Your choices! Your responsibility! What...you'll kill someone because you're scared but you won't stand up for the people you care about?
[ You could fill an ocean or write a million novels with the countless words Sara could say about desperate, cornered people who selfishly believe they're doing something good. ]
I won't lie for you. My friends deserve better then that. Bonnie is right. If you don't explain, if you don't take responsibility, this situation is only going to spiral.
( his voice comes out loud. louder than he's intended, surprising even himself, but his expression stays sharp. serious. a little bit desperate. )
I already said that you can tell them it was me. Just not... Make up a reason why. I don't care. Because I remembered something important. Because everyone was failing under her contract anyway. Because I was mad at Sakasaki-kun. I don't care what you say as long as it doesn't put them in danger.
( can't she see? it's the opposite. the way that natsume had been so quick to jump to threats, the vigilante justice their little group wants, amami doesn't want any of it directed at kamo-kun. he doesn't care if it's directed at him. he can handle it, but...
his voice drops, frustration cracking apart and falling away, only to be replaced with something pleading. )
If... If they have to know the truth, at least... Just a little bit of time.
That kind of desperation's easy to pick up on. The way one would follow up with I'll do anything if they wanted to pull a cliche.
B.B. tries not to smile, but ultimately, she can't help herself. ]
You must really, really believe in that reason, don't you?
[ She can understand Sara being so upset. She's too good a person. Well, in whatever way someone may interpret that to be good. Good, bad, heroic, evil... it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?
Bonnie rises from her position with a little stretch, humming a bit. Okay. ]
Miss Chidouin, you're right too. It's not nice to lie. Buuut, if he wants us to wait a bit, there's no problem, right?
[ That all said-- ]
But we can't help you if you try to wriggle out of this. You can get your affairs in order, try to make peace-- because once we say something, you're on your own.
[ She turns her back momentarily, more for the show of it. And then, she pivots. ]
Of course, if it comes out somehow... I don't mind running interference if you need it. My services are always available. ♡
Not a shield? Nobody bore them any ill will until you decided to act on your own! If you want to protect them, be honest. Telling obvious lies is only going to breed distrust.
[ She doesn't believe anyone would really take it out on Keigo...if Amami would just say it. Take responsibility, take the malice the people who have been hurt feel and everything should be fine. Nobody will have time to fester in the dark if Amami is out in the open to direct their feelings at. This group is full of bleeding hearts that wouldn't do anything more. Who had hurt Lucifer or Dito after they killed a almost ten people for no good reason?
She looks at Bonnie and clicks her tongue with a shrug, tightening her crossed arms. ]
Waiting...Fine. If you need time, I can give that...but you can't make this go away with lies.
[ Her tone to Amami is still terse, but she's trying to reign it back. ]
We can wait till the end of the month at most...I won't say anything to Keigo, but don't do anything else with them. When we tell everyone, the group can work on this problem, Amami. Nobody is going to hate them.
( he has to bite his tongue hard to keep from snapping at her again, and it's a wonder he doesn't taste blood from the pressure. his fingers are curled into tight fists, practically trembling from how angry he is, but... it's fine. it'll be fine. that's why he's doing this, after all; sara can make all the claims she wants about him owning up or not owning up, acting on his own or hiding the truth, because it's for the best that he sees this through. he knew it wouldn't be easy, but... it would have been a kind of cowardice he couldn't have forgiven himself for, if he'd simply walked away without having this conversation first — without telling them. )
Thanks, Bonnie.
( he's pretty sure he doesn't need those services, but at this point, he's kind of tired of talking to sara. )
A month is fine. I wouldn't have said anything at all if I wasn't ready to own up to it.
( he just needs to make sure that keigo is safe, is all...
... )
That should be enough for now, right? I should really go, and you two can check up on Akehoshi-kun like you were intending.
[ That was just an excuse, of course! Not that she knows if Sara actually did want to visit Subaru, she just wanted to bully Amami-- and maybe okay, Subaru if he knew something.
Still, she really wants to know how it's done, but she'll have to figure it out later. That much is disappointing, but ultimately, she's pretty impressed. How much did you want this after all, Amami? Enough to kill three people, enough to fool just about everyone else, including those who truly, absolutely believed in him. It's admirable, in a way. After all-- if he'd gotten away with it and didn't feel bad about it, and of course, Sara hadn't been with her... Bonnie probably would've let him go.
Oh well. ]
That'll be all from me. Just keep what I said in mind.
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[ ...She'd thought a lot of things, back and forth. It could be you, it could be them, it could be...it could have been a lot of things. This investigation has been one giant game of trust, all the evidence pointing at friends. Who do you choose to believe in? How can you doubt, when others are kind? Can you think for yourself, when all you want to do is believe in the people you care about?
Slowly, Sara's hand moves towards her pocket, twists around his wishlist from Christmas. Back then, this was all she had enough to launch an assult to try and find something. She couldn't even prove it...everyone had said she was wrong. But later, Amami said he really had wanted Maya's contract, he'd even wanted it for the same reasons Sara guessed. She just hadn't paid attention, too worried about the revelation from Keigo. Her heart back then...hadn't been willing to doubt that admission. She'd wanted to believe in him and Subaru... ]
Shouldn't you...
[ Shouldn't you shouldn't you shouldn't you... She wasn't Saihara, or Hinata-san, or even Komeada! She wasn't a detective. She'd been a dumb first year with a guess, and she'd wanted to believe in everyone's goodwill for once! Be optimistic! She'd wanted to be wrong!
Her feet take her the last few steps. She doesn't even realized she'd wound her arm up before her fist slammed into his face. So much for that newfound desire for pacifism, but punching was allowed. ]
Think of that before, you BASTARD!!
[ That's all she has in her before Sara crumples, burying her face in her hands with a strangled cry.
Auuugh!!
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After all, she didn't know Amami that well. Hell, to her, any one of them could've still done it if they had a will made of iron. It didn't help that there were clearly those who wanted to believe in him more than anything else, to the point where they blindly defended him once the accusation came out.
Those are the most dangerous people. Those who have a wall set up before you can even get close. ]
So then--
[ She doesn't have too much time to respond. Having taken a moment to think on what this guy was seemingly confessing to, she paused and focused right as Sara threw her punch, stepping back in surprise. ]
Whoa! The hell--
[ B.B. nearly topples over at the sudden surprise, marching over once Sara crumples. Gosh, hell of a shot. ]
Goodness! And I thought I was ready to clobber him.
[ Well, Amami? You still conscious? ]
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Ha, guess I deserved that...
( still conscious, but that one's gonna leave a real mark by the end of the day, isn't it?
...
it's no different than it was with subaru though. he's not mad. he deserved it, after all, and she's only doing this because it's his actions that drove her to it. he pauses for a moment before crouching down. doesn't approach her. doesn't reach out to her. but he kneels down with a pretty sorry look on his face. he's ashamed of himself too, believe him. )
I'm sorry, Chidouin-san. For holding out so long too, I just...
( ... )
I thought if one person might be able to understand, it wouldn't be anyone else... So I couldn't... I couldn't tell anyone.
( and believe him, he's been trying. testing. seeing who might be willing to accept it if he did. suggesting that they need to look at someone they didn't expect, or that the killer felt remorse for what they did. in the end though, he couldn't bring himself to tell anyone else, but if it's sara... at least she does know the stakes. at least she does care about kamo-kun. maybe not enough to kill, maybe not enough to go this far, but even without understanding his "why," isn't it enough to know that the risk of losing someone forever is so much scarier than for now? )
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[ Does she know if he's smiling? No, of course not. She's covering her eyes like she can shut out the entire situation. But he's been smiling the entire time, kind smiles, understanding smiles, awkward pained ones. She's not crying, not yet, but her breathing is low and ragged as Sara digs her fingers into her forhead and tries to find any kind of words. An apology? She hit him. ]
Was it fun, playing me for a fool? Bonnie-chan was right. I was right...
[ He treated her like an idiot, like all her thoughts of friendship didn't mean a thing...all that talk of working together... and now he thinks she'd understand. The theory she thought was so cruel, killing someone for a wish to save Keigo-kun. Hadn't it been so odd Amami had shot down involving them at any turn...why was she so dumb.
Clearing her throat helps, even if it makes what she says next sound rougher then she means.]
Shut up! I don't want to hear it! Stupid, selfish boring reasons! Lying people! Why do I have to understand you! Don't put that on me...its never right to kill! Never ever, not even if you think someone else gives you the right!
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Bonnie steps back to lightly pat Sara's head, trying to be a bit soothing. ]
...
[ Actually, she doesn't know how to proceed on that front. She wants to tell Sara that she's wrong again, that there are good reasons to kill, but now's not the right time for that. Instead, it's over to Amami, where she'll just place her hands on her hips. ]
You didn't wanna get torn limb by limb by everyone who defended you, s'that it?
[ Well. Whatever, on that front. ]
Killing for something you want real badly, mmmm... yeah. I get that. Not so easy when you don't know how badly in the end.
[ She imagines, in the moment that wanting something going into the act isn't the same as wanting it coming out. The concept of guilt isn't really a factor for her, after all. B.B. just knows what it's like for others to want something out of the way that badly to hire her.
Well. Maybe that can be an option for next time. ]
So... you're trying to keep this quiet, then?
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You're right, Chidouin-san... You are. I know that.
( it's never been an excuse for his actions, not really, but it's something he's told himself. over and over and over again, because he doesn't like it either. he doesn't want to kill either. but when he's faced with forever or for now, when he's faced with the threat of losing his family, again, and standing by helplessly as they're never given that chance at the life they deserve... then sending somebody back into the next step of that cycle, here or elsewhere, it doesn't seem so bad — at least they're out there somewhere.
it's still not an excuse.
but he looks up to bonnie instead for a moment. he feels guilt, but he doesn't feel regret, exactly. still, he grimaces some at the implication of her words. )
You can tell them it was me if you need to. ( that, he can own up to. ) I just... don't want them to know why.
( he doesn't want a bright red target on kamo-kun's back. )
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[ He has his reasons, and it sounds like that's something more for Sara to dig into.
Naturally though, she does crouch down, hands on her chin. ]
What I am curious about is... how the heck did you pull any of this off? You don't look like you're super strong or anything.
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The mechanics of the murder are the least I want to know. [ Her voice still sounds raspy. ]
You killed Maya Arisu on a hunch..? You keep talking about keeping this secret, but look what secrets got us! You and Subaru doing awful things in the shadows, and nobody can even help you! How is lying again going to help Keigo!?
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( pulling himself up to his feet along with her his voice is sharp — not quite loud enough that he could be considered raising his voice yet, but it's getting there. the urgency, the desperation. he's almost to the point of pleading, and if she pushed just a little more, there's little doubt that he would reach that point. he did something wrong. he did. there's no reason kamo-kun should be the one who has to pay the price for that.
luckily for him though, after snapping back at sara, he still has bonnie's question to address. )
It doesn't matter how I did it. You guys had a pretty good idea of it back at the meetings, so does it really change anything if I walk you through it?
( no. it's unforgivable either way, and amami gains nothing from breaking things down. )
no subject
[ Aww. Boring. But the main point of it seems to be that he doesn't really want to walk through that again. Relive that experience. That's Bonnie's interpretation anyway...
Really, she has a million more questions about it, but it's more likely that none of them are really appropriate for what's happening. A hunter would brag about how they managed to take down three targets, managed to convince a tightly wound group that they weren't behind it and nearly get away with it.
This wasn't a hunter, though. This was, to a girl with no idea of what an Ultimate is, just a normal young man who did something he isn't happy about.
...So confusing. ]
Mm. You know, if the truth doesn't get told, then others'll get hurt anyway. Eventually someone back there will take the blame while you just keep feeling sorry about it. Really-- I don't care what you want to do about it.
That said... there's someone I do need to bring you to. I promised.
[ To Nao, to sock him one. Probably to do more than that, but she wouldn't lose any sleep if the poor girl did try to kill him. ]
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[ Bonnie might be willing to let things go and deal with the consequences later, but Sara draws herself up with a glare, squaring her shoulders to glare up at Amami. She jabs her finger up towards his chin with a click of her teeth. ]
These are your actions! Your choices! Your responsibility! What...you'll kill someone because you're scared but you won't stand up for the people you care about?
[ You could fill an ocean or write a million novels with the countless words Sara could say about desperate, cornered people who selfishly believe they're doing something good. ]
I won't lie for you. My friends deserve better then that. Bonnie is right. If you don't explain, if you don't take responsibility, this situation is only going to spiral.
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( his voice comes out loud. louder than he's intended, surprising even himself, but his expression stays sharp. serious. a little bit desperate. )
I already said that you can tell them it was me. Just not... Make up a reason why. I don't care. Because I remembered something important. Because everyone was failing under her contract anyway. Because I was mad at Sakasaki-kun. I don't care what you say as long as it doesn't put them in danger.
( can't she see? it's the opposite. the way that natsume had been so quick to jump to threats, the vigilante justice their little group wants, amami doesn't want any of it directed at kamo-kun. he doesn't care if it's directed at him. he can handle it, but...
his voice drops, frustration cracking apart and falling away, only to be replaced with something pleading. )
If... If they have to know the truth, at least... Just a little bit of time.
no subject
That kind of desperation's easy to pick up on. The way one would follow up with I'll do anything if they wanted to pull a cliche.
B.B. tries not to smile, but ultimately, she can't help herself. ]
You must really, really believe in that reason, don't you?
[ She can understand Sara being so upset. She's too good a person. Well, in whatever way someone may interpret that to be good. Good, bad, heroic, evil... it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?
Bonnie rises from her position with a little stretch, humming a bit. Okay. ]
Miss Chidouin, you're right too. It's not nice to lie. Buuut, if he wants us to wait a bit, there's no problem, right?
[ That all said-- ]
But we can't help you if you try to wriggle out of this. You can get your affairs in order, try to make peace-- because once we say something, you're on your own.
[ She turns her back momentarily, more for the show of it. And then, she pivots. ]
Of course, if it comes out somehow... I don't mind running interference if you need it. My services are always available. ♡
[ They're just not free. ]
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[ She doesn't believe anyone would really take it out on Keigo...if Amami would just say it. Take responsibility, take the malice the people who have been hurt feel and everything should be fine. Nobody will have time to fester in the dark if Amami is out in the open to direct their feelings at. This group is full of bleeding hearts that wouldn't do anything more. Who had hurt Lucifer or Dito after they killed a almost ten people for no good reason?
She looks at Bonnie and clicks her tongue with a shrug, tightening her crossed arms. ]
Waiting...Fine. If you need time, I can give that...but you can't make this go away with lies.
[ Her tone to Amami is still terse, but she's trying to reign it back. ]
We can wait till the end of the month at most...I won't say anything to Keigo, but don't do anything else with them. When we tell everyone, the group can work on this problem, Amami. Nobody is going to hate them.
no subject
Thanks, Bonnie.
( he's pretty sure he doesn't need those services, but at this point, he's kind of tired of talking to sara. )
A month is fine. I wouldn't have said anything at all if I wasn't ready to own up to it.
( he just needs to make sure that keigo is safe, is all...
... )
That should be enough for now, right? I should really go, and you two can check up on Akehoshi-kun like you were intending.
no subject
[ That was just an excuse, of course! Not that she knows if Sara actually did want to visit Subaru, she just wanted to bully Amami-- and maybe okay, Subaru if he knew something.
Still, she really wants to know how it's done, but she'll have to figure it out later. That much is disappointing, but ultimately, she's pretty impressed. How much did you want this after all, Amami? Enough to kill three people, enough to fool just about everyone else, including those who truly, absolutely believed in him. It's admirable, in a way. After all-- if he'd gotten away with it and didn't feel bad about it, and of course, Sara hadn't been with her... Bonnie probably would've let him go.
Oh well. ]
That'll be all from me. Just keep what I said in mind.